Almost a month since wedding and no sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Troll.

This happened to a couple Orthodox women I knew. Their DH were also virgins. They eventually DTD, but it took work to attempt consummation.

[Anonymous]

Just Do It

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Troll.

This happened to a couple Orthodox women I knew. Their DH were also virgins. They eventually DTD, but it took work to attempt consummation.

Yeah, I've heard accounts of this among no-premarital sex communities (LDS, Orthodox Jews). It's very hard to turn off constant anti-sex conditioning like a switch when you get married. So a lot of them end up having terrible hangups about sex in their marriage. Some have difficulty consummating or even annul the marriages unconsummated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talk to your husband and explain you'd like your first time to be special.

Clear your schedule for Saturday. Make reservations at a nice place for dinner. Don't fight all day Friday or Saturday (even if you feel justified). Dress up and don't eat/drink too much (otherwise you'll complain you're drunk or bloated). Have a nice romantic dinner and try to remember why you married the guy in the first place (hopefully out of love?).

Come home, get it on. If you don't enjoy it, don't tell him immediately (good way to guarantee it doesn't happen again soon). If you do like it, woohoo! Problem solved.

I want to enjoy it and have fun! We’ve waited so long! Yes I’m scared but that’s not what’s holding me back.

We never got a honeymoon. I just want to go away somewhere or have a day where we can relax just be together and warm up to it.

With full time work, commutes,stress etc, it’s hard for me mentally to want to get it on at 10 pm on a Wednesday for the first time.
M

What do I know; I had sex at 15. But it seems to me that you have built this up to be HUGE, and of course you're having a hard time actually doing it.

Do you actually want to have sex? Do you want to be made to feel special, and feel that sex is your husband's reward for pulling that off? If the latter, can you just be open and honest with him about that - say, baby, I've never had sex and am feeling a little nervous about all this; it'd make me feel more excited and less scared if you wined me and dined me a little bit beforehand. Humor me!

[Anonymous]

Just do it OP, doesn't matter when. A weeknight is fine.

The first time is not so great, and usually not that romantic. Trust me, I was a virgin when I got married too. It takes a while to get into a groove and the later you start the more special you expect sex to be. It's not that special.

[Anonymous]

Why not during the week? Do you have kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Troll.

This happened to a couple Orthodox women I knew. Their DH were also virgins. They eventually DTD, but it took work to attempt consummation.

If her DH is also a virgin, that could very well explain the getting drunk on their wedding night, nerves over the idea of finally having sex getting the better of him and one too many drinks to loosen up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why not during the week? Do you have kids?

Think about what you just wrote...I can wait...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not during the week? Do you have kids?

Think about what you just wrote...I can wait...

Uh hello? JESUS?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not during the week? Do you have kids?

Think about what you just wrote...I can wait...

Uh hello? JESUS?

Congrats, btw - you're the only one who picked up on my post.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the posters who've said OP has no sex drive. Making excuses over nothing this early in the game to avoid sex. If you had a sex drive, you'd feel actual urges. I pity any normal person who gets rooked into marrying a sexless person.

And look for the husband to be posting here in future about their zero-sex marriage.

If you two have any sense, you'll separate now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh boy. Theoretically, remaining a virgin until marriage sounds like a valid and perfectly fine option, IF you choose that option. But let's be real: today in our society it's not typical, and it doesn't translate well to a healthy and equal sexual relationship.

I get that you want it to be picture perfect.
I get that he wants to do it already.
I get that if you cave and do it while fighting/on a weeknight/on your period you'll feel violated because it's not your ideal. That said, it's likely you might feel this way regardless because you have chosen a path that has loaded a lot of weight and expectations and shame into sex. That's sad, truly.

I don't know what my advice is. Perhaps you two need to sit down, schedule a weekend away, get it over with, then schedule another sit down to rehash and discuss BOTH of your expectations for what your sex life might look like. I'd plan to have this conversation monthly since you don't know what that looks like yet.

