Is it sexual harassment to say someone looks great/beautiful?

[Anonymous]

I mean, it’s not as bad as “Hey wanna bump uglies?”

[Anonymous]

The other day a male colleague told me he liked my skirt, but then tried to backtrack apologetically "i never say this kind of thing, i just like the pattern..." He and i know each other relatively well and i just felt sad that he felt he had to retract his compliment. I told him I thought he had nice shoes, so now were were even. He laughed a sigh of relief. I hope society finds a good balance so we can still give each other compliments without worrying about complaints.

[Anonymous]

As soon as you're near 50, you'll live for these moments. Even getting carded at the grocery store is a small thrill. I know it's the law, but I'm still just so flattered you asked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The other day a male colleague told me he liked my skirt, but then tried to backtrack apologetically "i never say this kind of thing, i just like the pattern..." He and i know each other relatively well and i just felt sad that he felt he had to retract his compliment. I told him I thought he had nice shoes, so now were were even. He laughed a sigh of relief. I hope society finds a good balance so we can still give each other compliments without worrying about complaints.

You know, if we need to reset by everyone rethinking what they say in the workplace, then so be it. It's sad because your male colleague can't say "nice skirt"? Maybe we have a different notion of what qualifies as sad.

I don't think it's a bad think that people are thinking about how what they say can create a certain environment in the workplace. That's not a bad thing. Your colleague didn't get in trouble. The two of you talked about it. What's there to be sad about?

[Anonymous]

*thing

[Anonymous]

If you don't know a woman or if you work with her, don't tell her she's beautiful. You could say that a woman you don't work with and don't know looks "nice" if she seems open to receiving a compliment. Never compliment a woman you work with on how she looks.

Women don't really need men commenting on how they look. You know why? It's because you want something. You want the woman to smile at you or be nice to you or whatever. We are sick of owing men things in every interaction. We are sick of having to be kind and gentle to you lest you jump off the rails at us ignoring you or telling you how we really feel. Women make a thousand subconscious decisions a day to stay safe from men, just leave us the f alone. We already had to cross the street, watch out for a weirdo at the metro entrance, listen to our boss say something weird about a female colleague, move away from a creep on the train, plan when to leave for home based on whether it's dark or not, change our route based on the time of day and where people would be, etc. Every. F'ing. Day. It's exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The other day a male colleague told me he liked my skirt, but then tried to backtrack apologetically "i never say this kind of thing, i just like the pattern..." He and i know each other relatively well and i just felt sad that he felt he had to retract his compliment. I told him I thought he had nice shoes, so now were were even. He laughed a sigh of relief. I hope society finds a good balance so we can still give each other compliments without worrying about complaints.

You know, if we need to reset by everyone rethinking what they say in the workplace, then so be it. It's sad because your male colleague can't say "nice skirt"? Maybe we have a different notion of what qualifies as sad.

I don't think it's a bad think that people are thinking about how what they say can create a certain environment in the workplace. That's not a bad thing. Your colleague didn't get in trouble. The two of you talked about it. What's there to be sad about?

It's not wrong to compliment an article of clothing of a female colleague if you know you're not creepy. It is wrong to tell her "you look beautiful."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The other day a male colleague told me he liked my skirt, but then tried to backtrack apologetically "i never say this kind of thing, i just like the pattern..." He and i know each other relatively well and i just felt sad that he felt he had to retract his compliment. I told him I thought he had nice shoes, so now were were even. He laughed a sigh of relief. I hope society finds a good balance so we can still give each other compliments without worrying about complaints.

You know, if we need to reset by everyone rethinking what they say in the workplace, then so be it. It's sad because your male colleague can't say "nice skirt"? Maybe we have a different notion of what qualifies as sad.

I don't think it's a bad think that people are thinking about how what they say can create a certain environment in the workplace. That's not a bad thing. Your colleague didn't get in trouble. The two of you talked about it. What's there to be sad about?

It's not wrong to compliment an article of clothing of a female colleague if you know you're not creepy. It is wrong to tell her "you look beautiful."

Skirt PP here. But this is the issue - the totally normal, non-creepy, nice guy wasn't sure if he was being creepy. We're making really nice people feel paranoid. That's a type of oppression in itself, and it's not healthy. I'm not saying we shouldn't promote much better behavior overall. There is still tons of sexism in my office and I experience it daily. That's why I said I hope we find a balance, where the jerks realize they can't get away with their jerky behavior and nice people can still give each other compliments without fear of repercussions or offending.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The other day a male colleague told me he liked my skirt, but then tried to backtrack apologetically "i never say this kind of thing, i just like the pattern..." He and i know each other relatively well and i just felt sad that he felt he had to retract his compliment. I told him I thought he had nice shoes, so now were were even. He laughed a sigh of relief. I hope society finds a good balance so we can still give each other compliments without worrying about complaints.

You know, if we need to reset by everyone rethinking what they say in the workplace, then so be it. It's sad because your male colleague can't say "nice skirt"? Maybe we have a different notion of what qualifies as sad.

I don't think it's a bad think that people are thinking about how what they say can create a certain environment in the workplace. That's not a bad thing. Your colleague didn't get in trouble. The two of you talked about it. What's there to be sad about?

It's not wrong to compliment an article of clothing of a female colleague if you know you're not creepy. It is wrong to tell her "you look beautiful."

