When the Other Woman meets your kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I "poisoned" my kids against their dad and the lying scuzzy other woman. I told them exactly what they did. Kids were appalled and stopped speaking to him. They were high schoolers so I just said so sorry dad missed your game, he was too busy screwing his girlfriend.
Despite all the protestations on the DCUM, it worked great. All our friends took my side.

Ex gave up and just sends the checks now. We are all happier. I hear that marriage is on the ricks now, too!

My mom pretty much did this - poisoned us against our dad, denied him access, eventually he gave up. So she "won". Yay. I can see, with the benefit of adult perspective, that this inflicted severe, long-lasting psychological damage on me and my brother. I have never told her this, and she'd no doubt emit a huge cloud of annoying self-justification if I did. So please, don't do this to your kids, however much it feels like "winning" to you in the short term.

Why shouldn't you take your mom's side? What is wrong with you?

What is WRONG is EXACTLY what you are saying here - demanding that kids "take a side". The other parent is STILL their parent, and will be for the kid's entire life, even if that parent is not a perfect person and even if you hate them.

Act in the interest OF YOUR CHILDREN not of your wounded pride and ego.

It's healthier for kids to know the truth about their parents and separate themselves from narcissism. This BS about respect a person just because they share DNA is not healthy. Act like a good person if you want respect. Sometime kids need to learn healthy boundaries, like staying away from toxic people.

[Anonymous]

Sorry- I don’t teach my kids to pledge blind allegiance and fealty to an abusive man just because he produced sperm 12 years ago. I will judge him on his actions and so should our kids. They should be able to do that with an age appropriate respect for the facts.

Parental alienation is an unproven joke that was basically made up to protect abusive men.

Until we start standing up and being honest about toxic masculinity and how common it is for a man to be a giant coward family wreckers, we will continue to get punished for speaking the truth about who these men are.

No mas. My ex is an abusive pig- his colleagues know it, our community knows it- but his kids are supposed to pretend to not knownit?

Nah.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry- I don’t teach my kids to pledge blind allegiance and fealty to an abusive man just because he produced sperm 12 years ago. I will judge him on his actions and so should our kids. They should be able to do that with an age appropriate respect for the facts.

Parental alienation is an unproven joke that was basically made up to protect abusive men.

Until we start standing up and being honest about toxic masculinity and how common it is for a man to be a giant coward family wreckers, we will continue to get punished for speaking the truth about who these men are.

No mas. My ex is an abusive pig- his colleagues know it, our community knows it- but his kids are supposed to pretend to not knownit?

Nah.

You’re abusing your kids too FYI

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I "poisoned" my kids against their dad and the lying scuzzy other woman. I told them exactly what they did. Kids were appalled and stopped speaking to him. They were high schoolers so I just said so sorry dad missed your game, he was too busy screwing his girlfriend.
Despite all the protestations on the DCUM, it worked great. All our friends took my side.

Ex gave up and just sends the checks now. We are all happier. I hear that marriage is on the ricks now, too!

My mom pretty much did this - poisoned us against our dad, denied him access, eventually he gave up. So she "won". Yay. I can see, with the benefit of adult perspective, that this inflicted severe, long-lasting psychological damage on me and my brother. I have never told her this, and she'd no doubt emit a huge cloud of annoying self-justification if I did. So please, don't do this to your kids, however much it feels like "winning" to you in the short term.

Why shouldn't you take your mom's side? What is wrong with you?

What is WRONG is EXACTLY what you are saying here - demanding that kids "take a side". The other parent is STILL their parent, and will be for the kid's entire life, even if that parent is not a perfect person and even if you hate them.

Act in the interest OF YOUR CHILDREN not of your wounded pride and ego.

It's healthier for kids to know the truth about their parents and separate themselves from narcissism. This BS about respect a person just because they share DNA is not healthy. Act like a good person if you want respect. Sometime kids need to learn healthy boundaries, like staying away from toxic people.

