My mom is marrying a murderer

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were looking up houses for sale and in that search there was a ton of public information that ended up coming up about my mom. Nothing bad just things that she’s owned places she’s lived normal stuff. And I was telling her that she should go to a couple websites where she can remove a lot of that information so it’s all not public. And as an example I put in her boyfriends name to show her how to do it.

Didn't you already show her how to do it using her name? Isn't that how you saw that ton of public information that ended up coming up about your mom?

That’s absolutely irrelevant at this point.

Credibility is always relevant and your story has holes it sounds made up.

Exactly.

Her first search which was quite "extensive" yielded ZERO results about murder, yet all she did was type his name into a search & well, whadayaknow?

I find it very hard to believe that you found NOTHING regarding the murder when you did your extensive search, but then you accidentally found all that you needed?

[Anonymous]

Some of you are suggesting that she keep her kids away from him or keep them from the wedding, but you're forgetting that OP has already stated that her kids LOVE him, which suggests he's certainly not someone new to them.

If that's the case, I don't understand why you're judging this man on his past, OP? Should we judge you on every mistake or indiscretion that you've made in your past too?

You're all acting like this was first degree murder, which is PREMEDITATED... it was not.
He didn't methodically plan this murder & then time it right to bring it to fruition.

This seems more like a case of self defense.

Yes, he killed someone, but if the same fight were to occur today in the year 2019 that resulted in the same death, this man would NOT have been convicted of murder (which is why he was released).

Can people not change for the better in your eyes? Did he not serve his debt to society?

Have you never heard the proverb "to be human is to err"? Translated that means "to be human is to forgive".

You said like him & he's nice and your kids LOVE him, and yet you're judging him today in the year 2019 for something he did long before meeting you? That doesn't seem fair at all.

If he makes your mom happy & she's a mentally healthy, sane, rational, functioning adult, who knows the difference between love & abuse (and according to your own words, you haven't seen any signs of abuse or that he treats her badly) then for the love of God, why on earth is this any of your business?

Your mom is happy and she's getting married, you should be excited that she'd found someone to love and take care of her and won't be lonely in her old age -- and yet here you are making it all about you.

Can't you just let your mom be happy & allow other people to grow & learn from their mistakes, without feeling the need to judge them for the rest of their lives?

Or, lose your mom's love and trust by digging your heels in -- up to you.

When it comes down to it, it's your choice alone how you want to proceed, as it sounds like you and you alone are the only one that's hanging onto this drama... but I'd be very careful about insulting your mom, because this comes across that you dont trust her good judgement.

That being said, I'm not at all surprised that she hasn't wanted to speak to you in months.
I can't say I would either.

[Anonymous]

If that was my mom, I would 1) get the court records and find out as much info about the case as possible; 2) attend the wedding even if I didn’t like him; 3) keep a distance but don’t abandon mom b/c he may isolate her and then she may end up at risk. Stay in the loop - to protect mom and keep and eye out.

[Anonymous]

So many petty morons on this site nowadays. Pick every poster apart, brilliant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So many petty morons on this site nowadays. Pick every poster apart, brilliant.

So many morons is right.

Nice contribution to the discussion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If that was my mom, I would 1) get the court records and find out as much info about the case as possible; 2) attend the wedding even if I didn’t like him; 3) keep a distance but don’t abandon mom b/c he may isolate her and then she may end up at risk. Stay in the loop - to protect mom and keep and eye out.

This is what I would do.

Even if he was “in the right” due to stand your ground laws, the fact that he is getting into fights in bars, taking them outside, and putting himself in situations where lethal force is necessary shows he has issues. It’s not like someone broke into his house in the middle of the night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If that was my mom, I would 1) get the court records and find out as much info about the case as possible; 2) attend the wedding even if I didn’t like him; 3) keep a distance but don’t abandon mom b/c he may isolate her and then she may end up at risk. Stay in the loop - to protect mom and keep and eye out.

This is what I would do.

Even if he was “in the right” due to stand your ground laws, the fact that he is getting into fights in bars, taking them outside, and putting himself in situations where lethal force is necessary shows he has issues. It’s not like someone broke into his house in the middle of the night.

It's probably worth noting that the incident happened at least 15 years ago. It's certainly possible he is a different man now if for no other reason than the effects of aging. Also, gotta love the bolded...as if it's somehow reasonable to assume the person you are getting into an argument or fight with is going to escalate to using lethal force.

[Anonymous]

PP here who had the uncle with the ranch.

Other PPs, don't get off track on the guy's past. OP's issue is that her mom covered it up, and OP has been putting little kids in her care and his orbit. And whether or not that's perfectly safe is not the issue. OP's mom's LYING is the issue.

OP, listen. Go to the wedding and take your kids too. You will have to come to a reckoning about your "new" relationship with your mom--the one where you have realized that she can lie to you. But don't do it on their wedding day.

Don't do it on their wedding day because you are punishing yourself, your kids, the boyfriend, etc, along with your mother...both on that day, and going forward, as your kids may not get time with your mother or the boyfriend in the future if you make this public stand. This is between you and your mom. Don't conflate this; keep it contained to the real issue and the people involved in the real issue...you and your mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here who had the uncle with the ranch.

Other PPs, don't get off track on the guy's past. OP's issue is that her mom covered it up, and OP has been putting little kids in her care and his orbit. And whether or not that's perfectly safe is not the issue. OP's mom's LYING is the issue.

OP, listen. Go to the wedding and take your kids too. You will have to come to a reckoning about your "new" relationship with your mom--the one where you have realized that she can lie to you. But don't do it on their wedding day.

Don't do it on their wedding day because you are punishing yourself, your kids, the boyfriend, etc, along with your mother...both on that day, and going forward, as your kids may not get time with your mother or the boyfriend in the future if you make this public stand. This is between you and your mom. Don't conflate this; keep it contained to the real issue and the people involved in the real issue...you and your mom.[/quotops

OP’s mom didn’t lie, she just didn’t disclose something she didn’t think was relevant for her daughter to know. What if he suffers from ED? Does the OP need to know that too? Because neither issue would put the kids in danger. He’s not a pedophile. According to his appeal he may not even be considered a “murderer” anymore. He’s a man who loves OP’s mom. And someone who it seems like OP would have really liked if she hadn’t gone googling. If she wants to clutch her pearls and stand on her high horse in judgment to never have a relationship with her mom again than that is her choice. A very silly one if you ask me. Thanks