Explain to me why it is so hard to raise teenagers?

[Anonymous]

Most teens have some conflicts with their parents, often ones they create to ease their separation, a normal part of becoming an adult but a painful one for the parents who love them.
Humor helps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

The places with good effective parenting are in East Asia, and that is why Anglo America is going to be taken over by their offspring. No Asian kid I know has had to seek accomodations for whatever BS condition, which is what so many American teens end up doing. I'm a college professor and I observe these differences. There are some real harworking American kids with a good work ethic but the majority don't respect authority and think they all deserve As for showing up.

People in China, Korea, Japan, etc., are just better parents? Really?

You can't deny that these countries have much lower violent crime rates than the US. Nor the drug use rates either. Parents there do a better job monitoring and parenting their children.

So how do you explain the low crime rate in Sweden? It is a CRIME to so much as spank your child. Illegal accross the entire country. Even "time-out" is frowned upon. They are much much more protective of childnren's bodies then we in the US are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

The places with good effective parenting are in East Asia, and that is why Anglo America is going to be taken over by their offspring. No Asian kid I know has had to seek accomodations for whatever BS condition, which is what so many American teens end up doing. I'm a college professor and I observe these differences. There are some real harworking American kids with a good work ethic but the majority don't respect authority and think they all deserve As for showing up.

People in China, Korea, Japan, etc., are just better parents? Really?

You can't deny that these countries have much lower violent crime rates than the US. Nor the drug use rates either. Parents there do a better job monitoring and parenting their children.

Lots of places have much lower violent crime rates than the US, and it's not because people are better parents, it's because there are far fewer guns.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because around here they are all vaping and smoking pot and drinking. Eating pot gummy bears on their private school school buses on the way to school in the morning. And the girls are half naked when they go to dances. And the boys are all sharing the naked pics their "girlfriends" send them. They lie all the time. They don't work anymore over the summers - they are too busy racking up volunteer opps and playing sports for college scholarships they rarely actually end up getting.

It's a shitshow. I'm not even quite there yet, but I'm watching the private and parochial and public school kids of friends.

Five years ago, all these kids were sweet, polite, and adorable.

I am just bracing myself.

This is exactly right. I’m considering my moving

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

The places with good effective parenting are in East Asia, and that is why Anglo America is going to be taken over by their offspring. No Asian kid I know has had to seek accomodations for whatever BS condition, which is what so many American teens end up doing. I'm a college professor and I observe these differences. There are some real harworking American kids with a good work ethic but the majority don't respect authority and think they all deserve As for showing up.

People in China, Korea, Japan, etc., are just better parents? Really?

You can't deny that these countries have much lower violent crime rates than the US. Nor the drug use rates either. Parents there do a better job monitoring and parenting their children.

Lots of places have much lower violent crime rates than the US, and it's not because people are better parents, it's because there are far fewer guns.

And homogeneous cultures. This is a huge indicator for low rates of violence in the absence of a corrupt government.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

The places with good effective parenting are in East Asia, and that is why Anglo America is going to be taken over by their offspring. No Asian kid I know has had to seek accomodations for whatever BS condition, which is what so many American teens end up doing. I'm a college professor and I observe these differences. There are some real harworking American kids with a good work ethic but the majority don't respect authority and think they all deserve As for showing up.

People in China, Korea, Japan, etc., are just better parents? Really?

You can't deny that these countries have much lower violent crime rates than the US. Nor the drug use rates either. Parents there do a better job monitoring and parenting their children.

Lots of places have much lower violent crime rates than the US, and it's not because people are better parents, it's because there are far fewer guns.

And homogeneous cultures. This is a huge indicator for low rates of violence in the absence of a corrupt government.

In addition to the lack of guns in the European "Utopia's", they do not support violence. They basically have no military. As for the Asian countries, the biggest difference is we try to educate everyone. In Asian (and Eastern Europe), they do not. If you are not a top student, you do not get the chance to go to college. That is the culture. Every test is a gateway where one failure can doom one to factory work. Someone has to make the iPhones. In this country, we give everyone a chance to succeed. And there are many chances to get on that ramp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

The places with good effective parenting are in East Asia, and that is why Anglo America is going to be taken over by their offspring. No Asian kid I know has had to seek accomodations for whatever BS condition, which is what so many American teens end up doing. I'm a college professor and I observe these differences. There are some real harworking American kids with a good work ethic but the majority don't respect authority and think they all deserve As for showing up.

People in China, Korea, Japan, etc., are just better parents? Really?

