Parents who don't intervene -- why not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Couple examples recently...

1) At the playground, parent whining/cajoling their 5 year old to stop climbing up the slide when another kid was trying to go down. Lots of: "Come on now Larlo. I mean it. etc." but the kid is just blatantly ignoring the parent and doesn't get off. The parent never actually just went over there and removed their kid off the slide.

2) 2 year old girl at our house for a play date, and she doesn't want to leave. Her mom is saying: "Time to go now Larla! Please Larla! We have to go. If you don't come right now Mommy's going to be very sad at you." and on and on until she ended up bribing her with something.

When these things happen, I truly wonder why parents don't just physically intervene. Like, why not just pick up your kid and head out? I know the playdate mom fairly well, and she's smart, and she's not lazy.

I've been a nanny for many years and now I am a mom. The reason parents don't say or do anything is that many of them are just embarrassed by their kids' behavior. The other reason is that parents want their kids to like them. This is a huge issue at the school where I teach. Parents let their kids do whatever they want so their kids won't be mad at them. Then they come to school with rules and limits and the kids act crazy since nobody has ever laid down the law with them. It's getting worse every year.

I mean, sure, those are two possibilities. Another possibility is that my kid is older and I'm not in the headspace to monitor their every interaction on the playground because they need more independence at this stage. Believe me, I'm setting plenty of age-appropriate limits. But I'm just not going to stage manage their park experience anymore.

[Anonymous]

My kids are teens. There were a few times when my kids were in grade school when I blurted out, "Why are you treating your mother this way? She does so much for you, and deserves to be treated well" to kids who were not behaving toward their mothers who were my neighborhood friends. It got the kids to stop what they were doing. Then again, I'm not afraid to stand up for other people.

I think there are moms who have become total doormats in the face of their kids' poor behavior and need to hear good things about themselves said out loud by somebody else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the poster above- I think we have different definitions of cooperating. If an older kid is going up the slide while my kid is trying to go down- that isnt cooperation.

"Oops, hold on Larlo. Looks like this big kid is taking a turn on the slide. Okay, your turn once the big kid is up!"

OR

"Uh oh, Larlo, looks like these big kids are playing on the slide already. Let's go down the other slide or crawl through this cool tunnel instead!"

This is really not hard, folks.

DP but are you suggesting if the big kids are sitting on the slide for 15 min this is acceptable? What about the concept of taking turns? I get it, if it’s just trying to climb up a couple of times but kids sitting/climbing up doesn’t exactly sound like sharing or playing nicely. I assume 2-5 yr old playground still counts as toddler playground to you?

Not PP, really let the kids work it out. I’m sorry there is not a playground manager to contact.

a 2 yr old isn’t going to mess with older kids, at least not more shy ones and that’s just sad. I thought the point of parenting was to teach kids how to behave like civilized people and to advocate for themselves. It’s super awkward to even ask other kids to stop throwing sand so it would be nice if people paid a little more attention.

Can we be honest? Some kids are kind of brats and their parents just don’t GAF. I took my tot to a 1-6 yr old playplace. Encountered a 5 or 6 yo who kept pushing the toddler out of the way from an unoccupied toy, like running from another corner to do this, saying he was too small. I told him it was toddlers turn now and the kid is like I don’t have to share! I don’t have to share! Ok whatever...We walk away and come back when the kid is gone and he does it again. I’m supposed to let them work it out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will freely admit that I do not usually intervene when my kid commits a routine playground faux-pas like climbing the slide. You know why? I am tired and it is not a huge deal at the end of the day. With my 2yo, I intervene because it is usually a safety issue. With a 5yo, though? No. They can figure it out themselves.

I completely realize this is selfish and that most of you probably find it extremely annoying. I find the people who are constantly intervening in the social dynamics of elementary-school-aged kids annoying as well.

Agreed, from the mom of 8, 6, and 3 year olds. I intervene if it's a safety issue and of course if my older kids aren't watching out for littler kids. But, it's on the parents of littler kids to keep them out of harms way. It is what it is.

As for not overpowering children, you should be able to pick your child up when needed. No one's talking about pinning a child down or harming them. I have absolutely picked my kid up out of the swing when it was someone else's turn. It's really not that hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are teens. There were a few times when my kids were in grade school when I blurted out, "Why are you treating your mother this way? She does so much for you, and deserves to be treated well" to kids who were not behaving toward their mothers who were my neighborhood friends. It got the kids to stop what they were doing. Then again, I'm not afraid to stand up for other people.

I think there are moms who have become total doormats in the face of their kids' poor behavior and need to hear good things about themselves said out loud by somebody else.

That's awesome.

It also reminds me of a scene from the Netflix show Workin' Moms where 2 of the moms are sitting at an outdoor café and a girl and her mom walk by. The girl is acting like a brat and one of the moms yells at her, "Stop it, you little brat! Your mom is a fking angel." The girl's mom is like, "Thank you! I needed that."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the poster above- I think we have different definitions of cooperating. If an older kid is going up the slide while my kid is trying to go down- that isnt cooperation.

