Dead bedroom (DB)?

[Anonymous]

Are you suffering from a dead bedroom at home?
How long?
What do you think the underlying cause is?

Curious to hear all perspectives M & F
Those who are desperate
Those who are the dead
Have you given up?
Those who have considered/acted upon/thinking about acting upon the situation....

[Anonymous]

Depends on the definition, but yeah, probably. Sex once a month or less. We've plateaued at this level for the past 3 years. We were also like this the first five or six years after having kids. There was an uptick for a year or two in the middle where we had sex about once every two weeks.

I was bouncing off the walls for awhile, but as I've aged (late 40s now), the frustration has subsided. It's a combination of hormonal changes, acceptance of the situation, and lots of pornography that has made me less agitated.

The marriage is otherwise pretty good. I never strayed and though I suppose I thought about it for a period of time, I'm not particularly in that headspace anymore.

The main issue is that my wife has different hormones than I do, and she also has body-image issues.

[Anonymous]

Hormones. It is a natural progression it seems. As old as time.

[Anonymous]

We did for awhile when our children were young and our relationship went on auto pilot. The bedroom wasn’t dead but it was in a bit of a coma. It got better as they got older and we had more time for each other. Once we became empty nesters the dead bedroom definitely went away as we might be sitting on the couch watching a movie and things would get hot and we might end up on the floor. We have a pool and a hot tub and put both of them to good use because no one can see us. We now have a fireplace in our bedroom which helps the ambiance. We are not into crazy sex but changing the location and the positions has really livened things up. We have always had a very good and close relationship so there has always been that connection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We did for awhile when our children were young and our relationship went on auto pilot. The bedroom wasn’t dead but it was in a bit of a coma. It got better as they got older and we had more time for each other. Once we became empty nesters the dead bedroom definitely went away as we might be sitting on the couch watching a movie and things would get hot and we might end up on the floor. We have a pool and a hot tub and put both of them to good use because no one can see us. We now have a fireplace in our bedroom which helps the ambiance. We are not into crazy sex but changing the location and the positions has really livened things up. We have always had a very good and close relationship so there has always been that connection.

PP - we have sex about twice a week so it’s not as though we are at it all the time! But we are both in our late 50’s so no complaints.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We did for awhile when our children were young and our relationship went on auto pilot. The bedroom wasn’t dead but it was in a bit of a coma. It got better as they got older and we had more time for each other. Once we became empty nesters the dead bedroom definitely went away as we might be sitting on the couch watching a movie and things would get hot and we might end up on the floor. We have a pool and a hot tub and put both of them to good use because no one can see us. We now have a fireplace in our bedroom which helps the ambiance. We are not into crazy sex but changing the location and the positions has really livened things up. We have always had a very good and close relationship so there has always been that connection.

Was it a defibrillator or vibrator that got you out of the coma?

[Anonymous]

Pretty dead, maybe twice a month if lucky. It just seems as though we are not into our relationship and we are drifting. It’s not bad enough to think about divorcing because overall our life is pretty good and seems better than most but who really knows.

[Anonymous]

I actually can’t remember the last time we had sex. My husband prefers sleeping. I’m pretty sure he’s forgotten what a clitoris is as well. I have bought very nice sex toys for my shower. He has zero interest in hormone therapy. I suspect that and talk therapy are needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually can’t remember the last time we had sex. My husband prefers sleeping. I’m pretty sure he’s forgotten what a clitoris is as well. I have bought very nice sex toys for my shower. He has zero interest in hormone therapy. I suspect that and talk therapy are needed.

It’s been more than four months and I HAVE initiated to rejection. And no he’s never been turned down.

[Anonymous]

Sexless marriage for 6/10 years. Become depressed, resentment and contempt grew on both sides. Divorced. Fast forward a few years, getting my back blown out now by someone that wants to marry. We probably will. Cause he is everything and a bag of chips.

[Anonymous]

My situation is not normal, so don’t get paranoid.
We had sex maybe 6 times a year. Have been married 11 years. After therapy, rehab for booze, depression (all on husbands part), he comes out as transgender and is currently transitioning. We still live together for financial reasons, but marriage is over.

Oh, and my ex likes men.

My life is a mess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My situation is not normal, so don’t get paranoid.
We had sex maybe 6 times a year. Have been married 11 years. After therapy, rehab for booze, depression (all on husbands part), he comes out as transgender and is currently transitioning. We still live together for financial reasons, but marriage is over.

Oh, and my ex likes men.

My life is a mess.

Somewhere along the line, you had to have made poor decisions. It’s hard to believe there were NO warning signs of at least some of this before marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My situation is not normal, so don’t get paranoid.
We had sex maybe 6 times a year. Have been married 11 years. After therapy, rehab for booze, depression (all on husbands part), he comes out as transgender and is currently transitioning. We still live together for financial reasons, but marriage is over.

Oh, and my ex likes men.

My life is a mess.

Hugs. This is all them, not you. I hope you find the silver lining in this cloud. There is always at least one! :<} <3

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My situation is not normal, so don’t get paranoid.
We had sex maybe 6 times a year. Have been married 11 years. After therapy, rehab for booze, depression (all on husbands part), he comes out as transgender and is currently transitioning. We still live together for financial reasons, but marriage is over.

Oh, and my ex likes men.

My life is a mess.

Somewhere along the line, you had to have made poor decisions. It’s hard to believe there were NO warning signs of at least some of this before marriage.

OP here. Of course I deserved it, silly me and my poor decisions.

[Anonymous]

Is flatulence part of the equation? Or at least a contributing factor?