Boy is pursuing my DD and won't leave her alone

[Anonymous]

OP, I hope that your daughter's guidance counselor isn't this guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you said this kid is popular, which to me indicates he's potentially an alpha who has never been told no and doesn't really know how to handle that, so he is acting out without fear of consequences. Think Daniel on Bachelor in Paradise who seems to have made it into his 30s acting like this - what a douche.

I'd think that if your daughter firmly told him to get lost (as you say she did) and then actually ignores him he will stop. But my fear is that his friends might then be jerks to her, or some popular girls in his circle (who might like him) would be mean to your daughter in retaliation to her/solidarity with him. Keep an eye out for this, and have her trust in her friends for comfort and back up. Try your best to stay in the loop and check in with her. And go full on momma bear if something goes awry.

I'm a football coach and guidance counselor, so I have a lot of experience working with all sides on what they can do better in working with each other.

Your guidance counselor should work with the young man to help him understand he can back off with respect, that there are plenty of fishes in the sea. The counselor can also help him understand that it's your daughter's loss if she can't figure out why she's making a mistake. I know you might not think it's a mistake, but we got to work from the young man's perspective.

I do want your daughter to think about what she's really communicating to the young man. Is she cutting down his manhood in her rejection, rather than owning her actions?

I had a great, great player who went on to play FCS-level ball in college at a ranked program. He ended up marrying a really fantastic woman coed he met there.

But, you know, he was a talented but coltish high school sophomore back in the day. Now, even then he was a heck of a player, and left it all on the field. But at that age he was a sensitive kid.

So anyway, he developed a crush on a hot senior cheerleader. Now we always use kids' circumstances as motivational fuel. If a kid thinks getting a TD and getting to the 'ship is going to get him some action, then he's gonna play better.

But this chick was just too hot, and had been around the block. She wasn't dating one of my underclassmen no matter how much potential he has. But she was pretty cruel in how she blew him off. He kept trying to prove himself to her, much like this young man is doing with your DD. Since even as a sophomore he was a critical player for us, we took a lot of time helping him work through this and get over her. To this day I think we would have pulled out the semifinal if we had had just a little more time to game plan. But, you know, that's what you get when you choose to coach at this level.

Anyway Mom, show some compassion for this young man. Who knows--you might even find yourself watching him on your TV on Sundays in a few years .

"You're so friggin' hot, why won't you talk to me" isn't "proving himself." This isn't some cheesy '80s Patrick Dempsey movie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you said this kid is popular, which to me indicates he's potentially an alpha who has never been told no and doesn't really know how to handle that, so he is acting out without fear of consequences. Think Daniel on Bachelor in Paradise who seems to have made it into his 30s acting like this - what a douche.

I'd think that if your daughter firmly told him to get lost (as you say she did) and then actually ignores him he will stop. But my fear is that his friends might then be jerks to her, or some popular girls in his circle (who might like him) would be mean to your daughter in retaliation to her/solidarity with him. Keep an eye out for this, and have her trust in her friends for comfort and back up. Try your best to stay in the loop and check in with her. And go full on momma bear if something goes awry.

I'm a football coach and guidance counselor, so I have a lot of experience working with all sides on what they can do better in working with each other.

Your guidance counselor should work with the young man to help him understand he can back off with respect, that there are plenty of fishes in the sea. The counselor can also help him understand that it's your daughter's loss if she can't figure out why she's making a mistake. I know you might not think it's a mistake, but we got to work from the young man's perspective.

I do want your daughter to think about what she's really communicating to the young man. Is she cutting down his manhood in her rejection, rather than owning her actions?

I had a great, great player who went on to play FCS-level ball in college at a ranked program. He ended up marrying a really fantastic woman coed he met there.

But, you know, he was a talented but coltish high school sophomore back in the day. Now, even then he was a heck of a player, and left it all on the field. But at that age he was a sensitive kid.

