Are women constantly being harassed or does the news recently just make it feel that way?

[Anonymous]

I'm a dude, so I honestly don't know. But the news recently makes it sound like a woman's life is a non-stop drum beat of sexual harassment; or perhaps a constant hum of low-level objectification punctuated by a rape or two that affects your view of sexuality for the rest of your life. If it's that way, I legitimately feel bad for you women.

Anyway, I liked Charles Blow's column, "This is a Man Problem." https://www.nytimes.com/2017/11/19/opinion/sexual-harassment-men-.html?_r=0

"[W]e have to focus on the fact that society itself has incubated and nourished a dangerous idea that almost unbridled male aggression is not only a component of male sexuality, it is the most prized part of it. We say to boys, be aggressive.
. . .
Men have been so conditioned against emotional intelligence — that’s for women, we are told — that they are blithering idiots at reading the subtleties of allure or aversion. Guys become gamblers. They simply play the numbers. What nine women may find revolting the tenth may reward. They don’t even recognize what offense the nine may have experienced. They are blind to it. In the male mind, any peccadillo is excusable in the pursuit of compatibility. This kind of bulldozer, pelvis-first mentality is the foundation of the more aggressive, more intrusive behavior, and until we recognize that, we will count on the courts to correct something that our culture should correct."

[Anonymous]

Not constantly, but frequently since the first sexual comment made to me at age eleven. I'm 32.

[Anonymous]

No. It's the latest news thing.

[Anonymous]

Not constantly, but it started when I was 9, was pretty much daily from 11-30 and has slowed way down now that I'm 40+.

[Anonymous]

It happens.

[Anonymous]

No. I'm trying to figure out if I have bad breath or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. It's the latest news thing.

Just because it hasn't happened to you doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

[Anonymous]

When I was 20 and working at a fitness club (fully dressed, as a receptionist) one of the work out guys chased me around the tables in the lobby and kissed me on the lips. He was in his late 30's, married with kids. I said, "What the hell are you doing?!" When I told my father he told me to call my manager the next day. When I called the manager and told him, he asked, "Why would he do that?" He confronted the guy, who denied that he kissed me.

When I was around 35, my male boss asked me a question about ergonomics when typing. He then suggested my boobs get in the way of holding my arms in the correct position. When I told an employment lawyer, she said my best bet would be to just get another job. It disappointed me, but I didn't fall apart, didn't need or seek therapy, didn't miss work, etc. I just emailed him saying not to ever comment on my body again, and he wrote back apologizing and admitting he was wrong to do it. But again, I'd have gotten no monetary damages if I'd sued.

I don't even notice catcalling by construction workers.

[Anonymous]

Most guys are decent.

Some abuse their powers.

Many liars are rewarded to lie.

[Anonymous]

If by harassed you mean being hit on by men I am not attracted to, sure, this happened frequently throughout my youth. I learned to politely turn them down. No biggie.

If by harassed you mean a more aggressive insistence to get intimate even after I made plenty of indication that I wasn't interested - no, this rarely happened to me. Maybe once or twice. I think I give off a "don't mess with me" vibe, and I will surely teach this to my daughters. My "yes" is very obvious, and my "no" is also very obvious. Makes things a lot simpler!

One thing that I *have* definitely had a lot of issue with, though, is a strange and career-inhibiting dynamic when my boss has been attracted to me. I don't know what to do about that one. I am always professional, but I have definitely just experienced a lack of willingness to be treated as an asexual being in the workplace. And no I don't dress or behave provocatively.

[Anonymous]

Now that I'm mid 40s and have two kids it doesn't happen anymore, but I was cat called daily when I lived in the city. Men would make comments to be starting around 12 when I'd be riding my bike. Pigs. Some men just have no respect at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was 20 and working at a fitness club (fully dressed, as a receptionist) one of the work out guys chased me around the tables in the lobby and kissed me on the lips. He was in his late 30's, married with kids. I said, "What the hell are you doing?!" When I told my father he told me to call my manager the next day. When I called the manager and told him, he asked, "Why would he do that?" He confronted the guy, who denied that he kissed me.

When I was around 35, my male boss asked me a question about ergonomics when typing. He then suggested my boobs get in the way of holding my arms in the correct position. When I told an employment lawyer, she said my best bet would be to just get another job. It disappointed me, but I didn't fall apart, didn't need or seek therapy, didn't miss work, etc. I just emailed him saying not to ever comment on my body again, and he wrote back apologizing and admitting he was wrong to do it. But again, I'd have gotten no monetary damages if I'd sued.

I don't even notice catcalling by construction workers.

Wouldn't suing have been a little overkill?!? Why exactly would you have been entitled to monetary compensation? You handled it correctly, and presumably it stopped? If anything, he should have been reprimanded in some way at work, but why should you get a pay out? FFS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. It's the latest news thing.

Just because it hasn't happened to you doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

OP says it seems to him that the life of women is a life of non-stop sexual harassment. All I am saying is that is not the case for me and the majority of women that I know. I have couple of friends who are creep magnets, their life is full of strange things, but they are minority.

[Anonymous]

I read a statistic somewhere that it takes about 100,000 years for even minor evolutionary changes to occur with humans. For instance, one of the theories for the obesity epidemic is that people haven't evolved to eat the packaged foods that are so common in todays diets. Or, the fight or flight response's role in everyday stress.

Anyway, I wonder if men's biological imperative for survival of the species has not yet adapted to the new normal?

I often think of men's sexuality like holding a baloon in your hand - when you squeeze it tightly a bubble just pops out somewhere else. Men's sexuality can be squeezed by lots of things. For instance - inability to laid in a socially acceptable manner. This may be caused by a range of things: the guy is ugly, socially awkward, poor, a marriage with no sex, mentally challenged, he's devoted his life to priesthood and must be celibate, etc, etc. Anyway, who knows what bubble might pop out? Making lewd comments to women, being attracted to underage girls, hyperaggressive interactions, rape?

I don't know what the answer is, but I think the recent news shows symptoms and not a root cause.

[Anonymous]

Non-stop sexual harassment? Maybe not, but non-stop sexualization, yes.

I defy any woman on this board to say they've never felt uncomfortable by a man's attention -- whether it involved staring/leering, comments, unwanted touches or unwanted pursuit for dates/sex. That is a reality I think men simply don't understand.

That said, I don't think inappropriate comments rise to the level of being trapped in a car with a man twice your age who is forcing your face toward his groin or being asked for sex by someone who could end your career with a single call.