Would You Date A Woman Who Used To Be Fat?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most guys in decent shape wouldn't risk it. There is a high probability that you will get fat again, especially after you have kids. You will probably have better luck if you date guys that are kind of chubby. But you never know, so I wouldn't worry about it too much. Maybe it will help if the guy sees that you consistently work out or eat healthy.

You can just look at the parents to see what the person will look like later. It's a good indicator.

[Anonymous]

This is such an effing depressing thread.

OP you just need to find a decent guy. I have PCOS. I am 5'3 and weigh 195. I weighed 208 when I got pregnant with my first baby. I lost 10 pounds and got pregnant with my second baby at 198. I am 2.5 months post partum.

So:

1) Somehow I managed to get someone to have sex with me even though I'm fat (although I wear a size 14/16 so I'm average).

2) I didn't have many problems finding guys to date prior to dating my DH.

3) You are not guaranteed to get super fat after having babies, for me, the pregnancies seem to have reset some of the hormonal problems and are making it easier for me to lose weight for the first time in my entire life.

4) My husband has enjoyed sex with me when I weighed 175 when we started dating, when he impregnated me at 208, when I was pregnant and even today with my belly that has two c section scars. A real man loves you for you and understands life is a long road.

5) You can be healthy and happy even if you end up regaining the weight after a pregnancy. I am on day 7 of the 30 day shred about 10 weeks post partum. It got me back in shape after baby #1 too. I can complete the whole workout without a break despite being a giant fat lazy person. When I'm done I'll be back to running 5ks and doing spin classes and headstands in yoga. With my low blood pressure and general good health to boot. I manage all these things despite my weight.

6) Love yourself. Take life as it comes. Prioritize your health and keep an eye on your weight but don't allow it to determine your value. And DON'T listen to a bunch of anonymous sex starved idiots in sh*#&y marriages telling you you're too fat to attract a guy. You don't want a relationship like the ones that half the people who post in this forum have. So remember that when you're listening to them putting a value judgement on your body.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Thank you for the encouraging responses. I was always a skinny kid and teen, and didn't gain the weight until around 21. I am almost glad I went through this because it has taught me many things. I developed a greater respect for what my body can do, learned about healthy eating, and learned to not judge people based on weight. I know I am a good catch and will find a guy who doesn't care about my last weight. I am much more than a number on a scale.

110lbs is normal for my height but I was 120 in my teens. I have big breasts and a butt even at 110. I would prefer to be 110-120lbs. I am going to work hard to maintain my weight.

[Anonymous]

110 lbs with big cans. Jack pot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thank you for the encouraging responses. I was always a skinny kid and teen, and didn't gain the weight until around 21. I am almost glad I went through this because it has taught me many things. I developed a greater respect for what my body can do, learned about healthy eating, and learned to not judge people based on weight. I know I am a good catch and will find a guy who doesn't care about my last weight. I am much more than a number on a scale.

110lbs is normal for my height but I was 120 in my teens. I have big breasts and a butt even at 110. I would prefer to be 110-120lbs. I am going to work hard to maintain my weight.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Early 30s guy here. I would have no concerns at all.

Was in a wedding last year and one of the bridesmaids was purely stunning. I could tell from her arms that she had prior been overweight. I asked my wife about her and learned that the girl has lost over 100lbs. The Mrs showed me her Facebook with before and after pictures. Unbelievable...it made me appreciate her appearance all the more. Seriously, forget those tools that turned away. Keep up your game up. If you need some encouragement you can hit us up

[Anonymous]

I hope you continue dating and finding a better class of guys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thank you for the encouraging responses. I was always a skinny kid and teen, and didn't gain the weight until around 21. I am almost glad I went through this because it has taught me many things. I developed a greater respect for what my body can do, learned about healthy eating, and learned to not judge people based on weight. I know I am a good catch and will find a guy who doesn't care about my last weight. I am much more than a number on a scale.

