Explain to me why it is so hard to raise teenagers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is constantly making comments to me like "Just wait til your kid is a teenager... omg it is tough!" or "I had no idea how hard it would be to be a parent until my kids were teenagers." or "Once your kids are teenagers, you will get zero sleep."

What exactly is so hard about having a teenager? Is it that they are driving and going to parties? Is it that they care less about grades?

When they are little the hard work is mostly physical - getting up at night, changing diapers, constantly being vigilant for safety issues, etc. When they become teenagers, the hard work for parents is mental/emotional. And every decision they make (yes, as teenagers most of the relevant decisions are in THEIR hands) can have life-changing consequences. I have a lovely freshman in HS, almost no drama around social stuff. But it's a whole different ball game to parent well when the kid is in the driver's seat on everything that matters to his or her future.

As a mom to 2 boys the hardest part for me has been the fighting. Constantly. It is mind numbing and worse than having an infant. I just wish the older one would knock the younger ones lights out and we'd have a working pecking order.

[Anonymous]

They are really emotional because their hormone levels are going nuts. Sort of like how pregnant women sometimes deal with mood swings and cry over things they don't normally cry about? Same thing. Teenagers can get mood swings and get really angry.

Did you read Harry Potter? Some of the later books when he is a teen and just feels like everyone is against him and gets accurate portrayal of how their brains work.

We are in a good spot with our 13 yr old ds at the moment. I am just going to enjoy it while it lasts, this summer and fall were HARD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's only hard in this country where parents coddle their kids and any form of discipline becomes liable in the eyes of CPS. It's one of the reasons why DH and I are moving back to my home country where people don't have these hang-ups.

Good luck with that!

[Anonymous]

I think it's just a way to diminish the feelings of parents of infants and toddlers. Like it's a competition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because around here they are all vaping and smoking pot and drinking. Eating pot gummy bears on their private school school buses on the way to school in the morning. And the girls are half naked when they go to dances. And the boys are all sharing the naked pics their "girlfriends" send them. They lie all the time. They don't work anymore over the summers - they are too busy racking up volunteer opps and playing sports for college scholarships they rarely actually end up getting.

It's a shitshow. I'm not even quite there yet, but I'm watching the private and parochial and public school kids of friends.

Five years ago, all these kids were sweet, polite, and adorable.

I am just bracing myself.

You should move! I moved from a metro area to a small town with a large university. This stuff isn't going on here. My kid was SHOCKED at how nice the kids are at school. You don't have to stay there! There are places where kids are still nice and aren't doing all this stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's only hard in this country where parents coddle their kids and any form of discipline becomes liable in the eyes of CPS. It's one of the reasons why DH and I are moving back to my home country where people don't have these hang-ups.

You mean you want to smack your kid around?

NOT PP, but I know a woman who is a teacher in this country and also taught in her home country in Ertria. She told me that in Ertria, teaching is "not hard" because the kids are much better behaved due to teachers being allowed to use corporal punishment. Now, I am in NO WAY advocating a return to corporal punishment in US schools, but I do feel like there is some food for thought there.

Good god, you're really dumb. First off, you couldn't find the country on a map because there is no such place as Ertria. I presume you mean Eritrea, which is a loveyly spot wedged between Ethiopia, Sudan and Djibouti, with a literacy rate of 70%--up from 50% just a few years ago. Sounds like they know SO MUCH about education.

The US allows teachers to hit students here: Alabama, Arizona, Arkansas, Colorado, Florida, Georgia, Idaho, Indiana, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Mississippi, Missouri, North Carolina, Oklahoma, South Carolina, Tennessee, Texas and Wyoming. Suggest you move there with your children. Not surprisingly, these states rank low for the quality of their education.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's just a way to diminish the feelings of parents of infants and toddlers. Like it's a competition.

There is that element... which is why a nice person would never say "just you wait" but my experience is that it is a thousand times harder.

* My instincts were really good with toddler parenting. Not so much with teen parenting.
* My husband was tone deaf when it came to the teen issues.
* The teens are much smarter and know where all my buttons are (versus a toddler). Staying calm is harder under those circumstances.
* The stakes are higher because there is so much less time to form them.

I could go on and on and on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because around here they are all vaping and smoking pot and drinking. Eating pot gummy bears on their private school school buses on the way to school in the morning. And the girls are half naked when they go to dances. And the boys are all sharing the naked pics their "girlfriends" send them. They lie all the time. They don't work anymore over the summers - they are too busy racking up volunteer opps and playing sports for college scholarships they rarely actually end up getting.

