Are women constantly being harassed or does the news recently just make it feel that way?
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Anonymous
Maybe you think cat calls or sexual remarks are flattery. I think that's a very distorted view of human interaction. |
Anonymous
| Can't deny this is a media driven limelight though. |
Anonymous
I am a woman who posted earlier. It never feels good to me and never has. When I meet a man for a date and he says, "you look great", That feels good. It feels good when a boyfriend comments on my body. My DH grabbed my ass as he walked by me in Target the other day and it felt great. It doesn't feel good for strangers or acquaintances or church men or co-workers to do any of this. |
Anonymous
| Sounds like experiences really run the spectrum. |
Anonymous
| Yes, my list pretty long. Sexual molestation by a relative when I was 8. 30 yo guy making suggestive comments to a 13 yo me at dance class. High school teacher doing the same. Catcalls a frequent occurrence, nasty and aggressive ones , not “flattering”, including the homeless guy who was a fixture on my walk to work and liked to say things like “nice t*ts b*tch” in an angry tone. The 20 years older boss who pursued me insistently when I was an intern. The guy who tried to grab me by the hair near the office. The guy who followed me to get my attention as I walked to the metro and then knocked me to the ground because I was trying to get away from him... I’m 50 and some of these happened very recently. So, yes, it’s been a lifetime of dealing with harmful, threatening, aggressive behavior from men. |
Anonymous
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I've always been standoffish and somewhat intimidating - no one has ever lecherously grabbed me or tried rubbing my shoulder. When younger, occasional catcalls in the street.
On the other hand, I have learned of a few men/friends/colleagues who had crushes or were infatuated but too scared to do anything because they guessed I wasn't interested. Hearing all this in the news about men behaving so grossly, I think back about those shy guys with crushes. They're out there too! I wonder what makes one so lecherous and predatory while others are so much more sensitive and nurse crushes etc. |
Anonymous
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I am pretty street smart. But I've been molested, sexually harassed and put myself into situations where I've been emotionally and physically abused.
I don't know what I feel about these women coming out 10-40 years later accusing men. I am trying to listen to the conversation and sort out my own feelings, experiences and opinions. I guess what I am trying to process right now is that so many of us deal with this on a regular basis, there wasn't just one man who did this to you. I want to hear your full story. And I want to hear conversation about how we as a culture can stop this behavior, if that is even possible. Our lives are about drawing boundaries constantly. And I have always tried to shut things down, when I see someone's taken inappropriate advantage of an open window, and make it harder for things like this to happen to me. Sometimes I get cornered no matter what I do. Sometimes I make bad decisions that I don't know are bad until I am looking at them in retrospect. Sometimes I make bad decisions that I know are bad that put me in these situations. It is not my fault. But these things happen because the men who do them are messed up in the head. And part of life is guarding yourself from the crazy people. We can't fix the crazy. So, I am not sure what we could possibly do to solve this problem that wouldn't also solve world peace and world hunger. |
Anonymous
I am a woman and I make misogynistic comments, but I know my audience. |
Anonymous
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It’s the low level hum thing, punctuated by incidents that may or may not rise to the level of rape. Starting at shockingly young ages for girls.
Have you ever watched Master of None on Netflix? They hit the nail on the head in one episode where they show two male friends walking through a city neighborhood at night, alternating with scenes of their female friend walking home alone at the same time. The guys get jaunty music and frivolous conversation; not a care in the world. The woman is clearly scared to death, thinks she’s being followed, and horror movie music plays in the background. Campus safely escorts, casting couches, rape whistles, slut shaming, self defense classes, changing up our running routes, defusing situations where a coworker or boss is crossing a line, keeping our eyes on our drinks at bars/parties.. There are a lot of routine concerns for girls and women that most men will never need to worry about. |
Anonymous
| Definitely was harassed at work ( both times managers lost their jobs and the companies settled) and recently walking to my car from the gym ( some idiots started screaming "nice ass"). |
Anonymous
| F29. I've been sexually assaulted several times and unfortunately harassed more times than I can count. It's just the reality of being a woman. |
Anonymous
| It's frequent. And annoying. If you listen to what men say (really listen) you'll hear it. |
Anonymous
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A low level him of sexualization, yes.
I think society has done a real disservice to both genders by teaching men that they are the aggressors and women are to be pursued. It has egged on a lot of men who otherwise would naturally have been very gentle souls, taught them that they need to be "assertive" and "make the first move". Women contribute to this dynamic, too, by teaching girls not to make the first move, play hard to get, make the man chase you so you don't seem "easy". So from the man's point of view, being assertive works! Objectively, the men who are more forward, end up getting more dates. It works. I don't know how to change that dynamic. The current awareness campaign is a good start. We also need to be better about teaching young women to take control of their own sexuality - don't be afraid to pursue when you want it, and don't be afraid to say stop when you don't. We need to re-educate men that they don't always need to be the pursuers. And, as a woman who spends most of my life (work and hobbies) in strongly male-dominated environments, I have seen how men interact with each other. I agree with a pp that some of what we women view as inappropriate is really just a carryover from how they act around each other. And it's a slippery slope to say that we want to be treated differently from other men in the office. |
Anonymous
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"Oh no! the opposite sex finds me too attractive. I have to live with people constantly desiring me and trying to date me!"
- said about 1% of men ever I acknowledge that men have no perspective on what it means to be a woman constantly fending off suitors and sifting through the dozens of frogs to find their prince charming. But women need to admit that being so desired and sought after is an entitlement that most men can only dream of. Men are accustomed to being the chaser so they can't begin to understand why women wouldn't love the attention. I'm sure it makes life much harder for women in some ways, but then I'm also sure it is pretty awesome most of the time. Women have no sense whatsoever of what it means to be a man trying to find a mate only to be rejected at least 8 out of 10 times. Women are aghast when they are rejected, but yet it's men's egos that are mocked as being fragile. You've never seen a fragile ego until you've seen a woman get rejected! |
Anonymous
You remind of the firefly that was desperately still lighting up in my garden late last August. |