Nytimes: I’ve picked my job over my kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Children do not need to come first when 1st means they need a birthday party. First means they need food, shelter, education and love/protection.

This is not new. Even women who “stayed home” cared for the animals on the farm and the garden. They did not coddle their child’s every need.

The endless need to coddle children’s every whim is the problem not missing a few ridiculous newly invented events in their life like the 100th day of school, K graduation, the endless need to go to a pumpkin patch every Fall.

+ 1

My family member is active duty. You should see what amazing and resilient children their family has raised. They grew up understanding they were not the center of the universe, learning how to do things for themselves, and learning how to work through adversity.

There is a big difference between being active duty and deployed and choosing a work schedule/date that you know will upset your child on their special day. If you cannot be available to your child a few days a year you should not be having kids. This isn't a field trip, this isn't 100 day of school. This is one day a year, their birthday. More than likely parents like that don't spend much time with their kids and their kids are just there for status.

you don't understand trials - that's ok.

Yes, I do through my employment and I had two parents as lawyers. The post clearly said she could have an opinion on the day and she deliberately choose that day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Children do not need to come first when 1st means they need a birthday party. First means they need food, shelter, education and love/protection.

This is not new. Even women who “stayed home” cared for the animals on the farm and the garden. They did not coddle their child’s every need.

The endless need to coddle children’s every whim is the problem not missing a few ridiculous newly invented events in their life like the 100th day of school, K graduation, the endless need to go to a pumpkin patch every Fall.

+ 1

My family member is active duty. You should see what amazing and resilient children their family has raised. They grew up understanding they were not the center of the universe, learning how to do things for themselves, and learning how to work through adversity.

There is a big difference between being active duty and deployed and choosing a work schedule/date that you know will upset your child on their special day. If you cannot be available to your child a few days a year you should not be having kids. This isn't a field trip, this isn't 100 day of school. This is one day a year, their birthday. More than likely parents like that don't spend much time with their kids and their kids are just there for status.

you don't understand trials - that's ok.

Yes, I do through my employment and I had two parents as lawyers. The post clearly said she could have an opinion on the day and she deliberately choose that day.

she clearly states that picking the birthday was a big strategic advantage. Not picking that day would have been a huge fail for her client, who was likely facing life in jail or the death penalty. So no, you do not understand.

[Anonymous]

There is a big difference between being active duty and deployed and choosing a work schedule/date that you know will upset your child on their special day. If you cannot be available to your child a few days a year you should not be having kids. This isn't a field trip, this isn't 100 day of school. This is one day a year, their birthday. More than likely parents like that don't spend much time with their kids and their kids are just there for status.


you don't understand trials - that's ok.


Yes, I do through my employment and I had two parents as lawyers. The post clearly said she could have an opinion on the day and she deliberately choose that day.


she clearly states that picking the birthday was a big strategic advantage. Not picking that day would have been a huge fail for her client, who was likely facing life in jail or the death penalty. So no, you do not understand.

I think the rights and wrongs of it depend. I do plaintiff's employment law work. Many of my clients have been retaliated or discriminated against by employers. It is serious and important work, and although no one's life is on the line, their career often is. However, if I decline a case due to a scheduling conflict, if the case is good, there are

tons

of other competent plaintiff's attorneys who will happily take the case. I don't know that it works the same way in criminal defense work.

I would not accept a case if it caused a conflict with my child's birthday party, given the type of law that I practice and the fact that someone else will help the person seeking my representation. But if the situation in criminal law is that someone's life was on the line and they had no one else to take a case, I would likely make a different choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Children do not need to come first when 1st means they need a birthday party. First means they need food, shelter, education and love/protection.

This is not new. Even women who “stayed home” cared for the animals on the farm and the garden. They did not coddle their child’s every need.

The endless need to coddle children’s every whim is the problem not missing a few ridiculous newly invented events in their life like the 100th day of school, K graduation, the endless need to go to a pumpkin patch every Fall.

+ 1

My family member is active duty. You should see what amazing and resilient children their family has raised. They grew up understanding they were not the center of the universe, learning how to do things for themselves, and learning how to work through adversity.