Yes but marriage is complicated and sometimes a bad husband is not a bad father. My mother did this. My father and her had a horrible relationship and he cheating all through the marriage. He left her for another woman and she told us not to speak to him. We didn’t for many years. We made up with him on and off and when we were on, we had issues but he was always there for us. Our mother put us in awful situations - she wouldn’t even speak to him which I understand but we did not deserve to be in the middle. Now we have made up with our father because we have kids of our own. I can tell you unwaveringly if this happened in my life I would never poison my kids because of what my mom did. Unless my husband is a danger to my children, they would see him and have a relationship with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry- I don’t teach my kids to pledge blind allegiance and fealty to an abusive man just because he produced sperm 12 years ago. I will judge him on his actions and so should our kids. They should be able to do that with an age appropriate respect for the facts.

Parental alienation is an unproven joke that was basically made up to protect abusive men.

Until we start standing up and being honest about toxic masculinity and how common it is for a man to be a giant coward family wreckers, we will continue to get punished for speaking the truth about who these men are.

No mas. My ex is an abusive pig- his colleagues know it, our community knows it- but his kids are supposed to pretend to not knownit?

Nah.

Exactly. Your kids see him through their eyes as well, and get what he is about.

His behavior is all on him. All you can do is try to keep them safe and happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry- I don’t teach my kids to pledge blind allegiance and fealty to an abusive man just because he produced sperm 12 years ago. I will judge him on his actions and so should our kids. They should be able to do that with an age appropriate respect for the facts.

Parental alienation is an unproven joke that was basically made up to protect abusive men.

Until we start standing up and being honest about toxic masculinity and how common it is for a man to be a giant coward family wreckers, we will continue to get punished for speaking the truth about who these men are.

No mas. My ex is an abusive pig- his colleagues know it, our community knows it- but his kids are supposed to pretend to not knownit?

Nah.

You’re abusing your kids too FYI

No she isn't. She is teaching them good boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I "poisoned" my kids against their dad and the lying scuzzy other woman. I told them exactly what they did. Kids were appalled and stopped speaking to him. They were high schoolers so I just said so sorry dad missed your game, he was too busy screwing his girlfriend.
Despite all the protestations on the DCUM, it worked great. All our friends took my side.

Ex gave up and just sends the checks now. We are all happier. I hear that marriage is on the ricks now, too!

My mom pretty much did this - poisoned us against our dad, denied him access, eventually he gave up. So she "won". Yay. I can see, with the benefit of adult perspective, that this inflicted severe, long-lasting psychological damage on me and my brother. I have never told her this, and she'd no doubt emit a huge cloud of annoying self-justification if I did. So please, don't do this to your kids, however much it feels like "winning" to you in the short term.

Why shouldn't you take your mom's side? What is wrong with you?

What is WRONG is EXACTLY what you are saying here - demanding that kids "take a side". The other parent is STILL their parent, and will be for the kid's entire life, even if that parent is not a perfect person and even if you hate them.

Act in the interest OF YOUR CHILDREN not of your wounded pride and ego.

It's healthier for kids to know the truth about their parents and separate themselves from narcissism. This BS about respect a person just because they share DNA is not healthy. Act like a good person if you want respect. Sometime kids need to learn healthy boundaries, like staying away from toxic people.

Yes but marriage is complicated and sometimes a bad husband is not a bad father. My mother did this. My father and her had a horrible relationship and he cheating all through the marriage. He left her for another woman and she told us not to speak to him. We didn’t for many years. We made up with him on and off and when we were on, we had issues but he was always there for us. Our mother put us in awful situations - she wouldn’t even speak to him which I understand but we did not deserve to be in the middle. Now we have made up with our father because we have kids of our own. I can tell you unwaveringly if this happened in my life I would never poison my kids because of what my mom did. Unless my husband is a danger to my children, they would see him and have a relationship with him.

You actually don't know what your mom saved your from back when you were a child because you had no relationship. Men mellow with age and it's good he eventually mellowed. Maybe it's because your mom didn't put up with his sh*t and realized he needed to chill if he wanted a relationship with you. Maybe your relationship with him is because of your mom, not despite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I "poisoned" my kids against their dad and the lying scuzzy other woman. I told them exactly what they did. Kids were appalled and stopped speaking to him. They were high schoolers so I just said so sorry dad missed your game, he was too busy screwing his girlfriend.
Despite all the protestations on the DCUM, it worked great. All our friends took my side.

