Behavioral Issues at Private Schools

[Anonymous]

Kids are their when the parents call the school to give feedback and requests on the reading, or bussing, or constant donation solicitations?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids are their when the parents call the school to give feedback and requests on the reading, or bussing, or constant donation solicitations?

huh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have one example, of a local private where I worked. The administration was not inclined to support teachers on any kind of discipline because influential parents paying high tuition did not want to hear that their children were acting out. Children picked up on this, and the daily level of disrespect and disregard for teachers was high. They owned the school and they knew it.

+1 I lived this experience too. Parents would ask for meeting with the administration if there were duplicate words on the spelling list, if they didn’t like their child’s reading group placement, if they didn’t like the tone of the annual fund campaign, if their child earned a C on an assignment, or for myriad other reasons. The administration often acquiesced to parent demands because they needed the customers to be happy, and they needed the donations to come in. (Every year someone would pay on a significant annual fund pledge, often because of anger at the school.) The children learned by example that pushing back gets results.

Do you think this experience is the norm at the larger private schools in the DC area?

Yes.

I have lived through this level of drama at more than one local private school. I have had friends and professional acquaintances working at other local schools who can also vouch that this is a typical, unremarkable level of parent-school friction at large and small schools in the metro area. The only thing that makes it bearable is that usually separate departments are triaging the crises. If it were always one person or office fielding the complaints, stress related illness would be very high.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids are their when the parents call the school to give feedback and requests on the reading, or bussing, or constant donation solicitations?

Of course the children aren’t present in adult meetings. However, the sorts of parents who push boundaries enough to make inappropriate requests of the school will talk about it in front of the children at dinner or will gossip with other parents at pickup time within earshot of students. Sometimes parents will share their low opinions of faculty and staff with children without getting into specifics, which still undermines that adult’s authority at school.

[Anonymous]

I could have written this post. Pulled my child and sent to public. Yes there are behavioral issues there as well but at least the new school has the resources to deal with those type of kids. It's awful too because the kids are in the same classes every day and for just about every subject.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids are their when the parents call the school to give feedback and requests on the reading, or bussing, or constant donation solicitations?

Of course the children aren’t present in adult meetings. However, the sorts of parents who push boundaries enough to make inappropriate requests of the school will talk about it in front of the children at dinner or will gossip with other parents at pickup time within earshot of students. Sometimes parents will share their low opinions of faculty and staff with children without getting into specifics, which still undermines that adult’s authority at school.

And I think the issue is not that children see the actual pressuring of the staff, it’s that once you are called into the Head or School’s office for pissing off an important family because you disciplined their child, you are not going to discipline students the same way anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Total BS post. And useless too.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post is from yet another public school parent trying to make themselves feel better about not paying the money to send their child to a private school. Yes private is better and well worth the money.

Last time I checked my public high school had 9 kids admitted to Harvard, 7 Georgetown, and etc....I think someone who had paid $100k for the same outcome who has paid $0 should feel too good.

Normal people do not care about Harvard. Truly.

+1

[Anonymous]

Our school doesn't have a particular problem with this but I do notice that there are kids with ADHD whose families appreciated the smaller class size. Some of these kids transition over from public. One of our children has ADHD but we were at the school already for an older child who does not. Our child would not be considered disruptive, but definitely benefits from smaller class. There are others who are more of a handful but mostly the school can work with the child and the family.

There have been a few outliers of behavior over the long time we have been at the school (not necessarily ADHD)

The most unfortunate of cases is when the behavioral issues come from a child whose family has been long associated with the school and the family has been very high profile financially. Often, very little happens for those cases.

Over time, I have recognized that our school is compassionate but it's not always obvious what's going on behind the scenes. As someone earlier noted, you don't really know what is going on in a child's personal life. Furthermore, the school doesn't always make it obvious when they are trying to help out a kid (for obvious privacy reasons). We had one particularly frustrating child who acted out in various ways over many years but particularly rough in MS. Over time I discovered more and more (less public) personal factors of that child's life and while I was still not happy with events that happened in middle school with that child, I understood why the school might be trying to help the child "despite the family".

Then we had one class with a class member who was disruptive and disrespectful year after year. Even the kids were totally frustrated with the child and I suspect other families as well. That child ended up leaving after 3rd grade but at the same time, so did several other kids (who were not disruptive) and they all ended up at the same place. I'll always wonder how that worked out. (not fully sure why others left but feel bad if they thought they were escaping behavior issue of that child).

[Anonymous]

I am a teacher and I am also a mom who has kids in private and public.

Leaving aside families that choose schools for religious reasons...

It is undeniably true that many families with kids who need a little more support or a little more structure look at private schools--including the Big 3 and all the other prestigious schools. DC publics have their issues but, if you live in Northern Virginia or MoCo, you need to have a very good reason to consider paying for school. Among the many families I know, typically the kids who are independent learners, strong executive functions, are in public. The kids who have some challenges consider private. If you have mild-moderate issues, a private school might be able to accommodate due to smaller classroom size, schedule (more outdoor time), curriculum (more hands-on learning), and so on. The public school will only support a diagnosed issue that is having an educational impact.

So yes, no doubt, among people who have money, a huge reason to consider private is to support their kid who who has challenges.

[Anonymous]

We send our children to private school for a better environment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a teacher and I am also a mom who has kids in private and public.

Leaving aside families that choose schools for religious reasons...

It is undeniably true that many families with kids who need a little more support or a little more structure look at private schools--including the Big 3 and all the other prestigious schools. DC publics have their issues but, if you live in Northern Virginia or MoCo, you need to have a very good reason to consider paying for school. Among the many families I know, typically the kids who are independent learners, strong executive functions, are in public. The kids who have some challenges consider private. If you have mild-moderate issues, a private school might be able to accommodate due to smaller classroom size, schedule (more outdoor time), curriculum (more hands-on learning), and so on. The public school will only support a diagnosed issue that is having an educational impact.

So yes, no doubt, among people who have money, a huge reason to consider private is to support their kid who who has challenges.

This is my family. Our kiddo is 12, adopted internationally at 9, doing very well BUT still learning how trust and relationships work. The private school we found is perfect for him. He's an average student, he'd be fine in public school, I guess... but I'm a big big fan of the social/emotional support he's getting in private school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a teacher and I am also a mom who has kids in private and public.

Leaving aside families that choose schools for religious reasons...

It is undeniably true that many families with kids who need a little more support or a little more structure look at private schools--including the Big 3 and all the other prestigious schools. DC publics have their issues but, if you live in Northern Virginia or MoCo, you need to have a very good reason to consider paying for school. Among the many families I know, typically the kids who are independent learners, strong executive functions, are in public. The kids who have some challenges consider private. If you have mild-moderate issues, a private school might be able to accommodate due to smaller classroom size, schedule (more outdoor time), curriculum (more hands-on learning), and so on. The public school will only support a diagnosed issue that is having an educational impact.

So yes, no doubt, among people who have money, a huge reason to consider private is to support their kid who who has challenges.

As you can see on this board, there are definitely those who seek out private schools because their kids need additional support that they think they'll get with smaller classes. However, I know many more NoVa parents who took their kids out of public school because they were bright, well-behaved children that were being ignored in their public and/or being used to "buffer" children with behavioral issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post is from yet another public school parent trying to make themselves feel better about not paying the money to send their child to a private school. Yes private is better and well worth the money.

Last time I checked my public high school had 9 kids admitted to Harvard, 7 Georgetown, and etc....I think someone who had paid $100k for the same outcome who has paid $0 should feel too good.

Some kids don’t need private

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Total BS post. And useless too.

And yet you took the time to post. Hmmmm.