sleeping with the boss but can't end it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here

I didn't think my writing would be judged by the grammar nazis. Writing on your phone has never been harder.

I understand I made a dumb move. I think it is apparent for everyone to see that I wasn't thinking this through. But it just happened. She was being very complimentary towards me as well. The alcohol played its part and the rest is history. She knew what she was doing and what she wanted out of this relationship. She's calculating.

As far as making partner. I'm expecting that to happen over the next two years (would be non-equity at first). So it's not right now. The partner I work for has been a big advocate of mine. He is a very nice guy, and has been my mentor. I debated telling him, but that would probably end all hopes I have of moving anywhere in the legal world.

I think people that said i need to end things with her while maintaining a professional relationship fail to see that this isn't just a sex situation. She is almost like a girlfriend now. It's a weird dynamic, but she is possessive and jealous. I basically stopped seeing the girl i was dating because it was upsetting her so much. I know how that looks.

Leaving the firm is a possibility. I don't know. I'm pretty confused.

Non-equity partner = senior associate with a fancier title. If this continues, making non-equity partner is most certainly not the end of your troubles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Textbook sexual harassment. Start a #alsome campaign on Twitter to complement #metoo

I think it should be #MenToo...

!!!!! 101 !!!!!! that is GREAT!!!

[Anonymous]

OP here.

I didn't embellish anything, and I am certainly not a troll. This is a real situation. Unfortunately, I was stupid and naive. I acted on my urges and now I find myself in an untenable situation.

I'm not looking to marry her. I don't like her. I don't have genuine feelings for her anymore. I did for a brief second. She's smart and she's funny. She's highly respected and very kind. I guess it was more of a schoolboy crush in this instance. Maybe she knew I wouldn't say no if she made a move.

Over the past month, it went from exciting to stressful whenever we'd meet up. She's complaining more about her husband. She asks probing questions about my weekends and free time, wanting to know where I am at all times.

Maybe it is a midlife crisis. I understand I'm an idiot for getting involved. I've lost a lot of sleep over this. I haven't told anyone besides my brother, who called me an idiot.

I'm trying to remain positive, but I think i'll have to leave the firm eventually, but I hope she doesn't find out until i'm gone. I am also not going to expose her or blackmail her. I don't dislike her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A little unusual, but a few months ago I went to a trial outside the city (i work at a law firm and I am a male associate) with my boss (the partner). The trial would last a week. The first couple of days it was all professional, but it was after a breakthrough in the case that we went out with local counsel. We had a few drinks and me and the partner took a cab back to our hotel room. She started fondling me. I think she is attractive for her age and I really respect her (brilliant mind, but kind). Anyway, one thing led to another, and we spent basically the rest of the trip sleeping with each other.

She is not my direct partner in charge, but one of three i work with a lot. I am 31 and she is 45 (i think). She is married while I had been dating someone for the past 3 months.
Anyway, since coming back, it's been a bit strange. She's came over a few times. We've gone on local trips with each other (cabin in blue ridge)
she constantly texts, and its pretty naughty stuff. But she basically gets jealous when i go out on dates etc and wants me to stop.
I would say she is in an unhappy marriage. She thinks her husband has cheated (also biglaw partner) in the past and perhaps may still be. He also treats her like crap (which i have witnesses just from the emails she's shown me. He talks to her like he would an associate. I think she loves the fact that i think she is smart and attractive and compliment her constantly.

But no the problem is that i am not sure how to end it with her. I don't want to be her toy and i don't want restrictions of my dating life.
I am going to be up for partner soon, and she has a considerable say in the process. I don't want to burn any bridges but i don't want to be locked in this love triangle.

Don't shit where you eat.

[Anonymous]

Don't shit where you eat.

Shit. This guy defecated all over the place. I do wonder how this woman looks like. I mean 45 is not too old, but if you're a partner at a firm, i would assume you look worse than your average 45 year old

[Anonymous]

Make sure you eat the poonanny until you make partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make sure you eat the poonanny until you make equity partner.

You’re far better off devoting your weekends to work. You bill a sick number of hours, and the partner can verify where you are (so long as you go into the office). Do that until you make EQUITY partner.

Face it: she’s your girlfriend. Make sure she’s more than happy with you for the next 5-7 years. Put your own needs to the side.

Your goal is to hit 38 or so as a single, equity partner making bank. That will get you 9’s and 10’s. Until then you tolerate being the older 6’s plaything.

[Anonymous]

I'd drop the girlfriend for a while citing work stress. I wouldn't discuss any other women with the boss. I'd use protection or keep the boss at bay until you get the job.

G/L

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You stop doing what she likes about you. If you are giving her all this attention, then just stop complimenting her, paying attention to her, listening to her. Keep going on these dates, but interrupt her, talk about yourself constantly, don't comment on her looks at all, be dismissive, answer in one word answers, etc.

Once she breaks up with you, keep all her sexual texts, emails, record some phone conversations and save all those for when you're up for partner. When you are up for partner, you approach her and ask her to go to bat for you. Don't threaten or say anything about all the texts, emails, etc. but just ask her to push for your partnership. If she says no or doesn't, then you mention the evidence of sexual harassment.

+1. I'd stop making an effort with her. Be late to your dates. Start treating her like crap, or at least like you don't care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I didn't embellish anything, and I am certainly not a troll. This is a real situation. Unfortunately, I was stupid and naive. I acted on my urges and now I find myself in an untenable situation.