This is OP.

I have waited so long I want us to at least not be fighting or in a bad mood before it.

So I’ve been waiting for the moment to naturally arise.

You've read way too many romance novels. The 'moment' doesn't just ''naturally arise". If you want sex, put on some sexy lingerie and lure him to the bedroom. Or make up some corny reason why you need to do a strip tease right then, right there. You get the picture.

You have to MAKE the moment happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talk to your husband and explain you'd like your first time to be special.

Clear your schedule for Saturday. Make reservations at a nice place for dinner. Don't fight all day Friday or Saturday (even if you feel justified). Dress up and don't eat/drink too much (otherwise you'll complain you're drunk or bloated). Have a nice romantic dinner and try to remember why you married the guy in the first place (hopefully out of love?).

Come home, get it on. If you don't enjoy it, don't tell him immediately (good way to guarantee it doesn't happen again soon). If you do like it, woohoo! Problem solved.

I want to enjoy it and have fun! We’ve waited so long! Yes I’m scared but that’s not what’s holding me back.

We never got a honeymoon. I just want to go away somewhere or have a day where we can relax just be together and warm up to it.

With full time work, commutes,stress etc, it’s hard for me mentally to want to get it on at 10 pm on a Wednesday for the first time.
M

Okay, so what do you guys do on the weekends other than fight? Are you telling me that you haven't had any time at all to plan a special evening?

Rent a nice hotel room locally, make dinner reservations. Or go out to Leesburg or that area and stay at a Bed and Breakfast. Or just order your favorite take-out and light some candles at home, draw a bubble bath, have some champagne.

I don't understand how you've been married for a month and you've not thought to do any of this. Honestly, you sound like you're just not done being angry and he sounds like an ass. I don't think this is the best match.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Talk to your husband and explain you'd like your first time to be special.

Clear your schedule for Saturday. Make reservations at a nice place for dinner. Don't fight all day Friday or Saturday (even if you feel justified). Dress up and don't eat/drink too much (otherwise you'll complain you're drunk or bloated). Have a nice romantic dinner and try to remember why you married the guy in the first place (hopefully out of love?).

Come home, get it on. If you don't enjoy it, don't tell him immediately (good way to guarantee it doesn't happen again soon). If you do like it, woohoo! Problem solved.

To quote Helen Mirren (from a movie): "Don't be so fcking stupid." Don't make reservations, don't make plans. Just get naked in the same room and start doing stuff.

[Anonymous]

I get it -- waited until well into my 30s. Whether you admit it or not -- or even realize it -- you're scared to have sex so you're coming up with reasons not to whether it's a Wed. or you had a long commute.

My thoughts -- get it done with for the first and second time bc the longer you wait and think about it, the more it becomes a mental issue. I agree that it's better to do it when you don't feel rushed -- i.e. it's already 10 pm, my alarm goes off at 5 am tomorrow. BUT we're on Wed. right now. I'd shoot for Friday or Sat for the first time.

Unlike the others here who are saying go out to dinner etc., I wouldn't build it up that much or even wait until night time bc it gives you all day to be nervous and then your mind will start giving you excuses -- it's been a long day; that dinner took too long bc service was slow; you have a headache etc. Frankly I'd tell DH that you think Friday is the night and can he be home at 5 pm. As soon as he's home, slip on some lingerie, turn on some music, cuddle and let the feelings take over. Hell you'll be done early enough that you can go out to dinner or order a pizza after if you want.

If you really want to wait for a weekend -- go on Sat and again don't wait until night time. Nothing wrong with waking up, lying in bed with each other and letting it happen at 9 am; it's not like you have kids that'll barge in on you. Frankly if you do it Friday and it is at all tolerable for you -- you're not in pain -- I'd try to do it again Sat. Then suddenly you'll have times #1 and #2 out of the way and that mental load will be gone; it's one of those -- it gets better with practice things . . . .