Parents who don't intervene -- why not?

[Anonymous]

I haven't read the whole thread, but the reason parents don't physically intervene is because if they did, your thread would instead be "I saw you abusing your child at the playground" or "My friend can't control her child and had to PICK HER UP and force her out of the house, OMG".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will freely admit that I do not usually intervene when my kid commits a routine playground faux-pas like climbing the slide. You know why? I am tired and it is not a huge deal at the end of the day. With my 2yo, I intervene because it is usually a safety issue. With a 5yo, though? No. They can figure it out themselves.

I completely realize this is selfish and that most of you probably find it extremely annoying. I find the people who are constantly intervening in the social dynamics of elementary-school-aged kids annoying as well.

Fine, but don’t get upset when I intervene and tell your child to move because my child and others are waiting to use the equipment correctly. I’ve done this a few times, and the kids immediately move. I think kids just get tired of their parent’s voices when they know there are no consequences.

It's a PLAYGROUND. For CHILDREN There is no "playing with it correctly", there is just "playing with it". Do you also tell your kids they have to put their dollhouse furniture in their dollhouse "correctly", or make things with play doh "correctly"? Or build with their legos "correctly"?

DP and back at you. Don't be stupid. There are definitely safety issues at a playground that don't apply in those other situations. And turn taking.

Wait, you also intervene for your school aged child to take turns with his friends on the playground??? Please say you're joking.

Not PP, but... yes? Typically not if she is playing with her own same age friends and the issue is between them alone b/c they can sort things out themselves and she will get the natural consequences of being ridiculous (people won't want to be friends with her). But younger kids or total strangers at a park we don't frequent? If it gets too bad, absolutely. I would not allow by 5 year old to stay on a swing for 30 minutes while a line of kids she didn't know waited. I would also not allow by 5 year old to block a slide with a friend for 10 minutes while 2 and 3 year olds begged to go down. My kid is not entitled to be a brat at the playground and the fact she is school aged does not mean I will not intervene if she is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find the arguments being posed by non-toddler moms hypocritical honestly.

There is no way if you were in your own backyard with your own kids (ranging from crawling/walking-10 years old) and they were all playing on the swing set that you would not expect your older kids to watch out for the younger ones.

There is no way that if you are at someone else's house and they have a younger kid that you just expect the younger kid to stay out of your kids way.

If your kid can watch out for their sibling, they can watch out for other kids.

This is an interesting point- I would, I assume, expect a 10 year old to look out for their 18 month old sibling if all playing together in the backyard. Even closer in age siblings I would do that. But I don't think I'd task my school aged kid with keeping an eye out for all of the babies/ toddlers on the playground, no. Helping with their sibling is a responsibility of theirs, as part of our family. While I would certainly not allow them to run roughshod all over a bunch of babies, I would also not hyper-intervene if they were swinging on the monkey bars and a mom let her baby play underneath them. If the baby in question was my OWN baby, I'd move the baby! Or if I couldn't for some reason, yes I'd call out to my older kid "keep an eye on Sister under there please!". Because the baby is my responsibility, and I can delegate some of that responsibility to my older kid if necessary. But I'm probably not going to ask my school aged kid to watch out for a baby whose mother is right next to it but not intervening. My kid is there to play, just like yours, and your baby is your own responsibility.

Thank you for thinking so but youve responded with an extreme example (see bolded). Im not letting my toddler play in the swing zone. I am intervening- I was the mom talking about how my LO was going across a bridge- designed for one person- and another kid couldnt wait their turn and was stepping on his heels. Or if he is crawling through a tunnel, kids will still enter even though he isnt completed and try and step over him. OR going down a small slide and the older kids are using it to access the play equipment.

Also I was primarily noting that older kids are capable of seeing younger kids. Its been said here a few times that middle-school Bobby just doesnt see little kids- he is incapable. No Ma'm he is capable. I am not expecting your kid to watch over my kid. Im expecting that your kid be capable of seeing another human and react to that input by thinking...." hmmm cant go up this slide because someone else is coming down- I know! Ill use the stairs or go up an adjacent slide." If your kid went up the slide while your other kid was going down- youd internally be like WTF Bobby!?!
Well I'm internally saying WTF Bobby too!

