I think I regret having kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is obviously passing thought. Because you have a 3 year old and a 3 month old. OF COURSE it's unbelievably difficult now. Come back and post in 2 years.

It is a feeling. My kids are 3 and 5 and I still resent having them. Its destroying my marriage because DH knows I resent having kids. I count down until they go to bed, I wake up early and go to work so I dont have to deal with them and I dread leaving the office to pick them up. Its non stop fighting, whining, complaining. I can't even have a conversation with my husband without nonstop interruptions. If I could go back in time to when I met my DH, I would say that kids would not be happening. I'm bitter about all we could do since we make over $300k a year and I piss it away on daycare and their needs. I hate weekends, I hate evenings...so dont tell OP to come back in two years.

I call troll

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Maybe her life plain sucks right now and it’s not depression?


That’s fair. We don’t have enough info, which is why i suggested a call to her doctor. [b]Better to check in and get whatever support that the family needs.[/b]

Responses like this are so frustrating. There's an answer/solution to everything! Just call your doctor and get "support"!
I suppose if OP is dealing with depression a doctor might be able to help her, but if she isn't then the doctor can't do anything.

Are you projecting because of a bad experience with a doctor, PP?

You do realize that unless OP (or anyone) at least gets evaluated, she cannot know either way whether she might need help--?

Your way of thinking would have her just shrug and say, "Well, even if a doctor says I have depression, the doctor might not be able to help so there's not much point in finding out."

You can say that's not how you meant it but it's how someone else could read it--especially someone who is hopeless already. Like, perhaps, someone who's depressed.

You say "better to check in [with a doctor] and get whatever support the family needs", the implication being that calling a doctor = "getting whatever support the family needs''. There are SO many things a doctor can't help with. Sure, it's worth a call, but in no world does "checking in with a doctor" mean "getting whatever support [one] needs". Would that it did!

You can say that's not how you meant it, but it's how someone could read it.

Thanks you. Implying that OP'S doctor would give her "support" in this case is setting her up for disappoint and failure. At most she'd get some meds thrown at her. for a quick fix.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is obviously passing thought. Because you have a 3 year old and a 3 month old. OF COURSE it's unbelievably difficult now. Come back and post in 2 years.

It is a feeling. My kids are 3 and 5 and I still resent having them. Its destroying my marriage because DH knows I resent having kids. I count down until they go to bed, I wake up early and go to work so I dont have to deal with them and I dread leaving the office to pick them up. Its non stop fighting, whining, complaining. I can't even have a conversation with my husband without nonstop interruptions. If I could go back in time to when I met my DH, I would say that kids would not be happening. I'm bitter about all we could do since we make over $300k a year and I piss it away on daycare and their needs. I hate weekends, I hate evenings...so dont tell OP to come back in two years.

I call troll

Why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Maybe her life plain sucks right now and it’s not depression?


That’s fair. We don’t have enough info, which is why i suggested a call to her doctor. [b]Better to check in and get whatever support that the family needs.[/b]

Responses like this are so frustrating. There's an answer/solution to everything! Just call your doctor and get "support"!
I suppose if OP is dealing with depression a doctor might be able to help her, but if she isn't then the doctor can't do anything.

Are you projecting because of a bad experience with a doctor, PP?

You do realize that unless OP (or anyone) at least gets evaluated, she cannot know either way whether she might need help--?

Your way of thinking would have her just shrug and say, "Well, even if a doctor says I have depression, the doctor might not be able to help so there's not much point in finding out."

You can say that's not how you meant it but it's how someone else could read it--especially someone who is hopeless already. Like, perhaps, someone who's depressed.

You say "better to check in [with a doctor] and get whatever support the family needs", the implication being that calling a doctor = "getting whatever support the family needs''. There are SO many things a doctor can't help with. Sure, it's worth a call, but in no world does "checking in with a doctor" mean "getting whatever support [one] needs". Would that it did!

You can say that's not how you meant it, but it's how someone could read it.

Thanks you. Implying that OP'S doctor would give her "support" in this case is setting her up for disappoint and failure. At most she'd get some meds thrown at her. for a quick fix.

I think maybe you need a new doctor.

[Anonymous]

OP, I understand.

I only have one child, and he is 4. I struggled with the "everyone is telling me to have another, but I just don't like this" stage, and finally came to peace with just one. It is so hard and exhausting, still. I'm sure I'll get flamed and blamed, but I don't care: having kids is rough.

I'm guessing and hoping it will get easier in like 4 years, but I also hear there are different struggles at every age.

It is a whole lot, and you shouldn't feel like you have to pretend to love it.

[Anonymous]

PP you are feeling this way because you are a normal human being. It’ll get better in three months, then even better when your youngest is a year old and eldest is above 4. And the when your youngest is 3 you will be complaining again and will have totally forgotten how difficult it was before. And then when your youngest is 4 life will be so different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Some children can adapt to their parents' lifestyle, and some parents need to adjust to their children's eating/sleeping/exercise needs.

It sounds like for the moment, perhaps you need to adjust a little more to their needs. No one should be melting down every 5 minutes.

