Discovered my dad is cheating on my mom - WWYD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm going in a different direction. It's not your marriage. Your mom either knows, suspects, or doesn't care. MYOB, or at best tell your dad to be more careful with his email. It's never your place to blow up someone else's marriage.

Op would not be the one blowing up her parents' marriage. If Op's mom wants to be in denial or if she wants to ignore what it is going on she totally still has that option even after getting the forwarded email. For all Op knows, her mom already knows about this affair and doesn't care.

But expecting Op to walk around with the burden of this secret is not fair and it is not a reasonable expectation.

[Anonymous]

Np here, but my dad (a prominent lawyer) once told me he purposefully took as long as allowed to pay off his student loans (while buying multiple properties / investing elsewhere) because it was a much lower rate than other loans he could obtain. That said, I think by my teens he'd paid them all off

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Troll.

If he is in Biglaw, and has adult children, he should not have student loans.

Married 35 years...one hell of a big student loan. I agree with you...troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going in a different direction. It's not your marriage. Your mom either knows, suspects, or doesn't care. MYOB, or at best tell your dad to be more careful with his email. It's never your place to blow up someone else's marriage.

Op would not be the one blowing up her parents' marriage. If Op's mom wants to be in denial or if she wants to ignore what it is going on she totally still has that option even after getting the forwarded email. For all Op knows, her mom already knows about this affair and doesn't care.

But expecting Op to walk around with the burden of this secret is not fair and it is not a reasonable expectation.

That would be true if the father came to her and said, "Hey, I'm having an affair, but don't tell your mother." That is not what happened. She discovered this on her own. There is no "burden." If she is going to talk to someone, it should be her father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Troll.

If he is in Biglaw, and has adult children, he should not have student loans.

Married 35 years...one hell of a big student loan. I agree with you...troll.

OP here -
He got his JD later in life, mid 2000s from a top 5 law school. At that time they already had three kids (1-7 years old, all in private schools.) Yes the finances don't work well and that's because my parents made bad financial decisions.

I don't know why I keep defending this point... I swear I am not a troll. I am someone in pain and in need of help and guidance.

[Anonymous]

OP here - I took screenshots of the most recent ones if/when I tell him to fess up or if I need to tell my mom. I am absolutely sick to my stomach. I don't know how I'll be able to look at him the same way again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Troll.

If he is in Biglaw, and has adult children, he should not have student loans.

Married 35 years...one hell of a big student loan. I agree with you...troll.

OP here -
He got his JD later in life, mid 2000s from a top 5 law school. At that time they already had three kids (1-7 years old, all in private schools.) Yes the finances don't work well and that's because my parents made bad financial decisions.

I don't know why I keep defending this point... I swear I am not a troll. I am someone in pain and in need of help and guidance.

Np: How old are you? 19? Your numbers/dates don't add up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell him you know and tell him to stop it.

It's either her or you ... make him choose.

See who he cares about more.

Its not that he will care about "her" more, its that he cares about himself more. The AP is incidental, its all on him.

That is what I meant. OP needs to grow up and see her dad for who he actually is not who she hoped he is. He is a selfis a$$hole. I am sure there were signs of this n the past.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going in a different direction. It's not your marriage. Your mom either knows, suspects, or doesn't care. MYOB, or at best tell your dad to be more careful with his email. It's never your place to blow up someone else's marriage.

Op would not be the one blowing up her parents' marriage. If Op's mom wants to be in denial or if she wants to ignore what it is going on she totally still has that option even after getting the forwarded email. For all Op knows, her mom already knows about this affair and doesn't care.

But expecting Op to walk around with the burden of this secret is not fair and it is not a reasonable expectation.

Ignore the PP it's a cheater that hopes one day their daughter will MYOB and blame the faithful spouse. Whatever... Damaged people are so predictable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Troll.

If he is in Biglaw, and has adult children, he should not have student loans.

Married 35 years...one hell of a big student loan. I agree with you...troll.

