Would you look the other way on cheating if everything else was perfect?

[Anonymous]

Personally I would not be okay with it.

I’ve taught at a few private schools around here and am pretty sure there were a few wives who were perfectly fine with it.

[Anonymous]

I like sex and don't want STDs so no I would not look the other way. I'd cut the lie loose, divorce and go live my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I would, as long as the affair wasn’t taking up family time. We have a lot of marriage in front of us and behind us. In my mind there are much greater sins.

Plus 1, entirely.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely not.

[Anonymous]

I could never forgive cheating, especially not homosexual sex. But I could stay in a marriage that is in name only so that my children are not shuttled between households. DH and I would be polite acquaintances raising children together and I would sleep with/date whoever I want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, I wouldn’t tolerate someone lying and cheating. I wouldn’t definitely leave them (which I think is generous of me) but I hope I would have the guts and self respect not to “ look the other way.” What if your kids found out that you allowed yourself to be lied to and cheated on and acted like a doormat? Not a good role model. Just talk to him.
Also, red flag that the first descriptor of the cheater is “very high earner.” Dishonesty, values, cheating are not related to $.

I agree with you. I'm also thinking of Hillary, Jackie Kennedy, Melania....disgusting the message sent to their children that these women stayed with lying cheating husbands. Decisions definitely related to money and, in Hillary's case, her own political aspirations. This type of abdication of morals and values on the part of the cheater but also the spouse who does not leave is reprehensible, and also clearly non-partisan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Say your husband was a very high earner, kind and attentive, good with the kids, supportive, you could work or pursue something else, etc. would you even care if he was getting some on the side occasionally? What if he was seeing another man?

I have self respect so no.

If he was great with kids, he wouldn’t be cheating on their mom

No that’s not true. I know women who are great with the kids but end up cheating.

I’m a guy that posted that, and I believe that you are disrespecting your kids, by cheating on their mom, so on the surface, you can play with kids, make them laugh, etc, but it goes deeper than that. How great are ya really, with them, by cheating and messing up family dynamics.

I agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I left a high earner cheater. Now I got half of everything and get alimony for life. And I have a boyfriend now. So nope.

And you have a good lawyer.

[Anonymous]

I couldn’t look the other way. Not knowing if they are having unprotected sex (possible STDs), even with protected sex knowing there is a chance the AP could get pregnant (only abstinence is 100% effective), being lied to about where they are, having to potentially share resources with someone else (if it’s a full on affair and they are having date nights with the other person while I am home with the kids), realizing it’s not just us against the world but my spouse doing what’s in their own interest without looking out for me and me deciding if I need to do the same.

The only way I could see going along with this is if we agreed to have an open marriage and I felt like we could both be trusted to follow the ground rules around some of my concerns - like always using protection with other person, that he had a vasectomy, having some sort of code word or phrase if they wouldn’t be home and it wasn’t actually work and me also being allowed the same time, and that we still made time for each other and were still the primary unit.

[Anonymous]

Watch wanderlust.

[Anonymous]

Open marriage here. He’s had a vasectomy so pregnancy not a factor. We have an active and fun sex life. It’s not all the time. I have 100% veto power and I used it once before. The woman he is seeing now is lovely! And I love seeing how excited he is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Open marriage here. He’s had a vasectomy so pregnancy not a factor. We have an active and fun sex life. It’s not all the time. I have 100% veto power and I used it once before. The woman he is seeing now is lovely! And I love seeing how excited he is.

Not cheating if an open marriage

[Anonymous]

I am a man and the answer is no. But I would be willing to talk about an open marriage if there were clear cut boundaries that did not threaten the marriage. For example, a swinging situation so that we did it together and everyone was tested first. The other couple would have to be reasonably attractive and pretty much in the same boat we are.

Why no with cheating? Because it means she would not have respected me enough to ask first if we could have other partners. I give it my all in bed, and have no doubt another man could also satisfy her, but at least have the courtesy to take my feelings into consideration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Open marriage here. He’s had a vasectomy so pregnancy not a factor. We have an active and fun sex life. It’s not all the time. I have 100% veto power and I used it once before. The woman he is seeing now is lovely! And I love seeing how excited he is.

We’re you in an open marriage from the start? If not, how did you get to this place?

[Anonymous]

This is a ridiculous premise. Everything else is not perfect if there is cheating.