Sibling refuses to send item from family home WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope, sorry. Barring a severe medical issue of your own there is no good excuse for being too busy to help your siblings out with clearing your parents’ house or missing their funeral. No one is that busy. If you decide it’s not important enough for you to be there then you don’t get to demand a thing from those that stepped up to do the work and handle the emotional load.

Op hasn't said if she attended the funeral unless I missed that part. This is something I was thinking, if you can't get to the funeral of your own mother then some statute you grew up with can't be that important or it's sending a message that the statute is more important than the mother. There is nothing, no excuse good enough to pass for not being there for a parents funeral (unless of course you are estranged etc).

If OP didn't go to the funeral I do wonder if the sister may have ignored OP's wishes.

Otherwise all OP can do is ask the sister if she has it or not. If she says she has it if it's that important to OP then she can fly out there and get it. After 3 years I doubt the sister wants to go through tons of boxes to locate it and then spend time mailing it. Who knows maybe she got it and decided she loved it and has it in her own house now. She may have decided she'll give it to OP when OP next visits her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope, sorry. Barring a severe medical issue of your own there is no good excuse for being too busy to help your siblings out with clearing your parents’ house or missing their funeral. No one is that busy. If you decide it’s not important enough for you to be there then you don’t get to demand a thing from those that stepped up to do the work and handle the emotional load.

STFU already. We know how you feel, stop trying to monopolize this thread with the same variation of the same post ad infinitum.

I’m a different poster, but thanks! You don’t get to make any demands either. #byefelicia

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope, sorry. Barring a severe medical issue of your own there is no good excuse for being too busy to help your siblings out with clearing your parents’ house or missing their funeral. No one is that busy. If you decide it’s not important enough for you to be there then you don’t get to demand a thing from those that stepped up to do the work and handle the emotional load.

So you keep saying and saying and saying and saying.

[Anonymous]

I have been the executor of an estate (twice) and have friends also in the same position. Here’s how it goes in the house if things are not designated: the valuable stuff goes first. Next comes the less valuable but not yard sale. Then comes the yard sale or estate sale. (You can hire someone and probably best )
However in many cases what’s left is not valuable.
Dust, dirt, pets, smoking, mold, mildew, dampness, things outdated or parts missing, etc etc. Those things have little value and donation shops are overflowing.
Hire a guy with a truck and put it to rest in a landfill. Simple. Efficient. Time saving. It’s not hard. You make it hard by assigning value to things that have sat useless for years.

[Anonymous]

OP here: I planned and attended the funeral and paid for it as well. I took care of my mother for years in another state. It was a LOT of time and effort. And time away from my DCs and DH. A lot of work. I didn’t take the statue then because it seemed disrespectful and (to me) represented hope for my mother’s return to health. Unfortunately that didn’t happen. Events moved swiftly and I was out of the country. The estate paid to have the items left over removed. Sister has the statue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: I planned and attended the funeral and paid for it as well. I took care of my mother for years in another state. It was a LOT of time and effort. And time away from my DCs and DH. A lot of work. I didn’t take the statue then because it seemed disrespectful and (to me) represented hope for my mother’s return to health. Unfortunately that didn’t happen. Events moved swiftly and I was out of the country. The estate paid to have the items left over removed. Sister has the statue.

So offer your sister some money. That usually motivates my lazy siblings.

[Anonymous]

Pay her to have it shipped up front.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: I planned and attended the funeral and paid for it as well. I took care of my mother for years in another state. It was a LOT of time and effort. And time away from my DCs and DH. A lot of work. I didn’t take the statue then because it seemed disrespectful and (to me) represented hope for my mother’s return to health. Unfortunately that didn’t happen. Events moved swiftly and I was out of the country. The estate paid to have the items left over removed. Sister has the statue.

So offer your sister some money. That usually motivates my lazy siblings.

OP should not have to do that - that's extortion. May the sister rot in hell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope, sorry. Barring a severe medical issue of your own there is no good excuse for being too busy to help your siblings out with clearing your parents’ house or missing their funeral. No one is that busy. If you decide it’s not important enough for you to be there then you don’t get to demand a thing from those that stepped up to do the work and handle the emotional load.

So you keep saying and saying and saying and saying.

+1

STFU.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: I planned and attended the funeral and paid for it as well. I took care of my mother for years in another state. It was a LOT of time and effort. And time away from my DCs and DH. A lot of work. I didn’t take the statue then because it seemed disrespectful and (to me) represented hope for my mother’s return to health. Unfortunately that didn’t happen. Events moved swiftly and I was out of the country. The estate paid to have the items left over removed. Sister has the statue.

OP, I get it, you are a decent person and your sister is a greedy pig. The sister is holding the statue over your head, resents having to take care of your mother, probably has other issues that have nothing to do with you, and is using the statue as a way to "act out". This happens in many families, there is often a martyr. I don't know if there is enough therapy in the world for your sister, she obviously feels strongly about you not having the statue. This has nothing to do with the statue, or you, at all.

[Anonymous]

OP I get it. I did a ton for my parents and my sister planned one funeral and became the ultimate martyr, while not appreciating the endless crap I had to do to help them. She acted like a jerk. I had to basically give up on her being a decent person and just have a cordial, but very distant relationship for the sake of the kids. You need to assume you will never get the statue and let it go. In the end it isn't about the statue. It's about a long list of unresolved things. The statue is just an object.