OP here -
He got his JD later in life, mid 2000s from a top 5 law school. At that time they already had three kids (1-7 years old, all in private schools.) Yes the finances don't work well and that's because my parents made bad financial decisions.

I don't know why I keep defending this point... I swear I am not a troll. I am someone in pain and in need of help and guidance.

Np: How old are you? 19? Your numbers/dates don't add up.

Because OP is a troll.

I have never heard of Biglaw hiring a late-in-life law school grad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going in a different direction. It's not your marriage. Your mom either knows, suspects, or doesn't care. MYOB, or at best tell your dad to be more careful with his email. It's never your place to blow up someone else's marriage.

Op would not be the one blowing up her parents' marriage. If Op's mom wants to be in denial or if she wants to ignore what it is going on she totally still has that option even after getting the forwarded email. For all Op knows, her mom already knows about this affair and doesn't care.

But expecting Op to walk around with the burden of this secret is not fair and it is not a reasonable expectation.

That would be true if the father came to her and said, "Hey, I'm having an affair, but don't tell your mother." That is not what happened. She discovered this on her own. There is no "burden." If she is going to talk to someone, it should be her father.

The father carelessly left these emails open to his own children. That was stupid and that sucks of him. What a bombshell to drop on your kids and what a crappy way to do it,

It is not the Op's job to go to her father and try to figure out how to get him to stop this and how best to handle this situation for her mother. No way should Op be put in the position of helping her dad cover this mess up. Forward the danged. It looks as though Op's parents have some things to discuss. Let them figure it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going in a different direction. It's not your marriage. Your mom either knows, suspects, or doesn't care. MYOB, or at best tell your dad to be more careful with his email. It's never your place to blow up someone else's marriage.

Op would not be the one blowing up her parents' marriage. If Op's mom wants to be in denial or if she wants to ignore what it is going on she totally still has that option even after getting the forwarded email. For all Op knows, her mom already knows about this affair and doesn't care.

But expecting Op to walk around with the burden of this secret is not fair and it is not a reasonable expectation.

Ignore the PP it's a cheater that hopes one day their daughter will MYOB and blame the faithful spouse. Whatever... Damaged people are so predictable.

Wrong. I'm not the damaged one. I'm a grownup who was cheated upon. My kids should not be in the middle. I'm sorry you were cheated upon and are so bitter that you think putting your kids in the middle is a good idea. Hope your ex is paying the therapy bills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm going in a different direction. It's not your marriage. Your mom either knows, suspects, or doesn't care. MYOB, or at best tell your dad to be more careful with his email. It's never your place to blow up someone else's marriage.

Mathis. Tell your dad to be more careful with his email. I still don't get how a big law partner in his 50s can be broke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going in a different direction. It's not your marriage. Your mom either knows, suspects, or doesn't care. MYOB, or at best tell your dad to be more careful with his email. It's never your place to blow up someone else's marriage.

Op would not be the one blowing up her parents' marriage. If Op's mom wants to be in denial or if she wants to ignore what it is going on she totally still has that option even after getting the forwarded email. For all Op knows, her mom already knows about this affair and doesn't care.

But expecting Op to walk around with the burden of this secret is not fair and it is not a reasonable expectation.

Ignore the PP it's a cheater that hopes one day their daughter will MYOB and blame the faithful spouse. Whatever... Damaged people are so predictable.

Wrong. I'm not the damaged one. I'm a grownup who was cheated upon. My kids should not be in the middle. I'm sorry you were cheated upon and are so bitter that you think putting your kids in the middle is a good idea. Hope your ex is paying the therapy bills.

If your kids found an email like this they would be put into the middle of it, like it or not. There is no MYOBing at that point. You can't unsee it, the proverbial genie is out of the bottle. If he's dumb enough to leave smoking guns laying around for his kids to find, you can damn well bet that other people know all about this affair to. Best thing to do is put an end to the deception and let the married couple figure out what they are going to do about it.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you should tell. It's not your place. Maybe everyone is happy with the situation.