"Oops, hold on Larlo. Looks like this big kid is taking a turn on the slide. Okay, your turn once the big kid is up!"

OR

"Uh oh, Larlo, looks like these big kids are playing on the slide already. Let's go down the other slide or crawl through this cool tunnel instead!"

This is really not hard, folks.

DP but are you suggesting if the big kids are sitting on the slide for 15 min this is acceptable? What about the concept of taking turns? I get it, if it’s just trying to climb up a couple of times but kids sitting/climbing up doesn’t exactly sound like sharing or playing nicely. I assume 2-5 yr old playground still counts as toddler playground to you?

Not PP, really let the kids work it out. I’m sorry there is not a playground manager to contact.

a 2 yr old isn’t going to mess with older kids, at least not more shy ones and that’s just sad. I thought the point of parenting was to teach kids how to behave like civilized people and to advocate for themselves. It’s super awkward to even ask other kids to stop throwing sand so it would be nice if people paid a little more attention.

Can we be honest? Some kids are kind of brats and their parents just don’t GAF. I took my tot to a 1-6 yr old playplace. Encountered a 5 or 6 yo who kept pushing the toddler out of the way from an unoccupied toy, like running from another corner to do this, saying he was too small. I told him it was toddlers turn now and the kid is like I don’t have to share! I don’t have to share! Ok whatever...We walk away and come back when the kid is gone and he does it again. I’m supposed to let them work it out?

Okay, that kid is a brat and kids like that totally trigger me too. I really want to tell them they're spoiled brats and should be embarrassed to act like such a baby. And yes, I know parents that have explained to me why they don't think they should teach their kids to share. It's insane and infuriating. If I encountered that kid, I would say, "Yes you do have to share. This is not your home and you cannot act like a bully. Stop it now and go somewhere else if you can't act your age." They keep it up and I say something like, "What is your name and where is your parent? I need to tell your parent how poorly you're acting right now because you can't control your behavior." Mom or dad doesn't like it, then tough. These kids need to hear boundaries from someone and they're clearly not getting any at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will freely admit that I do not usually intervene when my kid commits a routine playground faux-pas like climbing the slide. You know why? I am tired and it is not a huge deal at the end of the day. With my 2yo, I intervene because it is usually a safety issue. With a 5yo, though? No. They can figure it out themselves.

I completely realize this is selfish and that most of you probably find it extremely annoying. I find the people who are constantly intervening in the social dynamics of elementary-school-aged kids annoying as well.

I don’t find that selfish or extremely annoying in any way whatsoever. It’s normal parenting. Anyone who write six paragraphs about it not being ok is self delusional.

Fine. But if my 5 year old kicks your 5 year old coming down the slide when your kid won't get out of the way for a long time, you'll be cool with that, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will freely admit that I do not usually intervene when my kid commits a routine playground faux-pas like climbing the slide. You know why? I am tired and it is not a huge deal at the end of the day. With my 2yo, I intervene because it is usually a safety issue. With a 5yo, though? No. They can figure it out themselves.

I completely realize this is selfish and that most of you probably find it extremely annoying. I find the people who are constantly intervening in the social dynamics of elementary-school-aged kids annoying as well.

I don’t find that selfish or extremely annoying in any way whatsoever. It’s normal parenting. Anyone who write six paragraphs about it not being ok is self delusional.

Fine. But if my 5 year old kicks your 5 year old coming down the slide when your kid won't get out of the way for a long time, you'll be cool with that, right?

Not pp, but yes, I would. Bet that blows your mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will freely admit that I do not usually intervene when my kid commits a routine playground faux-pas like climbing the slide. You know why? I am tired and it is not a huge deal at the end of the day. With my 2yo, I intervene because it is usually a safety issue. With a 5yo, though? No. They can figure it out themselves.

I completely realize this is selfish and that most of you probably find it extremely annoying. I find the people who are constantly intervening in the social dynamics of elementary-school-aged kids annoying as well.

I don’t find that selfish or extremely annoying in any way whatsoever. It’s normal parenting. Anyone who write six paragraphs about it not being ok is self delusional.

Fine. But if my 5 year old kicks your 5 year old coming down the slide when your kid won't get out of the way for a long time, you'll be cool with that, right?

Not pp, but yes, I would. Bet that blows your mind.

You're ok if a kid KICKS another kid?!

Wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will freely admit that I do not usually intervene when my kid commits a routine playground faux-pas like climbing the slide. You know why? I am tired and it is not a huge deal at the end of the day. With my 2yo, I intervene because it is usually a safety issue. With a 5yo, though? No. They can figure it out themselves.

I completely realize this is selfish and that most of you probably find it extremely annoying. I find the people who are constantly intervening in the social dynamics of elementary-school-aged kids annoying as well.

I don’t find that selfish or extremely annoying in any way whatsoever. It’s normal parenting. Anyone who write six paragraphs about it not being ok is self delusional.

Fine. But if my 5 year old kicks your 5 year old coming down the slide when your kid won't get out of the way for a long time, you'll be cool with that, right?

Not pp, but yes, I would. Bet that blows your mind.

You're ok if a kid KICKS another kid?!

Wow.