You can't deny that these countries have much lower violent crime rates than the US. Nor the drug use rates either. Parents there do a better job monitoring and parenting their children.

So how do you explain the low crime rate in Sweden? It is a CRIME to so much as spank your child. Illegal accross the entire country. Even "time-out" is frowned upon. They are much much more protective of childnren's bodies then we in the US are.

They have a very different population and its a much smaller country.

[Anonymous]

Or you could have an atypical teen who is polite, rational and focused on school. And then you worry a little that he might go crazy in college, when you're not there to pick up the pieces.

That's us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some are more difficult than others.

Our first, who is in her first year of college, knew the rules and respected them. We had zero push-back from her. If we said be home by 1 AM, she was always home by then and never pushed to be out later or did the endless loop of "why? why? why?"

Our second, who is almost 17, is still a good kid and respects the rules, but is now more apt to pushing them. Our rule is that he can Uber, but he has to contact one of us to order the Uber so we can have the driver's info. and see the route. He was grounded last week because we found out that he bought an Uber giftcard that he was using. "I don't understand why I'm being punished for being a responsible adult who used his own money to buy something!"

Our third, who is almost 16, could sell a lifetime supply of condoms to a nun. He's suave, he's a talker and a charmer, and he uses all of those traits to trick you if you're not paying attention and listening for subtext. Example, he signed into an old iPod touch and left it with a friend so that when he was tracked via Find my iPhone, it showed him there and not in DC. He would have gotten away with it if his friend hadn't tagged him in a photo on Instagram. He's the first kid we've had to specify, "you cannot leave the state" when giving him permission to go hang out with friends. Not once but twice the past summer either his mother or I texted to see if he was eating dinner at home that night only to discover he was in a completely different state (once they drove to Ocean City, MD for the day because they wanted to go to the beach and the other time they drove to Philly to satisfy a cheese steak craving).

I agree with the second kid. You sound very controlling! Why do you need to know the route?

Our fourth is just entering the tween years and has so far been pleasant. Much like the first in terms of attitude toward the rules, but only time will tell.

How does a kid get all the way to Ocean City without you knowing. Maybe you should spend a bit more time focusing on your kids instead of relaxed parenting. If you kids are doing this much behind your back, then you need to pay more attention. Kids shouldn't be taking Uber. You drive them or they get their license.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

The places with good effective parenting are in East Asia, and that is why Anglo America is going to be taken over by their offspring. No Asian kid I know has had to seek accomodations for whatever BS condition, which is what so many American teens end up doing. I'm a college professor and I observe these differences. There are some real harworking American kids with a good work ethic but the majority don't respect authority and think they all deserve As for showing up.

People in China, Korea, Japan, etc., are just better parents? Really?

I remember having a really good friend from South Korea when I was in high school in the early 90s. She was very smart (she and her brother eventually went to Harvard). I remember her telling me that if she did not bring home a high A, she would get beaten by her father. She was really scared when she told me that. Great parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some are more difficult than others.

Our first, who is in her first year of college, knew the rules and respected them. We had zero push-back from her. If we said be home by 1 AM, she was always home by then and never pushed to be out later or did the endless loop of "why? why? why?"

Our second, who is almost 17, is still a good kid and respects the rules, but is now more apt to pushing them. Our rule is that he can Uber, but he has to contact one of us to order the Uber so we can have the driver's info. and see the route. He was grounded last week because we found out that he bought an Uber giftcard that he was using. "I don't understand why I'm being punished for being a responsible adult who used his own money to buy something!"

Our third, who is almost 16, could sell a lifetime supply of condoms to a nun. He's suave, he's a talker and a charmer, and he uses all of those traits to trick you if you're not paying attention and listening for subtext. Example, he signed into an old iPod touch and left it with a friend so that when he was tracked via Find my iPhone, it showed him there and not in DC. He would have gotten away with it if his friend hadn't tagged him in a photo on Instagram. He's the first kid we've had to specify, "you cannot leave the state" when giving him permission to go hang out with friends. Not once but twice the past summer either his mother or I texted to see if he was eating dinner at home that night only to discover he was in a completely different state (once they drove to Ocean City, MD for the day because they wanted to go to the beach and the other time they drove to Philly to satisfy a cheese steak craving).

I agree with the second kid. You sound very controlling! Why do you need to know the route?

Our fourth is just entering the tween years and has so far been pleasant. Much like the first in terms of attitude toward the rules, but only time will tell.

How does a kid get all the way to Ocean City without you knowing. Maybe you should spend a bit more time focusing on your kids instead of relaxed parenting. If you kids are doing this much behind your back, then you need to pay more attention. Kids shouldn't be taking Uber. You drive them or they get their license.

