Is wife being unreasonable?

[Anonymous]

I’m going to disagree with most of the posters here and I have two children who are two years apart. I don’t think it is unreasonable to expect all of you to go. That said, I would confirm that there is going to be someone - whether it is you or your in-laws or hire a babysitter - to be on call for most of the weekend with the two-year-old.

If not I agree with others that you should go with the two-year-old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. I am surprised everyone is siding with the mom. Barring unexpected complications or some warning from newborn's doctor, I would absolutely assume and expect her to do it for an extremely close family member's wedding.

You would take a 6 week old baby on a germy airplane ride?

THat was probably OP sock-puppeting.

[Anonymous]

My maid of honor brought her six week old to my wedding, but it was an hour and a half drive for her (not a three hour flight). It was her only child at the time, and she was staying in the hotel that the wedding was taking place, and her mom came along to help with the baby. It sounds like your wife will be solo parenting a two year old and newborn away from home so I can see why this stresses her out.

Your wife is not in the wedding, it would make the most sense for her to stay home with the newborn and you go to your brother’s wedding with your older child. If for whatever reason you can’t or don’t want to take the older child, you go to the wedding alone and hire a mother’s helper for your wife while you are gone.

If somehow you convince her to go, hire a babysitter/mother’s helper for the duration of the wedding weekend and make her life as easy as possible, because it’s going to suck for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only thing that would be unreasonable in this scenario would be if your wife was insisting you not go.

I agree.

[Anonymous]

When my BIL and SIL got married, one of the bridesmaids had a newborn with her at the wedding - and she brought her mother with her to help her with the baby so she could actually BE in the wedding and photos. It's nice of your parents to offer to help with the baby, but they will be busy with the wedding themselves - not to mention your wife has told you she's not comfortable with that idea.

Think about just the baby for a second, OP. At six weeks, your infant will be too young to have had many shots (as many PPs have pointed out) and you'll be exposing them to all sorts of germs on the plane.

Now think about your wife: every delivery is different. An easy delivery and recovery the first time don't guarantee it any other time, and now you have a toddler who also needs your wife's attention and care. There's also a difference between recovering well when you're at home on maternity leave and recovering while you're traveling with an infant and a toddler.

No one is saying your brother's wedding isn't important, but your wife and baby are important too. Don't forget about them in all of this.

[Anonymous]

OP,

Why aren't directing your frustration at your own family for scheduling a wedding (so much less important than a birth, because of the difference in health risks for two people) close to your wife's due date???

Why did you agree to be best man for a wedding at that date instead of being there for your own family???

Why are you so unappreciative of your wife's hard work in feeding and caring for a helpless infant???

Do you really think anyone else can take away her feeling of intense responsibility towards him or her, and that this role can be filled by the groom's parents, who will vanish for wedding stuff right when the baby needs care???

You're stupid as well as being a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only sensible solution is for DH to go and take the "almost 2 year old" with him. If his family is offering to help (LOL) then handing an "almost 2 year old" should be easy for him to do.

[/b]I think it is pretty valiant of your wife to offer to stay home alone with a toddler and a newborn while you go party and enjoy yourself.[b] A real man would take the toddler with him.

I thought so too.

[Anonymous]

We drove from Chicago to DC to avoid taking a 6 week old on a plane because of vaccination fears. There have been so many outbreaks we just couldn’t do it.

[Anonymous]

Your poor wife. I bet you are divorced in the next 5 years. What a terrible person you are. My husband was bestman at his brothers wedding when I was 8 weeks pp and he asked me if it was ok to leave me at home. Wasn’t even a question of me going.

And 2 kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my BIL and SIL got married, one of the bridesmaids had a newborn with her at the wedding - and she brought her mother with her to help her with the baby so she could actually BE in the wedding and photos. It's nice of your parents to offer to help with the baby, but they will be busy with the wedding themselves - not to mention your wife has told you she's not comfortable with that idea.

Think about just the baby for a second, OP. At six weeks, your infant will be too young to have had many shots (as many PPs have pointed out) and you'll be exposing them to all sorts of germs on the plane.

Now think about your wife: every delivery is different. An easy delivery and recovery the first time don't guarantee it any other time, and now you have a toddler who also needs your wife's attention and care. There's also a difference between recovering well when you're at home on maternity leave and recovering while you're traveling with an infant and a toddler.

No one is saying your brother's wedding isn't important, but your wife and baby are important too. Don't forget about them in all of this.

As someone who's newborn caught RSV and ended up in the PICU fighting to breath, please do not expose your brand new baby. The nightmare and guilt is just not worth it.

[Anonymous]

At first I thought OP was being naive about the health risks of plane travel with unvaccinated kids.

Now I think OP should DEFINITELY take the 2 yr old and sop up all that family support he totally has. Brilliant.

[Anonymous]

It's telling that the OP hasn't come back.

[Anonymous]

Oh, I’m sure everyone wants to babysit a 2 year old at a wedding.

OP: do you even spend time with your kids?

[Anonymous]

How on earth do you expect your wife to chase a nearly 2 year old AND tend to a baby, AND I’m sure it’s expexted to keep them both quiet during most of the events. How?!?

Do everyone a favor, go alone. Let your wife stay home with the kids AND arrange some help for her while you’re gone, then you can go be consumed with the wedding events and your family. Everyone wins. No one will remember in 10 years that she wasn’t there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's telling that the OP hasn't come back.

Yep. Bet he really hates all the people suggesting the idea of him taking the toddler and her staying home with newborn.
All that helpful family can fawn over the super cute ringbearer. This makes total sense.

OP, I see you keep suspecting your wife of wanting to “keep your kids away from your parents/family.” Frankly, I don’t know if that’s true or not. What I think most of us are saying is that, even if there are some issues with your wife’s relationship with ILs, that not really the issue here.

Multiple folks have explained that even if it’s people the love and have nothing but good feelings for, the actual facts on the ground
6 weeks old
3 hour flight
Weekend focused heavily on organized events, not just family time hanging out in a house

All are sufficient reasons on their face for her and infant not to go.