Is it sexual harassment to say someone looks great/beautiful?

[Anonymous]

If it was a one off thing, I'd be flattered and say thanks. If it were repeated, I'd be vaguely freaked out.

[Anonymous]

Male here - two or three times a year I visit our HQ and always drop by to say hello to a woman I've known for over 25 years. We always exchange a hug, always led by her. Last year someone in the office filed a complaint with HR about my behavior. The person I hugged is 73 years old and our company's assistant general counsel. When the complaint reached me my lawyer friend marched into HR and let them have it for not having asked her about it before they came after me. This is the world we work in!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Male here - two or three times a year I visit our HQ and always drop by to say hello to a woman I've known for over 25 years. We always exchange a hug, always led by her. Last year someone in the office filed a complaint with HR about my behavior. The person I hugged is 73 years old and our company's assistant general counsel. When the complaint reached me my lawyer friend marched into HR and let them have it for not having asked her about it before they came after me. This is the world we work in!

Was the hug really the only thing in the complaint? Do you do anything else that could be perceived as inappropriate?

[Anonymous]

I'm a woman. If I meet a work friend I don't see often for lunch, I might give her a quick hug and tell her she looks great. I wouldn't do the same if we met in the office though. It's less about being offensive than it is about professionalism.

I wouldn't comment on someone's appearance in the work setting unless it is something obviously intended to be commented upon such as an ugly Christmas sweater contest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not so simple....ANYTHING can be "inappropriate" it's all based on the receiver....

This is the problem. What one person perceives as "totally harmless" may come off as smarmy to one person and innocent to another. Since you don't know what's going on in the other person's head, doing and saying nothing is the best option. Smarmy can be soooooo subjective.

Handshaking like the PP mentioned is fine because it's established as a neutral, professional gesture. Pump once, and let go. No double hand, no multiple pumps, no holding on when you should have let go 10 seconds ago. If you can't handle a handshake, you definitely should not be giving compliments on appearance.

[Anonymous]

I think most of our PC culture is too sensitive and overblown. But that said, I also think "you look beautiful" is something you only say to a romantic interest. Unless your job is preparing the models for a photo session.

In general, I do think it's okay to occasionally comment on someone's appearance, especially if it's markedly different than usual. People generally like being told they look nice, and they generally like someone to be concerned if they look sick or whatever. But note the "occasionally", and note that this is very generic comments.

[Anonymous]

STFU, STFU, STFU!!

[Anonymous]

OP here. This is enlightening. I will not be commenting on anyone's apparel, appearance, or anything at all ever again. I am totally freaked out.

[Anonymous]

I'm a man and love it when someone tells me I look sharp, especially love hearing it from female colleagues as well as those males who are also sharp dressers.

I'm a boomer so it's really flattering when I hear compliments from my millennial and gen x co-workers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Male here - two or three times a year I visit our HQ and always drop by to say hello to a woman I've known for over 25 years. We always exchange a hug, always led by her. Last year someone in the office filed a complaint with HR about my behavior. The person I hugged is 73 years old and our company's assistant general counsel. When the complaint reached me my lawyer friend marched into HR and let them have it for not having asked her about it before they came after me. This is the world we work in!

Are you kidding me? Have you been asleep for Me Too? Cry me a freaking river about your complaint. When you’ve been raped at work and hear about all the stories of women getting constantly abused and demeaned its so hard to hear about “the world we work in” and “PC culture has gone too far”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a man and love it when someone tells me I look sharp, especially love hearing it from female colleagues as well as those males who are also sharp dressers.

I'm a boomer so it's really flattering when I hear compliments from my millennial and gen x co-workers.

Ugh, you are weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a man and love it when someone tells me I look sharp, especially love hearing it from female colleagues as well as those males who are also sharp dressers.

I'm a boomer so it's really flattering when I hear compliments from my millennial and gen x co-workers.

Ugh, you are weird.

Why is that weird? What is weird about liking compliments?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Male here - two or three times a year I visit our HQ and always drop by to say hello to a woman I've known for over 25 years. We always exchange a hug, always led by her. Last year someone in the office filed a complaint with HR about my behavior. The person I hugged is 73 years old and our company's assistant general counsel. When the complaint reached me my lawyer friend marched into HR and let them have it for not having asked her about it before they came after me. This is the world we work in!

Are you kidding me? Have you been asleep for Me Too? Cry me a freaking river about your complaint. When you’ve been raped at work and hear about all the stories of women getting constantly abused and demeaned its so hard to hear about “the world we work in” and “PC culture has gone too far”

See? As long as there are women with extreme views like this, it’s better not say or do anything. Don’t hire women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Rule of thumb: “You look ______” (nice, beautiful, tired) = never ok
“I like your _______” (shoes, haircut, scarf) = fine

Never tell a woman she has lost a LOT of weight. Never ask a woman if her hair color or hair is real or if any other body parts are real or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rule of thumb: “You look ______” (nice, beautiful, tired) = never ok
“I like your _______” (shoes, haircut, scarf) = fine

Never tell a woman she has lost a LOT of weight. Never ask a woman if her hair color or hair is real or if any other body parts are real or not.

+1

I think that if someone goes to the effort of coloring their hair, artistically plastering color on their face, putting metallic pieces on their body that serve no function beyond how they look, wearing shoes that obviously aren't designed for comfort and function, etc, then they want people to notice how they look. However, they probably don't want people to notice (and certainly not remark on) how they want people to notice how they look.

So I think commenting on anything that involves discomfort or work in the name of looking good is likely to offend someone, and therefore possibly attract complaints of some description.