Ex gave up and just sends the checks now. We are all happier. I hear that marriage is on the ricks now, too!

My mom pretty much did this - poisoned us against our dad, denied him access, eventually he gave up. So she "won". Yay. I can see, with the benefit of adult perspective, that this inflicted severe, long-lasting psychological damage on me and my brother. I have never told her this, and she'd no doubt emit a huge cloud of annoying self-justification if I did. So please, don't do this to your kids, however much it feels like "winning" to you in the short term.

Why shouldn't you take your mom's side? What is wrong with you?

What is WRONG is EXACTLY what you are saying here - demanding that kids "take a side". The other parent is STILL their parent, and will be for the kid's entire life, even if that parent is not a perfect person and even if you hate them.

Act in the interest OF YOUR CHILDREN not of your wounded pride and ego.

It's healthier for kids to know the truth about their parents and separate themselves from narcissism. This BS about respect a person just because they share DNA is not healthy. Act like a good person if you want respect. Sometime kids need to learn healthy boundaries, like staying away from toxic people.

Yes but marriage is complicated and sometimes a bad husband is not a bad father. My mother did this. My father and her had a horrible relationship and he cheating all through the marriage. He left her for another woman and she told us not to speak to him. We didn’t for many years. We made up with him on and off and when we were on, we had issues but he was always there for us. Our mother put us in awful situations - she wouldn’t even speak to him which I understand but we did not deserve to be in the middle. Now we have made up with our father because we have kids of our own. I can tell you unwaveringly if this happened in my life I would never poison my kids because of what my mom did. Unless my husband is a danger to my children, they would see him and have a relationship with him.

A good father would not have created an unstable situation for their children. They would not treat their primary caregiver that way. I'm glad it eventually worked out... but saying he is a good father is like saying a surgeon is great even though 1/2 his surgeries fail, but yours didn't so who cares.

[Anonymous]

So we have multiple children of divorce sharing stories of their vindictive mothers and how the world isn’t quite black and white, and they’re getting shamed and talked down to like they couldn’t possibly know their own experience. Amazing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I "poisoned" my kids against their dad and the lying scuzzy other woman. I told them exactly what they did. Kids were appalled and stopped speaking to him. They were high schoolers so I just said so sorry dad missed your game, he was too busy screwing his girlfriend.
Despite all the protestations on the DCUM, it worked great. All our friends took my side.

Ex gave up and just sends the checks now. We are all happier. I hear that marriage is on the ricks now, too!

My mom pretty much did this - poisoned us against our dad, denied him access, eventually he gave up. So she "won". Yay. I can see, with the benefit of adult perspective, that this inflicted severe, long-lasting psychological damage on me and my brother. I have never told her this, and she'd no doubt emit a huge cloud of annoying self-justification if I did. So please, don't do this to your kids, however much it feels like "winning" to you in the short term.

Why shouldn't you take your mom's side? What is wrong with you?

What is WRONG is EXACTLY what you are saying here - demanding that kids "take a side". The other parent is STILL their parent, and will be for the kid's entire life, even if that parent is not a perfect person and even if you hate them.

Act in the interest OF YOUR CHILDREN not of your wounded pride and ego.

It's healthier for kids to know the truth about their parents and separate themselves from narcissism. This BS about respect a person just because they share DNA is not healthy. Act like a good person if you want respect. Sometime kids need to learn healthy boundaries, like staying away from toxic people.

Yes but marriage is complicated and sometimes a bad husband is not a bad father. My mother did this. My father and her had a horrible relationship and he cheating all through the marriage. He left her for another woman and she told us not to speak to him. We didn’t for many years. We made up with him on and off and when we were on, we had issues but he was always there for us. Our mother put us in awful situations - she wouldn’t even speak to him which I understand but we did not deserve to be in the middle. Now we have made up with our father because we have kids of our own. I can tell you unwaveringly if this happened in my life I would never poison my kids because of what my mom did. Unless my husband is a danger to my children, they would see him and have a relationship with him.

