I think we have been dropped from playgroup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The playgroup is ALWAYS at the host mother's house, and nobody ever takes turns hosting? Or only the OP doesn't host?

The playgroup is always at the host mother's house. OP here and no one else has ever hosted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The playgroup is ALWAYS at the host mother's house, and nobody ever takes turns hosting? Or only the OP doesn't host?

The playgroup is always at the host mother's house. OP here and no one else has ever hosted.

So her house, her schedule, her invitations. Find something else for your daughter to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since it is the spring break holidays, the mother who has a weekly playgroup one afternoon a week, switched to mornings, 10 to 12, even though she knows my DD naps at 11AM. The host mother texted me about the switch and I responded that we couldn't make it because of DD's nap and she just texted back that her daughter will miss my daughter. There are generally five to six kids, all around 2.5, who participate. I'd posted once before that I didn't think the host mother liked my DD (who is spirited and more active than the other kids including the boys). I guess I will wait to see if she moves playgroup back to the afternoons after this week but I really feel bad about this.

I’m curious what you’re actually feeling bad about - that your kid was grabbing toys and being annoying and generally not fitting with all the other kids and instead of addressing it yourself by finding a more suitable group of wilder kids, you evidently caused them enough stress and negative feelings for so long that you made them come up with an excuse to not have you attend anymore... or simply that your kid is missing host’s child as you said in a later post and you don’t know how to make her feel better. They’re really two different issues.

Both. And there is no more suitable group that I have ever found.

If it's true that you feel bad about annoying everyone, why didn't you change your behavior or stop going when you first realized that your daughter was aggressive, disrupting the group, and generally not fitting in? That's not something that most of us would just shrug about. Even now, it sounds like you'd attend if the time suited, even though it's clear that nobody is missing you. It sounded to me more like you're more concerned about your daughter being sad. Which is fine, but be honest about it. The good news is that she'll forget about the friend in a couple of weeks. Plus there should be plenty of free classes around your neighborhood to keep her distracted. Maybe focus on getting your daughter used to following directions and not disturbing a group of people before trying to get her to "play" with other kids again.

[Anonymous]

Morning work way better for my kids. 90% of kid stuff so do with my 18mo old and 3.5 yr old are between 9am -12pm.
My kids nap 12:30-2:30 and 1:30-3:30.

Judging from my older son, 3-5pm is just a hot mess time of day for many older toddlers. Plus if I was host mom, I’d want all of you over and gone before nap so I could clean up.

I think you need to consider shifting nap if you want to be included in this or other same age groups.

[Anonymous]

My toddler was also a weird napper. At 2-2.5 she would go down sometime between 11:15-11:45 so we had to do lunch at 11 to ensure she wouldn’t wake up hangry. Just how she was wired.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since it is the spring break holidays, the mother who has a weekly playgroup one afternoon a week, switched to mornings, 10 to 12, even though she knows my DD naps at 11AM. The host mother texted me about the switch and I responded that we couldn't make it because of DD's nap and she just texted back that her daughter will miss my daughter. There are generally five to six kids, all around 2.5, who participate. I'd posted once before that I didn't think the host mother liked my DD (who is spirited and more active than the other kids including the boys). I guess I will wait to see if she moves playgroup back to the afternoons after this week but I really feel bad about this.

I’m curious what you’re actually feeling bad about - that your kid was grabbing toys and being annoying and generally not fitting with all the other kids and instead of addressing it yourself by finding a more suitable group of wilder kids, you evidently caused them enough stress and negative feelings for so long that you made them come up with an excuse to not have you attend anymore... or simply that your kid is missing host’s child as you said in a later post and you don’t know how to make her feel better. They’re really two different issues.

Both. And there is no more suitable group that I have ever found.

OP, what made this group more suitable in your opinion compared to other playgroups that you found not to be suitable?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you have an afternoon playgroup for 2.5 year olds? Aren’t they napping? Or was it very late afternoon? All of the playgroups we participated in were in the morning. I think that it makes sense to do what is best for the majority.

It used to be 3 to 5. Yeah, some of the kids came later due to naps but the host DD naps from 1 to 3 and was always up or just getting up when we arrived.

3 to 5 is a terrible time for playgroup. It's getting into dinner time, everyone is cranky.

+1. If this was a different time, I'd be more inclined to say she dropped you. But 3:00-5:00 is not a good time for 2.5 year olds. Mine naps 1:30-3:30, then is cranky for at least half an hour after waking up. 10:00-12:00 is just a better time.

Your odd nap time is a good reason why your child is the spirited one. At that age, children are good for about 3-5 hours after a nap and/or meal. If yo ur child wakes around 7-8 then by 11-12 they are hungry and tired and need lunch and a nap. If your child naps from 11-1 then by 4-5 your child needs a meal and sleep. If you are going to nap at 11-1, then you need a playdate that ends by 3 or 4 at the latest. All of the other children are more rested than your child is at the playgroup so it's understandable that she is worse behaved than they are.

