Almost a month since wedding and no sex

[Anonymous]

Anullment?

[Anonymous]

Oh boy. Theoretically, remaining a virgin until marriage sounds like a valid and perfectly fine option, IF you choose that option. But let's be real: today in our society it's not typical, and it doesn't translate well to a healthy and equal sexual relationship.

I get that you want it to be picture perfect.
I get that he wants to do it already.
I get that if you cave and do it while fighting/on a weeknight/on your period you'll feel violated because it's not your ideal. That said, it's likely you might feel this way regardless because you have chosen a path that has loaded a lot of weight and expectations and shame into sex. That's sad, truly.

I don't know what my advice is. Perhaps you two need to sit down, schedule a weekend away, get it over with, then schedule another sit down to rehash and discuss BOTH of your expectations for what your sex life might look like. I'd plan to have this conversation monthly since you don't know what that looks like yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I call troll.

Not a troll unless OP blames airplane noise from being in the flight path of Reagan as a reason for putting off sex.

[Anonymous]

Lower your expectations, relax and trust your husband to make it special whenever it happens.

[Anonymous]

Just admit you are scared to have sex, which is the likely reason you remained a virgin for so long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh boy. Theoretically, remaining a virgin until marriage sounds like a valid and perfectly fine option, IF you choose that option. But let's be real: today in our society it's not typical, and it doesn't translate well to a healthy and equal sexual relationship.

I get that you want it to be picture perfect.
I get that he wants to do it already.
I get that if you cave and do it while fighting/on a weeknight/on your period you'll feel violated because it's not your ideal. That said, it's likely you might feel this way regardless because you have chosen a path that has loaded a lot of weight and expectations and shame into sex. That's sad, truly.

I don't know what my advice is. Perhaps you two need to sit down, schedule a weekend away, get it over with, then schedule another sit down to rehash and discuss BOTH of your expectations for what your sex life might look like. I'd plan to have this conversation monthly since you don't know what that looks like yet.

This is OP.

I have waited so long I want us to at least not be fighting or in a bad mood before it.

So I’ve been waiting for the moment to naturally arise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh boy. Theoretically, remaining a virgin until marriage sounds like a valid and perfectly fine option, IF you choose that option. But let's be real: today in our society it's not typical, and it doesn't translate well to a healthy and equal sexual relationship.

I get that you want it to be picture perfect.
I get that he wants to do it already.
I get that if you cave and do it while fighting/on a weeknight/on your period you'll feel violated because it's not your ideal. That said, it's likely you might feel this way regardless because you have chosen a path that has loaded a lot of weight and expectations and shame into sex. That's sad, truly.

I don't know what my advice is. Perhaps you two need to sit down, schedule a weekend away, get it over with, then schedule another sit down to rehash and discuss BOTH of your expectations for what your sex life might look like. I'd plan to have this conversation monthly since you don't know what that looks like yet.

This is OP.

I have waited so long I want us to at least not be fighting or in a bad mood before it.

So I’ve been waiting for the moment to naturally arise.

Then you just need to tell him what you want. And be honest with yourself if what you say you want is not actually what you want bc you are afraid/expecting something else, etc...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh boy. Theoretically, remaining a virgin until marriage sounds like a valid and perfectly fine option, IF you choose that option. But let's be real: today in our society it's not typical, and it doesn't translate well to a healthy and equal sexual relationship.

I get that you want it to be picture perfect.
I get that he wants to do it already.
I get that if you cave and do it while fighting/on a weeknight/on your period you'll feel violated because it's not your ideal. That said, it's likely you might feel this way regardless because you have chosen a path that has loaded a lot of weight and expectations and shame into sex. That's sad, truly.

I don't know what my advice is. Perhaps you two need to sit down, schedule a weekend away, get it over with, then schedule another sit down to rehash and discuss BOTH of your expectations for what your sex life might look like. I'd plan to have this conversation monthly since you don't know what that looks like yet.

This is OP.

I have waited so long I want us to at least not be fighting or in a bad mood before it.

So I’ve been waiting for the moment to naturally arise.

YOU are the one who is causing the fighting...seriously, you fought with him for a week because he was drunk at the wedding? And now you are holding sex over his head? I agree with other PPs, you have no business being married. You are immature and unrealistic. Do everyone a favor and get a divorce. I guarantee your husband is thinking about it.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you want the idea of sex more than you want to have sex.

I have a friend who was a virgin until marriage (at 25) and then was too scared to pull the trigger on her wedding night. She literally faked falling asleep so she didn't have to do the deed. She did a group call with me and another of our good friends the next morning from the airport bathroom where she was crying, absolutely terrified that she'd have to have sex that night and couldn't possibly fake sleeping again.

She did it that night to kick off their honeymoon and then spent the next 3.5 hours texting back and forth with me and others in a group chat on how horrible it was and how she thought she'd made a huge mistake with the marriage. Um, no. The mistake was not the marriage, it was buying into the notion that your self-worth was tied to what's between your legs. She was literally looking up flights back to DC and figuring out if she could get an annulment. We'd talk her down, she'd go to bed, and then the scene would repeat the next night after having horrible sex. It was probably the next to last or last day of their honeymoon when we got a text from her that said "it kind of felt good last night & i didn't feel like i was dying during or after it." Even to this day she remembers nothing about what they did on their honeymoon other than how much she hated the sex and how terrifying it was for her. I know we had sex during our honeymoon, sure, but what I remember most is all of the adventures we went on during that time.

