Almost a month since wedding and no sex

[Anonymous]

I am a virgin. We got married a month ago. I was expecting to have a romantic wedding night with either sex then or the morning of.

My husband partied too hard and was too drunk on our wedding night and we were bickering and fighting the next morning.

The week after we were fighting/arguing.

The next week I got my period.

Then it was work/thanksgiving week...

And now my husband is furious. He says our marriage is not normal and he desperately wants intimacy.I said I want to have sex too but I thought it would be in a special moment and not simply during a weekday when we come home after work at 9.

We had another huge fight this morning. I am exhausted...and scared for my marriage.

[Anonymous]

WTF? Why is a weeknight not good enough? Do you need some kind of lavish vacation and rose petals? I’d be more concerned that I haven’t had sex with my HUSBAND rather than it’s not some scene out of a movie.

[Anonymous]

Lol. You are placing way too much importance on sex/virginity. It’s not the magical cure all for your marriage and it certainly doesn’t need a fantasy wrapped around it. It’s a fun activity that can supplement and add expression to your emotional love for your partner. Focus your energy on love for your partner.

[Anonymous]

Is your husband also a virgin? How old are you?

[Anonymous]

You are setting yourself up for disappointment. 1st Time is not that great for most women, so if there is anger/resentment on top of that, it will be anything but special.

[Anonymous]

Why are you fighting so much? That is crazy.

[Anonymous]

OP, I know you probably won’t your first time to be special, but it will be special, because it’s your first time, and with your husband.

The thing you’ll learn about sex is, there’s rarely a perfect time, Other than now. There will always be laundry to do, work to do, kids that might wake up, the extra 10lbs you feel crappy about, sleep you wish you were having, etc. It’s easy to put sex on a back burner.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you're making a lot of excuses for not having sex. If you want it to be a "special" experience, then you need to prioritize it and plan it. Arrange for both of you to get out of work by 5 on Friday, dress up and go out for a nice dinner with some wine on the early side, and then come home and have sex. You'll be relaxed from dinner but since it won't be too late you won't be as tired. And then you have the rest of the weekend to do it again.

[Anonymous]

This is the mindset that purity balls leave you with. Now even though you were a virgin until marriage even marriage isn't special enough to justify doing something so dirty. When's the honeymoon? Maybe you can get drunk enough to get it over with then.

Good luck to you both.

[Anonymous]

Uh... this marriage sounds like it was doomed from the start. I think it's terrible when people get so drunk at their own wedding. But, I find this scenario highly unusual. Who still stays a virgin until their wedding night these days? And I say this as someone who lost her virginity at 30, to my now DH, but way before we got married.

[Anonymous]

I think it's somewhat common to not have sex on your wedding night, but what was wrong with the next night or the night after that?

You've got a lot of excuses. None of which are very good.

[Anonymous]

Do you want to be married to this guy? The marriage hasn't been consummated yet, so you could get an annulment.

[Anonymous]

are you the OP of this thread?

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/682243.page

[Anonymous]

I think you need to have a couples counseling session with your minister. This issue is probably more complex than it sounds.

[Anonymous]

I bet half of DCUM, including me, did not have great sex or maybe even any sex on their wedding night. In our case, we were simply exhausted by the time we got to our hotel room, and a bit drunk too. We made up for it in the morning, but I don't think it was such a "special" moment. We were just happy and wanted to have some fun. (We didn't wait until marriage.)