Would you date a woman in her mid twenties with 2 toddlers?

[Anonymous]

When I was in my 20s I wasn't open to dating divorcees or women with kids. Now that I'm older, divorced, and a parent...I've since dated both, but my limit is one child. I only date with the possibility of marriage in mind (vs just dating to have short term fun). The idea of my household going from two people to five is staggering.

[Anonymous]

If this is the op with the drunk husband and the baby who died under the drunk husband's watch because he rolled over the baby:

Just choose carefully who you bring around the kids....they've been through enough.

[Anonymous]

[quote]You have a naturally selfish, consumer-like attitude toward your mother. The fact of the matter is that the pool of available men dwindles with age, and your mother could have very easily not found someone to date and marry after your youngest sibling went away to college. She could have easily ended up alone for the rest of her life. You and your siblings would have gone on to college, first jobs, dating, first apartments, first marriages, children of your own. Your mother at that point would recede to a sidenote in your life, and the fact that she is alone would have mattered to you not at all. If you are a typical American, you'd probably be content seeing her a month out of a year, and you wouldn't care that she's alone for eleven months out of the year. But hey, as long as you got a childhood of your dreams, it doesn't matter because kids = #1.

Mind you, I'm not saying you're wrong. Just that you are a typical child who sees parents as something to consume, not individuals with needs and feelings of their own. In your mind, what's good for you = what's good for your mother. [/quote]

You have the naturally selfish attitude of a woman who puts her own happiness first, and her kids can be damned. In your mind, what's good for you is what's good for your kids. You are a garbage human being.

If her mom raised her kids to go on to college, get jobs, get married, have kids, [i]that was a good thing[/i]. That is what parents are [i]supposed to do[/i] no matter how tough the parental circumstances. And no, being raised by a single mom was not the "childhood of their dreams".

[Anonymous]

No, same with me, not interested in dating people who were divorced or who had kids while in my 20s. By my mid 30s to 40s I would have been open to it, but I met someone who was single with no kids and am still married to them.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote] I hate the attitude that single moms should only raise children until the kid goes to college and then can have a personal life - my son needs a happy mom and one who has balance.[/quote]

Here we see the infinite female capability to rationalize doing whatever she wants to do as being "good for the kuds". Disgusting![/quote]

I think that award goes to the PP who stated it was sexually repressive to not want to live with moms boyfriend. Yes because that’s what every 12 year old wants, to be perfectly content knowing their mom is being adequately railed by her new man. I’m the pp who’s mother abstained from having any relationships (that we knew about) as children. Guess what we didn’t need growing up, some random inserting himself into our family dynamic. My mom actually got married to her third husband about 8 years ago when my youngest sibling left for college. We all have a good relationship with him and appreciate that he makes our mom happy. What children don’t need is turbulence and big changes while growing up. My mom’s first husband died in the iran-iraq war. Her second husband (who she was matched with by family) was an abusive alcoholic. She didn’t fantasize about being “swept off her feet” because she had already dealt with difficulties in life. She worked two jobs and put herself through grad school to provide for us. She did everything possible to ensure that we were always her first priority. Incidentally, all three of her children ended up doing well and with stable families of their own without any major hang ups or issues and I personally attribute that to being my mom’s single most important priority as a kid.[/quote]

You have a naturally selfish, consumer-like attitude toward your mother. The fact of the matter is that the pool of available men dwindles with age, and your mother could have very easily not found someone to date and marry after your youngest sibling went away to college. She could have easily ended up alone for the rest of her life. You and your siblings would have gone on to college, first jobs, dating, first apartments, first marriages, children of your own. Your mother at that point would recede to a sidenote in your life, and the fact that she is alone would have mattered to you not at all. If you are a typical American, you'd probably be content seeing her a month out of a year, and you wouldn't care that she's alone for eleven months out of the year. But hey, as long as you got a childhood of your dreams, it doesn't matter because kids = #1.

Mind you, I'm not saying you're wrong. Just that you are a typical child who sees parents as something to consume, not individuals with needs and feelings of their own. In your mind, what's good for you = what's good for your mother. [/quote]

I’m the pp above, I’m American but my mother is from Iran. Putting your children and family first is more prevalent in Asian and middle eastern cultures, which is why my mother made the sacrifices she did. Even if my mother didn’t remarry, she’d never be alone. She would be with us as parents should be. And she’d be content with that life because her happiness was never dependent on a man’s attention. I’m not saying that mixed family units are universally damaging, there are probably circumstances where they’re fine. I just think mothers should focus on their children as opposed needing a companion. Once a child is involved, priorities should change. If my husband were to leave or die, I’d do the same as my mother.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]You have a naturally selfish, consumer-like attitude toward your mother. The fact of the matter is that the pool of available men dwindles with age, and your mother could have very easily not found someone to date and marry after your youngest sibling went away to college. She could have easily ended up alone for the rest of her life. You and your siblings would have gone on to college, first jobs, dating, first apartments, first marriages, children of your own. Your mother at that point would recede to a sidenote in your life, and the fact that she is alone would have mattered to you not at all. If you are a typical American, you'd probably be content seeing her a month out of a year, and you wouldn't care that she's alone for eleven months out of the year. But hey, as long as you got a childhood of your dreams, it doesn't matter because kids = #1.

