sleeping with the boss but can't end it

[Anonymous]

46 seems a bit old for a 31 year old. I have a friend that similarly started an affair with an older colleague at work. She was his superior, but not really his boss. He left the job after 1 year. They continued to sleep together for another 6 months before he broke things off once he found himself someone more age appropriate. He was 29. The colleague was 38.

Don't know what happened with her, may have gotten divorced. I thought it was a bit odd, but I think it was more of a booty call arrangement. This seems a bit serious since she wants to curtail his dating life.

[Anonymous]

I can't actually believe you are a Big Law associate with your writing style. If this is actually a real post, I would suggest you look for a lateral ASAP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i can guarantee that law ethics never says don't sleep with your boss in a law firm. We all know the don't sleep with "active" clients, but nothing about don't sleep with your boss.

Source: ethics attorney.

Seriously, you are an ethics attorney?! Forehead slap!!! People like you are the reason we have a #metoo movement. FFS, it's the blind leading the blind out there....

NP here, and you're an idiot. The PP was talking about the canons of legal ethics that each lawyer is required to adhere. Failure to adhere is grounds for discipline or disbarment. They deal with the client relationship, candor to courts - ethics in connection with the business of being a lawyer. And they say nothing about sleeping with your married boss. Is that stupid? Yes. Is it "unethical" in the sense that it is "wrong?" Perhaps. But it isn't a violation of legal ethics.

Your answer speaks volumes about the sad state of the law today. Today's modern lawyer seems to give the clients a green light for anything that isn't clearly against the law, regulation, cannon of ethics, etc. This means that people, counseled by attorneys, feel free to do things that are clearly going to get themselves in trouble down the line. That's a sad standard for legal advice, and it wasn't the kind of advice given by the Washington lawyer of several decades ago, who would have counseled about the wisdom of doing something "unethical" "wrong" even if it wasn't a strict violation.

The rule for any modern working person is -- don't sleep with anyone in your chain of command. Bosses shouldn't be sleeping with staff that they supervise in any way on any project. Staff shouldn't be sleeping with bosses or any superiors at work that do or may supervise them in anyway. Why? Because any lawyer worth a penny would advise that the supervisory staff is opening themselves up to sexual harassment claims, and the subordinate staff is also opening themselves up to harassment or retaliation that may affect their career even if it may never rise to the level of legally actionable (and even if it does become legally actionable, it will still likely affect career negatively.)

If you want to f someone in the office, get a new job and then f them. Anyone who advises you that banging a supervisor or subordinate in the office is "perhaps" "wrong," is an idiot.

If you're banging someone in the office and want to get out of it, get your own counsel experienced in sexual harassment suits and find out from them how to document, what are your options for getting out and how to handle HR aspects. Lawyers should know when they need legal counsel, and, man, does OP need it.

[Anonymous]

Can't believe the amount of petty people fixated on his writing. He was clearly writing on his phone and it was a long post.
Everyone on here thinks they're an English scholar. I'm also a big law associate and there's some terrible writers. Being a lawyer, especially a transnational one, has little do with writing, and more to do with finding the necessary loopholes...also a ton of copy and pasting.
I don't know where half of these people work that think being a lawyer mean writing prose style essays.

Now to the matter at hand. OP, you're an absolute idiot. Why would you do that to yourself. You're 31 and in the prime age of dating. You make good money in a superficial city, and you choose to tie yourself to a 46 year old woman that is clearly unstable.
You actually stopped seeing the woman you were dating to be some boytoy for an older woman.

You need to leave the firm. You can't just stick with her.

[Anonymous]

This is awesome! You are operating like a woman and are fuc$ing your way to the top. I say you get there and then cry rape. #methree

[Anonymous]

It sounds to me that you're a pretty troubled dude with some serious issues. Takes a special type of person to let themselves be used like this. You do realize, she's using you. She doesn't care about you personally. You're young, you paid attention to her, and now she wants you to ditch everything for her. She's controlling and likely a type A personality and wants to be in charge of everything and everyone.