[Anonymous]

Talk to your husband and explain you'd like your first time to be special.

Clear your schedule for Saturday. Make reservations at a nice place for dinner. Don't fight all day Friday or Saturday (even if you feel justified). Dress up and don't eat/drink too much (otherwise you'll complain you're drunk or bloated). Have a nice romantic dinner and try to remember why you married the guy in the first place (hopefully out of love?).

Come home, get it on. If you don't enjoy it, don't tell him immediately (good way to guarantee it doesn't happen again soon). If you do like it, woohoo! Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Talk to your husband and explain you'd like your first time to be special.

Clear your schedule for Saturday. Make reservations at a nice place for dinner. Don't fight all day Friday or Saturday (even if you feel justified). Dress up and don't eat/drink too much (otherwise you'll complain you're drunk or bloated). Have a nice romantic dinner and try to remember why you married the guy in the first place (hopefully out of love?).

Come home, get it on. If you don't enjoy it, don't tell him immediately (good way to guarantee it doesn't happen again soon). If you do like it, woohoo! Problem solved.

I want to enjoy it and have fun! We’ve waited so long! Yes I’m scared but that’s not what’s holding me back.

We never got a honeymoon. I just want to go away somewhere or have a day where we can relax just be together and warm up to it.

With full time work, commutes,stress etc, it’s hard for me mentally to want to get it on at 10 pm on a Wednesday for the first time.
M

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talk to your husband and explain you'd like your first time to be special.

Clear your schedule for Saturday. Make reservations at a nice place for dinner. Don't fight all day Friday or Saturday (even if you feel justified). Dress up and don't eat/drink too much (otherwise you'll complain you're drunk or bloated). Have a nice romantic dinner and try to remember why you married the guy in the first place (hopefully out of love?).

Come home, get it on. If you don't enjoy it, don't tell him immediately (good way to guarantee it doesn't happen again soon). If you do like it, woohoo! Problem solved.

I want to enjoy it and have fun! We’ve waited so long! Yes I’m scared but that’s not what’s holding me back.

We never got a honeymoon. I just want to go away somewhere or have a day where we can relax just be together and warm up to it.

With full time work, commutes,stress etc, it’s hard for me mentally to want to get it on at 10 pm on a Wednesday for the first time.
M

I literally told you what you can do to achieve what you're whining about, not on a Wednesday but on a Saturday. And you're still complaining!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talk to your husband and explain you'd like your first time to be special.

Clear your schedule for Saturday. Make reservations at a nice place for dinner. Don't fight all day Friday or Saturday (even if you feel justified). Dress up and don't eat/drink too much (otherwise you'll complain you're drunk or bloated). Have a nice romantic dinner and try to remember why you married the guy in the first place (hopefully out of love?).

Come home, get it on. If you don't enjoy it, don't tell him immediately (good way to guarantee it doesn't happen again soon). If you do like it, woohoo! Problem solved.

I want to enjoy it and have fun! We’ve waited so long! Yes I’m scared but that’s not what’s holding me back.

We never got a honeymoon. I just want to go away somewhere or have a day where we can relax just be together and warm up to it.

With full time work, commutes,stress etc, it’s hard for me mentally to want to get it on at 10 pm on a Wednesday for the first time.
M

Ok so....get over your ridiculous anger at your husband and say "DH, I've cleared my day for Saturday. Let's go ice skating and then go eat at (insert Romantic restaurant) and come home and have sex until the sun comes up!). But then you have to follow through. If you don't, and come up with some other reason why it's not perfect, you will have ruined the marriage. Come on OP. It's not that hard. The fact that you haven't thought of doing this just confirms my suspicions

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talk to your husband and explain you'd like your first time to be special.

Clear your schedule for Saturday. Make reservations at a nice place for dinner. Don't fight all day Friday or Saturday (even if you feel justified). Dress up and don't eat/drink too much (otherwise you'll complain you're drunk or bloated). Have a nice romantic dinner and try to remember why you married the guy in the first place (hopefully out of love?).

Come home, get it on. If you don't enjoy it, don't tell him immediately (good way to guarantee it doesn't happen again soon). If you do like it, woohoo! Problem solved.

I want to enjoy it and have fun! We’ve waited so long! Yes I’m scared but that’s not what’s holding me back.

We never got a honeymoon. I just want to go away somewhere or have a day where we can relax just be together and warm up to it.

With full time work, commutes,stress etc, it’s hard for me mentally to want to get it on at 10 pm on a Wednesday for the first time.
M

I literally told you what you can do to achieve what you're whining about, not on a Wednesday but on a Saturday. And you're still complaining!!

Yup. I can see why her husband finds her infuriating. Even if she follows everyone's advice for a romantic Saturday, I almost guarantee she will find some reason and excuse not to have sex. It's ridiculous

[Anonymous]

Why the heck are you fighting non-stop from your wedding day on? That’s so messed up. You’re being enormously high-maintenance.