NP. I have a two year old who always wanted to climb and slide from a young age so I totally get where you are coming from. I stayed ont he ground near him to remind him not to climb down ladders or to catch him if he ever fell (he never did), but in some cases yes, older kids pushed through the tunnel and went around him. Sometimes if he hesitated a second at the slide the other kids would push through and go down first. In my mind those are not safety issues. My DS could get a couple nudges or even a stubbed finger or something in the tunnel, and he will either learn to go faster or else look out for other kids. In your example, yes “WTF Bobby,” but also Bobby will learn by perhaps getting run into by a kid going down the slide. Maybe he will learn not to climb up when kids are coming down.

There are times when I have intervened in cases of true meanness and safety - like a kid throwing sand at my kid or kicking him to make him go faster (NOT OK!), but those are the only time. Pinched fingers, being startled, even being brushed by and run by and around is the price of being on play structures which are typically meant for preschool age or older kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Couple examples recently...

1) At the playground, parent whining/cajoling their 5 year old to stop climbing up the slide when another kid was trying to go down. Lots of: "Come on now Larlo. I mean it. etc." but the kid is just blatantly ignoring the parent and doesn't get off. The parent never actually just went over there and removed their kid off the slide.

2) 2 year old girl at our house for a play date, and she doesn't want to leave. Her mom is saying: "Time to go now Larla! Please Larla! We have to go. If you don't come right now Mommy's going to be very sad at you." and on and on until she ended up bribing her with something.

When these things happen, I truly wonder why parents don't just physically intervene. Like, why not just pick up your kid and head out? I know the playdate mom fairly well, and she's smart, and she's not lazy.

Parents are too tired (or lazy) to do the hard work of parenting. Where’s the nanny?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Couple examples recently...

1) At the playground, parent whining/cajoling their 5 year old to stop climbing up the slide when another kid was trying to go down. Lots of: "Come on now Larlo. I mean it. etc." but the kid is just blatantly ignoring the parent and doesn't get off. The parent never actually just went over there and removed their kid off the slide.

2) 2 year old girl at our house for a play date, and she doesn't want to leave. Her mom is saying: "Time to go now Larla! Please Larla! We have to go. If you don't come right now Mommy's going to be very sad at you." and on and on until she ended up bribing her with something.

When these things happen, I truly wonder why parents don't just physically intervene. Like, why not just pick up your kid and head out? I know the playdate mom fairly well, and she's smart, and she's not lazy.

Parents are too tired (or lazy) to do the hard work of parenting. Where’s the nanny?

Nannies often don’t do anything! I’m a SAHM and we go to Arlington and Vienna parks and there have been a few wonderful nannies, but more often than not they are FaceTiming or on speakerphone or just sitting in a circle not watching the kids. Yesterday for the first time I watched impressed as nanny A confronted nanny B about kid B shoving kid A down a slide. Nanny B had been sitting on a bench not paying attention was like, “Uh ok...” and did nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find the arguments being posed by non-toddler moms hypocritical honestly.

There is no way if you were in your own backyard with your own kids (ranging from crawling/walking-10 years old) and they were all playing on the swing set that you would not expect your older kids to watch out for the younger ones.

There is no way that if you are at someone else's house and they have a younger kid that you just expect the younger kid to stay out of your kids way.

If your kid can watch out for their sibling, they can watch out for other kids.

This is an interesting point- I would, I assume, expect a 10 year old to look out for their 18 month old sibling if all playing together in the backyard. Even closer in age siblings I would do that. But I don't think I'd task my school aged kid with keeping an eye out for all of the babies/ toddlers on the playground, no. Helping with their sibling is a responsibility of theirs, as part of our family. While I would certainly not allow them to run roughshod all over a bunch of babies, I would also not hyper-intervene if they were swinging on the monkey bars and a mom let her baby play underneath them. If the baby in question was my OWN baby, I'd move the baby! Or if I couldn't for some reason, yes I'd call out to my older kid "keep an eye on Sister under there please!". Because the baby is my responsibility, and I can delegate some of that responsibility to my older kid if necessary. But I'm probably not going to ask my school aged kid to watch out for a baby whose mother is right next to it but not intervening. My kid is there to play, just like yours, and your baby is your own responsibility.

