Discovered my dad is cheating on my mom - WWYD

[Anonymous]

She's going to pretend to go to work tomorrow but really go see a lawyer. After she retains one she's going to confront my dad. She said she was really glad I told her. She was completely shocked and blindsided. She didn't want to see the emails so I'm glad I didn't send them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think you should tell. It's not your place. Maybe everyone is happy with the situation.

+1. Not your relationship, not your business, not your problem. You don't need to do anything; just do whatever you would about any other piece of misaddressed mail you happened to see -- forget about it and move on because it's not yours to deal with.

Did either of you read all OP's replies? The father is planning behind his wife's back to sell their house and leave with the mistress. OP saw messages about specific plans between the dad and the mistress. So you think OP should just forget that and let dad financially cripple mom on top of devastating her with a surprise demand for divorce?

This is exactly why I told her. If it was an EA or side chick I probably wouldn't have done anything, but when I saw the plans I knew I had to tell her. To a PP: I know all this because I mustered up the courage to go through the emails and screenshot them as proof. Which is good, most of them are already deleted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's going to pretend to go to work tomorrow but really go see a lawyer. After she retains one she's going to confront my dad. She said she was really glad I told her. She was completely shocked and blindsided. She didn't want to see the emails so I'm glad I didn't send them.

Good. The lawyer will have a list of things for her to do. She may need help. But it is imperative that she move quickly to safeguard her financial future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm going in a different direction. It's not your marriage. Your mom either knows, suspects, or doesn't care. MYOB, or at best tell your dad to be more careful with his email. It's never your place to blow up someone else's marriage.

+1. I know it sucks but honestly stay out of it. Your mom either knows or will be humiliated to find out from you. It is shocking but eventually you get over it. I found out the same about my father...when I was like 11. I carried that secret around forever. I never said anything. I still think what my dad was shitty but for one, I'm over it, for two, I understand now there are dynamics to my parents' relationship that I'll never fully comprehend. Be glad you didn't find out as a kid, that shit was damaging.

[Anonymous]

^^PP, Ok, too late. I really need to read the last page before I post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going in a different direction. It's not your marriage. Your mom either knows, suspects, or doesn't care. MYOB, or at best tell your dad to be more careful with his email. It's never your place to blow up someone else's marriage.

Op would not be the one blowing up her parents' marriage. If Op's mom wants to be in denial or if she wants to ignore what it is going on she totally still has that option even after getting the forwarded email. For all Op knows, her mom already knows about this affair and doesn't care.

But expecting Op to walk around with the burden of this secret is not fair and it is not a reasonable expectation.

Ignore the PP it's a cheater that hopes one day their daughter will MYOB and blame the faithful spouse. Whatever... Damaged people are so predictable.

Wrong. I'm not the damaged one. I'm a grownup who was cheated upon. My kids should not be in the middle. I'm sorry you were cheated upon and are so bitter that you think putting your kids in the middle is a good idea. Hope your ex is paying the therapy bills.

PP, OP's case is not one where some parent is putting a young kid or teen "in the middle." OP is an adult. Neither parent has asked OP to get involved or to stay silent. OP is not a kid being treated like a pawn in a divorce--there is no divorce yet and neither parent knows OP knows what's up. (At least that was the case until OP informed mom today.) Good that you didn't put your kids in the middle of your divorce but that's not at all the situation with OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think you should tell. It's not your place. Maybe everyone is happy with the situation.

+1. Not your relationship, not your business, not your problem. You don't need to do anything; just do whatever you would about any other piece of misaddressed mail you happened to see -- forget about it and move on because it's not yours to deal with.

Did either of you read all OP's replies? The father is planning behind his wife's back to sell their house and leave with the mistress. OP saw messages about specific plans between the dad and the mistress. So you think OP should just forget that and let dad financially cripple mom on top of devastating her with a surprise demand for divorce?

This is exactly why I told her. If it was an EA or side chick I probably wouldn't have done anything, but when I saw the plans I knew I had to tell her. To a PP: I know all this because I mustered up the courage to go through the emails and screenshot them as proof. Which is good, most of them are already deleted.

Keep those screen shots! Your mom may not want to see them now but there could be info in them that will be needed down the road.

[Anonymous]

I find it hard to believe that anyone, a lawyer especially, would so blatantly leave a paper trail describing his plans to screw over his wife. And who discusses stuff like that over email?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's going to pretend to go to work tomorrow but really go see a lawyer. After she retains one she's going to confront my dad. She said she was really glad I told her. She was completely shocked and blindsided. She didn't want to see the emails so I'm glad I didn't send them.

I was the one who asked for an update and I'm glad to hear she's going to see a lawyer. I went through this exact same scenario when I was a teenager but it was my mom that did it and I told her to fess up immediately, or I would spill the beans for her. It had been going on for months and I had suspected it but my personal burden sucked. It was a hard time and I also grew up in a large, middle class family. It's been 18 years since and my parents divorced years ago (my mom married her affair partner and you can guess how well that ended). Holidays and gatherings were obviously never the same (sadly) but my parents are not enemies. This too shall pass but the wounds will remain.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the update, OP. I hope you keep us posted! I'm invested in your mom now!