I have literally never felt what you express (my oldest is a teen), and I'm pretty sure my parents never felt like this too. It's probably because we're an even-tempered bunch. One of my kids has special needs, and needed a lot of care when he was younger, but it wasn't a meltdown issue. Families with a lot of expressed emotion have kids that are the same way and it can get exhausting very quickly. Hang in there, it will get better rapidly!

Go away. You’ve NEVER felt what OP feels?

1. That’s a lie and
2. Even if it’s not (I doubt it), how does that help OP?

[Anonymous]

I feel the same way. I’m a fool for having had children. It has seriously changed my life for the worst. The occasional feelings of love are overshadowed by the constant screaming and whining, expensive childcare, lack of sleep, my sad boobs from breastfeeding and all of the work required to raise children. I can’t even eat a peaceful dinner without having to get up multiple times and listen to whining to get up from the table.

I do consider the alternative though. I would have thought I was missing out. Ha!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is obviously passing thought. Because you have a 3 year old and a 3 month old. OF COURSE it's unbelievably difficult now. Come back and post in 2 years.

It is a feeling. My kids are 3 and 5 and I still resent having them. Its destroying my marriage because DH knows I resent having kids. I count down until they go to bed, I wake up early and go to work so I dont have to deal with them and I dread leaving the office to pick them up. Its non stop fighting, whining, complaining. I can't even have a conversation with my husband without nonstop interruptions. If I could go back in time to when I met my DH, I would say that kids would not be happening. I'm bitter about all we could do since we make over $300k a year and I piss it away on daycare and their needs. I hate weekends, I hate evenings...so dont tell OP to come back in two years.

I don’t think it’s normal to have nonstop fighting, whining, complaining. Children are very sensitive to their parents’ attitudes and emotions so maybe they are acting out for negative attention because they know you don’t like them and won’t be giving them any positive attention.

[Anonymous]

If our ancestors had been as self-centered as some of these posters, the whole human race would have died out long ago. No one ever said the point of children was to make you happy. It’s just what living things do.

OP, I do think it will get better for you once you’re sleeping again and the older one is past the dreaded 3-3.5 stage.

[Anonymous]

You are in good company. Mine are now 13 and 16 and after a few good years, I am back to wishing I'd chosen to just be a fun Aunty to my nieces and nephews, skipping the whole parent thing myself. Unfortunately, I sometimes find myself wishing for the drudgery of the toddler and infant years when dealing with the sometimes scary challenges of parenting teens, e.g. drugs, sex, etc. I love my children and try to do my best by them but I feel like MY life will begin again in five years when the youngest goes away to college. I. Can't. Wait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If our ancestors had been as self-centered as some of these posters, the whole human race would have died out long ago. No one ever said the point of children was to make you happy. It’s just what living things do.

OP, I do think it will get better for you once you’re sleeping again and the older one is past the dreaded 3-3.5 stage.

Agreed. I’m astonished at all the “you get very little in return” posters. Um, that’s not the point? Everything is not all about what you can get out of it. How incredibly selfish.

I can’t imagine a life of endless dining out, drinking, traveling, sleeping in. That would feel very empty and meaningless to me after a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If our ancestors had been as self-centered as some of these posters, the whole human race would have died out long ago. No one ever said the point of children was to make you happy. It’s just what living things do.

OP, I do think it will get better for you once you’re sleeping again and the older one is past the dreaded 3-3.5 stage.

Oh please. So people should just continue having children for the heck of it? Because it's "just what living things do"? Some of us have evolved past simply following the herd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If our ancestors had been as self-centered as some of these posters, the whole human race would have died out long ago. No one ever said the point of children was to make you happy. It’s just what living things do.

OP, I do think it will get better for you once you’re sleeping again and the older one is past the dreaded 3-3.5 stage.

Agreed. I’m astonished at all the “you get very little in return” posters. Um, that’s not the point? Everything is not all about what you can get out of it. How incredibly selfish.

I can’t imagine a life of endless dining out, drinking, traveling, sleeping in. That would feel very empty and meaningless to me after a while.

Seriously? This sounds amazing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If our ancestors had been as self-centered as some of these posters, the whole human race would have died out long ago. No one ever said the point of children was to make you happy. It’s just what living things do.

OP, I do think it will get better for you once you’re sleeping again and the older one is past the dreaded 3-3.5 stage.

Agreed. I’m astonished at all the “you get very little in return” posters. Um, that’s not the point? Everything is not all about what you can get out of it. How incredibly selfish.

I can’t imagine a life of endless dining out, drinking, traveling, sleeping in. That would feel very empty and meaningless to me after a while.

Okay. This is dumb. No one should have kids because you are "supposed to." The best reason to have kids is because you want them and they will add meaning and happiness to your life.

It is not selfish to want that.

Kids did not ask to be born, so we are not doing them a favor by bringing them into the world and then trudging through a misery that we pass on.

OP. it think many people have kids because it what you are "supposed to do" and then end up miserable. That is what happened to you and it is fine and common.

But you are stuck with that decision now and you have two choices: wallow in a miserable experience that sinks these innocent kids with you or fake it till you make it and try to hide it and make the best of things.

Give them a chance and don't let them feel your unhappiness. Find other areas of you life to explore and try to cultivate a more open mindset. Meditation, hobbies, exercise, and thinking of your responsibility.