Are women constantly being harassed or does the news recently just make it feel that way?

[Anonymous]

Low level nonsense happens a lot. Rubbing shoulders, grazing against body, talking about inappropriate things. More egregious stuff is less common, but still has happened to me 3 or 4 times.

[Anonymous]

FWIW, I'm a woman whose glad this is all coming out, but who is also extremely triggered by it. I have memories of various kinds of sexual assault and harrassment since HS - boobs grabbed, date rape in college, various forms of street harrassment (including literally being picked up and slung over the shoulders of a stranger and carried off on the street at night), older men in my profession (40s) expressing professional interest in me (in my mid-twenties) that then turned to sexual interest, key professional colleagues sexually harrassing me (including the main grantor to my organization), sexual harrassment from my associate mentor after law school (leading me not to take the firm's offer of permanent employment), come-ons from married colleagues, an an emotionally abusive boyfriend who inevitably turned physically abusive and the infidelity of my own husband, etc. My career and income potential suffered greatly. All these things I have always stuffed away except in brief conversations with those closest to me

And even over the past 15-20 years, now, watching my own growing daughter experience the same -- comments about what she wears, boys touching girls unwanted at school, friends of hers in HS confiding about rape, health ed class that reinforces negative sexual stereotypes about girls and boys....

So, yes, your first paragraph is a pretty spot on description of my life, and I don't think I'm any different than other women. It has permanently affected me. I'm exhausted and have basically withdrawn from life both professionally and personally.

I'm glad all of this is coming out, and I'm glad to see heads roll. But, the whole thing has made me tremendously sad to see the waste of human female life - all that we wanted to di that was threarted by a man with a p$&#s - all the plays, movies, articles we could have written or directed, all the cases we could have taken, the governance or policy we could have done or even just the hotel rooms we could have cleaned in peace and restaurant meals we could ah e made and served -- all thwarted in the pursuit of meaningless sex. It seems like such a waste of human imagination and effort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Non-stop sexual harassment? Maybe not, but non-stop sexualization, yes.

I defy any woman on this board to say they've never felt uncomfortable by a man's attention -- whether it involved staring/leering, comments, unwanted touches or unwanted pursuit for dates/sex. That is a reality I think men simply don't understand.

That said, I don't think inappropriate comments rise to the level of being trapped in a car with a man twice your age who is forcing your face toward his groin or being asked for sex by someone who could end your career with a single call.

You lost me at the end. For sure, rape and attempted sexual assault and workplace harassment are terrible. When I was young (late teens) I commuted by bus and metro and experienced harassment (leers, vulgar comments, groping). Many times I feared for my safety. The point being: it all is terrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Non-stop sexual harassment? Maybe not, but non-stop sexualization, yes.

I defy any woman on this board to say they've never felt uncomfortable by a man's attention -- whether it involved staring/leering, comments, unwanted touches or unwanted pursuit for dates/sex. That is a reality I think men simply don't understand.

That said, I don't think inappropriate comments rise to the level of being trapped in a car with a man twice your age who is forcing your face toward his groin or being asked for sex by someone who could end your career with a single call.

But what about all of the times YOU LIKED IT? How is a man supposed to know in advance if you're going like it or not unless he tries? As long as you backs off when you tell him, there is no problem. GROW UP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Non-stop sexual harassment? Maybe not, but non-stop sexualization, yes.

I defy any woman on this board to say they've never felt uncomfortable by a man's attention -- whether it involved staring/leering, comments, unwanted touches or unwanted pursuit for dates/sex. That is a reality I think men simply don't understand.

That said, I don't think inappropriate comments rise to the level of being trapped in a car with a man twice your age who is forcing your face toward his groin or being asked for sex by someone who could end your career with a single call.

How do you know how others feel. Depending on how dress and behave I expect different comments and I would find inappropriate or uncomfortable a compliment or a proposition if I was flirting.
I feel uncomfortable, or more precisely, on alert if there are signs of violent behavior, regardless of it being sexual or not (e.g. challenging other people, defending "honor", being openly rude..).
I don't like how news mix it all together, violent crimes and cat-calling, but news became tabloids quite a while ago.

[Anonymous]

^^ would NOT find inappropriate..

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of things that were in the dark have now come to light. I also think a certain amount of the cluelessness is BS. It’s like social media, if you are doing something that wouldn’t want to have your mom at the casting call, interview etc witnessing your behavior, you probably are doing something you shouldn’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Non-stop sexual harassment? Maybe not, but non-stop sexualization, yes.

I defy any woman on this board to say they've never felt uncomfortable by a man's attention -- whether it involved staring/leering, comments, unwanted touches or unwanted pursuit for dates/sex. That is a reality I think men simply don't understand.