So anyway, he developed a crush on a hot senior cheerleader. Now we always use kids' circumstances as motivational fuel. If a kid thinks getting a TD and getting to the 'ship is going to get him some action, then he's gonna play better.

But this chick was just too hot, and had been around the block. She wasn't dating one of my underclassmen no matter how much potential he has. But she was pretty cruel in how she blew him off. He kept trying to prove himself to her, much like this young man is doing with your DD. Since even as a sophomore he was a critical player for us, we took a lot of time helping him work through this and get over her. To this day I think we would have pulled out the semifinal if we had had just a little more time to game plan. But, you know, that's what you get when you choose to coach at this level.

Anyway Mom, show some compassion for this young man. Who knows--you might even find yourself watching him on your TV on Sundays in a few years .

Thank you for illustrating how boys who are talented in sports become entitled assholes who think that they are entitled to girls' bodies and affections and know that what schools really value is male sports prowess, and not the safety and wellbeing of its female students.

The daughter communicated that she was not interested. That is all that matters. Full stop. The boy is not entitled to know why, or assuage his feelings by telling himself it's her deficiency, or be given another chance with her so he can play better, or have his "manhood" propped up by people who are unrelated to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you said this kid is popular, which to me indicates he's potentially an alpha who has never been told no and doesn't really know how to handle that, so he is acting out without fear of consequences. Think Daniel on Bachelor in Paradise who seems to have made it into his 30s acting like this - what a douche.

I'd think that if your daughter firmly told him to get lost (as you say she did) and then actually ignores him he will stop. But my fear is that his friends might then be jerks to her, or some popular girls in his circle (who might like him) would be mean to your daughter in retaliation to her/solidarity with him. Keep an eye out for this, and have her trust in her friends for comfort and back up. Try your best to stay in the loop and check in with her. And go full on momma bear if something goes awry.

I'm a football coach and guidance counselor, so I have a lot of experience working with all sides on what they can do better in working with each other.

Your guidance counselor should work with the young man to help him understand he can back off with respect, that there are plenty of fishes in the sea. The counselor can also help him understand that it's your daughter's loss if she can't figure out why she's making a mistake. I know you might not think it's a mistake, but we got to work from the young man's perspective.

I do want your daughter to think about what she's really communicating to the young man. Is she cutting down his manhood in her rejection, rather than owning her actions?

I had a great, great player who went on to play FCS-level ball in college at a ranked program. He ended up marrying a really fantastic woman coed he met there.

But, you know, he was a talented but coltish high school sophomore back in the day. Now, even then he was a heck of a player, and left it all on the field. But at that age he was a sensitive kid.

So anyway, he developed a crush on a hot senior cheerleader. Now we always use kids' circumstances as motivational fuel. If a kid thinks getting a TD and getting to the 'ship is going to get him some action, then he's gonna play better.

But this chick was just too hot, and had been around the block. She wasn't dating one of my underclassmen no matter how much potential he has. But she was pretty cruel in how she blew him off. He kept trying to prove himself to her, much like this young man is doing with your DD. Since even as a sophomore he was a critical player for us, we took a lot of time helping him work through this and get over her. To this day I think we would have pulled out the semifinal if we had had just a little more time to game plan. But, you know, that's what you get when you choose to coach at this level.

Anyway Mom, show some compassion for this young man. Who knows--you might even find yourself watching him on your TV on Sundays in a few years .

Right. Because that's what's important here.

WTF did you just write? If it's satire, I apologize. If it's not, please stop working with kids. STAT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you said this kid is popular, which to me indicates he's potentially an alpha who has never been told no and doesn't really know how to handle that, so he is acting out without fear of consequences. Think Daniel on Bachelor in Paradise who seems to have made it into his 30s acting like this - what a douche.