Skirt PP here. But this is the issue - the totally normal, non-creepy, nice guy wasn't sure if he was being creepy. We're making really nice people feel paranoid. That's a type of oppression in itself, and it's not healthy. I'm not saying we shouldn't promote much better behavior overall. There is still tons of sexism in my office and I experience it daily. That's why I said I hope we find a balance, where the jerks realize they can't get away with their jerky behavior and nice people can still give each other compliments without fear of repercussions or offending.

Then he's an idiot or should just keep his mouth shut. We women shouldn't have to hold men's hands through being a normal person who can read social cues. Send him back home to his mama to learn. This BS about men feeling like they "can't do or say anything" is such a joke. Use your brain if you have one.

[Anonymous]

Can you say someone looks great/beautiful in a way that IS sexual harassment? YES

Can you say someone looks great/beautiful in a way that is NOT sexual harassment? YES

It's a matter of context. If you aren't absolutely sure, then don't go there. You can do your job without it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I often say things like:

"Cute dress!"

"Love those shoes!"

"Fabulous haircut!"

I'm a woman, and I say those things to women.

The only things I've ever said to men are along the lines of:

"That's a cool tie!"

"You look fancy! Why so dressed up today? Big meeting?"

Stop doing all of this. It's unprofessional. People don't need to justify why they are dressed up. I don't want you to comment on my hair cut. Stop.

We have a very collegial environment. I only compliment colleagues I know...not prefect strangers

And guess what? When the guy who never wears a suit to work shows up in a $1k suit and new shoes, it usually pays off to toss him a compliment and see where he's going. I know that specific instance led to me being pulled into a project that yielded a bonus.

Lastly, most people like to be complimented. I'm known as friendly and kind. Guess what? That pays off professionally. The strictly professional stiffs are never pulled into the circle of trust...which usually happens over social lunches, dinners and happy hours.

Sorry, pp.

Wah wah wah.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I often say things like:

"Cute dress!"

"Love those shoes!"

"Fabulous haircut!"

I'm a woman, and I say those things to women.

The only things I've ever said to men are along the lines of:

"That's a cool tie!"

"You look fancy! Why so dressed up today? Big meeting?"

Stop doing all of this. It's unprofessional. People don't need to justify why they are dressed up. I don't want you to comment on my hair cut. Stop.

We have a very collegial environment. I only compliment colleagues I know...not prefect strangers

And guess what? When the guy who never wears a suit to work shows up in a $1k suit and new shoes, it usually pays off to toss him a compliment and see where he's going. I know that specific instance led to me being pulled into a project that yielded a bonus.

Lastly, most people like to be complimented. I'm known as friendly and kind. Guess what? That pays off professionally. The strictly professional stiffs are never pulled into the circle of trust...which usually happens over social lunches, dinners and happy hours.

Sorry, pp.

Wah wah wah.

It’s all good until... someone complains or take a legal action against you. It could be that guy wearing $1000 suit. Yeah, really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I often say things like:

"Cute dress!"

"Love those shoes!"

"Fabulous haircut!"

I'm a woman, and I say those things to women.

The only things I've ever said to men are along the lines of:

"That's a cool tie!"

"You look fancy! Why so dressed up today? Big meeting?"

Stop doing all of this. It's unprofessional. People don't need to justify why they are dressed up. I don't want you to comment on my hair cut. Stop.

We have a very collegial environment. I only compliment colleagues I know...not prefect strangers

And guess what? When the guy who never wears a suit to work shows up in a $1k suit and new shoes, it usually pays off to toss him a compliment and see where he's going. I know that specific instance led to me being pulled into a project that yielded a bonus.

Lastly, most people like to be complimented. I'm known as friendly and kind. Guess what? That pays off professionally. The strictly professional stiffs are never pulled into the circle of trust...which usually happens over social lunches, dinners and happy hours.

Sorry, pp.

Wah wah wah.

It’s all good until... someone complains or take a legal action against you. It could be that guy wearing $1000 suit. Yeah, really.

Or someone not in PP's "circle of trust" makes a complaint that it's a hostile work environment because there's inappropriate comments going on and it seems like the people who participate in them get ahead professionally. I mean, isn't that sexual harassment? Being in an environment in which you feel you need to either initiate flirting or take it in order to get ahead?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Male here - two or three times a year I visit our HQ and always drop by to say hello to a woman I've known for over 25 years. We always exchange a hug, always led by her. Last year someone in the office filed a complaint with HR about my behavior. The person I hugged is 73 years old and our company's assistant general counsel. When the complaint reached me my lawyer friend marched into HR and let them have it for not having asked her about it before they came after me. This is the world we work in!

Was the hug really the only thing in the complaint? Do you do anything else that could be perceived as inappropriate?

No, the complaint was very specific on that one thing. And no, I don't do anything else that could be perceived as inappropriate. I'm a very senior officer and I'd be a fool to put myself at risk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Male here - two or three times a year I visit our HQ and always drop by to say hello to a woman I've known for over 25 years. We always exchange a hug, always led by her. Last year someone in the office filed a complaint with HR about my behavior. The person I hugged is 73 years old and our company's assistant general counsel. When the complaint reached me my lawyer friend marched into HR and let them have it for not having asked her about it before they came after me. This is the world we work in!

Are you kidding me? Have you been asleep for Me Too? Cry me a freaking river about your complaint. When you’ve been raped at work and hear about all the stories of women getting constantly abused and demeaned its so hard to hear about “the world we work in” and “PC culture has gone too far”

The complaint should have been filed against the 73 year old woman because she led the hug! He was the one physically taken advantage of!