Sibling refuses to send item from family home WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Go visit her or hire a courier to pick it up. It’s actually kind of annoying for you to expect her to mail it to you. Like how heavy is this statue?

That said...my guess would be she doesn’t have it.

[Anonymous]

I would love to see this statue. It must be hella something special for all this grief.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s probably her favorite statue now. Let it go for now and someday it may find its way to you.

PP here. This is what I was thinking. Spiteful.

I'd be tempted to tell her to shove that statue where the sun don't shine. Triple eff you Sister!

[Anonymous]

Want this statue? Come and get it. I dare you. I DOUBLE DARE YOU MOFO!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Want this statue? Come and get it. I dare you. I DOUBLE DARE YOU MOFO!

Simmer down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You think because you chose to be far away from family, including you aging mother, that everyone should bend over backwards to get you what you want? You didn't care enough to help your siblings with the house, but you care this much about one statue? I think you're too late for any advice here. You should have done better before.

Wow you are really mean PP. (Not OP BTW.) I'm so sick of how mean people are. OP said it's the ONLY THING she had of her childhood home. People like you suck PP.

People like this OP are the ones who suck. As a daughter who just very recently cleaned out her 90-year-old father's home to move him into assisted living, then two days later got a blood-curdling call from him that my brother just dropped dead in front of him, reading posts like OP's disgusts me. How dare she complain, three years after her mother's death, after having done nothing to help her siblings, that her sister won't mail her something. Please.

What does that have to do with anything? You have no idea why OP wasn't around when her parents passed away.

Some people are kind and loving throughout their lives, even in difficult circumstsances, and some -- aren't. You cleared out your father's home. Does that mean your siblings don't have any love for him, or that your father doesn't have any love for THEM? They still are his children and their emotional claims to childhood items is just as valid as yours. Again, you are mean, PP. Nothing more than that.

Actually, my siblings were there as well (right before the one died unexpectedly at the age of 50 of course). Because it was important to us all. It wasn't important enough to OP to be there. Even if she has legitimate reasons, it's not right to put the burden on siblings then bug them about an object. I'm not a mean person, but I know how to prioritize and have no patience for the entitled.

Huh? I was in Op's shoes and couldn't be there when it was time to clear out the house. I had kids in school on two different schedules in two different school systems. It was sort of crazy and I had to prioritize being their for my kids. Maybe Op had similar considerations or a sick spouse or whatever. Honestly, I was just grateful that my siblings had more flexibility to help out because if it had all fallen on my plate, I would have had to hand it over to an estate salesperson. There was simply no way for me to be two places at one time.

Where was your spouse or the other parent of your children? I get that life is crazy, kids need taking care of and all, but I worry that we're losing our will as a society to do things that just flat out need to get done - there are responsibilities as humans and as children of the parents who took care of us that we just need to make happen. And putting the burden of cleaning out our parents' house on siblings because we are "too busy" just sounds like we aren't keeping our priorities straight. I really think your husband (or wife if I have my genders wrong) should have said, "Of course you should go help out your family during this difficult time. I've got the kids and don't worry about a thing."

It was just a matter of terrible timing for us. We had recently uprooted ourselves and moved long distance to a new location ourselves. I couldn't just drop everything and leave right then. Luckily my parent was able to handle a lot of the logistics of paring down and my siblings were able to assist. When I look back, I do not regret my decision to stay put because it was absolutely the right decision.

Ugh, these are all SUCH super lame excuses, you should be embarrassed (did you actually say you would have hired an estate salesperson??). This is something you definitely should look back on and regret it, but whatever you've got to tell yourself to help you sleep through the night.

You sound super self centered as if your nuclear family is all that matters... your family (of origin, of course!) most definitely felt it too.

You'll see what happens when your kids do the same exact thing to you one day. They saw how you didn't make your parents a priority in their time of need and your time will come too, they're going to emulate your behavior right back at you.

I wonder if you'll regret it then?

You have a serious problem. (I'm not the PP you are addressing.) You are probably emotionally bruised from your recent experiences -- but that's no excuse for the way you're looking at this. You've had nothing but negative feedback about your posts on this thread and yet you are right and others are not only wrong but should be ashamed..... ooookay then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You think because you chose to be far away from family, including you aging mother, that everyone should bend over backwards to get you what you want? You didn't care enough to help your siblings with the house, but you care this much about one statue? I think you're too late for any advice here. You should have done better before.