I'd think that if your daughter firmly told him to get lost (as you say she did) and then actually ignores him he will stop. But my fear is that his friends might then be jerks to her, or some popular girls in his circle (who might like him) would be mean to your daughter in retaliation to her/solidarity with him. Keep an eye out for this, and have her trust in her friends for comfort and back up. Try your best to stay in the loop and check in with her. And go full on momma bear if something goes awry.

I'm a football coach and guidance counselor, so I have a lot of experience working with all sides on what they can do better in working with each other.

Your guidance counselor should work with the young man to help him understand he can back off with respect, that there are plenty of fishes in the sea. The counselor can also help him understand that it's your daughter's loss if she can't figure out why she's making a mistake. I know you might not think it's a mistake, but we got to work from the young man's perspective.

I do want your daughter to think about what she's really communicating to the young man. Is she cutting down his manhood in her rejection, rather than owning her actions?

I had a great, great player who went on to play FCS-level ball in college at a ranked program. He ended up marrying a really fantastic woman coed he met there.

But, you know, he was a talented but coltish high school sophomore back in the day. Now, even then he was a heck of a player, and left it all on the field. But at that age he was a sensitive kid.

So anyway, he developed a crush on a hot senior cheerleader. Now we always use kids' circumstances as motivational fuel. If a kid thinks getting a TD and getting to the 'ship is going to get him some action, then he's gonna play better.

But this chick was just too hot, and had been around the block. She wasn't dating one of my underclassmen no matter how much potential he has. But she was pretty cruel in how she blew him off. He kept trying to prove himself to her, much like this young man is doing with your DD. Since even as a sophomore he was a critical player for us, we took a lot of time helping him work through this and get over her. To this day I think we would have pulled out the semifinal if we had had just a little more time to game plan. But, you know, that's what you get when you choose to coach at this level.

Anyway Mom, show some compassion for this young man. Who knows--you might even find yourself watching him on your TV on Sundays in a few years .

You, sir, are what's wrong with America and you should not be counseling and coaching impressionable young men.

[Anonymous]

I would find out what this boys name is and then wait for him after school. I would follow to a place where he is relatively secluded and then I would confront the f*ck out of him: what the hell do think you are doing--I'll have you arrested for stalking--threaten to contact his parents, the school, his sports coach if he has one, etc. Do not put anything in writing him--but go full batshit on him.

I'm a woman. A boy harassed me in HS. He even would try to stroke the inside of my leg during group assignments. After a couple of weeks of this, I slammed him up against a locker finally and he backed off.

I was the teenage "Brienne of Tarth" in my HS. I took absolutely no shit from harassers. By 11th grade I had a "Tormund" type boyfriend who made me very happy. I no longer carry a sword.

[Anonymous]

^^I mean for you, the mom to threaten this boy.

[Anonymous]

what's he going to do? OOh, Larla's mom threatened me and I felt unsafe. Fuck him. You're the parent. You absolutely will get no push back from anyone in authority for telling authorities what he is doing--besides it won't even get to the point where you have to really say something to anyone. He'll back off.

[Anonymous]

The so called guidance counselor on this thread is a fucking SOB and if I knew who you were I would make you fired so quick your weak, enabling ass would be crying for mercy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you said this kid is popular, which to me indicates he's potentially an alpha who has never been told no and doesn't really know how to handle that, so he is acting out without fear of consequences. Think Daniel on Bachelor in Paradise who seems to have made it into his 30s acting like this - what a douche.

I'd think that if your daughter firmly told him to get lost (as you say she did) and then actually ignores him he will stop. But my fear is that his friends might then be jerks to her, or some popular girls in his circle (who might like him) would be mean to your daughter in retaliation to her/solidarity with him. Keep an eye out for this, and have her trust in her friends for comfort and back up. Try your best to stay in the loop and check in with her. And go full on momma bear if something goes awry.

I'm a football coach and guidance counselor, so I have a lot of experience working with all sides on what they can do better in working with each other.

