When do you stop feeling like an outsider as an inlaw?

[Anonymous]

My fil Is a gem, divorced from my mil who is awful.

She calls our kids the “Larlo Smith children” (where Larlo is my DH).

It’s super strange.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Come on now, it's not "abusive" to leave an in-law out of a photo. Rude, sure, but that cheapens the meaning of abuse.

When my husband's father died, I was not allowed to ride in the limo to the cemetery since that was for family only. The funeral was out of town and we had not rented
a car. (We flew in to the airport). I suggested that I could either -- wait at the church and have someone swing by and pick me up when the funeral was over, or
call a taxi. I asked if they would mind booking me a taxi, and at that point, my DH stepped in and insisted that I ride in the limo.

I'm sorry, but if that isn't abusive, what is?

[Anonymous]

For my Dad, from Scotland and Catholic, marrying into a Polish NY Jewish family: he gained acceptance after my sister and I were born (unlikely there would be a divorce) and by doing incredibly well in Grad school

[Anonymous]

I’m currently engaged. My future in-laws have a vacation home outside the country, where the typically go twice a year for several weeks at a time. Since we began dating 3 years ago, MIL made clear that I wouldn’t be invited. She still expects my fiancé to go multiple times a year for weeks at a time, leaving me behind. There’s no indication that her expectations are going to change after we get married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m currently engaged. My future in-laws have a vacation home outside the country, where the typically go twice a year for several weeks at a time. Since we began dating 3 years ago, MIL made clear that I wouldn’t be invited. She still expects my fiancé to go multiple times a year for weeks at a time, leaving me behind. There’s no indication that her expectations are going to change after we get married.

This could be a blessing in disguise. You don’t have to spend time with your in-laws where you’re clearly not wanted anyway. You could go travel with friends or spend time working on creative projects.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m currently engaged. My future in-laws have a vacation home outside the country, where the typically go twice a year for several weeks at a time. Since we began dating 3 years ago, MIL made clear that I wouldn’t be invited. She still expects my fiancé to go multiple times a year for weeks at a time, leaving me behind. There’s no indication that her expectations are going to change after we get married.

This could be a blessing in disguise. You don’t have to spend time with your in-laws where you’re clearly not wanted anyway. You could go travel with friends or spend time working on creative projects.

This thread is 7 years old. The obvious answer is the OP was never going to be accepted by her MIL and they other got married and her DH laid down the law with her, or they broke up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m currently engaged. My future in-laws have a vacation home outside the country, where the typically go twice a year for several weeks at a time. Since we began dating 3 years ago, MIL made clear that I wouldn’t be invited. She still expects my fiancé to go multiple times a year for weeks at a time, leaving me behind. There’s no indication that her expectations are going to change after we get married.

This could be a blessing in disguise. You don’t have to spend time with your in-laws where you’re clearly not wanted anyway. You could go travel with friends or spend time working on creative projects.

This. I don't go anywhere I'm not invited or wanted.

[Anonymous]

I have never felt like an outsider. From day 1. That said, it has its drawbacks too.

[Anonymous]

My husband's family (that he talks to) is very small. Really just five people--his parents, aunt, sister and her husband. So I've never really felt that way as there aren't that many people to get to know. And we're the only one with kids so they've always been hospitable in working around our schedule. My family is bigger and they love my parents so they always just spend holidays with my side.

[Anonymous]

15 years later and I still don't belong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is reminding me that I need to get pot gummies from my best friend in order to tolerate my inlaw trip over thanksgiving! They're all fine individually, but I can't handle the dysfunction when they're all together!

😂😂😂😂😂

[Anonymous]

I’m not sure you ever do. It hasn’t happened in my husband’s family, at least. And my husband doesn’t feel integrated into mine. My SIL calls her in laws (my husband’s parents) mom and dad which I always found weird but apparently it’s normal in some parts of the country.

[Anonymous]

Nope. I was always different. The 1 breadwinner mom in a sea of 1950's marriages. I tried to fit in, and grew to love them and appreciate our differences.

25 years later, DH betrayed me in the worst possible way and abandoned me and our kids- Jerry Springer worthy material. I sent a heartfelt email to my in-laws begging for help and support. They chose to believe his lies, and have entirely ghosted me.

When you get that gut feeling that in-laws don't really see you as family, BELIEVE IT.

[Anonymous]

FIL calls me DH’s “girlfriend” and refers to our children as “her kids”

We have been married for 17 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My in laws still do that thing during holiday photo time where the children’s spouses have to step out of the frame for some of the pictures, so that it is just the grandparents’ blood relatives (never mind that grandma and grandpa aren’t actually blood relatives). All spouses have been married for at least 15 years.

So I don’t get too comfortable- I know what lies beneath.

That’s like every photo in my ILs homes: just them, their sons and their grandchildren.
Meanwhile my parents put up our family of four and my brothers family of four.

I swear, if an outsider visited the ILs house they’d assume the adult sons were widowed or divorced...

Whats wrong with parents wanting a picturing with their own kids? They were a nuclear family originally and why spouses etc should be included in some pics, I see nothing wrong with leaving them out of others

They gained a DIL. She is part of their family now. It's abusive to leave an inlaw off.

Does the DIL treat their MIL and FIL as part of her family?