I would try to shift her nap time slowly (like shift 10 minutes every 2-3 days) and after a week you should be at 11:30 and after 2 weeks you should be at 12:00. Then if the invitation is still open you can go too the new time. My guess is that she'll do better at an earlier playtime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She totally moved it to that time to kick you out. How wonderfully passive aggressive of this woman!

I really have a strong dislike for you "brutal truth" people. OP is not an idiot and can probably see that there is an issue with her kid's behavior. Does she honestly need Polly Playgroup to rub her nose in it by spelling out that this is the reason??? (if it even IS the reason?)

I think if she did use this excuse as a way to re-structure the group to not include OP and her "high-spirited" kid, it is kind of her not to say "it's because we just can't take your DD's behavior anymore," not "passive aggressive." OP's DD will grow and mature and may not be such a handful in a year. Why should Polly Playgroup burn bridges with OP when they and their children may have occasion at a later time to reconnect?

If OP's daughter grows out of this stage (which she will) and OP ends up on the PTA with Polly and the other playgroup moms at a later time, it sure would be less awkward to rekindle the connection if they can both look back on this situation as a potential schedule conflict rather than OP seething about how Polly rudely criticized her DD.

..... said the mom whose been booted out of a group for also having a kid without proper boundaries.

LOL! I'm that PP and I am seriously laughing b/c both my kids are ridiculously well behaved and always have been. I just have compassion for other people's feelings. And I think the playgroup has figured out a way to spare OPs feelings and still not have to deal with the misbehaving child on a regular basis for now. No need to rub her nose in it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:11 is a weird nap time for a 2.5 year old. Don't take it personally.

It's a really unusual time. And kids that age are usually at their best in the mornings, so a morning playground makes more sense.

+1 - at 2.5 one of my kids was no longer napping and the other was an after lunch napper. I had the opposite problem as you when my kids were small, OP - almost all of the events in my local mom's club happened in the afternoon, when my kids were either just ending a nap or grouchy and not in the mood for an activity. I would assume the move is about accommodating most of the kids' nap schedules, not a plan to exclude your child. I've also had the most spirited child in the room, so I get that worry, but this really doesn't sound like it was meant to get your child out of the group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, can you send DD to daycare or camps over the summer? It could be a couple of times a week for a few hours, depending on what's available. You're acting like that playgroup is the only chance your child has to socialize. Get out and see what else is there. There is not point in clinging to company if you feel unwelcome.

We cannot afford it right now and DD would do terribly. She cannot even sit though one 3 minute storytime in a gym class.

Read that again to yourself, OP. And then ask very thoughtfully, "Why would the other playgroup parents maybe not want us around right now?" She is just not ready to be in a group for playtime.

You need give it time and maybe practice at home with her focus. Reward her for sitting with one toy for 3 minutes before giving her another. Praise her for listening quietly to a story for a whole minute. Give her practice at sharing "you play with this toy for a minute while mommy plays with this toy and they we will switch....we'll take turns!" (She won't know what this means at first and may have trouble with it, but she will get there when you model for her.)

[Anonymous]

Why are you so set on an 11AM nap time for a almost 2.5 year old? Way too early unless she gets up for the day at 4AM.

[Anonymous]

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/695413.page

That the previous topic.

OP, you gotta start working on your DD. Discipline, manners and yes, saying NO to her. Emphatically.

I don't know what your connection is to the playgroup (how you joined it in the first place), but it sounds that the host is possibly a higher socio-economic status, with yard, space and time to host and toys that your daughter covets.

Please get your head around this: unless you make an effort to teach your child appropriate behaviors she will be shunned by other parents, by peers and eventually teachers will have a negative view of her. She will only fit in with other "spirited" children or even more unruly ones. Don't set her up for failure like this. She will benefit from boundaries, manners, and your firm "No".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/695413.page

That the previous topic.

OP, you gotta start working on your DD. Discipline, manners and yes, saying NO to her. Emphatically.

I don't know what your connection is to the playgroup (how you joined it in the first place), but it sounds that the host is possibly a higher socio-economic status, with yard, space and time to host and toys that your daughter covets.

Please get your head around this: unless you make an effort to teach your child appropriate behaviors she will be shunned by other parents, by peers and eventually teachers will have a negative view of her. She will only fit in with other "spirited" children or even more unruly ones. Don't set her up for failure like this. She will benefit from boundaries, manners, and your firm "No".

Actually, no - that wasn't my thread. My thread was about thinking the playgroup host didn't like my child in particular. Indoor/outdoor space with sensory bins...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I remember your post. Yes, you were dropped.

+1 Your kid is always pushing and grabbing from the host's child, right? Yeah - you have been dropped.

I thought she was dumping out all the stuff on the sensory table when all the other kids the sane age were playing nicely with it. Which would be bad enough. But if she was hitting then it’s even more of a no brainer.

It’s interesting to see the other side, how simply 100% clueless these parents can be. Guess it shows us all that being direct is best in these cases.

OP here. My DD never hit the host child or any child - but she has grabbed toys from her and other kids as well as tried to pull her off a riding toy (I stopped her, of course).

OP, it's yours. the detail about pulling off another child off a riding toy.

[Anonymous]

Let us know what happened, OP - tell us if the playgroup goes back to afternoons next week.