Your guidance counselor should work with the young man to help him understand he can back off with respect, that there are plenty of fishes in the sea. The counselor can also help him understand that it's your daughter's loss if she can't figure out why she's making a mistake. I know you might not think it's a mistake, but we got to work from the young man's perspective.

I do want your daughter to think about what she's really communicating to the young man. Is she cutting down his manhood in her rejection, rather than owning her actions?

I had a great, great player who went on to play FCS-level ball in college at a ranked program. He ended up marrying a really fantastic woman coed he met there.

But, you know, he was a talented but coltish high school sophomore back in the day. Now, even then he was a heck of a player, and left it all on the field. But at that age he was a sensitive kid.

So anyway, he developed a crush on a hot senior cheerleader. Now we always use kids' circumstances as motivational fuel. If a kid thinks getting a TD and getting to the 'ship is going to get him some action, then he's gonna play better.

But this chick was just too hot, and had been around the block. She wasn't dating one of my underclassmen no matter how much potential he has. But she was pretty cruel in how she blew him off. He kept trying to prove himself to her, much like this young man is doing with your DD. Since even as a sophomore he was a critical player for us, we took a lot of time helping him work through this and get over her. To this day I think we would have pulled out the semifinal if we had had just a little more time to game plan. But, you know, that's what you get when you choose to coach at this level.

Anyway Mom, show some compassion for this young man. Who knows--you might even find yourself watching him on your TV on Sundays in a few years .

Thank you for illustrating how boys who are talented in sports become entitled assholes who think that they are entitled to girls' bodies and affections and know that what schools really value is male sports prowess, and not the safety and wellbeing of its female students.

The daughter communicated that she was not interested. That is all that matters. Full stop. The boy is not entitled to know why, or assuage his feelings by telling himself it's her deficiency, or be given another chance with her so he can play better, or have his "manhood" propped up by people who are unrelated to him.

This times a million. I cannot believe what the PP, whose in a position to guide these young men, has written. Such a bunch of bullshit. She said stop and that's it. Yes, he may feel bad but that's part of dating. Stop making them think they're entitled assholes, as pp stated. This makes me ill.

[Anonymous]

Any school admin in here? Do NOT make a football coach a guidance counselor. If you do, your school will be in the news for a wrong reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dd just started her second week of high school, when a 9th grade boy began pursuing her romantically via Snapchat and won't leave her alone. She tried ignoring him and has told him she's not interested, but he is not giving up. Part of me doesn't want to make too big a deal of it, I mean he's bound to give up at some point, but it's also a little weird. She is absolutely not open to us involving the school, and I'd rather not create a situation that makes her life more difficult socially. I'm just so annoyed she has to deal with this. Any suggestions?

Have your DH talk to him, this is where fathers and brothers come into play. He needs to understand pursuing your daughter against her wishes won't be cost free.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you said this kid is popular, which to me indicates he's potentially an alpha who has never been told no and doesn't really know how to handle that, so he is acting out without fear of consequences. Think Daniel on Bachelor in Paradise who seems to have made it into his 30s acting like this - what a douche.

I'd think that if your daughter firmly told him to get lost (as you say she did) and then actually ignores him he will stop. But my fear is that his friends might then be jerks to her, or some popular girls in his circle (who might like him) would be mean to your daughter in retaliation to her/solidarity with him. Keep an eye out for this, and have her trust in her friends for comfort and back up. Try your best to stay in the loop and check in with her. And go full on momma bear if something goes awry.

I'm a football coach and guidance counselor, so I have a lot of experience working with all sides on what they can do better in working with each other.

Your guidance counselor should work with the young man to help him understand he can back off with respect, that there are plenty of fishes in the sea. The counselor can also help him understand that it's your daughter's loss if she can't figure out why she's making a mistake. I know you might not think it's a mistake, but we got to work from the young man's perspective.

I do want your daughter to think about what she's really communicating to the young man. Is she cutting down his manhood in her rejection, rather than owning her actions?