Good luck, but you're not coming out of this one in one piece.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make sure you eat the poonanny until you make equity partner.

You’re far better off devoting your weekends to work. You bill a sick number of hours, and the partner can verify where you are (so long as you go into the office). Do that until you make EQUITY partner.

Face it: she’s your girlfriend. Make sure she’s more than happy with you for the next 5-7 years. Put your own needs to the side.

Your goal is to hit 38 or so as a single, equity partner making bank. That will get you 9’s and 10’s. Until then you tolerate being the older 6’s plaything.

+1 Unfortunately, this is what you have to do. Keep plugging away (pun intended) and use your pussy eating skills to make equity partner. After you are partner, you can easily transfer to another office. Move away if that's an option, settle down and get married. Do what you need to do if you want to stay at the firm. If you don't want to go through with this, leave. Move away to another city, find another job and don't make the same mistake again. I did what you did but with someone who was junior to me. We were both married, we got caught, ended badly. Never will do that again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is awesome! You are operating like a woman and are fuc$ing your way to the top. I say you get there and then cry rape. #methree

Ooooh! Someone called you our for sexual harassment, eh?

Your comment reeks of impotent rage, entitlement, self-pity and psychotic denial.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I didn't embellish anything, and I am certainly not a troll. This is a real situation. Unfortunately, I was stupid and naive. I acted on my urges and now I find myself in an untenable situation.

I'm not looking to marry her. I don't like her. I don't have genuine feelings for her anymore. I did for a brief second. She's smart and she's funny. She's highly respected and very kind. I guess it was more of a schoolboy crush in this instance. Maybe she knew I wouldn't say no if she made a move.

Over the past month, it went from exciting to stressful whenever we'd meet up. She's complaining more about her husband. She asks probing questions about my weekends and free time, wanting to know where I am at all times.

Maybe it is a midlife crisis. I understand I'm an idiot for getting involved. I've lost a lot of sleep over this. I haven't told anyone besides my brother, who called me an idiot.

I'm trying to remain positive, but I think i'll have to leave the firm eventually, but I hope she doesn't find out until i'm gone. I am also not going to expose her or blackmail her. I don't dislike her.

Stop the sex immediately. You're best bet is when she pressures you next let her know you want to remain friends. Soften it as much as you can. Heck tell her you met someone and you know she is the type of person that would be happy for you. And stop putting yourself in positions where you have private conversations or moments with her.
OP you'll feel better once you do this. Certainly don't take some of the idiots responses on here. You need to correct this right away.

[InAndOut]

Earn partner, lateral to another firm.

[Anonymous]

Lie and tell her you got an STD and that she should get checked. She'll come up negative and breathe a sigh of relief but won't be interested in fooling around with you anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make sure you eat the poonanny until you make equity partner.

You’re far better off devoting your weekends to work. You bill a sick number of hours, and the partner can verify where you are (so long as you go into the office). Do that until you make EQUITY partner.

Face it: she’s your girlfriend. Make sure she’s more than happy with you for the next 5-7 years. Put your own needs to the side.

Your goal is to hit 38 or so as a single, equity partner making bank. That will get you 9’s and 10’s. Until then you tolerate being the older 6’s plaything.

This or send her my way

[Anonymous]

The age difference isn't that big a deal these days. I know plenty of guys in their early 30s hitting divorced 45 or so women.

She probably BPD and gaslighting her husband. Watch your back, but totally considering playing along until she runs out of steam and ends it on her timeline.

[Anonymous]

This is going to be a great future Lifetime movie!!

You need to break it off as kindly & gently as you can and pray that this woman is mature + stable and will not go all psycho on you.

Will be keeping my fingers crossed for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lie and tell her you got an STD and that she should get checked. She'll come up negative and breathe a sigh of relief but won't be interested in fooling around with you anymore.

This is actually great advice. Blame it on your girlfriend.