Would You Date A Woman Who Used To Be Fat?

[Anonymous]

OP. How early into dating are you bringing up the past?

My wife has stretch marks from puberty when her but grew (she got a booty). I think she's the most beautiful woman I've been with. And, she's 25 lb's heavier than you.

You need to let men think of their own reasons not to date you. Stop doing it for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a late 20's woman that has lost 75lbs in the last year, and have kept it off for the past 6 months. I was always a skinny child and teen but developed PCOS when puberty set in, and started gaining weight in my early 20's. I struggled with the issue for years and finally got it under control after a drastic change in diet and going on medication. The extra weight left me with stretchmarks on my breast, stomach, thighs, and hips. I have noticed since losing the weight, two guys I have dated looked at me differently once they found out. One never called me back after a month, and the other was very rude about it. I don't want it to define me, but I am worried that it may hinder my chances of finding a good guy.

So, wait. They dated you when you were heavy, but don't want to date you now that you are thin?

I think Op means that she has date some guys since she's lost weight who look at her differently once they find out that she used to be heavy. One stopped calling her and one was very rude about it.

Not sure what happened with those guys but I'd say that Op is way better off w/o them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. How early into dating are you bringing up the past?

My wife has stretch marks from puberty when her but grew (she got a booty). I think she's the most beautiful woman I've been with. And, she's 25 lb's heavier than you.

You need to let men think of their own reasons not to date you. Stop doing it for them.

Agreed OP. Just from your posts you're coming off as a little emotionally insecure. You're hot (according to your standards and where you want to be in life) so flaunt it and find a guy who can't keep his hands off you - in or out bed.

[Anonymous]

I am a NP who also lost a lot of weight - I am now 70 lbs lower than my highest non-pregnant weight and have maintained this weight for years. I'm in the 120s.

Hate to break it to all the jerks out there, but women like OP and me are the best kinds of women to date if you are worried about someone getting fat. I can guarantee that I will never, ever, ever be fat again. I am so vigilant about my weight. I eat sweets and junk and carbs just like everyone else, but I stay on top of things so that one bad day is offset by 6 great ones. I know exactly how it feels to be 190 lbs and I never, ever want to be there again.. so much so that I will never get to 130 again, because I know exactly what a slippery slope it is.

It's the women who have never had to try that have problems after childbearing, IMO.

[Anonymous]

Forget about those guys. You are beautiful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a NP who also lost a lot of weight - I am now 70 lbs lower than my highest non-pregnant weight and have maintained this weight for years. I'm in the 120s.

Hate to break it to all the jerks out there, but women like OP and me are the best kinds of women to date if you are worried about someone getting fat. I can guarantee that I will never, ever, ever be fat again. I am so vigilant about my weight. I eat sweets and junk and carbs just like everyone else, but I stay on top of things so that one bad day is offset by 6 great ones. I know exactly how it feels to be 190 lbs and I never, ever want to be there again.. so much so that I will never get to 130 again, because I know exactly what a slippery slope it is.

It's the women who have never had to try that have problems after childbearing, IMO.

Agreed. I lost 100 pounds and will never let myself get that heavy again. I had surgery to remove my extra skin and gained about 15 pounds during that period and the moment I could get back to a regular workout routine, I did and started to lose it. My weight gain came when I found out I was pregnant with my first child and had to quit smoking. I gained 80 pounds. I was doing everything I could to get the weight off after giving birth, but a week before my son turned one, my mother passed away. To make a really long story short, over the course of 6 years I lost my mom, 3 grandparents, 2 friends and had 5 abdominal surgeries. The last surgery I had was a total hysterectomy that left me post menopause at 35. I am now 40 and realize that if people don't like me for who I am and where I came from, they are not worth my time.

You are strong both mentally and physically for being able to achieve such a goal. Find a man who will see you as such!

[Anonymous]

Male here. it would be something that I admired about you not ridiculed you for. And stretch marks can be kind of sexy.

[Anonymous]

OP, as you've seen here, some won't have any issue dating you, others will hold it against you. If you want a silver lining on this, this gives you a bit of a built-in litmus test to weed out men who have no patience for the effects of time, mother nature, child birth, etc. on a woman's body. The men who won't date you now because you were once overweight are the same men who will police how much you eat during your pregnancies and start prodding you to workout as soon as you get home from the hospital. They'll make noises about boob jobs when nursing makes you a bit less perky. They'll get turned off by the natural aging of your skin. Granted, you could still end up with someone like that, but the odds of it will drop dramatically because of your history.