There is a big difference between being active duty and deployed and choosing a work schedule/date that you know will upset your child on their special day. If you cannot be available to your child a few days a year you should not be having kids. This isn't a field trip, this isn't 100 day of school. This is one day a year, their birthday. More than likely parents like that don't spend much time with their kids and their kids are just there for status.

you don't understand trials - that's ok.

Yes, I do through my employment and I had two parents as lawyers. The post clearly said she could have an opinion on the day and she deliberately choose that day.

she clearly states that picking the birthday was a big strategic advantage. Not picking that day would have been a huge fail for her client, who was likely facing life in jail or the death penalty. So no, you do not understand.

She needed the strategic advantage because her client had no real defense...?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Children do not need to come first when 1st means they need a birthday party. First means they need food, shelter, education and love/protection.

This is not new. Even women who “stayed home” cared for the animals on the farm and the garden. They did not coddle their child’s every need.

The endless need to coddle children’s every whim is the problem not missing a few ridiculous newly invented events in their life like the 100th day of school, K graduation, the endless need to go to a pumpkin patch every Fall.

+ 1

My family member is active duty. You should see what amazing and resilient children their family has raised. They grew up understanding they were not the center of the universe, learning how to do things for themselves, and learning how to work through adversity.

There is a big difference between being active duty and deployed and choosing a work schedule/date that you know will upset your child on their special day. If you cannot be available to your child a few days a year you should not be having kids. This isn't a field trip, this isn't 100 day of school. This is one day a year, their birthday. More than likely parents like that don't spend much time with their kids and their kids are just there for status.

you don't understand trials - that's ok.

Yes, I do through my employment and I had two parents as lawyers. The post clearly said she could have an opinion on the day and she deliberately choose that day.

she clearly states that picking the birthday was a big strategic advantage. Not picking that day would have been a huge fail for her client, who was likely facing life in jail or the death penalty. So no, you do not understand.

She needed the strategic advantage because her client had no real defense...?

Huh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

There is a big difference between being active duty and deployed and choosing a work schedule/date that you know will upset your child on their special day. If you cannot be available to your child a few days a year you should not be having kids. This isn't a field trip, this isn't 100 day of school. This is one day a year, their birthday. More than likely parents like that don't spend much time with their kids and their kids are just there for status.


you don't understand trials - that's ok.


Yes, I do through my employment and I had two parents as lawyers. The post clearly said she could have an opinion on the day and she deliberately choose that day.


she clearly states that picking the birthday was a big strategic advantage. Not picking that day would have been a huge fail for her client, who was likely facing life in jail or the death penalty. So no, you do not understand.

I think the rights and wrongs of it depend. I do plaintiff's employment law work. Many of my clients have been retaliated or discriminated against by employers. It is serious and important work, and although no one's life is on the line, their career often is. However, if I decline a case due to a scheduling conflict, if the case is good, there are

tons

of other competent plaintiff's attorneys who will happily take the case. I don't know that it works the same way in criminal defense work.

I would not accept a case if it caused a conflict with my child's birthday party, given the type of law that I practice and the fact that someone else will help the person seeking my representation. But if the situation in criminal law is that someone's life was on the line and they had no one else to take a case, I would likely make a different choice.

you can’t tell when you take on a client when the trial will be actually be scheduled. Obviously.

[Anonymous]

I don’t get the angst about the birthdays. I have a conflict such that I have been on work travel for half my 10 yo’s birthday. I always have an elaborate family and separate friend party....just on other days when I can be there. He doesn’t care I am not there on the actual day at all. I call and his dad is there to take him somewhere special for dinner. I can FaceTime him.

It really is no big deal to kids and good to teach them a birthday can be a moveable event and still be fantastic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get the angst about the birthdays. I have a conflict such that I have been on work travel for half my 10 yo’s birthday. I always have an elaborate family and separate friend party....just on other days when I can be there. He doesn’t care I am not there on the actual day at all. I call and his dad is there to take him somewhere special for dinner. I can FaceTime him.

It really is no big deal to kids and good to teach them a birthday can be a moveable event and still be fantastic.

Is that what happened here? Or did she just miss the birthday party and do nothing at any other time either?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get the angst about the birthdays. I have a conflict such that I have been on work travel for half my 10 yo’s birthday. I always have an elaborate family and separate friend party....just on other days when I can be there. He doesn’t care I am not there on the actual day at all. I call and his dad is there to take him somewhere special for dinner. I can FaceTime him.

