Are women constantly being harassed or does the news recently just make it feel that way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Non-stop sexual harassment? Maybe not, but non-stop sexualization, yes.

I defy any woman on this board to say they've never felt uncomfortable by a man's attention -- whether it involved staring/leering, comments, unwanted touches or unwanted pursuit for dates/sex. That is a reality I think men simply don't understand.

That said, I don't think inappropriate comments rise to the level of being trapped in a car with a man twice your age who is forcing your face toward his groin or being asked for sex by someone who could end your career with a single call.

But what about all of the times YOU LIKED IT? How is a man supposed to know in advance if you're going like it or not unless he tries? As long as you backs off when you tell him, there is no problem. GROW UP!

I am not PP but I NEVER liked it. Your clueless if you think most women like it. Your leering is creepy.

I'm 40 and married 15 years. It still happens to me. In line at the grocery, at work, in church by men who know me and know I'm married! I DO NOT EVER like it and I never have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you haven't heard these stories from women, I think you should examine your relationships. Women share these stories with people they trust-especially female friends and relatives, but I've talked to men I trust who take me seriously about some of the things that have happened to me. If women don't share these things with you, it might be a sign you are a bro.

What's wrong with being a bro?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Non-stop sexual harassment? Maybe not, but non-stop sexualization, yes.

I defy any woman on this board to say they've never felt uncomfortable by a man's attention -- whether it involved staring/leering, comments, unwanted touches or unwanted pursuit for dates/sex. That is a reality I think men simply don't understand.

That said, I don't think inappropriate comments rise to the level of being trapped in a car with a man twice your age who is forcing your face toward his groin or being asked for sex by someone who could end your career with a single call.

But what about all of the times YOU LIKED IT? How is a man supposed to know in advance if you're going like it or not unless he tries? As long as you backs off when you tell him, there is no problem. GROW UP!

If it’s an unequal power situation like boss/subordinate, teacher/student, mentor/mentee etc, I shouldn’t have be in a position of telling him to back off. In other situation where it would be appropriate to date, there should be some lead up, actual signs she might be interested, prior to asking out AND it has to be super easy for her to turn you down. There are unfortunately too many guys that lash out when they feel rejected by a woman and that’s not okay.

[Anonymous]

I’m a woman and I think many women LOOK to be offended by things. I’ve made it 37 years in earth with a good idea of who might be a creeper and who is harmless. I don’t lose my mind because someone tells me I’m pretty or I look nice. On some womens’ scales of sexual harassment those things would actually register, which I think is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

I’m 34 and have dealt with harassment and assault many times over my life, including sexual assault — actual assault, not someone telling me I looked nice — as a child and as an adult. Lots of verbal harassment, whether being told by a male coworker I’m “thick” and all the explicit things he’d like to do to me, or another, much-older male coworker asking me to remove my shoes so he could look at and smell my shoes and my feet. Are these anomalies amid daily interactions with men? Yes, they don’t happen every day. But this stuff happens way more than I would ever want my daughter subjected to.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you for all the responses.

As for being a "bro," I don't think so. If anything, I'm a nerd. My wife has told me about her experiences. But, beyond her, I don't have a lot of close women friends. Family friends tend to split off with husbands talking about guy stuff and wives talking about girl stuff. Male-female conversations would pretty much never get to something like sexual assault.

I've been married a long time, so the rest of my interactions with women are pretty strictly professional.

[Anonymous]

When men are among themselves, we are constantly busting each other's balls, with little insults, often that have a sexual overtone. Sometimes I read women's descriptions about men making inappropriate sexual jokes and comments, and I realize that I -- along with virtually all men -- have had similar comments made to me probably thousands of times. But to men, making crude insults about each other is just a normal part of life, like a social bonding process. But women don't seem to do this.

I'm not excusing sexual harassment. But I am trying to say that what many women find offensive and threatening often genuinely seems like no big deal to men, which is why men will often defend themselves with "it was just a joke." It probably was a joke. I think most men actually bite their tongue around women, compared to the stuff that they say to other men.

To be clear, and sort of unwanted sexual contact, or demands for sex from someone with direct power over you is unacceptable, even to men. It's the "lesser" jokes and comments that I think men and women just experience differently.

[Anonymous]

Season 9 of Friends:


Rachel: It’s impossible to find a good doctor. I mean, how do you know the good ones from the ones who are gonna push their penis against your knee?



Yep. So true.

[Anonymous]

19:09 here. I just want to point out that I am a new poster and NOT 19:04.

[Anonymous]

My good male friends bust my chops with crude insults, often with sexual overtones. It's definitely all in good fun and a bonding thing.

But: a) they are good friends; and b) I know they don't want to have sex with me.

[Anonymous]

Not all the time, but I have been harassed (and trust me I know the difference between jokes and harrasment) many times. It started when I was about 11 and then at one point to full on attempted rape. I am really glad we are having this conversation nationally. I have seen too many partners in huge law firms laugh at sexual harassment prevention programs. Maybe now they will take it seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Low level nonsense happens a lot. Rubbing shoulders, grazing against body, talking about inappropriate things. More egregious stuff is less common, but still has happened to me 3 or 4 times.

+1

Same for most of my friends. My sister had a stranger grab her boob. I once was walking down the street when a stranger groped my friends butt as she passed. And once some man I did not know licked the side of my face. Nightmares!

[Anonymous]

Not constantly. But regularly. It's not all men. It's some men who do it frequently to many women.

I had an adult male try to pick me up when I was 11.

I'm 50 now, and overweight, and I had a guy try to kiss me on the lips, at work. FWIW, it's a work culture where people hug. But not kiss. He's married. I'm married. It was gross. Does this happen every day? Nope. Not even every year. But if I can't "outgrow" it by 50, when can I?

[Anonymous]

There was a study done a few years ago that concluded that around 6 percent of men commit sexual assaults, but on average, they usually commit more than 5 assaults each.

Rape Victims Are Common. Rapists Are Not.
http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2014/05/01/campus_sexual_assault_statistics_so_many_victims_but_not_as_many_predators.html


I think this is a key to the different perceptions of men and women. To men, the overwhelming majority of men aren't committing sexual assault, so what's the big deal? To women 6% of men, means more than 1 in 20. So, a typical women probably passes by, or interacts, with a rapist nearly every day. For the majority of men, they aren't committing sexual assaults and unless they witness one taking place, it's basically an invisible phenomenon to them. It's natural to be skeptical about something that you basically never see or have happen to you in your own life.

[Anonymous]

Yep especially hate the 'low-level' street harassment. No homeless dude you may not comment on how fine my ass is. I didn't in it's you come on my phone and texting crack addict. Like seriously what gives men the right to make statements and objective comments on a stranger's decisions in the middle of the street?