Ex husband asked me to stop calling his mom when our child is visiting

[Anonymous]

Don't get divorced

[Anonymous]

The kid is SEVEN. I have a 7yo. If my dd was spending a week away from me (or either parent, really), the nightly phone calls would be absolutely necessary because she would miss me. Being able to say goodnight would help her settle down and go to sleep.

OP, maybe your phone calls are having the opposite effect? Maybe they’re making her upset and homesick, which is why ex MIL says they are preventing them from bonding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's unacceptable. The kids should have access to both parents at all times.

+ 1 absurd to think otherwise

+2 and this is the way I’d phrase it. This shut down of communication goes both ways. This is not a route he should go down.

Get you dd a phone. Call her once a night on it.

Your ex mil is a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You MIL is out of line to expect her grandchild have no contact with her MOTHER for a week. That’s outrageous and I’d shit that down now or no more can visits with grandma.

Completely agree

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You MIL is out of line to expect her grandchild have no contact with her MOTHER for a week. That’s outrageous and I’d shit that down now or no more can visits with grandma.

+1

Uh, you can’t do anything about visits with grandma during the other parent’s custodial time. Guess what - when you get divorced you lose the control.

True, you lose a lot of control, but there isn’t a judge that’s going to keep a parent from communicating with their child. That’s just bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's unacceptable. The kids should have access to both parents at all times.

+ 1 absurd to think otherwise

+2 and this is the way I’d phrase it. This shut down of communication goes both ways. This is not a route he should go down.

Get you dd a phone. Call her once a night on it.

Your ex mil is a jerk.

+3 And your ex is a jerk too. Keeping a 7 yo from her mother. FFS!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't get divorced

I didn’t have a choice in this case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The kid is SEVEN. I have a 7yo. If my dd was spending a week away from me (or either parent, really), the nightly phone calls would be absolutely necessary because she would miss me. Being able to say goodnight would help her settle down and go to sleep.

OP, maybe your phone calls are having the opposite effect? Maybe they’re making her upset and homesick, which is why ex MIL says they are preventing them from bonding?

I didn’t even think about that. I’ll respect her wishes.

[Anonymous]

I have a 7 year old and split custody with my ex. Either one of us can call and speak to the child whenever. It would not dawn on either of us to withhold a parent from the other.

Just because the adults are not together does not mean that the other parent stops existing part of the time.

Your ex MIL is being ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

We have a reasonable contact clause in our settlement. Phone calls, emails, and texts during the other parent’s time with the child. Has to be reasonable (no two hot calls or calling 3-4 times a day). Time to renegotiate your custody and get that clause.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The kid is SEVEN. I have a 7yo. If my dd was spending a week away from me (or either parent, really), the nightly phone calls would be absolutely necessary because she would miss me. Being able to say goodnight would help her settle down and go to sleep.

OP, maybe your phone calls are having the opposite effect? Maybe they’re making her upset and homesick, which is why ex MIL says they are preventing them from bonding?

I didn’t even think about that. I’ll respect her wishes.

Ask your DD. She might also think Mom has forgotten her. A call at bedtime shouldn’t interfere with a week of bonding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You MIL is out of line to expect her grandchild have no contact with her MOTHER for a week. That’s outrageous and I’d shit that down now or no more can visits with grandma.

+1

Uh, you can’t do anything about visits with grandma during the other parent’s custodial time. Guess what - when you get divorced you lose the control.

True, you lose a lot of control, but there isn’t a judge that’s going to keep a parent from communicating with their child. That’s just bizarre.

No, a judge is not going to order that parent be allowed to make nightly calls when it’s not their time. I agree that this isn’t appropriate unless the calls are causing a problem, either riling up the child or interfering with what’s going on, but don’t think OP can force it. Also don’t think that shutting down dad from calling is a good idea. Petty reaction that hurts the child. I wonder if MIL feels like OP is calling to “check up on her”. Or maybe she is worried that kid will complain about her. I’m not divorced but there have been times when my kid has complained to dad on the phone about mom being so mean...you know, because I’ve insisted on a bath or bedtime or something else my child doesn’t want. It’s a tough situation but I think one of the downsides of divorce. Sorry, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't get divorced

Seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You MIL is out of line to expect her grandchild have no contact with her MOTHER for a week. That’s outrageous and I’d shit that down now or no more can visits with grandma.

+1

Uh, you can’t do anything about visits with grandma during the other parent’s custodial time. Guess what - when you get divorced you lose the control.

True, you lose a lot of control, but there isn’t a judge that’s going to keep a parent from communicating with their child. That’s just bizarre.

No, a judge is not going to order that parent be allowed to make nightly calls when it’s not their time. I agree that this isn’t appropriate unless the calls are causing a problem, either riling up the child or interfering with what’s going on, but don’t think OP can force it. Also don’t think that shutting down dad from calling is a good idea. Petty reaction that hurts the child. I wonder if MIL feels like OP is calling to “check up on her”. Or maybe she is worried that kid will complain about her. I’m not divorced but there have been times when my kid has complained to dad on the phone about mom being so mean...you know, because I’ve insisted on a bath or bedtime or something else my child doesn’t want. It’s a tough situation but I think one of the downsides of divorce. Sorry, OP.

Disagree. I think a parent has an absolute right to check on a child when they are with a 3rd party caregiver. Cutting off the parent could also consitute parental alienation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You MIL is out of line to expect her grandchild have no contact with her MOTHER for a week. That’s outrageous and I’d shit that down now or no more can visits with grandma.

Agree with this. The child is not with the parent. MIL is completely out of line.