I'm not looking to marry her. I don't like her. I don't have genuine feelings for her anymore. I did for a brief second. She's smart and she's funny. She's highly respected and very kind. I guess it was more of a schoolboy crush in this instance. Maybe she knew I wouldn't say no if she made a move.

Over the past month, it went from exciting to stressful whenever we'd meet up. She's complaining more about her husband. She asks probing questions about my weekends and free time, wanting to know where I am at all times.

Maybe it is a midlife crisis. I understand I'm an idiot for getting involved. I've lost a lot of sleep over this. I haven't told anyone besides my brother, who called me an idiot.

I'm trying to remain positive, but I think i'll have to leave the firm eventually, but I hope she doesn't find out until i'm gone. I am also not going to expose her or blackmail her. I don't dislike her.

Don't like or dislike.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A little unusual, but a few months ago I went to a trial outside the city (i work at a law firm and I am a male associate) with my boss (the partner). The trial would last a week. The first couple of days it was all professional, but it was after a breakthrough in the case that we went out with local counsel. We had a few drinks and me and the partner took a cab back to our hotel room. She started fondling me. I think she is attractive for her age and I really respect her (brilliant mind, but kind). Anyway, one thing led to another, and we spent basically the rest of the trip sleeping with each other.

She is not my direct partner in charge, but one of three i work with a lot. I am 31 and she is 45 (i think). She is married while I had been dating someone for the past 3 months.
Anyway, since coming back, it's been a bit strange. She's came over a few times. We've gone on local trips with each other (cabin in blue ridge)
she constantly texts, and its pretty naughty stuff. But she basically gets jealous when i go out on dates etc and wants me to stop.
I would say she is in an unhappy marriage. She thinks her husband has cheated (also biglaw partner) in the past and perhaps may still be. He also treats her like crap (which i have witnesses just from the emails she's shown me. He talks to her like he would an associate. I think she loves the fact that i think she is smart and attractive and compliment her constantly.

But no the problem is that i am not sure how to end it with her. I don't want to be her toy and i don't want restrictions of my dating life.
I am going to be up for partner soon, and she has a considerable say in the process. I don't want to burn any bridges but i don't want to be locked in this love triangle.

If you're black, we understand.

It's all institutional racism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A little unusual, but a few months ago I went to a trial outside the city (i work at a law firm and I am a male associate) with my boss (the partner). The trial would last a week. The first couple of days it was all professional, but it was after a breakthrough in the case that we went out with local counsel. We had a few drinks and me and the partner took a cab back to our hotel room. She started fondling me. I think she is attractive for her age and I really respect her (brilliant mind, but kind). Anyway, one thing led to another, and we spent basically the rest of the trip sleeping with each other.

She is not my direct partner in charge, but one of three i work with a lot. I am 31 and she is 45 (i think). She is married while I had been dating someone for the past 3 months.
Anyway, since coming back, it's been a bit strange. She's came over a few times. We've gone on local trips with each other (cabin in blue ridge)
she constantly texts, and its pretty naughty stuff. But she basically gets jealous when i go out on dates etc and wants me to stop.
I would say she is in an unhappy marriage. She thinks her husband has cheated (also biglaw partner) in the past and perhaps may still be. He also treats her like crap (which i have witnesses just from the emails she's shown me. He talks to her like he would an associate. I think she loves the fact that i think she is smart and attractive and compliment her constantly.

But no the problem is that i am not sure how to end it with her. I don't want to be her toy and i don't want restrictions of my dating life.
I am going to be up for partner soon, and she has a considerable say in the process. I don't want to burn any bridges but i don't want to be locked in this love triangle.

Can't see you making partner either way -- you are a terrible writer and make hilariously poor decisions at work.

Based on the trouble you had matching verb tenses in this post, I can't imagine

+1

I mean, really, "me and the partner took a cab" violates grammar rules that my 8 year knows.

Seriously. If you’re going to be a partner, and even if you’re not, you need to learn basic grammar and how to write. Just awful.

[Anonymous]

You can t just dump her woman scorned and all that. Be clever. Become disgusting. Let her catch you picking your nose a few times. Maybe eat the boogers too. If you are going to be spending a weekend with her, eat a couple cans of baked beans and let the farts rip all night long. Be sure to wear gross underwear with skid marks and be sure she sees them when you get naked. Eat lots of garlic. She's idealized you as a love object and disgust is the way to break that illusion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can t just dump her woman scorned and all that. Be clever. Become disgusting. Let her catch you picking your nose a few times. Maybe eat the boogers too. If you are going to be spending a weekend with her, eat a couple cans of baked beans and let the farts rip all night long. Be sure to wear gross underwear with skid marks and be sure she sees them when you get naked. Eat lots of garlic. She's idealized you as a love object and disgust is the way to break that illusion.

Best advice I have ever seen on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can t just dump her woman scorned and all that. Be clever. Become disgusting. Let her catch you picking your nose a few times. Maybe eat the boogers too. If you are going to be spending a weekend with her, eat a couple cans of baked beans and let the farts rip all night long. Be sure to wear gross underwear with skid marks and be sure she sees them when you get naked. Eat lots of garlic. She's idealized you as a love object and disgust is the way to break that illusion.

Genius advice