Would you look the other way on cheating if everything else was perfect?

[Anonymous]

No. Because if your spouse is that awesome, the AP will won't want to settle for not having the whole package to themselves. And even if your spouse won't go for it, the AP will incite a lot of drama in order to try to get it.

[Anonymous]

No, it means the emotional bond is broken.

[Anonymous]

no I would feel like my marriage was a sham

[Anonymous]

I do. My husband and I knew each other long before seriously dating and marrying (I was 35 when we got married, he was 42) and I knew who he was. He’s a great partner, we’re great friends, we’ve built a wonderful life together, and the agreement is: no long term affairs, no kids outside of our marriage, and wrap it up. I know he has dalliances when he travels and I really don’t care. I don’t feel a need to stray but know it would be okay for me to do so. It works for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do. My husband and I knew each other long before seriously dating and marrying (I was 35 when we got married, he was 42) and I knew who he was. He’s a great partner, we’re great friends, we’ve built a wonderful life together, and the agreement is: no long term affairs, no kids outside of our marriage, and wrap it up. I know he has dalliances when he travels and I really don’t care. I don’t feel a need to stray but know it would be okay for me to do so. It works for us.

Yikes.

[Anonymous]

No. It is a betrayal of infidelity with one individual emotionally vulnerable and another seeking sexual gratification. Classic case that one professes their love and the other in part feels completed by the attention and in part badly about his/herself for the context of the relationship. These relationships can be insidiously emotionally and psychologically abusive. If the cheater admires a married person, in the first place he/she wouldn’t compromise the other persons marriage, family or integrity, without the complications imposed by an affair. In the event the cheater is also married, his/her transgressions are threefold; one against their spouse, the other against the married spouse as described and the third to themselves. The cheater is participating in self-demeaning behavior.

Affairs are about anything but love. Romance has nothing to do with it. Harm to the participants and bystanders is an inevitable conclusion. Hardly the example anyone would want for their children.

[Anonymous]

I could barely handle the discovery of some very light porn, cheating would be the end, no discussion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do. My husband and I knew each other long before seriously dating and marrying (I was 35 when we got married, he was 42) and I knew who he was. He’s a great partner, we’re great friends, we’ve built a wonderful life together, and the agreement is: no long term affairs, no kids outside of our marriage, and wrap it up. I know he has dalliances when he travels and I really don’t care. I don’t feel a need to stray but know it would be okay for me to do so. It works for us.

How do you have any self-respect? You are married to someone who shits on your marriage vows on a regular basis (unless you included his right to have affairs when you got married). What does your marriage even mean? Why bother even being married?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, it means the emotional bond is broken.

I'm not sure about that. My long-term AP has a fairly good partnership with his wife. They coparent ok, have an active social life, and seem fairly committed.

I think they fought more before this affair; his resentment at a life sentence of sexlessness as the cost of being with his kid was putting an edge on him (we were close friends before the affair).

Fast forward a couple of years into our relationship, we love each other and have an emotional connection we both value but I don't think he *doesn't* have one with her. On the one hand, I think more than sex was missing from their marriage or he and I would only be having casual sex- he wouldn't have fallen for me so completely. But on the other, here we are.

My emotional connection with my husband was gone long before the affair. I'm sure I couldn't have fallen for someone else if our marriage wasn't irretrievably broken. We're still together though. His mental illness makes him a great candidate for spousal support. I'm not willing to impoverish myself and our kids so here we are.

[Anonymous]

Obviously not, but it would not necessarily constitute an end to the marriage. It would depend on the reasons, attitude of the cheating spouse and their willingness to work things out differently.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t be happy about it, but I also wouldn’t want to blow my life up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, it means the emotional bond is broken.

I'm not sure about that. My long-term AP has a fairly good partnership with his wife. They coparent ok, have an active social life, and seem fairly committed.

I think they fought more before this affair; his resentment at a life sentence of sexlessness as the cost of being with his kid was putting an edge on him (we were close friends before the affair).

Fast forward a couple of years into our relationship, we love each other and have an emotional connection we both value but I don't think he *doesn't* have one with her. On the one hand, I think more than sex was missing from their marriage or he and I would only be having casual sex- he wouldn't have fallen for me so completely. But on the other, here we are.

My emotional connection with my husband was gone long before the affair. I'm sure I couldn't have fallen for someone else if our marriage wasn't irretrievably broken. We're still together though. His mental illness makes him a great candidate for spousal support. I'm not willing to impoverish myself and our kids so here we are.

So you are divorcing your husband and look forward to collecting spousal support? Your AP should of divorced his wife a long time ago but instead is having an affair with you. As to the emotional connection with your DH, why did you stay with him. You keep advocating that it is ok to have an affair and kids are involved. How old are you kids?
Is your AP going to divorce his DW so you guys can be together?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I could barely handle the discovery of some very light porn, cheating would be the end, no discussion.

You are high drive and initiate sex several times per week? If not, I predict some disappointment in your near future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, it means the emotional bond is broken.

I'm not sure about that. My long-term AP has a fairly good partnership with his wife. They coparent ok, have an active social life, and seem fairly committed.

I think they fought more before this affair; his resentment at a life sentence of sexlessness as the cost of being with his kid was putting an edge on him (we were close friends before the affair).

Fast forward a couple of years into our relationship, we love each other and have an emotional connection we both value but I don't think he *doesn't* have one with her. On the one hand, I think more than sex was missing from their marriage or he and I would only be having casual sex- he wouldn't have fallen for me so completely. But on the other, here we are.

My emotional connection with my husband was gone long before the affair. I'm sure I couldn't have fallen for someone else if our marriage wasn't irretrievably broken. We're still together though. His mental illness makes him a great candidate for spousal support. I'm not willing to impoverish myself and our kids so here we are.

[Anonymous]

I don't know why my phone posted twice.