It's a shitshow. I'm not even quite there yet, but I'm watching the private and parochial and public school kids of friends.

Five years ago, all these kids were sweet, polite, and adorable.

I am just bracing myself.

You should move! I moved from a metro area to a small town with a large university. This stuff isn't going on here. My kid was SHOCKED at how nice the kids are at school. You don't have to stay there! There are places where kids are still nice and aren't doing all this stuff.

they are doing that stuff there, too (plus oxi). your kid probably found better-quality friends.

[Anonymous]

I have 2 teens, 18 and 15. Both went through a phase (around 13/14) where it seemed like all of the sudden they hated me. Didn't want me around, was embarrassed by me, irritable, snappy and downright mean sometimes. My younger got multiple ear piercings and a nose ring. She stared dressing kind of slutty.

During this phase both kids starting slipping in their school grades. I was really worried about the future, not sure if they would get back on track.

The older one became a sweet person again at 17, I'm waiting on the younger one.

Prior to that they were both really good kids.

I don't know why I was so surprised

[Anonymous]

When a newborn is upset, it can cry; when a toddler is upset, it throws a tantrum; when an adolsecent is upset, it can whine and do mean things without actually meaning it; when a teenager is upset, it can do actual hurtful things that can cause actual emotional or physical damage to one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's only hard in this country where parents coddle their kids and any form of discipline becomes liable in the eyes of CPS. It's one of the reasons why DH and I are moving back to my home country where people don't have these hang-ups.

Teenagers do stupid things and parents are responsible for the damage they cause. Beating doesn't keep them from doing stupid things. I come from a country were beating was ok and I was a fairly well-behaved teenager. I still did stupid things, but there parents were not held responsible for things kids did.

Oh my goodness, I mentioned discipline and the first thing you people thought of is beating??????? Whatever happened to verbal reprimands? Or shaming? That's what wrong with the current generation of kids- they are just impervious to anything because they know their parents worship them to their detriment. What I was also getting at is the culture of parenting. Where I'm from, children are expected to be respectful and to conduct themselves well. They know this and it's really a collectivist mindset. Unlike here where teenagers will do whatever they want like become teen parents or drug addicts.

I've got two really good teenagers and I have never resorted to verbally berating them or shaming them. I swatted them on their diapered butt a time or two when they were toddlers and I needed to get their attention because they were trying to do something very dangerous (running towards the street, going for a hot pan on the stove) but beyond that I have never punished them physically.

Dh and I generally talk to them about choices and consequences. And we have done that since they were little. Kinder, gentler approaches can be very effective.

Well your kids haven't grown into adulthood but I can tell you how clever teens can be at pulling the wool over their parents' eyes. You sound like the coddling "Not my child!" white UMC parent type.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's only hard in this country where parents coddle their kids and any form of discipline becomes liable in the eyes of CPS. It's one of the reasons why DH and I are moving back to my home country where people don't have these hang-ups.

You mean you want to smack your kid around?

NOT PP, but I know a woman who is a teacher in this country and also taught in her home country in Ertria. She told me that in Ertria, teaching is "not hard" because the kids are much better behaved due to teachers being allowed to use corporal punishment. Now, I am in NO WAY advocating a return to corporal punishment in US schools, but I do feel like there is some food for thought there.

NO

[Anonymous]

By the grace of god, mine gave me no trouble. They are successful, and married with children now.

[Anonymous]

Teens don’t blindly follow your requests anymore. They are making most of their own decisions as teens. It’s difficult to adjust your parenting. Their decisions are sometimes bad ones, and can have life-long, even life-ending consequences. They need a lot of emotional support, but are less likely to ask for or accept it.

I find neogotiating usually works better than punishing. I am lucky that I don’t find parenting a teen all that difficult. It’s my teen’s personality that makes it easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NOT PP, but I know a woman who is a teacher in this country and also taught in her home country in Ertria. She told me that in Ertria, teaching is "not hard" because the kids are much better behaved due to teachers being allowed to use corporal punishment. Now, I am in NO WAY advocating a return to corporal punishment in US schools, but I do feel like there is some food for thought there.

I'll bite, PP. I taught in a school where corporal punishment was not illegal, and was used by some teachers. Yes there's food for thought but if you're debating "corporal punishment vs. not corporal punishment," you're asking the wrong question.