Behavioral Issues at Private Schools

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a teacher and I am also a mom who has kids in private and public.

Leaving aside families that choose schools for religious reasons...

It is undeniably true that many families with kids who need a little more support or a little more structure look at private schools--including the Big 3 and all the other prestigious schools. DC publics have their issues but, if you live in Northern Virginia or MoCo, you need to have a very good reason to consider paying for school. Among the many families I know, typically the kids who are independent learners, strong executive functions, are in public. The kids who have some challenges consider private. If you have mild-moderate issues, a private school might be able to accommodate due to smaller classroom size, schedule (more outdoor time), curriculum (more hands-on learning), and so on. The public school will only support a diagnosed issue that is having an educational impact.

So yes, no doubt, among people who have money, a huge reason to consider private is to support their kid who who has challenges.

Or, your public school system sucks, like in the City of Alexandria.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People often choose (or claim to choose) private because their public doesn't meet a need. Not sure why that wouldn't make it obvious that of course, some of the most problematic kids are at private.

"Claim to choose" is a valid point - some people know their friends and neighbors will have various feelings when they pull their kid out of public, so they intimate that "it's not the school, it's my kid." Even when it isn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a teacher and I am also a mom who has kids in private and public.

Leaving aside families that choose schools for religious reasons...

It is undeniably true that many families with kids who need a little more support or a little more structure look at private schools--including the Big 3 and all the other prestigious schools. DC publics have their issues but, if you live in Northern Virginia or MoCo, you need to have a very good reason to consider paying for school. Among the many families I know, typically the kids who are independent learners, strong executive functions, are in public. The kids who have some challenges consider private. If you have mild-moderate issues, a private school might be able to accommodate due to smaller classroom size, schedule (more outdoor time), curriculum (more hands-on learning), and so on. The public school will only support a diagnosed issue that is having an educational impact.

So yes, no doubt, among people who have money, a huge reason to consider private is to support their kid who who has challenges.

As you can see on this board, there are definitely those who seek out private schools because their kids need additional support that they think they'll get with smaller classes. However, I know many more NoVa parents who took their kids out of public school because they were bright, well-behaved children that were being ignored in their public and/or being used to "buffer" children with behavioral issues.

Yep. This.

You're going to find kids with behavioral issues everywhere. At my kids' private, the teachers and the school take complaints from parents very seriously, and they're well-equipped to handle a child like this in a classroom without affecting the others. Smaller class sizes, additional specialists, etc. all contribute to this. Our similarly aged nephew is in public and is basically ignored because the school only has enough resources to deal with the difficult kids. Obviously this varies from school to school, and I'm not sure exactly which schools PP is talking about, but I would definitely say the majority of kids in my kids' classes are not there because they aren't independent learners with strong executive functioning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a teacher and I am also a mom who has kids in private and public.

Leaving aside families that choose schools for religious reasons...

It is undeniably true that many families with kids who need a little more support or a little more structure look at private schools--including the Big 3 and all the other prestigious schools. DC publics have their issues but, if you live in Northern Virginia or MoCo, you need to have a very good reason to consider paying for school. Among the many families I know, typically the kids who are independent learners, strong executive functions, are in public. The kids who have some challenges consider private. If you have mild-moderate issues, a private school might be able to accommodate due to smaller classroom size, schedule (more outdoor time), curriculum (more hands-on learning), and so on. The public school will only support a diagnosed issue that is having an educational impact.

So yes, no doubt, among people who have money, a huge reason to consider private is to support their kid who who has challenges.

As you can see on this board, there are definitely those who seek out private schools because their kids need additional support that they think they'll get with smaller classes. However, I know many more NoVa parents who took their kids out of public school because they were bright, well-behaved children that were being ignored in their public and/or being used to "buffer" children with behavioral issues.

Ding ding ding!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People often choose (or claim to choose) private because their public doesn't meet a need. Not sure why that wouldn't make it obvious that of course, some of the most problematic kids are at private.

"Claim to choose" is a valid point - some people know their friends and neighbors will have various feelings when they pull their kid out of public, so they intimate that "it's not the school, it's my kid." Even when it isn't.

Pretty sure most people wouldn't publicize that their kid has issues, especially if they don't. Seriously? How insecure would you have to be to do this?

[Anonymous]

As a long-time resident of this area with experience in both private and public, my experience is that most private school kids fit in 1 of 4 buckets:

1) family wants religious school

2) family has long standing relationship with the school and/or extreme family wealth

3) family is 'new money' and assumes things you pay for are always better, therefore private must be - they don't have much experience with private or public but just like to show off that they have money and be surrounded by people who do

4) kids with specific issues - whether they're exceptionally bright or exceptionally difficult, they're outside the norm in some way (more often negative than positive)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a teacher and I am also a mom who has kids in private and public.

Leaving aside families that choose schools for religious reasons...

It is undeniably true that many families with kids who need a little more support or a little more structure look at private schools--including the Big 3 and all the other prestigious schools. DC publics have their issues but, if you live in Northern Virginia or MoCo, you need to have a very good reason to consider paying for school. Among the many families I know, typically the kids who are independent learners, strong executive functions, are in public. The kids who have some challenges consider private. If you have mild-moderate issues, a private school might be able to accommodate due to smaller classroom size, schedule (more outdoor time), curriculum (more hands-on learning), and so on. The public school will only support a diagnosed issue that is having an educational impact.