I was considered a 'good' kid in high school and I still snuck off to Ocean City, NYC, all kinds of places my parents had no idea about. We would go during school, during the weekends when they thought we were doing something else, it was easy. Even the academic, good student crowd experimented with smoking, drinking, sex. I dread the teenage years because I know exactly how much I got away with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Or you could have an atypical teen who is polite, rational and focused on school. And then you worry a little that he might go crazy in college, when you're not there to pick up the pieces.

That's us.

Same, or that they are putting too much pressure on themselves.

Whichever kind of kid you have, I think a lot of the stress of parenting teens is that your time with them is running out and the stakes all seem so much higher that with little kids when you know so much can be a phase they will grow out of long before they have to enter the "real world."

[Anonymous]

Have you ever watched the Sopranos? Here's a scene that is forever burned in my memory...Tony's final line pretty much says it all. It's not just the disagreements with your teens but with your spouse too...we have teenagers and have had way too many conversations like this one:

Meadow, 16, throws a party while her parents are out and gets caught.

Later in bed, her parents are disagreeing on what to do.

Carmela: There has to be consequences! Plenty of parents still crack the whip!
Tony: Yeah, that's what they tell ya
Carmela: I cannot wait until she goes off to college
Tony: Oh so you can be F'd up with the empty nest syndrome and go on Wellbutrin like your sister
Carmela: As a parent today, you are over a barrel no matter what you do. If you take away their car, you become their chauffeur. If you ground her, you gotta stay home and be prison guard.
Tony: If you throw her out, Social Services would bring her back and we'd be the ones in front of a judge. She's not even 18 yet.
Carmela: That's your solution, throw your daughter out??
Tony: All i'm sayin', with the laws today, you can't even restrain your kid physically, 'cause she could sue you for child abuse
Carmela: There.has.to.be.consequences.
Tony: And there will be. I hear ya, ok? Let's just not overplay our hand, because if she finds out we're powerless, we're f**ked."

In the end, Meadow suggests they take away her Discover Card and they take her up on it. Consequences!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

The places with good effective parenting are in East Asia, and that is why Anglo America is going to be taken over by their offspring. No Asian kid I know has had to seek accomodations for whatever BS condition, which is what so many American teens end up doing. I'm a college professor and I observe these differences. There are some real harworking American kids with a good work ethic but the majority don't respect authority and think they all deserve As for showing up.

People in China, Korea, Japan, etc., are just better parents? Really?

You can't deny that these countries have much lower violent crime rates than the US. Nor the drug use rates either. Parents there do a better job monitoring and parenting their children.

So how do you explain the low crime rate in Sweden? It is a CRIME to so much as spank your child. Illegal accross the entire country. Even "time-out" is frowned upon. They are much much more protective of childnren's bodies then we in the US are.

Isn't that recent? It's true that Sweden's crime rate is lower than the US but their crime rate is still higher than Asian countries where discipline is enforced. I also suppose that with the welfare system that the Swedes have, there isn't so much to worry about- one doesn't have to commit crime to buy food for example, even if they're degenerate hobos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you ever watched the Sopranos? Here's a scene that is forever burned in my memory...Tony's final line pretty much says it all. It's not just the disagreements with your teens but with your spouse too...we have teenagers and have had way too many conversations like this one:

Meadow, 16, throws a party while her parents are out and gets caught.

Later in bed, her parents are disagreeing on what to do.

Carmela: There has to be consequences! Plenty of parents still crack the whip!
Tony: Yeah, that's what they tell ya
Carmela: I cannot wait until she goes off to college
Tony: Oh so you can be F'd up with the empty nest syndrome and go on Wellbutrin like your sister
Carmela: As a parent today, you are over a barrel no matter what you do. If you take away their car, you become their chauffeur. If you ground her, you gotta stay home and be prison guard.
Tony: If you throw her out, Social Services would bring her back and we'd be the ones in front of a judge. She's not even 18 yet.
Carmela: That's your solution, throw your daughter out??
Tony: All i'm sayin', with the laws today, you can't even restrain your kid physically, 'cause she could sue you for child abuse
Carmela: There.has.to.be.consequences.
Tony: And there will be. I hear ya, ok? Let's just not overplay our hand, because if she finds out we're powerless, we're f**ked."

In the end, Meadow suggests they take away her Discover Card and they take her up on it. Consequences!

No sane child will report their own parents for child abuse because who wants to go and live in a foster home?