Is it sexual harassment to say someone looks great/beautiful?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Male here - two or three times a year I visit our HQ and always drop by to say hello to a woman I've known for over 25 years. We always exchange a hug, always led by her. Last year someone in the office filed a complaint with HR about my behavior. The person I hugged is 73 years old and our company's assistant general counsel. When the complaint reached me my lawyer friend marched into HR and let them have it for not having asked her about it before they came after me. This is the world we work in!

Are you kidding me? Have you been asleep for Me Too? Cry me a freaking river about your complaint. When you’ve been raped at work and hear about all the stories of women getting constantly abused and demeaned its so hard to hear about “the world we work in” and “PC culture has gone too far”

See? As long as there are women with extreme views like this, it’s better not say or do anything. Don’t hire women.

Seriously? My experience of being sexually assaulted at work means I have extreme views?

[Anonymous]

If it's a guy that creeps me out then yes otherwise, I don't care.

[Anonymous]

It is UNPROFESSIONAL to comment on anyone's appearance at WORK.

The legal standard for sexual harassment is different.

What is legal is not necessarily OK or PROFESSIONAL.

ZIP YOUR LIPS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This is enlightening. I will not be commenting on anyone's apparel, appearance, or anything at all ever again. I am totally freaked out.

Good move!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it's a guy that creeps me out then yes otherwise, I don't care.

What if it was a lesbian?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Several years ago I was in my senior manager's office with another male manager and when our meeting was over the senior said my perfume smelled nice, I said thanks, didn't take it any kind of way, I noticed the other manager gave him a look...few minutes later he came over to apologize profusely and I was tripping because he really thought he did something wrong...

Most men AND women I know refuse to even shake hands anymore in the work place due to everything that's going on....

When I get on an elevator, and I smell your perfume, it makes me sick. I'm allergic to fragrances and especially perfume. No one should be allowed to wear perfume to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it's a guy that creeps me out then yes otherwise, I don't care.

What if it was a lesbian?

I feel the same way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Male here - two or three times a year I visit our HQ and always drop by to say hello to a woman I've known for over 25 years. We always exchange a hug, always led by her. Last year someone in the office filed a complaint with HR about my behavior. The person I hugged is 73 years old and our company's assistant general counsel. When the complaint reached me my lawyer friend marched into HR and let them have it for not having asked her about it before they came after me. This is the world we work in!

Are you kidding me? Have you been asleep for Me Too? Cry me a freaking river about your complaint. When you’ve been raped at work and hear about all the stories of women getting constantly abused and demeaned its so hard to hear about “the world we work in” and “PC culture has gone too far”

See? As long as there are women with extreme views like this, it’s better not say or do anything. Don’t hire women.

How about don't hire men, because they're the sleazeballs and rapists that necessitated all of this in the first place?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rule of thumb: “You look ______” (nice, beautiful, tired) = never ok
“I like your _______” (shoes, haircut, scarf) = fine

Never tell a woman she has lost a LOT of weight. Never ask a woman if her hair color or hair is real or if any other body parts are real or not.

+1

I think that if someone goes to the effort of coloring their hair, artistically plastering color on their face, putting metallic pieces on their body that serve no function beyond how they look, wearing shoes that obviously aren't designed for comfort and function, etc, then they want people to notice how they look. However, they probably don't want people to notice (and certainly not remark on) how they want people to notice how they look.

So I think commenting on anything that involves discomfort or work in the name of looking good is likely to offend someone, and therefore possibly attract complaints of some description.

This is a uniquely insightful viewpoint. It is kind of Vulcan.

[Anonymous]

Would you say it to anyone at work from lowest on the totem pole to highest? If not, don't say it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Male here - two or three times a year I visit our HQ and always drop by to say hello to a woman I've known for over 25 years. We always exchange a hug, always led by her. Last year someone in the office filed a complaint with HR about my behavior. The person I hugged is 73 years old and our company's assistant general counsel. When the complaint reached me my lawyer friend marched into HR and let them have it for not having asked her about it before they came after me. This is the world we work in!

Are you kidding me? Have you been asleep for Me Too? Cry me a freaking river about your complaint. When you’ve been raped at work and hear about all the stories of women getting constantly abused and demeaned its so hard to hear about “the world we work in” and “PC culture has gone too far”

In this case, A is not equal to B. A is two people that have known each other for a long time greeting with a hug. That probably does not rise to harassment (unless there is more to the story).

I am sorry you were assaulted/raped, but that has nothing to do with PP's situation.

[Anonymous]

Yes I tell people men or womem they look nice if something different is going on. I greet former co workers with hugs.

It is not harassment and the fanaticism of some does not make it so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is UNPROFESSIONAL to comment on anyone's appearance at WORK.

The legal standard for sexual harassment is different.

What is legal is not necessarily OK or PROFESSIONAL.

ZIP YOUR LIPS.

You zip your lips. I will continue being a human being, saying things like "I love your new coat! Where did you get it?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Male here - two or three times a year I visit our HQ and always drop by to say hello to a woman I've known for over 25 years. We always exchange a hug, always led by her. Last year someone in the office filed a complaint with HR about my behavior. The person I hugged is 73 years old and our company's assistant general counsel. When the complaint reached me my lawyer friend marched into HR and let them have it for not having asked her about it before they came after me. This is the world we work in!

Are you kidding me? Have you been asleep for Me Too? Cry me a freaking river about your complaint. When you’ve been raped at work and hear about all the stories of women getting constantly abused and demeaned its so hard to hear about “the world we work in” and “PC culture has gone too far”

See? As long as there are women with extreme views like this, it’s better not say or do anything. Don’t hire women.

Seriously? My experience of being sexually assaulted at work means I have extreme views?

Seriously? There’s a big difference between a consensual hug and rape.

[Anonymous]

Personally, I try to keep comments to articles of clothing or jewelry and not the person.

Examples of what I will say:

"I love your shoes."
"That's a nice shade of green" (speaking about a sweater)
"What a lovely scarf."

Examples of what I won't say:
"You look great in that"
"Those shoes show off your legs."
"You look amazing today."

I don't know about the legal standard. But I just think that it's not professional to comment on someone else's body. I don't see an issue with commenting on things.

I'm a woman, by the way. For men, I think it's probably best just not to make comments to women about their appearance. Even if it is innocent, there's such a deep history of women being judged on looks as opposed to work, and it probably is better not to go there.

You also have to think about position. If you are a male manager and you are frequently telling one subordinate how great she looks, you run the risk of creating the appearance of having a thing for her. Even if it is innocent, you not only put your own reputation at risk, but you put her reputation at risk as well.

Managers should praise people for their work, not their looks.

The other thing to ask yourself is, would you say these things to another guy? So if you are a male manager, would you tell a male subordinate that he looks great? If not, don't do it to a female subordinate. I think that's a pretty good rule of thumb.