If my kid is not sharing or taking turns on the playground and gets called out by another kid? Yes I’m OK with that. If they are refusing to move on a slide and get kicked by someone else coming down? Also OK.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will freely admit that I do not usually intervene when my kid commits a routine playground faux-pas like climbing the slide. You know why? I am tired and it is not a huge deal at the end of the day. With my 2yo, I intervene because it is usually a safety issue. With a 5yo, though? No. They can figure it out themselves.

I completely realize this is selfish and that most of you probably find it extremely annoying. I find the people who are constantly intervening in the social dynamics of elementary-school-aged kids annoying as well.

I don’t find that selfish or extremely annoying in any way whatsoever. It’s normal parenting. Anyone who write six paragraphs about it not being ok is self delusional.

Fine. But if my 5 year old kicks your 5 year old coming down the slide when your kid won't get out of the way for a long time, you'll be cool with that, right?

Not pp, but yes, I would. Bet that blows your mind.

You're ok if a kid KICKS another kid?!

Wow.

If my kid is not sharing or taking turns on the playground and gets called out by another kid? Yes I’m OK with that. If they are refusing to move on a slide and get kicked by someone else coming down? Also OK.

Yup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will freely admit that I do not usually intervene when my kid commits a routine playground faux-pas like climbing the slide. You know why? I am tired and it is not a huge deal at the end of the day. With my 2yo, I intervene because it is usually a safety issue. With a 5yo, though? No. They can figure it out themselves.

I completely realize this is selfish and that most of you probably find it extremely annoying. I find the people who are constantly intervening in the social dynamics of elementary-school-aged kids annoying as well.

I don’t find that selfish or extremely annoying in any way whatsoever. It’s normal parenting. Anyone who write six paragraphs about it not being ok is self delusional.

Fine. But if my 5 year old kicks your 5 year old coming down the slide when your kid won't get out of the way for a long time, you'll be cool with that, right?

I’d think they were 5.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will freely admit that I do not usually intervene when my kid commits a routine playground faux-pas like climbing the slide. You know why? I am tired and it is not a huge deal at the end of the day. With my 2yo, I intervene because it is usually a safety issue. With a 5yo, though? No. They can figure it out themselves.

I completely realize this is selfish and that most of you probably find it extremely annoying. I find the people who are constantly intervening in the social dynamics of elementary-school-aged kids annoying as well.

I don’t find that selfish or extremely annoying in any way whatsoever. It’s normal parenting. Anyone who write six paragraphs about it not being ok is self delusional.

Fine. But if my 5 year old kicks your 5 year old coming down the slide when your kid won't get out of the way for a long time, you'll be cool with that, right?

Not pp, but yes, I would. Bet that blows your mind.

You're ok if a kid KICKS another kid?!

Wow.

If my kid is not sharing or taking turns on the playground and gets called out by another kid? Yes I’m OK with that. If they are refusing to move on a slide and get kicked by someone else coming down? Also OK.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will freely admit that I do not usually intervene when my kid commits a routine playground faux-pas like climbing the slide. You know why? I am tired and it is not a huge deal at the end of the day. With my 2yo, I intervene because it is usually a safety issue. With a 5yo, though? No. They can figure it out themselves.

I completely realize this is selfish and that most of you probably find it extremely annoying. I find the people who are constantly intervening in the social dynamics of elementary-school-aged kids annoying as well.

I don’t find that selfish or extremely annoying in any way whatsoever. It’s normal parenting. Anyone who write six paragraphs about it not being ok is self delusional.

Fine. But if my 5 year old kicks your 5 year old coming down the slide when your kid won't get out of the way for a long time, you'll be cool with that, right?

Not pp, but yes, I would. Bet that blows your mind.

You're ok if a kid KICKS another kid?!

Wow.

If my kid is not sharing or taking turns on the playground and gets called out by another kid? Yes I’m OK with that. If they are refusing to move on a slide and get kicked by someone else coming down? Also OK.

Yup.

+1

No one’s talking about running up and kicking a kid out of nowhere. Some of you are absolutely raising snowflakes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will freely admit that I do not usually intervene when my kid commits a routine playground faux-pas like climbing the slide. You know why? I am tired and it is not a huge deal at the end of the day. With my 2yo, I intervene because it is usually a safety issue. With a 5yo, though? No. They can figure it out themselves.

I completely realize this is selfish and that most of you probably find it extremely annoying. I find the people who are constantly intervening in the social dynamics of elementary-school-aged kids annoying as well.

I don’t find that selfish or extremely annoying in any way whatsoever. It’s normal parenting. Anyone who write six paragraphs about it not being ok is self delusional.

Fine. But if my 5 year old kicks your 5 year old coming down the slide when your kid won't get out of the way for a long time, you'll be cool with that, right?

Not pp, but yes, I would. Bet that blows your mind.

You're ok if a kid KICKS another kid?!

Wow.

If my kid is not sharing or taking turns on the playground and gets called out by another kid? Yes I’m OK with that. If they are refusing to move on a slide and get kicked by someone else coming down? Also OK.

I’d think your kid is a dick. But I’d let my kid work it out.