I had a great, great player who went on to play FCS-level ball in college at a ranked program. He ended up marrying a really fantastic woman coed he met there.

But, you know, he was a talented but coltish high school sophomore back in the day. Now, even then he was a heck of a player, and left it all on the field. But at that age he was a sensitive kid.

So anyway, he developed a crush on a hot senior cheerleader. Now we always use kids' circumstances as motivational fuel. If a kid thinks getting a TD and getting to the 'ship is going to get him some action, then he's gonna play better.

But this chick was just too hot, and had been around the block. She wasn't dating one of my underclassmen no matter how much potential he has. But she was pretty cruel in how she blew him off. He kept trying to prove himself to her, much like this young man is doing with your DD. Since even as a sophomore he was a critical player for us, we took a lot of time helping him work through this and get over her. To this day I think we would have pulled out the semifinal if we had had just a little more time to game plan. But, you know, that's what you get when you choose to coach at this level.

Anyway Mom, show some compassion for this young man. Who knows--you might even find yourself watching him on your TV on Sundays in a few years .

And this is why I do not want my DD to go to a Div 1 FBS school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am uncomfortable reading this. Young men need to find out loud and clear that no means no and while I am sure you mean well, I don't think you are teaching your daughter not to tolerate it. She needs to block him, the school needs to betold, and his parents need to be told. This is harassment. This is the beginning of what could turn into sexual assault for someone if this boy isn't taught to stop. If it were my daughter I would be all over this and if she didn't like it, too bad. We adults need to model that harassment of females is NOT okay. As a teacher, I would want to know this was going on to allow everyone to feel safe. If it were my son, I would be horrified and would want to correct him so no woman ever gets attacked or killed because he didn't know what know to respect no for an answer.

As a male, what this guy is doing is nothing to what the girls did to me at that age. The girls are much worst.

Op make sure you know what your DD wants. Does she want the attention to stop, does she think this is flirting or creepy, is she asking for help in handling the situation or advice, does she want you involved, etc. If your daughter wants it to stop, she needs to tell the guy he is creeping her out and to stop. She is not interested in him. If he does not stop at that point, something maybe wrong with him. You will need to go to the school admin and get them to take action. This could cause the situation to get more intense, so you will have to stay on top of it. If the genders are reserved, there is nothing the guy can do. People just do not think it is a problem.

.

THIS is so, so true. There was a girl who had a *HUGE* crush on my son. He liked her as a friend, but that was it. They were in the same circle of friends, etc. and one night, after a group outing to the movies, he drove her home. In the car, she said, "So, does this mean we're dating?" He replied, "NO! We're not dating!" He did admit to me that he might have said it too forcefully, but she had been quite clingy and irritating, so he lost his temper a bit. She freaked out. After he got home, this girl's sister called him and chewed him out for being so "mean" and "cruel" and then the girl got all her girlfriends to hate my son. Simply because he told her, unequivocally, that they were not dating.

Let's reverse the genders here. If a girl had told the boy, "NO! We're not dating!" you all would be cheering. But I suspect many of you will be outraged that my son had the nerve to say that to a girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would find out what this boys name is and then wait for him after school. I would follow to a place where he is relatively secluded and then I would confront the f*ck out of him: what the hell do think you are doing--I'll have you arrested for stalking--threaten to contact his parents, the school, his sports coach if he has one, etc. Do not put anything in writing him--but go full batshit on him.

I'm a woman. A boy harassed me in HS. He even would try to stroke the inside of my leg during group assignments. After a couple of weeks of this, I slammed him up against a locker finally and he backed off.

I was the teenage "Brienne of Tarth" in my HS. I took absolutely no shit from harassers. By 11th grade I had a "Tormund" type boyfriend who made me very happy. I no longer carry a sword.

You're insane. it's one thing to do that with a boy your own age--if you did that to my son, it would be a toss up between me having you arrested or just ripping your head off myself. Lunatic.