110lbs is normal for my height but I was 120 in my teens. I have big breasts and a butt even at 110. I would prefer to be 110-120lbs. I am going to work hard to maintain my weight.

I don't understand. Are you on here to gloat about your appearance or are you really bothered by shallow guys you picked to date who don't like stretch marks? I mean you do know eventually every woman gets stretch marks when she gains weight with pregnancy?

[Anonymous]

There are men who would date someone who is currently fat, much less "used to be."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:110 lbs with big cans. Jack pot.

LOL ! +1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Early 30s guy here. I would have no concerns at all.

Was in a wedding last year and one of the bridesmaids was purely stunning. I could tell from her arms that she had prior been overweight. I asked my wife about her and learned that the girl has lost over 100lbs. The Mrs showed me her Facebook with before and after pictures. Unbelievable...it made me appreciate her appearance all the more. Seriously, forget those tools that turned away. Keep up your game up. If you need some encouragement you can hit us up

Good for her-agreed. However, she may have many more tells once her clothes are off. Just sayin'

[Anonymous]

I would look for a guy who has been through something similar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would look for a guy who has been through something similar.

I wouldn't. Too big of risk with asymmetry. What if one person gains a bunch back and the other doesn't?

[Anonymous]

I am reading through this and feel sick to my stomach. So many shallow people here.

A few years back I listened to a "This American Life" episode called "Tell Me I'm Fat." My heart broke when I heard Elna Baker's story.

She has always struggled with her weight, could not get a job when she was fat, couldn't get a date, etc. So, she lost 110 lbs. She had to have surgery to tighten up her skin after losing the weight. One night, the sutures in her crotch tore open in the way you might split your pants. She had to call a friend to stuff cotton in the open wound to stop the bleeding.

As a thinner woman, she suddenly got dates including with a hot guy in her building who never noticed her when she was fat. Eventually she married him. But he told her one night in a conversation if she were still fat he wouldn't have noticed her. That is sad.

https://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/589/tell-me-im-fat?act=2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you had an health issue that caused you to gain weight and it took you years to get it under control and find the right meds, but now it is and you are back to a normal weight and guys don't want to date you when they find out? Is that who you want for a life mate, someone who would cut and run when they found out about your health issue?

Op here. Yes. I am back to my normal without of 110lbs. I have always worked out and took care of my health, but PCOS was something I couldn't control. Not to make excuses, but it's not like I just sat around eating junk food. PCOS is similar to a thyroid problem, and can cause people to gain and uncontrollable amount of weight. It's not easy to deal with.

Congrats. I'm very happy for you and what you have done is fantastic. What immabout to say likely won't be popular but it's about what makes you happy. In general, men are visual creatures. With your clothes on, you are going to attract a certain type guy. Those guys may create expectations in their heads about how you look w/o clothes. Many posters are correct that you will, at some point, find a man that loves you for who you are. The question is: will the damage have already been done. Your post here tells me this is impacting you (as it would almost anyone). Pretty soon, you are going to be reluctant to let things advance physically and when you do, you will insist on complete darkness or being and staying under covers. It will make sex a chore rather than a great experience. You will not be able to enjoy yourself because you are concerned about what he's thinking.

Get an appt with a plastic surgeon and go and consult about what can be done. Don't skimp or bargain shop here. Find out who is the best, seek him/her out and ask if they have any before and after photos of similar work they've done so you can get an idea of what to expect and whether it's worth the cost. Often, the dr will work out a payment plan. The bottom line is you worked hard to achieve a certain look and there is something standing in your way of enjoying it. Only you can decide how you want to deal with it but this is one way for you to have everything you want and throw on a bikini next summer if that's what you feel.

If you decide that's not for you, then you need to be proud of your body and accept that you are great just the way you are. Don't settle for someone that thinks any less than that. Best of luck, whatever you decide and congrats again on the weight loss.