My mom is marrying a murderer

[Anonymous]

Wasn't there already a podcast about this? Dirty John or something?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess it wasn’t.

So what compelled you to search again 2 years later. Just in the course of discussion decided to search him. Pure coincidence?

[Anonymous]

We were looking up houses for sale and in that search there was a ton of public information that ended up coming up about my mom. Nothing bad just things that she’s owned places she’s lived normal stuff. And I was telling her that she should go to a couple websites where she can remove a lot of that information so it’s all not public. And as an example I put in her boyfriends name to show her how to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We were looking up houses for sale and in that search there was a ton of public information that ended up coming up about my mom. Nothing bad just things that she’s owned places she’s lived normal stuff. And I was telling her that she should go to a couple websites where she can remove a lot of that information so it’s all not public. And as an example I put in her boyfriends name to show her how to do it.

Didn't you already show her how to do it using her name? Isn't that how you saw that ton of public information that ended up coming up about your mom?

[Anonymous]

So is there a question here, or do you just need some sympathy and attention?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were looking up houses for sale and in that search there was a ton of public information that ended up coming up about my mom. Nothing bad just things that she’s owned places she’s lived normal stuff. And I was telling her that she should go to a couple websites where she can remove a lot of that information so it’s all not public. And as an example I put in her boyfriends name to show her how to do it.

Didn't you already show her how to do it using her name? Isn't that how you saw that ton of public information that ended up coming up about your mom?

That’s absolutely irrelevant at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were looking up houses for sale and in that search there was a ton of public information that ended up coming up about my mom. Nothing bad just things that she’s owned places she’s lived normal stuff. And I was telling her that she should go to a couple websites where she can remove a lot of that information so it’s all not public. And as an example I put in her boyfriends name to show her how to do it.

Didn't you already show her how to do it using her name? Isn't that how you saw that ton of public information that ended up coming up about your mom?

That’s absolutely irrelevant at this point.

Credibility is always relevant and your story has holes it sounds made up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: First, I’m not an over dramatic asshat. Trust is the absolute issue here. I’m not upset with the boyfriend for his past, although I still do have a lot of unanswered questions which I have asked to have an actual conversation about. My mom has yet to take me up on the offer for a conversation because she is not capable of dealing with these kinds of things. She just wants to sweep it under the rug and assumes it’ll go away. My kids have been in her care and not disclosing is a real issue for me.

He got into an argument with someone at a bar, they went outside and I’m not sure who pulled a gun first, but two people were shot and killed. He served time and then stand your ground law happened while he was in jail, they appealed and he won.

I definitely have questions about the incident but the trust issue is what’s killing me. That’s a pretty big breach of trust, especially when I’ve put my kids in your care. Let me make that call. She shouldn’t have made it for me.

I think you have a right to be upset. It is frustrating that you entrusted your child to her without the whole truth. I don’t think the details matter much, the lack of transparency is causing the problem.

15 years in jail I hope he is reformed, but I’d be Worried too. We know his temper is short.

[Anonymous]

Like I said before I really do wish this was a made up story and not my real life.

[Anonymous]

As an adult, do you think your mother needs your okay? It sounds like you're more upset at not being told about him in more detail so that you could decide his worth. It seems like he could have been a business owner who went bankrupt, a former priest, had more than one previous marriage, or not gone to college, and you would have had what you needed to throw a righteous fit.

Your mother is capable of making her own decisions.

It's hard enough for people who have been convicted of a felony to find jobs. This guy can't even get married to a good woman without having his past used against him. Not cool.

I have been in situations where I would have shot someone rather than suffer what they did to me. The only difference is that I didn't have a gun handy. I have a taser though, and will use it without hesitation if anyone ever attempts to rape me again.

You don't know the actual circumstance, Miss High and Mighty. Your "but I have kids!!!" argument doesn't hold any water with me either. You presume to have veto power over your mother's decision. You don't have that right.

And, if you don't go to the wedding you will regret it. The wedge that will drive through the relationship....Good luck on healing that one!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Like I said before I really do wish this was a made up story and not my real life.

Is your mom selfish and irresponsible? Does she have issues with denial? Is she naive or easily deceived? Do you see her as someone who would put the safety of herself, her kids, and her grandkids in jeopardy by a dangerous murderer? If so then keep your kids from her and don’t attend the wedding.

[Anonymous]

I would go to the wedding but I would not leave my kids with him and I also would get any records that may be obtained through a FOIa (trial transcript, plea, charging paper, whatever....). I would want as much information as possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is killing me /s

You guys berate mom's for too many sweets and here you are telling OP she's an ass hat. Ok people, something's not right.

Mom is wrong for not disclosing it. Why? If it was self defense, why did he spend any time in prison for "murder"? According to OP, headline didn't read "manslaughter". Also, OP states that her kids like him a lot, which means they spend time with him and granny.

Team OP!

So you advocate OP not initiating any conversation with her mother about this for at least 5 months. You feel it’s perfectly fine for OP to just sit there silently for months and then decide to make a stand by not attending the wedding. Is that correct?

Well yes, now that I know more details from OPs update. Granny's fiance shot a guy. Conspicuous by omission of a pretty huge detail. OP should do whatever she thinks is best for her kids. Still team OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: First, I’m not an over dramatic asshat. Trust is the absolute issue here. I’m not upset with the boyfriend for his past, although I still do have a lot of unanswered questions which I have asked to have an actual conversation about. My mom has yet to take me up on the offer for a conversation because she is not capable of dealing with these kinds of things. She just wants to sweep it under the rug and assumes it’ll go away. My kids have been in her care and not disclosing is a real issue for me.

He got into an argument with someone at a bar, they went outside and I’m not sure who pulled a gun first, but two people were shot and killed. He served time and then stand your ground law happened while he was in jail, they appealed and he won.

I definitely have questions about the incident but the trust issue is what’s killing me. That’s a pretty big breach of trust, especially when I’ve put my kids in your care. Let me make that call. She shouldn’t have made it for me.

So he went to prison for something that would not be considered a crime anymore?
Would you feel the same way if he killed someone in a legal way (not murder)?

[Anonymous]

OP, I take it either his conviction was overturned or there was a change in his sentence or something. Bottom line, I can see why your mom would not share her bf's past (if she had, what would be your honest position?) and TBH nothing about the event for which he was convicted originally necessarily means a risk to your children. If there were more history or if he conduct in the present raised warning flags, that would be another thing.