Wow you are really mean PP. (Not OP BTW.) I'm so sick of how mean people are. OP said it's the ONLY THING she had of her childhood home. People like you suck PP.

People like this OP are the ones who suck. As a daughter who just very recently cleaned out her 90-year-old father's home to move him into assisted living, then two days later got a blood-curdling call from him that my brother just dropped dead in front of him, reading posts like OP's disgusts me. How dare she complain, three years after her mother's death, after having done nothing to help her siblings, that her sister won't mail her something. Please.

What does that have to do with anything? You have no idea why OP wasn't around when her parents passed away.

Some people are kind and loving throughout their lives, even in difficult circumstsances, and some -- aren't. You cleared out your father's home. Does that mean your siblings don't have any love for him, or that your father doesn't have any love for THEM? They still are his children and their emotional claims to childhood items is just as valid as yours. Again, you are mean, PP. Nothing more than that.

Actually, my siblings were there as well (right before the one died unexpectedly at the age of 50 of course). Because it was important to us all. It wasn't important enough to OP to be there. Even if she has legitimate reasons, it's not right to put the burden on siblings then bug them about an object. I'm not a mean person, but I know how to prioritize and have no patience for the entitled.

Huh? I was in Op's shoes and couldn't be there when it was time to clear out the house. I had kids in school on two different schedules in two different school systems. It was sort of crazy and I had to prioritize being their for my kids. Maybe Op had similar considerations or a sick spouse or whatever. Honestly, I was just grateful that my siblings had more flexibility to help out because if it had all fallen on my plate, I would have had to hand it over to an estate salesperson. There was simply no way for me to be two places at one time.

Where was your spouse or the other parent of your children? I get that life is crazy, kids need taking care of and all, but I worry that we're losing our will as a society to do things that just flat out need to get done - there are responsibilities as humans and as children of the parents who took care of us that we just need to make happen. And putting the burden of cleaning out our parents' house on siblings because we are "too busy" just sounds like we aren't keeping our priorities straight. I really think your husband (or wife if I have my genders wrong) should have said, "Of course you should go help out your family during this difficult time. I've got the kids and don't worry about a thing."

It was just a matter of terrible timing for us. We had recently uprooted ourselves and moved long distance to a new location ourselves. I couldn't just drop everything and leave right then. Luckily my parent was able to handle a lot of the logistics of paring down and my siblings were able to assist. When I look back, I do not regret my decision to stay put because it was absolutely the right decision.

Ugh, these are all SUCH super lame excuses, you should be embarrassed (did you actually say you would have hired an estate salesperson??). This is something you definitely should look back on and regret it, but whatever you've got to tell yourself to help you sleep through the night.

You sound super self centered as if your nuclear family is all that matters... your family (of origin, of course!) most definitely felt it too.

You'll see what happens when your kids do the same exact thing to you one day. They saw how you didn't make your parents a priority in their time of need and your time will come too, they're going to emulate your behavior right back at you.

I wonder if you'll regret it then?

You are the type who swoops in BEFORE a parent even dies and starts walking off with tools, jewelry, t.v.s and computers. And then you portray yourself as the martyr who did it all. Amirite?

I can be rude right back at you. Be nice.

+1

NAILED IT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s probably her favorite statue now. Let it go for now and someday it may find its way to you.

PP here. This is what I was thinking. Spiteful.

I'd be tempted to tell her to shove that statue where the sun don't shine. Triple eff you Sister!

Thing is, now the greedy sister beg/borrowed/stole/sold/trashed/gave away/discarded/kept, etc. the belongings that OP wants - so those items have brought and will bring bad luck to the greedy sister. Sucks to be her!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s probably her favorite statue now. Let it go for now and someday it may find its way to you.

PP here. This is what I was thinking. Spiteful.

I'd be tempted to tell her to shove that statue where the sun don't shine. Triple eff you Sister!

Thing is, now the greedy sister beg/borrowed/stole/sold/trashed/gave away/discarded/kept, etc. the belongings that OP wants - so those items have brought and will bring bad luck to the greedy sister. Sucks to be her!

