Dead bedroom (DB)?

[Anonymous]

Dead. As in 6 feet under and cremated. He never really had drive. I think he thought “I gave her kids, so I’m done with that.”

He says stuff like “You need to create the mood. I can’t just have a quickie. If you cooked more, it’s turn me on, etc.” like I said, it really sucks. Maybe when the youngest goes to college (less than 6 years away), I’ll check out of this weird hotel I live in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We're around once or twice a month, which I find sort of depressing. I've lost weight over the last few years and am back down to the weight we were when we met. I know that DH is attracted to me, but it rarely leads to sex. I've talked to DH about why he's not that interested, and he says that his libido is just pretty low. (He's on medication for anxiety, which may also be affecting him.) We're only 45, and it depresses me to think that this is as good as it's going to get for us. I love him like crazy, but I wish that our libidos were more evenly matched. I have to initiate at least 90% of the time, and it's demoralizing, particularly when I get turned down.

You just described my life to a T.

[Anonymous]

We need a dead bedroom forum so people in that position can get together and help each other.

And the judgers and haters can be banned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My situation is not normal, so don’t get paranoid.
We had sex maybe 6 times a year. Have been married 11 years. After therapy, rehab for booze, depression (all on husbands part), he comes out as transgender and is currently transitioning. We still live together for financial reasons, but marriage is over.

Oh, and my ex likes men.

My life is a mess.

Somewhere along the line, you had to have made poor decisions. It’s hard to believe there were NO warning signs of at least some of this before marriage.

Stop victim blaming. I know half a dozen husbands who must be gay and the wives don't see it. Just like parents don't see that their kid is ugly. They are too close to see.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We need a dead bedroom forum so people in that position can get together and help each other.

And the judgers and haters can be banned.

Nah. Just like dating you want someone with a fresh perspective. Not someone carrying a grudge or needing to be validated. If I was going to step outside it would be with a single person that was ok with poly. And I would make sure I was emotionally ready.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dead. As in 6 feet under and cremated. He never really had drive. I think he thought “I gave her kids, so I’m done with that.”

He says stuff like “You need to create the mood. I can’t just have a quickie. If you cooked more, it’s turn me on, etc.” like I said, it really sucks. Maybe when the youngest goes to college (less than 6 years away), I’ll check out of this weird hotel I live in.

Same. Mine couldn't even be bothered to try moving the needle after the last-straw conversation in which I said that I signed up for monogamy, not celibacy, and I intended to have that with or without him.

[Anonymous]

Are you suffering from a dead bedroom at home? - Yes
How long? - Four years
What do you think the underlying cause is? - Recently found out she’s anemic and is always exhausted.

Curious to hear all perspectives M & F - M here
Those who are desperate
Those who are the dead
Have you given up? - A lot of times I give up.
Those who have considered/acted upon/thinking about acting upon the situation.... - I went outside the and feel awful for doing so.

[Anonymous]

Dead bedrooms are caused by dead people. Try livening things up and see if that works. A couple of weeks ago I brought a bottle of baby oil into bed and while we wrecked a nice set of sheets the massaging, slipping and sliding was wonderful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you suffering from a dead bedroom at home?
How long? yes
What do you think the underlying cause is?long term marriage, kids and busy lives, lack of communication, resulting resentment

Curious to hear all perspectives M & F M
Those who are desperate
Those who are the dead
Have you given up?
Those who have considered/acted upon/thinking about acting upon the situation....

Given up no, don’t want to blow up my family. No sex in 18 months. Pornography is poor substitute. We are 50s, married 22 years, 3 kids.

Have definitely considered acting on it. Divorced HS friend very available for FWB situation.

Men need sex to feel loved and validated. So I feel neither.

That is actually not true, but if that is what you are feeling, then what you need is therapy to understand that there is more to you than your sex organ, and that sex isn't love.

This was absolutely written by a woman

[Anonymous]

I don’t remember the last time. A few months ago. We have a baby and I just have never felt so tired in my life.

I’ve also lost all of the baby weight and then some but I am not happy with how my body looks. No butt. My nipples look different to me post-breastfeeding.

I’m hoping that we will get back on track as the baby approaches toddlerhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t remember the last time. A few months ago. We have a baby and I just have never felt so tired in my life.

I’ve also lost all of the baby weight and then some but I am not happy with how my body looks. No butt. My nipples look different to me post-breastfeeding.

I’m hoping that we will get back on track as the baby approaches toddlerhood.

And how does your husband feel about waiting for toddlerhood? If you’re too tired for him someone else might not be. I had three children in four years and I was tired but great sex helped me sleep like a baby. It might have only been a 15 minute quickie but it was worth it. Your husband won’t be disappointed in how your body looks when you use it on him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t remember the last time. A few months ago. We have a baby and I just have never felt so tired in my life.

I’ve also lost all of the baby weight and then some but I am not happy with how my body looks. No butt. My nipples look different to me post-breastfeeding.

I’m hoping that we will get back on track as the baby approaches toddlerhood.

Be warned his FWB might not want to share him when you finally get around to wanting sex again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t remember the last time. A few months ago. We have a baby and I just have never felt so tired in my life.

I’ve also lost all of the baby weight and then some but I am not happy with how my body looks. No butt. My nipples look different to me post-breastfeeding.

I’m hoping that we will get back on track as the baby approaches toddlerhood.

Be warned his FWB might not want to share him when you finally get around to wanting sex again.

Wow, mean tiny mind. Who hurt you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My situation is not normal, so don’t get paranoid.
We had sex maybe 6 times a year. Have been married 11 years. After therapy, rehab for booze, depression (all on husbands part), he comes out as transgender and is currently transitioning. We still live together for financial reasons, but marriage is over.

Oh, and my ex likes men.

My life is a mess.

Somewhere along the line, you had to have made poor decisions. It’s hard to believe there were NO warning signs of at least some of this before marriage.

Stop victim blaming. I know half a dozen husbands who must be gay and the wives don't see it. Just like parents don't see that their kid is ugly. They are too close to see.

You absolutely do not know 6 husbands (married to women) who are actually gay.

[Anonymous]

Dead bedroom here. I put a mark in my calendar. I’m out of here if it doesn’t change.