So yes, no doubt, among people who have money, a huge reason to consider private is to support their kid who who has challenges.

As you can see on this board, there are definitely those who seek out private schools because their kids need additional support that they think they'll get with smaller classes. However, I know many more NoVa parents who took their kids out of public school because they were bright, well-behaved children that were being ignored in their public and/or being used to "buffer" children with behavioral issues.

Ding ding ding!!!

This - so so much. MoCo family. MoCo looks after the exceptionally good and the exceptionally troubled. Anything in between is on their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a long-time resident of this area with experience in both private and public, my experience is that most private school kids fit in 1 of 4 buckets:

1) family wants religious school

2) family has long standing relationship with the school and/or extreme family wealth

3) family is 'new money' and assumes things you pay for are always better, therefore private must be - they don't have much experience with private or public but just like to show off that they have money and be surrounded by people who do

4) kids with specific issues - whether they're exceptionally bright or exceptionally difficult, they're outside the norm in some way (more often negative than positive)

5) School has an approach to education that differs from other schools and align’s with family’s outlook/philosophy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a teacher and I am also a mom who has kids in private and public.

Leaving aside families that choose schools for religious reasons...

It is undeniably true that many families with kids who need a little more support or a little more structure look at private schools--including the Big 3 and all the other prestigious schools. DC publics have their issues but, if you live in Northern Virginia or MoCo, you need to have a very good reason to consider paying for school. Among the many families I know, typically the kids who are independent learners, strong executive functions, are in public. The kids who have some challenges consider private. If you have mild-moderate issues, a private school might be able to accommodate due to smaller classroom size, schedule (more outdoor time), curriculum (more hands-on learning), and so on. The public school will only support a diagnosed issue that is having an educational impact.

So yes, no doubt, among people who have money, a huge reason to consider private is to support their kid who who has challenges.

As you can see on this board, there are definitely those who seek out private schools because their kids need additional support that they think they'll get with smaller classes. However, I know many more NoVa parents who took their kids out of public school because they were bright, well-behaved children that were being ignored in their public and/or being used to "buffer" children with behavioral issues.

Ding ding ding!!!

This - so so much. MoCo family. MoCo looks after the exceptionally good and the exceptionally troubled. Anything in between is on their own.

Private schools do the same thing. But it’s worse because the classes are small and there is no escape.

[Anonymous]

Frankly I’m so glad a child who bullied my daughter and others, who acted bratty, privileged and got everything she wanted because her parents never put the breaks in her, finally moved out of a public school to a private one. Good luck I say dealing with her. She belongs in a place where her parents can just throw money at the situation without addressing the root of the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MoCo looks after the exceptionally good and the exceptionally troubled. Anything in between is on their own.

Private schools do the same thing. But it’s worse because the classes are small and there is no escape.

Huh? I've been reading mostly the opposite on DCUM. That private schools typically cater best to those who fall within the mainstream, not at the extreme ends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I pulled my child from a small private because DC's class was full of out of control boys whose parents clearly enrolled them because they didn't know how to deal with them. The school didn't know either.

Normal little boy behavior is often intolerantly diagnosed as a ‘behavioral issue’.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have some experience with this from the teaching side…

Some families are attracted to privates because they feel their child is experiencing some sort of difficulty —academic, social-emotional, or behavioral— that would be better addressed in a small environment of their choosing. A subset of these families have a diagnosis for their child, and some families do not care to get medical intervention at all. (It can be denial, concern about labels, concerns about medications.)

While teachers have a lot of strategies for dealing with behavioral challenges, it’s really hard to be effective if we don’t know what’s at the root of the challenges. Unlike the public systems, we don’t have anyone on staff who is qualified to screen and diagnose children for learning disabilities. Nor do most privates have adequate resources to create and follow individualized learning plans or behavior intervention plans when children’s challenges are appropriately identified.

Finally, money is a difficult factor in privates. The parents of behaviorally difficult children often know their children can be very challenging. If/when they have the means to do so, some will become major donors, indispensable volunteers, or even employees. This makes it all the more awkward to confront the family, let alone take a major action like expulsion.

We are dealing with this very issue at a special needs school that doesn’t accept children with major mental health issues. It’s clear the parents are trying to position themselves as major donors while one parent volunteers. Frequent tantrums, paranoia, and excessive arguing make it difficult for the rest of the class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:psychotic - most kids aren't psychotic. that teacher should be terminated. And, learn to teach.

Less than 1% of the adult population is psychotic and most psychosis do not develop until the late teens at the earliest, so this "teacher" seems pretty ignorant of the basic developmental knowledge you'd expect from a professional. Where do they teach?

Yes. Thank you for this.

[Anonymous]

This has been 100% been our private school experience for the past 8 years. We've had to relocate several times so have enrolled in 4 private schools. In three out of the 4, there was a child in my son's class with major behavioral issues and no way for the school to properly address his needs. The entire environment around that child withers to the detriment of all. My ds is in public now and it is night and day.