Mind you, I'm not saying you're wrong. Just that you are a typical child who sees parents as something to consume, not individuals with needs and feelings of their own. In your mind, what's good for you = what's good for your mother.
You have the naturally selfish attitude of a woman who puts her own happiness first, and her kids can be damned. In your mind, what's good for you is what's good for your kids. You are a garbage human being.

If her mom raised her kids to go on to college, get jobs, get married, have kids, [i]that was a good thing[/i]. That is what parents are [i]supposed to do[/i] no matter how tough the parental circumstances. And no, being raised by a single mom was not the "childhood of their dreams".[/quote]

Her mother could have done all that while remarried, this was not conditioned upon her being single. You don't know me so let's not get needlessly emotional with name-calling.

[Anonymous]

It's not necessarily your age but the phase of life you're in. You would be most likely to attract men who also had children and perhaps other commitments.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]
I’m the pp above, I’m American but my mother is from Iran. Putting your children and family first is more prevalent in Asian and middle eastern cultures, which is why my mother made the sacrifices she did. Even if my mother didn’t remarry, she’d never be alone. She would be with us as parents should be. And she’d be content with that life because her happiness was never dependent on a man’s attention. I’m not saying that mixed family units are universally damaging, there are probably circumstances where they’re fine. I just think mothers should focus on their children as opposed needing a companion. Once a child is involved, priorities should change. If my husband were to leave or die, I’d do the same as my mother.[/quote]

If you were all American, your mother could have quite easily ended up alone. You could have followed the path of your own life, even if it led you to the opposite coast or hemisphere.

Mothers can focus on many things. Children need not consume all your breathing hours. I mean your mother must have gone to work every day? Put one foot in front of the other? So she WAS capable of focusing on something other than you, even for a few hours a day.

Also, children rarely understand what makes their parents content or what their happiness requires. Children are rarely capable of seeing their parents as separate beings who have other thoughts and feelings unrelated to their children.

I don't say this as a judgment, only an observation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How can you go to nursing school online? Don’t you need hands on experience?

My question exactly!
I wouldn’t want to have a nurse who went to online school to take care of anything other than my paperwork (maybe).
As to the OP original question, there will be plenty willing to date for fun when kids aren’t around. Maybe even a sugar daddy.
I have seen a lot of very naive American men, willing to marry ugly women and women with all sorts of problems. So I think you may eventually find one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If this is the op with the drunk husband and the baby who died under the drunk husband's watch because he rolled over the baby:

Just choose carefully who you bring around the kids....they've been through enough.

No this is the one who was a contractor and couldn't afford childcare and considered sending one of her kids back to live with her ex

[Anonymous]

DP= if you decide to become a mother, that comes first not your sex life. Grow up.

[Anonymous]

"Mothers can focus on many things. Children need not consume all your breathing hours. I mean your mother must have gone to work every day? Put one foot in front of the other? So she WAS capable of focusing on something other than you, even for a few hours a day."

A woman who starts focusing on a man who excites her is going to put her kids on the back burner and they WILL suffer.

"Also, children rarely understand what makes their parents content or what their happiness requires. Children are rarely capable of seeing their parents as separate beings who have other thoughts and feelings unrelated to their children.

I don't say this as a judgment, only an observation."

And so what? You are SUPPOSED to put them first, before yourself, EVEN if they don't understand that you are a "separate being" who is not happy.

Your idea that mom REQUIRES contentment and happiness, if necessary at the expense of her children, is profoundly wrongheaded.

[Anonymous]

Who is the person who keeps repeatedly quoting the replies incorrectly? It's not that hard to do and it makes your post impossible to follow...

[Anonymous]

No

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]"Mothers can focus on many things. Children need not consume all your breathing hours. I mean your mother must have gone to work every day? Put one foot in front of the other? So she WAS capable of focusing on something other than you, even for a few hours a day."

A woman who starts focusing on a man who excites her is going to put her kids on the back burner and they WILL suffer.

"Also, children rarely understand what makes their parents content or what their happiness requires. Children are rarely capable of seeing their parents as separate beings who have other thoughts and feelings unrelated to their children.

I don't say this as a judgment, only an observation."

And so what? You are SUPPOSED to put them first, before yourself, EVEN if they don't understand that you are a "separate being" who is not happy.

Your idea that mom REQUIRES contentment and happiness, if necessary at the expense of her children, is profoundly wrongheaded.[/quote]

What about dads? All these exact same things apply equally to dad right?