Thank you for thinking so but youve responded with an extreme example (see bolded). Im not letting my toddler play in the swing zone. I am intervening- I was the mom talking about how my LO was going across a bridge- designed for one person- and another kid couldnt wait their turn and was stepping on his heels. Or if he is crawling through a tunnel, kids will still enter even though he isnt completed and try and step over him. OR going down a small slide and the older kids are using it to access the play equipment.

Also I was primarily noting that older kids are capable of seeing younger kids. Its been said here a few times that middle-school Bobby just doesnt see little kids- he is incapable. No Ma'm he is capable. I am not expecting your kid to watch over my kid. Im expecting that your kid be capable of seeing another human and react to that input by thinking...." hmmm cant go up this slide because someone else is coming down- I know! Ill use the stairs or go up an adjacent slide." If your kid went up the slide while your other kid was going down- youd internally be like WTF Bobby!?!
Well I'm internally saying WTF Bobby too!

But these things CAN be used by more than one kid. I see 2 or 3 kids in the tunnels together ALL THE TIME! Including climbing over eachother and laughing sometimes. They are KIDS. And the bridge- I may not be able to speak to, since the bridges I have seen on playgrounds can all certainly take more than one kid at once, in fact that's when they seem to think it's the most fun when one kid runs across the bridge and it kind of bounces the other kids who are on it and they laugh and jump etc.

If it's something truly designed for use by one child and one child only at a time- for example, a swing, or a skinny ladder- then of course another kid should not jump on that swing or that ladder if another kid is in the process of using it, but the examples you gave seem to me more like your kid is too little to handle being around older kids on a playground and when your kid is 5 or 6 you'll realize that babies and small toddlers on play structures are a nuisance for everyone- the other kids, the parent of the tiny kid who has to play referee, and not to mention the tiny kid himself who usually ends up getting hurt or almost hurt.

Bigger kids should not under any circumstance be running up and down the baby slide, or messing with the baby swings, if a baby is on it so i'm with you there.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes if a kid who is old enough to know better won’t share a communal playground toy/item/piece of equipment, I just tell my kids, “different families have different rules. In our family we try to be considerate and share and take turns. Some families don’t do that. I don’t think it’s fun to play with someone who doesn’t want to share. Want to go check out the swings?”

Similarly, if a kid is being too rough I just say we don’t hit in our family but some families do that. Or or a kid is being cruel and making fun of my kid or another kid, I’ll talk about how in our family we don’t make fun of people and use kind words instead.

I’ve found this to be particularly effective when the kid’s parent is around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes if a kid who is old enough to know better won’t share a communal playground toy/item/piece of equipment, I just tell my kids, “different families have different rules. In our family we try to be considerate and share and take turns. Some families don’t do that. I don’t think it’s fun to play with someone who doesn’t want to share. Want to go check out the swings?”

Similarly, if a kid is being too rough I just say we don’t hit in our family but some families do that. Or or a kid is being cruel and making fun of my kid or another kid, I’ll talk about how in our family we don’t make fun of people and use kind words instead.

I’ve found this to be particularly effective when the kid’s parent is around.

I don't know who is more annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will freely admit that I do not usually intervene when my kid commits a routine playground faux-pas like climbing the slide. You know why? I am tired and it is not a huge deal at the end of the day. With my 2yo, I intervene because it is usually a safety issue. With a 5yo, though? No. They can figure it out themselves.

I completely realize this is selfish and that most of you probably find it extremely annoying. I find the people who are constantly intervening in the social dynamics of elementary-school-aged kids annoying as well.

Fine, but don’t get upset when I intervene and tell your child to move because my child and others are waiting to use the equipment correctly. I’ve done this a few times, and the kids immediately move. I think kids just get tired of their parent’s voices when they know there are no consequences.