That said, I don't think inappropriate comments rise to the level of being trapped in a car with a man twice your age who is forcing your face toward his groin or being asked for sex by someone who could end your career with a single call.

But what about all of the times YOU LIKED IT? How is a man supposed to know in advance if you're going like it or not unless he tries? As long as you backs off when you tell him, there is no problem. GROW UP!

I think you need to grow up, and quickly, before you get charged with assault or thrown off the job for harrassment.

A man can know by ASKING. Instead men are presuming the privilege of touching us as they please until we say no. And often they don't hear our no - neither in our body language nor our words.

Try asking ... before you touch. And then listen. Really listen to what a woman says and what her body language says.

[Anonymous]

Ages 8-45, well, so far it’s been constant. Maybe it will trail off now that I’m supposed to be invisible.

[Anonymous]

17:57 said it very well.

I experienced the same. But for every guy that was a perp there were 9 guys that were not.

I really think the nice guys are also glad this is finally coming out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Non-stop sexual harassment? Maybe not, but non-stop sexualization, yes.

I defy any woman on this board to say they've never felt uncomfortable by a man's attention -- whether it involved staring/leering, comments, unwanted touches or unwanted pursuit for dates/sex. That is a reality I think men simply don't understand.

That said, I don't think inappropriate comments rise to the level of being trapped in a car with a man twice your age who is forcing your face toward his groin or being asked for sex by someone who could end your career with a single call.

But what about all of the times YOU LIKED IT? How is a man supposed to know in advance if you're going like it or not unless he tries? As long as you backs off when you tell him, there is no problem. GROW UP!

A woman can like it once or even a thousand times and then decide she doesn’t like it. She isn’t lying. She’s free to change her mind.

If you can’t handle that, you aren’t ready for women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was 20 and working at a fitness club (fully dressed, as a receptionist) one of the work out guys chased me around the tables in the lobby and kissed me on the lips. He was in his late 30's, married with kids. I said, "What the hell are you doing?!" When I told my father he told me to call my manager the next day. When I called the manager and told him, he asked, "Why would he do that?" He confronted the guy, who denied that he kissed me.

When I was around 35, my male boss asked me a question about ergonomics when typing. He then suggested my boobs get in the way of holding my arms in the correct position. When I told an employment lawyer, she said my best bet would be to just get another job. It disappointed me, but I didn't fall apart, didn't need or seek therapy, didn't miss work, etc. I just emailed him saying not to ever comment on my body again, and he wrote back apologizing and admitting he was wrong to do it. But again, I'd have gotten no monetary damages if I'd sued.

I don't even notice catcalling by construction workers.

Wouldn't suing have been a little overkill?!? Why exactly would you have been entitled to monetary compensation? You handled it correctly, and presumably it stopped? If anything, he should have been reprimanded in some way at work, but why should you get a pay out? FFS.

Huh? I wouldn't have sued, because as I outlined, I had no real damages. Did you misunderstand my post?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Non-stop sexual harassment? Maybe not, but non-stop sexualization, yes.

I defy any woman on this board to say they've never felt uncomfortable by a man's attention -- whether it involved staring/leering, comments, unwanted touches or unwanted pursuit for dates/sex. That is a reality I think men simply don't understand.

That said, I don't think inappropriate comments rise to the level of being trapped in a car with a man twice your age who is forcing your face toward his groin or being asked for sex by someone who could end your career with a single call.

But what about all of the times YOU LIKED IT? How is a man supposed to know in advance if you're going like it or not unless he tries? As long as you backs off when you tell him, there is no problem. GROW UP!

I am not PP but I NEVER liked it. Your clueless if you think most women like it. Your leering is creepy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Non-stop sexual harassment? Maybe not, but non-stop sexualization, yes.

I defy any woman on this board to say they've never felt uncomfortable by a man's attention -- whether it involved staring/leering, comments, unwanted touches or unwanted pursuit for dates/sex. That is a reality I think men simply don't understand.

That said, I don't think inappropriate comments rise to the level of being trapped in a car with a man twice your age who is forcing your face toward his groin or being asked for sex by someone who could end your career with a single call.

But what about all of the times YOU LIKED IT? How is a man supposed to know in advance if you're going like it or not unless he tries? As long as you backs off when you tell him, there is no problem. GROW UP!

I am not PP but I NEVER liked it. Your clueless if you think most women like it. Your leering is creepy.

Extremely creepy!

[Anonymous]

If you haven't heard these stories from women, I think you should examine your relationships. Women share these stories with people they trust-especially female friends and relatives, but I've talked to men I trust who take me seriously about some of the things that have happened to me. If women don't share these things with you, it might be a sign you are a bro.