Yes what your mother did was wrong. However, he was a bad dad for doing what he did. That decision created a lot of problem for you kids, not just your mother. If he didn't want to be married he could have left his marriage in a much better way. Now it affects the grand-kids because they have to divide their time among the divorce grand-parents. Your dad could have tried counseling, and other measures to keep your family together. Instead he chose to cheat. Now you are trying to re-write history, but remember it was your mom who raised you. His priority was the OW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So we have multiple children of divorce sharing stories of their vindictive mothers and how the world isn’t quite black and white, and they’re getting shamed and talked down to like they couldn’t possibly know their own experience. Amazing.

So a bunch of adults that were damaged as children by their father's infidelity are trying to give advice on how to raise kids... not exactly the well I want to get my water from.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I "poisoned" my kids against their dad and the lying scuzzy other woman. I told them exactly what they did. Kids were appalled and stopped speaking to him. They were high schoolers so I just said so sorry dad missed your game, he was too busy screwing his girlfriend.
Despite all the protestations on the DCUM, it worked great. All our friends took my side.

Ex gave up and just sends the checks now. We are all happier. I hear that marriage is on the ricks now, too!

My mom pretty much did this - poisoned us against our dad, denied him access, eventually he gave up. So she "won". Yay. I can see, with the benefit of adult perspective, that this inflicted severe, long-lasting psychological damage on me and my brother. I have never told her this, and she'd no doubt emit a huge cloud of annoying self-justification if I did. So please, don't do this to your kids, however much it feels like "winning" to you in the short term.

Why shouldn't you take your mom's side? What is wrong with you?

What is WRONG is EXACTLY what you are saying here - demanding that kids "take a side". The other parent is STILL their parent, and will be for the kid's entire life, even if that parent is not a perfect person and even if you hate them.

Act in the interest OF YOUR CHILDREN not of your wounded pride and ego.

It's healthier for kids to know the truth about their parents and separate themselves from narcissism. This BS about respect a person just because they share DNA is not healthy. Act like a good person if you want respect. Sometime kids need to learn healthy boundaries, like staying away from toxic people.

Yes but marriage is complicated and sometimes a bad husband is not a bad father. My mother did this. My father and her had a horrible relationship and he cheating all through the marriage. He left her for another woman and she told us not to speak to him. We didn’t for many years. We made up with him on and off and when we were on, we had issues but he was always there for us. Our mother put us in awful situations - she wouldn’t even speak to him which I understand but we did not deserve to be in the middle. Now we have made up with our father because we have kids of our own. I can tell you unwaveringly if this happened in my life I would never poison my kids because of what my mom did. Unless my husband is a danger to my children, they would see him and have a relationship with him.

A good father would not have created an unstable situation for their children. They would not treat their primary caregiver that way. I'm glad it eventually worked out... but saying he is a good father is like saying a surgeon is great even though 1/2 his surgeries fail, but yours didn't so who cares.

It's only working out because she's in denial. "He was always there for us". No he wasn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So we have multiple children of divorce sharing stories of their vindictive mothers and how the world isn’t quite black and white, and they’re getting shamed and talked down to like they couldn’t possibly know their own experience. Amazing.

So a bunch of adults that were damaged as children by their father's infidelity are trying to give advice on how to raise kids... not exactly the well I want to get my water from.

That’s nasty. There are some really, really scorned spouses here. I wish you all peace.

[Anonymous]

OP why did the AP move to your neighborhood of all places?

Doesn't anyone find that disturbing or odd? Are her kids in your kids school now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So we have multiple children of divorce sharing stories of their vindictive mothers and how the world isn’t quite black and white, and they’re getting shamed and talked down to like they couldn’t possibly know their own experience. Amazing.

So a bunch of adults that were damaged as children by their father's infidelity are trying to give advice on how to raise kids... not exactly the well I want to get my water from.

That’s nasty. There are some really, really scorned spouses here. I wish you all peace.

It's not nasty. You are going to tell people how to parent their children when your whole upbringing was a disaster?