It's a PLAYGROUND. For CHILDREN There is no "playing with it correctly", there is just "playing with it". Do you also tell your kids they have to put their dollhouse furniture in their dollhouse "correctly", or make things with play doh "correctly"? Or build with their legos "correctly"?

DP and back at you. Don't be stupid. There are definitely safety issues at a playground that don't apply in those other situations. And turn taking.

Wait, you also intervene for your school aged child to take turns with his friends on the playground??? Please say you're joking.

Don't be daft. People are talking about babies and on up to five year olds on this thread. With the exception of some (not all) five year olds, these aren't school-aged kids. I would hope a five year old would understand about turn-taking (but you'd be surprised) and toddlers, of course, are still working on this. Safety, on the other hand, this whole age group needs reminders on.

This isn't about "one way" to use playground equipment. This is just about teaching basic manners and basic safety. You "free for all" parents are just lazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes if a kid who is old enough to know better won’t share a communal playground toy/item/piece of equipment, I just tell my kids, “different families have different rules. In our family we try to be considerate and share and take turns. Some families don’t do that. I don’t think it’s fun to play with someone who doesn’t want to share. Want to go check out the swings?”

Similarly, if a kid is being too rough I just say we don’t hit in our family but some families do that. Or or a kid is being cruel and making fun of my kid or another kid, I’ll talk about how in our family we don’t make fun of people and use kind words instead.

I’ve found this to be particularly effective when the kid’s parent is around.

I don't know who is more annoying.

I do this too, and it works pretty well. Kids need reminding that they should share and be kind to each other, and a little social pressure doesn't hurt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes if a kid who is old enough to know better won’t share a communal playground toy/item/piece of equipment, I just tell my kids, “different families have different rules. In our family we try to be considerate and share and take turns. Some families don’t do that. I don’t think it’s fun to play with someone who doesn’t want to share. Want to go check out the swings?”

Similarly, if a kid is being too rough I just say we don’t hit in our family but some families do that. Or or a kid is being cruel and making fun of my kid or another kid, I’ll talk about how in our family we don’t make fun of people and use kind words instead.

I’ve found this to be particularly effective when the kid’s parent is around.

I can't imagine a more nauseating, passive aggressive person. Just speak your mind to the kid and/or the parent, or move along and say those things to your kid quietly.

But saying it quietly would ruin the point since you don't actually want to teach your kid, you just want to be passive aggressive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will freely admit that I do not usually intervene when my kid commits a routine playground faux-pas like climbing the slide. You know why? I am tired and it is not a huge deal at the end of the day. With my 2yo, I intervene because it is usually a safety issue. With a 5yo, though? No. They can figure it out themselves.

I completely realize this is selfish and that most of you probably find it extremely annoying. I find the people who are constantly intervening in the social dynamics of elementary-school-aged kids annoying as well.

Fine, but don’t get upset when I intervene and tell your child to move because my child and others are waiting to use the equipment correctly. I’ve done this a few times, and the kids immediately move. I think kids just get tired of their parent’s voices when they know there are no consequences.

It's a PLAYGROUND. For CHILDREN There is no "playing with it correctly", there is just "playing with it". Do you also tell your kids they have to put their dollhouse furniture in their dollhouse "correctly", or make things with play doh "correctly"? Or build with their legos "correctly"?

DP and back at you. Don't be stupid. There are definitely safety issues at a playground that don't apply in those other situations. And turn taking.

Wait, you also intervene for your school aged child to take turns with his friends on the playground??? Please say you're joking.

Don't be daft. People are talking about babies and on up to five year olds on this thread. With the exception of some (not all) five year olds, these aren't school-aged kids. I would hope a five year old would understand about turn-taking (but you'd be surprised) and toddlers, of course, are still working on this. Safety, on the other hand, this whole age group needs reminders on.

This isn't about "one way" to use playground equipment. This is just about teaching basic manners and basic safety. You "free for all" parents are just lazy.

