I think I regret having kids

[Anonymous]

Here you go, OP.

https://www.facebook.com/IRegretHavingChildren/

[Anonymous]

My kids are older teens now ..but I still remember a day when they were very small (2.5 and 6mos ?). They were sitting at the table and blowing raspberries and laughing together, It made so many other things ok. I think I will always remember that day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I regret having a kid. He's a cool person, but I could have had a career, lived where I actually WANT to live, had a more interesting life. Instead I've been putting one foot in front of the other for a decade, and its not worth it.

I don’t regret having kids and mine are cool too. But sometimes I think about this and about the fact that we could be retired by now and doing lots more traveling. Thing is for us is that one of ours is mentally ill and not likely to ever be capable of moving out. So parenting is never going to end for us.

I wouldn't be retired by now, but I might be traveling, and I might have a real family (I'm a single mom, with an abusive ex who takes great joy in teaching my child to be mean to other people), its been HARD. And there really aren't enough good moments to make up for how hard its been. I'm really just counting down till college so I can do my own thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Maybe her life plain sucks right now and it’s not depression?


That’s fair. We don’t have enough info, which is why i suggested a call to her doctor. Better to check in and get whatever support that the family needs.

Responses like this are so frustrating. There's an answer/solution to everything! Just call your doctor and get "support"!
I suppose if OP is dealing with depression a doctor might be able to help her, but if she isn't then the doctor can't do anything.

Are you projecting because of a bad experience with a doctor, PP?

You do realize that unless OP (or anyone) at least gets evaluated, she cannot know either way whether she might need help--?

Your way of thinking would have her just shrug and say, "Well, even if a doctor says I have depression, the doctor might not be able to help so there's not much point in finding out."

You can say that's not how you meant it but it's how someone else could read it--especially someone who is hopeless already. Like, perhaps, someone who's depressed.

I agree PP. Even if its situational depression, or doesn't rise to the level of clinical depression, there may be things that can help. Counseling can help EVERYONE - not just those who have depression or anxiety that rise to a clinically meaningful level. I think its worth a trip to her OBGYN (she has a 3 month old!! PPA and PPD are REAL and happen to alot of people!) to find out what kind of support she can get.

[Anonymous]

I agree OP should be screened for PPD. Feeling stressed out and overwhelmed is normal at this stage. Literally regretting having children could be a sign of PPD.

[Anonymous]

You’re in the absolute hardest stage. It takes another few months or a year and it gets easier. Until then, outsource everything you can and make a ton of time to take care of yourself. It gets easier

[Anonymous]

This is a really tough stage especially with the newborn. I assume you are sleep-deprived. Also, if your 3yr old is really having meltdowns that frequently, my first thought was that he's maybe not getting enough sleep too on top of likely feeling some loss of parental attention with the new baby in the house. Does the 3yr old still nap? That time when they are transitioning out of napping can be rough even without a new baby in the house.

Any way you can work on getting the 3yr old to bed earlier? Also, when I had a toddler + new baby I made a point of occasionally making the baby wait while I did something with/for toddler (and verbalizing that I was doing that, i.e. Larla you need to wait a minute while I read to Larlo or make Larlo's snack, etc.) I think it helped him feel like he wasn't always getting the short end of the stick.

Good luck! I hope it gets better soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Maybe her life plain sucks right now and it’s not depression?


That’s fair. We don’t have enough info, which is why i suggested a call to her doctor. [b]Better to check in and get whatever support that the family needs.[/b]

Responses like this are so frustrating. There's an answer/solution to everything! Just call your doctor and get "support"!
I suppose if OP is dealing with depression a doctor might be able to help her, but if she isn't then the doctor can't do anything.

Are you projecting because of a bad experience with a doctor, PP?

You do realize that unless OP (or anyone) at least gets evaluated, she cannot know either way whether she might need help--?

Your way of thinking would have her just shrug and say, "Well, even if a doctor says I have depression, the doctor might not be able to help so there's not much point in finding out."

You can say that's not how you meant it but it's how someone else could read it--especially someone who is hopeless already. Like, perhaps, someone who's depressed.

You say "better to check in [with a doctor] and get whatever support the family needs", the implication being that calling a doctor = "getting whatever support the family needs''. There are SO many things a doctor can't help with. Sure, it's worth a call, but in no world does "checking in with a doctor" mean "getting whatever support [one] needs". Would that it did!

You can say that's not how you meant it, but it's how someone could read it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not sure what you thought parenting would be like. Maybe you should have waited and gotten more out if your system.

I think parenting gets harder when they stop being cute and adore you. Hope your kids do not pick up on your resentment. I suggest therapy for all who wish they did not have kids.

Sorry but I cannot relate at all (but I was an older patent, which might make a difference)

+1. I don't coddle parents who made conscious decisions to become parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wasn't sure about kids, so we only had one. Best decision we ever made.

All my friends that became parents seem miserable in person (their facebook and insta pages try to paint a different picture). Really glad I trusted my gut and didn’t have them.

maybe you’re friends do but I don’t. I work full time and have 9 year old twin daughters. I love being their mom and yes the infant years were hard. Different strokes for different folks. I’m glad you didn’t have kids since you don’t want them. There’s nothing worse imo than a kid whose parents resent that he / she was born.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure what you thought parenting would be like. Maybe you should have waited and gotten more out if your system.

I think parenting gets harder when they stop being cute and adore you. Hope your kids do not pick up on your resentment. I suggest therapy for all who wish they did not have kids.

Sorry but I cannot relate at all (but I was an older patent, which might make a difference)

+1. I don't coddle parents who made conscious decisions to become parents.

That you consider extending kindness and empathy to a person who is admitting out loud that they are going through a hard time, "coddling", says far more about you than it does about the OP. And none of it good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're in the worst phase. It will get better

This is what people told me as well when I had kids similar ages as you. The younger is 2.5 now and it’s only gotten harder. Maybe I won’t hate my life as much when they are like 7 and 10?

A lot of it depends on what you’re doing, as they are 2, to determine what kind of 7 year old you have.

[Anonymous]

OP, this is obviously passing thought. Because you have a 3 year old and a 3 month old. OF COURSE it's unbelievably difficult now. Come back and post in 2 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is obviously passing thought. Because you have a 3 year old and a 3 month old. OF COURSE it's unbelievably difficult now. Come back and post in 2 years.

It is a feeling. My kids are 3 and 5 and I still resent having them. Its destroying my marriage because DH knows I resent having kids. I count down until they go to bed, I wake up early and go to work so I dont have to deal with them and I dread leaving the office to pick them up. Its non stop fighting, whining, complaining. I can't even have a conversation with my husband without nonstop interruptions. If I could go back in time to when I met my DH, I would say that kids would not be happening. I'm bitter about all we could do since we make over $300k a year and I piss it away on daycare and their needs. I hate weekends, I hate evenings...so dont tell OP to come back in two years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is obviously passing thought. Because you have a 3 year old and a 3 month old. OF COURSE it's unbelievably difficult now. Come back and post in 2 years.

It is a feeling. My kids are 3 and 5 and I still resent having them. Its destroying my marriage because DH knows I resent having kids. I count down until they go to bed, I wake up early and go to work so I dont have to deal with them and I dread leaving the office to pick them up. Its non stop fighting, whining, complaining. I can't even have a conversation with my husband without nonstop interruptions. If I could go back in time to when I met my DH, I would say that kids would not be happening. I'm bitter about all we could do since we make over $300k a year and I piss it away on daycare and their needs. I hate weekends, I hate evenings...so dont tell OP to come back in two years.

Honest question, why did you have kids?