[Anonymous]

I hope those guys aren't your definition of a "good guy." Think of it this way: it's winnowing out the duds among your dates. Who wants to end up with a mate who doesn't truly believe in the "for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health" bit?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thank you! I know I have many things to offer. The rejection sometimes plays with your mind. My biggest worry is the strecthmarks. They're ugly.

Don't let it affect you. I was born with a terrible and darn ugly leg disability that made me very self conscious when I was young and starting to date. But the rest of me was a "pretty good package" and I had some wonderful girl friends and have now been married over 30 years. According to my DW how I overcame my disability was one of the things that she really liked about me.

[Anonymous]

Op. Thank you for the encouragement. I don't openly discuss it but guy 1 and I ran into an old friend of mine who commented on how good I looked after losing weight. Guy 2 made a joke about his friend dating an " ex fattie" and I told him I used to be overweight. I am very proud if myself for overcoming a debilitating medical condition 30-40% of women deal with. If you are a woman who has suffered from PCOS, you know how hard it can be.

I agree with the pp that I will never be overweight again. It's unhealthy and I feel my best while being fit. I have learned many things about myself and food throughout my journey. I will take extra time to make sure I don't gain weight for both my spouse and I. I agree I am not attracted to very overweight men but I wouldn't have an issue with dating a guy who used to be overweight.

[Anonymous]

OP, it's possible they would have dumped you or ghosted for some other reason. guys do that. I know plenty of women who are overweight who have found nice guys to marry. And some of the women I know who have lost weight have also found nice guys.

Don't assume it's all about the fact that you used to be fat.

[Anonymous]

OP, not sure why this topic is coming up so quickly when dating guys (since you say it has only been of for 6 months). I was definitely not talking about my weight with dates that early. Are you bringing up the topic?

FWIW, I lost about 60 lbs in my mid-20s, felt like I was super fit and cute (down to 120 lbs) and can totally empathize with where you are coming from in term of stretch marks, etc. However, the only date I have ever mentioned my weight loss to was my now-husband, and that was after dating 5 or 6 months (although by that time, I had been at my current weight for about 5 years). I don't define myself by my weight, either when I was heavy or now that I'm slim, and I don't think previous weight loss is a relevant part of the "getting to know you" early phase of dating, although I certainly was open about it later in our relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op. Thank you for the encouragement. I don't openly discuss it but guy 1 and I ran into an old friend of mine who commented on how good I looked after losing weight. Guy 2 made a joke about his friend dating an " ex fattie" and I told him I used to be overweight. I am very proud if myself for overcoming a debilitating medical condition 30-40% of women deal with. If you are a woman who has suffered from PCOS, you know how hard it can be.

I agree with the pp that I will never be overweight again. It's unhealthy and I feel my best while being fit. I have learned many things about myself and food throughout my journey. I will take extra time to make sure I don't gain weight for both my spouse and I. I agree I am not attracted to very overweight men but I wouldn't have an issue with dating a guy who used to be overweight.

Op here. My insecurities surrounding my weight had a lot to do with my parents. My mom ( super skinny) and dad ( overweight) have always commented on people's appearances based on weight. My dad used to tell me " Don't you think you should lose weight and time up?". My mom was also the same way. It's something I had to get over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a NP who also lost a lot of weight - I am now 70 lbs lower than my highest non-pregnant weight and have maintained this weight for years. I'm in the 120s.

Hate to break it to all the jerks out there, but women like OP and me are the best kinds of women to date if you are worried about someone getting fat. I can guarantee that I will never, ever, ever be fat again. I am so vigilant about my weight. I eat sweets and junk and carbs just like everyone else, but I stay on top of things so that one bad day is offset by 6 great ones. I know exactly how it feels to be 190 lbs and I never, ever want to be there again.. so much so that I will never get to 130 again, because I know exactly what a slippery slope it is.

It's the women who have never had to try that have problems after childbearing, IMO.

Listen, I don't want to turn this negative but at the same time, you kind of did. It's pretty unfair (and just wrong.) to claim that women who have always been vigilant and never let themselves get overweight are lacking something in comparison. I have pcos too and guarantee I am just as careful as you are / likely have to work just as hard.