Actually we are talking about school aged kids using the playground and parents of toddlers getting salty that baby Larla isn't getting to take her 14 minutes to work her way to the top of the slide and then come slowly down it, because older kids are running around (including up the slide at times). That's what we are talking about.

It's not a safety issue for anyone but your toddler who is too young to be on a playground with school aged kids.

And the post was actually specifically about parents wanting everyone "using playground equipment correctly" if you scroll up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes if a kid who is old enough to know better won’t share a communal playground toy/item/piece of equipment, I just tell my kids, “different families have different rules. In our family we try to be considerate and share and take turns. Some families don’t do that. I don’t think it’s fun to play with someone who doesn’t want to share. Want to go check out the swings?”

Similarly, if a kid is being too rough I just say we don’t hit in our family but some families do that. Or or a kid is being cruel and making fun of my kid or another kid, I’ll talk about how in our family we don’t make fun of people and use kind words instead.

I’ve found this to be particularly effective when the kid’s parent is around.

I don't know who is more annoying.

I do this too, and it works pretty well. Kids need reminding that they should share and be kind to each other, and a little social pressure doesn't hurt.

It works pretty well at other parents rolling their eyes at you and making their child acquiesce to what you're saying so you shut up. It doesn't earn your child- or you- any friends that's for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will freely admit that I do not usually intervene when my kid commits a routine playground faux-pas like climbing the slide. You know why? I am tired and it is not a huge deal at the end of the day. With my 2yo, I intervene because it is usually a safety issue. With a 5yo, though? No. They can figure it out themselves.

I completely realize this is selfish and that most of you probably find it extremely annoying. I find the people who are constantly intervening in the social dynamics of elementary-school-aged kids annoying as well.

Fine, but don’t get upset when I intervene and tell your child to move because my child and others are waiting to use the equipment correctly. I’ve done this a few times, and the kids immediately move. I think kids just get tired of their parent’s voices when they know there are no consequences.

I won't "get upset" in that I'm not going to intervene with YOU either. I am curious, though. Much of the equipment at a playground is designed to be used in different ways depending on what the children using the equipment choose. Your "incorrect use" of the slide is how someone else's child has chosen to use a piece of playground equipment that does not have specific guidelines for correct use. Some kids also like some parts of a playground more than others. My kid, for example, does not particularly care for the swings, so we are not and have never been swing monopolizers. However, she absolutely loves the slide and will go down it (and up, because I do not have a problem with her climbing up the slide) repeatedly. She is 2.5 and she is beginning to understand the idea of taking turns. My strategy, as a parent, is to use opportunities like the playground to give her the space to safely explore her abilities, including the ability to manage a social interaction where two kids want the same activity or toy, rather than to follow her around making sure she maximizes her enjoyment of each piece of equipment.

Either way, it sounds to me like you should be supporting your child in advocating for their own needs, rather than telling other people's children to move. Feel free to passive aggressively tell Larla, "ASK THAT GIRL TO MOVE AWAY FROM THE SLIDE SO YOU CAN USE IT CORRECTLY" though. It'll save me the trouble of deciding whether to encourage my kid to play with yours.

Oh my good lord you toddler parents are ridiculous.

+1 I'm exhausted after reading that post!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes if a kid who is old enough to know better won’t share a communal playground toy/item/piece of equipment, I just tell my kids, “different families have different rules. In our family we try to be considerate and share and take turns. Some families don’t do that. I don’t think it’s fun to play with someone who doesn’t want to share. Want to go check out the swings?”

Similarly, if a kid is being too rough I just say we don’t hit in our family but some families do that. Or or a kid is being cruel and making fun of my kid or another kid, I’ll talk about how in our family we don’t make fun of people and use kind words instead.

I’ve found this to be particularly effective when the kid’s parent is around.

I don't know who is more annoying.

I do this too, and it works pretty well. Kids need reminding that they should share and be kind to each other, and a little social pressure doesn't hurt.

It works pretty well at other parents rolling their eyes at you and making their child acquiesce to what you're saying so you shut up. It doesn't earn your child- or you- any friends that's for sure.

Social pressure for the parent and the kid. Perfect!