This is one of those things where the people actually doing the work get to decide whether or not they're going to go through any trouble sorting out stuff for an absentee sibling. Going through a house and paring down a houseful of a belongings is a ton of work Getting the job done is a priority, choosing some items to take home with them is a reward they get in doing all of that work and setting something aside/mailing items to an absentee sibling would be very, very low on the priority list. I totally get that. And that is why I didn't issue any requests like that from afar. My mom was there and she set aside a couple of things for me. My siblings got a fair amount more than I did but they are the ones that helped out so that seems fair to me.

In Op's case she asked for only one item and it does seem rather insensitive of her sibling to not have found a way to get that item to Op. But, as others have pointed out - it could still be packed away, it could be $$$$ to mail it, it may have broken when they were moving it. Who knows?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s probably her favorite statue now. Let it go for now and someday it may find its way to you.

PP here. This is what I was thinking. Spiteful.

I'd be tempted to tell her to shove that statue where the sun don't shine. Triple eff you Sister!

Thing is, now the greedy sister beg/borrowed/stole/sold/trashed/gave away/discarded/kept, etc. the belongings that OP wants - so those items have brought and will bring bad luck to the greedy sister. Sucks to be her!

This is one of those things where the people actually doing the work get to decide whether or not they're going to go through any trouble sorting out stuff for an absentee sibling. Going through a house and paring down a houseful of a belongings is a ton of work Getting the job done is a priority, choosing some items to take home with them is a reward they get in doing all of that work and setting something aside/mailing items to an absentee sibling would be very, very low on the priority list. I totally get that. And that is why I didn't issue any requests like that from afar. My mom was there and she set aside a couple of things for me. My siblings got a fair amount more than I did but they are the ones that helped out so that seems fair to me.

In Op's case she asked for only one item and it does seem rather insensitive of her sibling to not have found a way to get that item to Op. But, as others have pointed out - it could still be packed away, it could be $$$$ to mail it, it may have broken when they were moving it. Who knows?

OP only asked for one item. You don't get to designate OP persona non grata, just because OP has a job and a family to care for.

Usually when I hear this type of case from those I know in family law, there is something fishy about the executor, and the executor is trying to settle their own score, which has nothing to do with what the parent/s really wanted, or what the parent/s really thought. Sounds to me like the executor might have been self designated, possibly a martyr, and if the parent/s wanted to live in peace, they didn't fight that, or there would be hell to pay during the parent/s' last few years on this earth.

OP knows the truth, and I would bet more people know the truth than the shifty executor (which is the type of thing I hear about from those who see it often enough). It is the n'er do well sibling that puts them in the "receiving" position. I choose to believe my friends that work in this area, and I choose to believe OP, not PP with a score to settle.

[Anonymous]

OP, did your sibling provide a welcoming or hostile environment, such that you would travel to see the sibling (and parent), or did you instead fly the parent to see you regularly? I think I know the answer here.

[Anonymous]

You are deluding yourself if you think she actually kept it for you. It's gone, OP, get over it. You should have gone home after your mother died if you wanted it so badly. You can't blame others for the fact that you weren't able to make it back for your own mother's funeral.

[Anonymous]

The venom was poisoning me after the first page of this thread.

My POV is that that is NOT the time to turn grievances into what people get. Could be OP left all the hard work to others, could also be that the emptying of house was scheduled in defiance of obligations OP had. Regardless, nobody should be left out. Deal with the grievances outside of that process.

[Anonymous]

Nope, sorry. Barring a severe medical issue of your own there is no good excuse for being too busy to help your siblings out with clearing your parents’ house or missing their funeral. No one is that busy. If you decide it’s not important enough for you to be there then you don’t get to demand a thing from those that stepped up to do the work and handle the emotional load.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope, sorry. Barring a severe medical issue of your own there is no good excuse for being too busy to help your siblings out with clearing your parents’ house or missing their funeral. No one is that busy. If you decide it’s not important enough for you to be there then you don’t get to demand a thing from those that stepped up to do the work and handle the emotional load.

STFU already. We know how you feel, stop trying to monopolize this thread with the same variation of the same post ad infinitum.