Dead bedroom (DB)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t remember the last time. A few months ago. We have a baby and I just have never felt so tired in my life.

I’ve also lost all of the baby weight and then some but I am not happy with how my body looks. No butt. My nipples look different to me post-breastfeeding.

I’m hoping that we will get back on track as the baby approaches toddlerhood.

Be warned his FWB might not want to share him when you finally get around to wanting sex again.

Wow, mean tiny mind. Who hurt you?

If it’s not mean to take a 2 year break from sex with your spouse, what is wrong with taking a 2 year break from monogamy? Fair solution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t remember the last time. A few months ago. We have a baby and I just have never felt so tired in my life.

I’ve also lost all of the baby weight and then some but I am not happy with how my body looks. No butt. My nipples look different to me post-breastfeeding.

I’m hoping that we will get back on track as the baby approaches toddlerhood.

And how does your husband feel about waiting for toddlerhood? If you’re too tired for him someone else might not be. I had three children in four years and I was tired but great sex helped me sleep like a baby. It might have only been a 15 minute quickie but it was worth it. Your husband won’t be disappointed in how your body looks when you use it on him.

If you had three children in four years, not being able to fall asleep wasn't your problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you suffering from a dead bedroom at home?
How long?
What do you think the underlying cause is?

Curious to hear all perspectives M & F
Those who are desperate
Those who are the dead
Have you given up?
Those who have considered/acted upon/thinking about acting upon the situation....

Married for 10 years, three young children, the youngest is under a year. We had a dead bedroom for 2+ years, which was a combination of low T (which I knew about), and his cheating, probably (which I didn't). It was pretty tough in the beginning to feel my husband doesn't respond to me sexually, tough not to be touched. And then it suddenly got easier. What helped was that I just disengaged from allowing him any power over how I felt about myself sexually. It's like, there are thousands of men out there who don't want to sleep with me, and it doesn't get me down, so why would this one? He can want it, not want it, whatever. I'm my own person, and my sexuality is my own, and how I feel is entirely up to me. I don't use the frequency of sexual intercourse to measure my sexiness or my attractiveness in a global sense. He is similarly on his own trip, and it has nothing to do with me.

We're back to once a week now, quite amiably. It doesn't change how I feel and if it suddenly went away, I'd be fine too.

[Anonymous]

My spouse is an angry slob who can’t remeber jack. So yeah, not sexually attractive any longer. 2 years

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our bedroom wasn’t dead but there was barely a heartbeat. It really came down to our both coming clean that the sex just wasn’t very good with us doing the same thing for the same amount of time virtually every time. With very busy lives we just did it without getting into it. We were both at fault which helped us talk it through and then do something about it. I’m a teacher so I gave us an assignment for each of us to write down three things we’d like to do in bed and that it was OK for the other to say no if it was too much. For fun we had a “blind draw” and picked one of mine. My DH’s response was “really, I hope I can do it!”. Over a couple of weeks we did all six after which the dead bedroom was no more. That was about 15 years ago and the sex is still great.

What were the six things?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our bedroom wasn’t dead but there was barely a heartbeat. It really came down to our both coming clean that the sex just wasn’t very good with us doing the same thing for the same amount of time virtually every time. With very busy lives we just did it without getting into it. We were both at fault which helped us talk it through and then do something about it. I’m a teacher so I gave us an assignment for each of us to write down three things we’d like to do in bed and that it was OK for the other to say no if it was too much. For fun we had a “blind draw” and picked one of mine. My DH’s response was “really, I hope I can do it!”. Over a couple of weeks we did all six after which the dead bedroom was no more. That was about 15 years ago and the sex is still great.

What were the six things?

It was a long time ago and since is the non explicit forum I’ll be careful. One by me was tieing my wrists to the headboard with silk scarves. One of his involved ReadiWhip and I’ll leave it at that. The others were mostly fun positions sometimes outside the bedroom. All it requires is a little imagination or fantasy and a willingness to try new things but being able to say no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t remember the last time. A few months ago. We have a baby and I just have never felt so tired in my life.

I’ve also lost all of the baby weight and then some but I am not happy with how my body looks. No butt. My nipples look different to me post-breastfeeding.

I’m hoping that we will get back on track as the baby approaches toddlerhood.

I felt the same, OP. You lose all the weight but the muscle tone takes awhile to come back / it’s weird how pointy my nipples were? How old is your baby? Once he/she is sleeping through the night things will improve. During pregnancy I had very little interest and wasn’t able to finish, was insanely frustrating, all but stopped during the last couple of months. Was stoked to find my drive came back right away post partum but then damn were we too tired. It was infrequent maybe every few weeks until baby slept thru the night at 6ish months.. not super frequent but probably a couple of good times a week. Had an oops and now I’m pregnant again again at the 8 month mark so not much is happening. I am very much looking forward to getting my body back!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t remember the last time. A few months ago. We have a baby and I just have never felt so tired in my life.

I’ve also lost all of the baby weight and then some but I am not happy with how my body looks. No butt. My nipples look different to me post-breastfeeding.

I’m hoping that we will get back on track as the baby approaches toddlerhood.

I felt the same, OP. You lose all the weight but the muscle tone takes awhile to come back / it’s weird how pointy my nipples were? How old is your baby? Once he/she is sleeping through the night things will improve. During pregnancy I had very little interest and wasn’t able to finish, was insanely frustrating, all but stopped during the last couple of months. Was stoked to find my drive came back right away post partum but then damn were we too tired. It was infrequent maybe every few weeks until baby slept thru the night at 6ish months.. not super frequent but probably a couple of good times a week. Had an oops and now I’m pregnant again again at the 8 month mark so not much is happening. I am very much looking forward to getting my body back!

I had three children and they were all very big - one over 10 pounds - and my stomach never got back to normal so I was initially worried that I was losing my attractiveness to my husband and one night I told him so. He then took me upstairs and made it very clear that I had nothing to worry about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our bedroom wasn’t dead but there was barely a heartbeat. It really came down to our both coming clean that the sex just wasn’t very good with us doing the same thing for the same amount of time virtually every time. With very busy lives we just did it without getting into it. We were both at fault which helped us talk it through and then do something about it. I’m a teacher so I gave us an assignment for each of us to write down three things we’d like to do in bed and that it was OK for the other to say no if it was too much. For fun we had a “blind draw” and picked one of mine. My DH’s response was “really, I hope I can do it!”. Over a couple of weeks we did all six after which the dead bedroom was no more. That was about 15 years ago and the sex is still great.

What were the six things?

It was a long time ago and since is the non explicit forum I’ll be careful. One by me was tieing my wrists to the headboard with silk scarves. One of his involved ReadiWhip and I’ll leave it at that. The others were mostly fun positions sometimes outside the bedroom. All it requires is a little imagination or fantasy and a willingness to try new things but being able to say no.

Now I have an excuse to buy ReadiWhip as that sounds like fun. I also have an extensive scarf collection that has been gathering dust so now I can put them to use.