Picky eaters at friends houses

[Anonymous]

This article resonated with me but I had the opposite reaction. Polling DCUM.

I had a friend get pissed at me for bringing some emergency noodles for my picky 3 yr old. I figured a little Tupperware to supplement food that DD would not eat wasn’t going to harm anyone.

Well, They do Ellyn Satter eating with their kids...which I didn’t know so this did not go over well and we are now not invited to dinner anymore. (Which is fine with me. Restaurants will do)

Thoughts? Pro or con kids meals?

https://slate.com/human-interest/2020/01/should-i-indulge-picky-eaters-care-and-feeding.html

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't have been pissed, per se, but I would have rolled my eyes at you if you brought supplemental food when invited to dinner at my house.
If your dear Larla doesn't want to eat what I serve, she will surely survive until you get home when you can give her the buttered noodles in the privacy and comfort of your own home.

I have one kid who will eat anything, and another who is pretty picky. But the picky kid certainly doesn't get to dictate the food on the table at someone else's house.

[Anonymous]

I agree and use Ellen Satter’s methods. However, she states clearly that one thing on the plate must be something you know the child will love and eat so you did nothing wrong in bringing noodles. Your friend needs to reread the books.

As for the article, my kids eat or don’t eat what a guest host puts in front of them. I never ask for special food or bring food. If my kids are still hungry, they can have a snack when we get home.

At home, I have made s special meal for the kids from time to time when DH and I are having something too salty or spicy or I know the kids hate. As long as we eat together, I’m fine with it.

[Anonymous]

The author is free to do as he pleases in his family but not to impose his views on others.

[Anonymous]

My kid has sensory issues and started years feeding therapy at 15 months with limited progress.

This is why I only accept invites from people we know well and who know our struggle in this area. And they are fine with me bringing separate food.

Otherwise I don't accept dinner invites, and I don't host either, because I don't need the judgment and negativity of people who think they are so much better than everyone else in this area. What I would give for the luxury of a neuro-typical kid and the feeling like I was so superior to everyone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't have been pissed, per se, but I would have rolled my eyes at you if you brought supplemental food when invited to dinner at my house.
If your dear Larla doesn't want to eat what I serve, she will surely survive until you get home when you can give her the buttered noodles in the privacy and comfort of your own home.

I have one kid who will eat anything, and another who is pretty picky. But the picky kid certainly doesn't get to dictate the food on the table at someone else's house.

This!

[Anonymous]

For the sake of this thread, can we assume your daughter in NT and within the typical range of picky?

I'm a huge Ellyn Satter fan, but I'm also not an asshole, and I would NEVER shame someone for bringing some food for their kid to my house for dinner, let alone permanently uninvite them in the future. That's just bizarre.

That said, I also wouldn't have brought the extra food. I would have fed a late, large snack, an supplemented later when we got home if needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't have been pissed, per se, but I would have rolled my eyes at you if you brought supplemental food when invited to dinner at my house.
If your dear Larla doesn't want to eat what I serve, she will surely survive until you get home when you can give her the buttered noodles in the privacy and comfort of your own home.

I have one kid who will eat anything, and another who is pretty picky. But the picky kid certainly doesn't get to dictate the food on the table at someone else's house.

This!

Yeah, but hungry 3 year olds, while not usually in danger of death, are clearly in danger of becoming cranky, whiny and generally a pain in the butt, so OP was probably right to head that off.

[Anonymous]

I'm also a huge Ellyn Satter fan, with two very typical kids who eat a wide variety now (they didn't when we started) and one kid with SN that causes major feeding problems. Satter has worked for all 3, although we have had to be pretty creative about how we use it for my SN kid. I've consulted with staff at the Ellyn Satter Institute on feeding him a number of times.

A big part of Ellyn Satter is that parents get to choose what and when and where their kids eat, so if another parent chose to serve their kids something other than what I was serving mine, I don't see how that's anti-Satter. I guess ideally, I would have let you know what we were having so that everyone's kids, and we would have tweaked it so the meal was "considerate" to everyone. Without knowing what was served, or what your DD eats I can't tell you how I'd have done that, but it usually isn't hard.

So, basically, as a Satter fan, I think your friends are being terrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For the sake of this thread, can we assume your daughter in NT and within the typical range of picky?

[b][b]I'm a huge Ellyn Satter fan, but I'm also not an asshole, and I would NEVER shame someone for bringing some food for their kid to my house for dinner, let alone permanently uninvite them in the future. That's just bizarre.
[/b]
That said, I also wouldn't have brought the extra food. I would have fed a late, large snack, an supplemented later when we got home if needed.
[/b]

+1

I can't believe the permanently uninvited you.

[Anonymous]

Y'all are suggesting leaving a 3 year old hungry? I don't now about other people's kids, but mine would have had an absolute meltdown if she were hungry, which would then ruin the dinner and any time spent together. IMO, prioritize making sure no one's throwing any fits over being hungry; it's mean to the child, and not a hill worth dying on.

I find that article to be *highly* judgmental. Most people do not go around announcing to the world, the struggles they're having with their child(ren). There are legitimate issues that cause people to feed their children the way they do. It's better to err on the side of grace, and be more accommodating, than to be that judgmental person that believes that what rules work for your family, must also work for everyone else's.

[Anonymous]

Unless your kid has some SN or they only served something spicey, there is no reason why your kid can't eat something your friend cooked. But, I would not have said anything out loud. But, I would think twice about inviting you again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't have been pissed, per se, but I would have rolled my eyes at you if you brought supplemental food when invited to dinner at my house.
If your dear Larla doesn't want to eat what I serve, she will surely survive until you get home when you can give her the buttered noodles in the privacy and comfort of your own home.

I have one kid who will eat anything, and another who is pretty picky. But the picky kid certainly doesn't get to dictate the food on the table at someone else's house.

This!

Yeah, but hungry 3 year olds, while not usually in danger of death, are clearly in danger of becoming cranky, whiny and generally a pain in the butt, so OP was probably right to head that off.

OP knows her daughter. A polite decline is always an option, if taking her to dinners at other people's houses is not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't have been pissed, per se, but I would have rolled my eyes at you if you brought supplemental food when invited to dinner at my house.
If your dear Larla doesn't want to eat what I serve, she will surely survive until you get home when you can give her the buttered noodles in the privacy and comfort of your own home.

I have one kid who will eat anything, and another who is pretty picky. But the picky kid certainly doesn't get to dictate the food on the table at someone else's house.

It's a dinner party, not a refugee camp. The purpose of the dinner party is presumably to have an enjoyable evening, so that's the metric that the evening should be measured by. Did bringing the noodles make the evening more or less enjoyable? Survival shouldn't come into it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Y'all are suggesting leaving a 3 year old hungry? I don't now about other people's kids, but mine would have had an absolute meltdown if she were hungry, which would then ruin the dinner and any time spent together. IMO, prioritize making sure no one's throwing any fits over being hungry; it's mean to the child, and not a hill worth dying on.

I find that article to be *highly* judgmental. Most people do not go around announcing to the world, the struggles they're having with their child(ren). There are legitimate issues that cause people to feed their children the way they do. It's better to err on the side of grace, and be more accommodating, than to be that judgmental person that believes that what rules work for your family, must also work for everyone else's.

Yes, and that is why we taught our kids to eat a variety of foods, and not just kid friendly food. Makes traveling and going out to eat much easier.