Ex husband asked me to stop calling his mom when our child is visiting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not divorced, so go ahead and take this with a grain of salt, but if someone tried to keep me from talking to my young child for a week, that person would never see my kid again. It sounds like you and your ex have a reasonably good relationship. I'd call him back and tell him you gave it some thought, but this isn't a reasonable request. Point out that the two of you have prioritized making sure that you each have access to your child and that she has access to each of you, regardless of whose week it is. And frankly, that's simply what's in your daughter's best interest. What kind of person tells a 7 year old they can't talk to one of their parents whenever they want, much less for a whole week?

^This^

Up until now, you have both made efforts to allow contact between both parents on a nightly basis, which is fantastic, and truly doing what is best for the child. I'm assuming that also means you have a half decent relationship with ExDH, and can hopefully discuss with him. Maybe he's afraid to stand up to his mom, but this is something that needs to be addressed. As for some of the comments about if it is upsetting your daughter... have that conversation with him. If this is just about grandma being jealous and not wanting to share her time with you, then it needs to be shut down. If it is causing your daughter distress, then you need to talk to your daughter about that and possibly call at another time or less often (e.g. if it gets her riled up before bedtime, maybe it would be better to do a good morning call).

[Anonymous]

A relative's child spends a week with me every year and has since she was 6 (she's now 10).

The girl is always happy-as-can-be, having the time of her life everyday all day long. If her parents call at night she gets all woe is me, sniff sniff, I'm homesick, mommy I miss you blah blah. She never once mentions missing home or her parents otherwise.

So her mom doesn't call as much anymore when she comes. Obviously they talk a few times over the course of the week but the nightly bedtime call just isn't necessary and impeded the girl's ability to adapt to staying with different people in a different environment. There's a reason why parents can't communicate with their kids all the time when they send them to sleep away camp.

Your ex MIL's request may be coming from a similar place and only seems malicious or aggressive because it's coming down the line, telephone-game style from your ex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A relative's child spends a week with me every year and has since she was 6 (she's now 10).

The girl is always happy-as-can-be, having the time of her life everyday all day long. If her parents call at night she gets all woe is me, sniff sniff, I'm homesick, mommy I miss you blah blah. She never once mentions missing home or her parents otherwise.

So her mom doesn't call as much anymore when she comes. Obviously they talk a few times over the course of the week but the nightly bedtime call just isn't necessary and impeded the girl's ability to adapt to staying with different people in a different environment. There's a reason why parents can't communicate with their kids all the time when they send them to sleep away camp.

Your ex MIL's request may be coming from a similar place and only seems malicious or aggressive because it's coming down the line, telephone-game style from your ex.

Maybe. But that needs to be communicated more clearly - and it's the parents' choice, not grandmas or aunts.

[Anonymous]

My parents divorced when I was young- my grandparents took sides and used their time with me to complain about and divide me from the other parent. It was obviously an acrimonious divorce between two unhealthy people and families, but people are petty and will use little power plays to twist the knife. Hopefully, that's not what's happening here- but unless MIL can provide a legit reason why the calls or the timing of the calls doesn't work, don't discount it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You MIL is out of line to expect her grandchild have no contact with her MOTHER for a week. That’s outrageous and I’d shit that down now or no more can visits with grandma.

Same here. However, is it possible it's coming from the ex and NOT the grandma?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's unacceptable. The kids should have access to both parents at all times.

+ 1 absurd to think otherwise

+2 and this is the way I’d phrase it. This shut down of communication goes both ways. This is not a route he should go down.

Get you dd a phone. Call her once a night on it.

Your ex mil is a jerk.

+3 And your ex is a jerk too. Keeping a 7 yo from her mother. FFS!

Yes OP get your daughter a cell phone when she is away from home.

Maybe just let grandma take her for a night or two next time. A week is too long at that age.

[Anonymous]

Some people are crazy. You don't go a whole week without speaking to your kid, whether she's staying with ex-MIL or not.

