BIL's Wedding - Big Deal if Only DH Attends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP what does your DH want to do? You seem very sketcyin your description of not being close yet ‘knowing’ BIL doesn’t want to attend his own wedding? If this were a second, third, whatever-another discussion but this is someone who’s apparently messed up in the past but is now changed enough to be marrying someone who he loves enough to go through big traditional wedding. It would seem like you’d want to support your DH only brother in this major life event but just need to denigrate him to justify your selfishness

+1

It's all about OP. OP, do them all a favor and keep your ugly mug home. Wow.

+1

[Anonymous]

You go, let father in law pay. Husband is in wedding party.
Wife should be there.

Hire babysitter or nanny to stay home with kids if you don't
want to bring kids.

[Anonymous]

How old are the kids? Most kids age 4 and older like
the glitter and pageantry of weddings.

[Anonymous]

I think it is fine to just send DH particularly if you have small children. However, do you visit ILs anyway? Maybe the wedding could be in lieu of an annual visit?

DHs brother got married a few years ago when we had three kids age 6 and under. It was a small destination wedding in the Caribbean (first marriage but they’d been living together for many years-late 40s- and wanted a small casual affair). DH was only able to go Wed-Sat either way (work commitment he could not get out of) and airfare was extremely high- so he went alone. For the kids it would not have been fun- too much travel and wedding stuff packed into a short schedule without free time. We had no to leave them with. BIL and ILs understood and honesty DH had a blast.

I sent heartfelt best wishes and regrets, and the next time we visited ILs town (our usual summer visit) we took BIL/SIL out to a great dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it is fine to just send DH particularly if you have small children. However, do you visit ILs anyway? Maybe the wedding could be in lieu of an annual visit?

DHs brother got married a few years ago when we had three kids age 6 and under. It was a small destination wedding in the Caribbean (first marriage but they’d been living together for many years-late 40s- and wanted a small casual affair). DH was only able to go Wed-Sat either way (work commitment he could not get out of) and airfare was extremely high- so he went alone. For the kids it would not have been fun- too much travel and wedding stuff packed into a short schedule without free time. We had no to leave them with. BIL and ILs understood and honesty DH had a blast.

I sent heartfelt best wishes and regrets, and the next time we visited ILs town (our usual summer visit) we took BIL/SIL out to a great dinner.

ETA: if it were my sibling and same circumstances, the same would apply. Nothing at all against BUL/SIL. We live cross country from where we grew up so we each flew back several times (alone) to attend friends weddings and other events when the kids were small. If BIL had married in his hometown we’d all have gone but the Caribbean location made things more difficult. People do need to expect that fewer mah be able to come if the wedding is out of town and requires a lot of travel.

[Anonymous]

Send DH. Stay home with the kids, who are too young to enjoy such a lovely celebration, and let DH have 3-4 days to just focus on his brother without dealing with the distractions of small kids.

[Anonymous]

It's an invitation, not a summons.

Your husband can certainly go on his own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you really have no excuse not to attend but basically are trying to invent one and you want us to tell you it's ok?

He is your husband's BROTHER. You suck it up and go.

How is money not an excuse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you really have no excuse not to attend but basically are trying to invent one and you want us to tell you it's ok?

He is your husband's BROTHER. You suck it up and go.

How is money not an excuse?

OP said she’s pretty sure FIL will offer to help with costs.

She’s just a petty, judgmental B.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean yeah, to be honest you sound super b*tchy and judgmental, but you clearly don’t like the guy. Just own it. Is it a crappy thing to do not to go to your BIL’s first wedding? Sure, but you do you.

I agree with all of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you really have no excuse not to attend but basically are trying to invent one and you want us to tell you it's ok?

He is your husband's BROTHER. You suck it up and go.

How is money not an excuse?

OP said she’s pretty sure FIL will offer to help with costs.

She’s just a petty, judgmental B.

FIL -might- help with costs. He hasn’t offered yet. You know that whole saying about not counting your chickens before they hatch? That applies here. It’s rude to spend someone else’s money for them. There is zero reason OP needs to drag two kids across country for a wedding. This isn’t even her sibling. Have the kids even been specifically invited or are they going to get there and find out kids aren’t allowed? We’ve all read those horror stories. I think OP is fine not going and I don’t think she’s being selfish by not going.

[Anonymous]

I cannot believe you do not have friends or your DCs do not have friends that can watch your kids for 2 nights. Why about your parents? How old are DCs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I cannot believe you do not have friends or your DCs do not have friends that can watch your kids for 2 nights. Why about your parents? How old are DCs?

What? You realize lots of us do not have friends or family that we would leave young children with for days.

Op - ignore all the mean comments. Clearly there are a lot of former brideszillas on here who think the world should revolve around weddings. Your DH needs to go. It is fine for the rest of your family to stay at home. Honestly, your husband will likely have an easier time without having to balance his wedding party duties and his husband and dad duties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I cannot believe you do not have friends or your DCs do not have friends that can watch your kids for 2 nights. Why about your parents? How old are DCs?

What? You realize lots of us do not have friends or family that we would leave young children with for days.

Op - ignore all the mean comments. Clearly there are a lot of former brideszillas on here who think the world should revolve around weddings. Your DH needs to go. It is fine for the rest of your family to stay at home. Honestly, your husband will likely have an easier time without having to balance his wedding party duties and his husband and dad duties.

ITA! When our kids were small I wouldn’t have left them with friends nor would I have wanted to watch friends’ DC for days unless it was an emergency. I’m talking about he <5 crowd. Mine are all in elementary and we would maybe consider it now but it is still a big ask/big favor IMO. My family lives across the country so they wouldn’t have been able to do it either. Op- just stay home- you’re husband will probably have a great time.

[Anonymous]

Three of my first cousins came to my wedding without spouses. More bailed because of money. We got married in my hometown. I minded, but I understood. Definitely agree with the pp who said that your husband should talk to BIL about his real priorities, rather than assuming. Be clear about your budget. “ We only have $1000, and four plane tickets would cost $2,000. “Brother could go on his own , which would give us enough for a hotel, a tux, food, and the kind of gift we were hoping to give you guys.”