Discovered my dad is cheating on my mom - WWYD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've decided I'm going to send all the screenshots to my mom anonymously. I'm going to do it on Friday so she can use the weekend to process and think about her options before going back to work.

I believe that if I talked to my dad he would be remorseful that I found out (only that he got caught) but not about the affair itself. I also worry he would downplay what was really happening. My mom needs to see the truth about what he was saying and planning to do with the AP because it directly impacts my mom. There are emails talking about their plan to move to the NE together and about selling my childhood home and how long it might be on the market, about renting out her apartment, etc. This isn't a flig or an emotional affair. This is real and my mom needs to know.

Whoa. If you think that any of this could hit the fan soon your mom doesn't have a whole lot of time to get her ducks in a row. I would consider telling her sooner than this weekend while she has the ability to consult the professionals who can help her plan for this upheaval.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've decided I'm going to send all the screenshots to my mom anonymously. I'm going to do it on Friday so she can use the weekend to process and think about her options before going back to work.

I believe that if I talked to my dad he would be remorseful that I found out (only that he got caught) but not about the affair itself. I also worry he would downplay what was really happening. My mom needs to see the truth about what he was saying and planning to do with the AP because it directly impacts my mom. There are emails talking about their plan to move to the NE together and about selling my childhood home and how long it might be on the market, about renting out her apartment, etc. This isn't a flig or an emotional affair. This is real and my mom needs to know.

So he's making concrete plans to leave your mom. Absolutely she needs to know that. You know your mom and we don't -- any chance she would put blinders on and ignore the screen shots? Pretend nothing's there? Or do nothing, out of fear dad will retaliate somehow?

Sadly, if dad is talking with his AP about moving, leaving mom, house sales (do your parents live in this house?!) etc., he probably also has secret accounts stashed away and might have had them for years as part of his long-term plans to leave. You parents' poor money choices that you mentioned earlier may actually be based in lies by dad about how much he makes, bonuses he's hidden, etc.

OP, you may need to follow up with mom though I do understand your reluctance to talk with her directly about this. But it sounds like dad has been financially planning things that could really screw your mom later when dad and the AP leave. Do mom a favor and research divorce lawyers. She needs a real shark who will dig up anything dad has stashed away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Troll.

If he is in Biglaw, and has adult children, he should not have student loans.

+1. That was the first thing that popped out at me too.

Yup, same.

Please stop. I am not a lawyer so maybe I'm not using the term "biglaw" properly? My parents live in the south and my dad makes probably about $200k. He is not a partner and doesn't want to be (he wanted a better work/life balance) so maybe that's where I'm tripping up. He went to GU Law. I'm also fudging the details a little bit because you never know who's out there.

Now that is done, do you have any advice for me?

The GU law bit sounds even more trollish because of the hate it gets in this forum. Your dad should have had his loans paid off 10 years after graduation as that's the standard repayment length. Are you 10?

On the off chance that you aren't a troll. Rather than just give your mom the emails you should take her to a divorce lawyer so she can plan the next best steps since it sounds like he's already planning to spring a divorce on her.

[Anonymous]

And, Op, it IS your business. If your father's intention is to stash away assets and leave your mom in dire financial straights that most certainly is your business. And that most certainly could impact you indirectly in a bad way, too.

[Anonymous]

So for someone who opened one email read it and then closed it, you sure know a lot about what is going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So for someone who opened one email read it and then closed it, you sure know a lot about what is going on.

Yes, because this is a troll.

[Anonymous]

So in his 40s/50s, your dad decided to go to a private law school in DC, despite the fact that the family lived in the South (in your childhood home, where mom and dad still live). He took out loans to do this, then went Biglaw, and over the past 10-15 years has been unable to repay those loans?

It sounds like your dad is incapable of being responsible. Your mom will probably be happy to be done with him, and as an empty nester, she will probably be able to support herself on just her income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think you should tell. It's not your place. Maybe everyone is happy with the situation.

+1. Not your relationship, not your business, not your problem. You don't need to do anything; just do whatever you would about any other piece of misaddressed mail you happened to see -- forget about it and move on because it's not yours to deal with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think you should tell. It's not your place. Maybe everyone is happy with the situation.

+1. Not your relationship, not your business, not your problem. You don't need to do anything; just do whatever you would about any other piece of misaddressed mail you happened to see -- forget about it and move on because it's not yours to deal with.

Did either of you read all OP's replies? The father is planning behind his wife's back to sell their house and leave with the mistress. OP saw messages about specific plans between the dad and the mistress. So you think OP should just forget that and let dad financially cripple mom on top of devastating her with a surprise demand for divorce?

[Anonymous]

OP here - this will be my last post. I was considering what a PP said about telling her sooner because if I wait until the weekend then she won't get a chance to talk to a lawyer until Monday. I told her myself.

Thank you all for your replies, they were very helpful and gave me a lot to consider. This has been one of the worst 36 or so hours of my life. For all those saying I was a troll, I truly hope you never have to go through pain like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - this will be my last post. I was considering what a PP said about telling her sooner because if I wait until the weekend then she won't get a chance to talk to a lawyer until Monday. I told her myself.

Thank you all for your replies, they were very helpful and gave me a lot to consider. This has been one of the worst 36 or so hours of my life. For all those saying I was a troll, I truly hope you never have to go through pain like this.

Imagine your mother's pain. I'm sure it is far worse than yours.

[Anonymous]

No 1/2 decent parent would ask their child to carry that burden.

You did the right thing OP.

[Anonymous]

I'd tell my siblings and see what could be done to protect your mom.

[Anonymous]

Yeah I'd do nothing OP.

[Anonymous]

Update us please, OP.

What did your mom say?