[Anonymous]

An alternative to a cell phone is a cell watch. My friend's child has one of those. It's the Verizon GizmoPal. She contacts him via the watch when he's over here or if she can't find him because he's roaming the neighborhood.

https://www.verizonwireless.com/connected-devices/lg-gizmopal-2/

[Anonymous]

I can definitely understand how the call at bedtime could be disruptive rather than comforting (similar to some of the responses). I would tell XH that you understand the issue, but that you would like regular contact with your daughter during the week and ask XMIL to pick a different time of day for the daily check in. If another time works better, you might still be able to have your daily check-in without being as disruptive to their evening routine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You MIL is out of line to expect her grandchild have no contact with her MOTHER for a week. That’s outrageous and I’d shit that down now or no more can visits with grandma.

All of this.
Gramma is smoking Meth .

[Anonymous]

Did your husband call your aunt when she was babysitting last week?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A relative's child spends a week with me every year and has since she was 6 (she's now 10).

The girl is always happy-as-can-be, having the time of her life everyday all day long. If her parents call at night she gets all woe is me, sniff sniff, I'm homesick, mommy I miss you blah blah. She never once mentions missing home or her parents otherwise.

So her mom doesn't call as much anymore when she comes. Obviously they talk a few times over the course of the week but the nightly bedtime call just isn't necessary and impeded the girl's ability to adapt to staying with different people in a different environment. There's a reason why parents can't communicate with their kids all the time when they send them to sleep away camp.

Your ex MIL's request may be coming from a similar place and only seems malicious or aggressive because it's coming down the line, telephone-game style from your ex.

Maybe. But that needs to be communicated more clearly - and it's the parents' choice, not grandmas or aunts.

Well it sounds like the parent in charge that week did make that choice. Too bad for OP that it wasn't her choice, but that's the way it goes with divorce.

[Anonymous]

when adults act like asses (grandmom), children suffer. No way would I honor this request. No one bans me from speaking to my kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A relative's child spends a week with me every year and has since she was 6 (she's now 10).

The girl is always happy-as-can-be, having the time of her life everyday all day long. If her parents call at night she gets all woe is me, sniff sniff, I'm homesick, mommy I miss you blah blah. She never once mentions missing home or her parents otherwise.

So her mom doesn't call as much anymore when she comes. Obviously they talk a few times over the course of the week but the nightly bedtime call just isn't necessary and impeded the girl's ability to adapt to staying with different people in a different environment. There's a reason why parents can't communicate with their kids all the time when they send them to sleep away camp.

Your ex MIL's request may be coming from a similar place and only seems malicious or aggressive because it's coming down the line, telephone-game style from your ex.

Maybe. But that needs to be communicated more clearly - and it's the parents' choice, not grandmas or aunts.

Well it sounds like the parent in charge that week did make that choice. Too bad for OP that it wasn't her choice, but that's the way it goes with divorce.

No. A judge would allow her to call very young child. The grandma is lucky OP allowed her to go there that week. That could easily be stopped.

OP get your child a phone.

[Anonymous]

A friend of mine divorced and her husband had 50%. She gave the child a cell phone so she could call anytime. She would call often to check and see if he was okay, did he miss her, and ask questions about what his father was / wasn't doing with him. It actually caused significant anxiety for the child and it did interfere as he felt disloyal and guilty if he had fun with his dad or wasn't saying how much he missed mom and wanted to come home to her. Mom needed to feel loved and missed while he was with the other parent and it was her neediness feeding the communication. Of course the child thought he needed it too. It also created problems as my friend would then call her ex to discuss things the child had told her and try and control his time.

Her anxiety and need ended up creating a bad situation. In the end dad took the cell phone away and controlled access to mom during his time. My friend freaked out and was extremely angry and if she had had the money, she would have taken him to court. In the end it was better for the kid to be able to relax and just enjoy time with dad without feeling the need to report back and recount it all to mom.