It really is no big deal to kids and good to teach them a birthday can be a moveable event and still be fantastic.

Half?

You are in the minority in raising him to believe the actual date doesn’t matter. Most parents celebrate the birth *day*, even if the party is at a later time. I was born March 1, it wold be a big deal if my mom consistently missed the day, or had me celebrate on March 2, 3, 4th...whenever she could fit me in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get the angst about the birthdays. I have a conflict such that I have been on work travel for half my 10 yo’s birthday. I always have an elaborate family and separate friend party....just on other days when I can be there. He doesn’t care I am not there on the actual day at all. I call and his dad is there to take him somewhere special for dinner. I can FaceTime him.

It really is no big deal to kids and good to teach them a birthday can be a moveable event and still be fantastic.

Is that what happened here? Or did she just miss the birthday party and do nothing at any other time either?

annnnd just proving the point -- she has to demonstrate the supermommy steps and exactly how she celebrated her child's 7th birthday in order to be granted dispensation to have the kind of job that THOUSANDS OF MEN DO every single day.

[Anonymous]

She shouldn’t have had kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get the angst about the birthdays. I have a conflict such that I have been on work travel for half my 10 yo’s birthday. I always have an elaborate family and separate friend party....just on other days when I can be there. He doesn’t care I am not there on the actual day at all. I call and his dad is there to take him somewhere special for dinner. I can FaceTime him.

It really is no big deal to kids and good to teach them a birthday can be a moveable event and still be fantastic.

Half?

You are in the minority in raising him to believe the actual date doesn’t matter. Most parents celebrate the birth *day*, even if the party is at a later time. I was born March 1, it wold be a big deal if my mom consistently missed the day, or had me celebrate on March 2, 3, 4th...whenever she could fit me in.

Why are you still focused on the "mom"? How many dads with "big jobs" miss their kids birthdays? Quite a few, i'd wager.

[Anonymous]

of other competent plaintiff's attorneys who will happily take the case. I don't know that it works the same way in criminal defense work.

I would not accept a case if it caused a conflict with my child's birthday party, given the type of law that I practice and the fact that someone else will help the person seeking my representation. But if the situation in criminal law is that someone's life was on the line and they had no one else to take a case, I would likely make a different choice.


you can’t tell when you take on a client when the trial will be actually be scheduled. Obviously.

I have tried many civil cases (over 50) and have never had a court just schedule a trial without asking counsel about their availability. Again, it could be different in a criminal matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get the angst about the birthdays. I have a conflict such that I have been on work travel for half my 10 yo’s birthday. I always have an elaborate family and separate friend party....just on other days when I can be there. He doesn’t care I am not there on the actual day at all. I call and his dad is there to take him somewhere special for dinner. I can FaceTime him.

It really is no big deal to kids and good to teach them a birthday can be a moveable event and still be fantastic.

Is that what happened here? Or did she just miss the birthday party and do nothing at any other time either?

annnnd just proving the point -- she has to demonstrate the supermommy steps and exactly how she celebrated her child's 7th birthday in order to be granted dispensation to have the kind of job that THOUSANDS OF MEN DO every single day.

I judge those men too. Like my friend’s husband who was too busy to teach his kid to ride a bike. Don’t worry we taught him at age 15. Or my son’s friend, who sees his dad twice a year because his dad moved overseas to advance his career. Being a parent is more than providing financial support and a roof over their head.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get the angst about the birthdays. I have a conflict such that I have been on work travel for half my 10 yo’s birthday. I always have an elaborate family and separate friend party....just on other days when I can be there. He doesn’t care I am not there on the actual day at all. I call and his dad is there to take him somewhere special for dinner. I can FaceTime him.

It really is no big deal to kids and good to teach them a birthday can be a moveable event and still be fantastic.

Half?

You are in the minority in raising him to believe the actual date doesn’t matter. Most parents celebrate the birth *day*, even if the party is at a later time. I was born March 1, it wold be a big deal if my mom consistently missed the day, or had me celebrate on March 2, 3, 4th...whenever she could fit me in.

Why are you still focused on the "mom"? How many dads with "big jobs" miss their kids birthdays? Quite a few, i'd wager.

Because she wrote the article, and another mom responded above.