Rising High School Senior just decided to extend his trip...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think 18 is a magical age at which you get to do whatever you want, especially while still in HS and living at home.

Not sure what you do, OP, but I would be furious too. And not just at lack of control - at the demonstrated lack of maturity and courtesy.

This. People are acting like this is a college kid, instead of a high schooler who's obviously counting on Mom & Dad to go buy his school supplies so he'll be ready for Day One. He's legally an adult, but he's still a kid in reality.

Welk, he's the age of a college kid. The fact that his parents presumably decided to redshift him years ago doesn't make him any less of an adult.

They didn't "red shirt" him! They held off sending him to kindergarten because they were in a foreign country!

God, you people are nuts. Way to turn a great thread into shit.

"Holding off" on sending a kid a to kindergarten -- regardless of the reason-- IS redshirting! And an 18-year-old who is a rising senior in high school --regardless of the reason -- is no less of an adult than an 18-year-old who is about to start college/just started college.

Now you are boring me. You win - he was redshirted. Can you go away now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think 18 is a magical age at which you get to do whatever you want, especially while still in HS and living at home.

Not sure what you do, OP, but I would be furious too. And not just at lack of control - at the demonstrated lack of maturity and courtesy.

This. People are acting like this is a college kid, instead of a high schooler who's obviously counting on Mom & Dad to go buy his school supplies so he'll be ready for Day One. He's legally an adult, but he's still a kid in reality.

Welk, he's the age of a college kid. The fact that his parents presumably decided to redshift him years ago doesn't make him any less of an adult.

eh, my kid will be turning 18 years old towards the beginning of his senior year. I promise you - he was not red shirted. He simply missed the Kindergarten cut off date by about 2 weeks.

He is big for his age so I know that some of the other parents think that we "red shirted" him. We didn't.

Most kids turn 18 at some point during their senior year, don't they?

Yes, and once they turn 18, those kids are legal adults, just like OP's son is a legal adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think 18 is a magical age at which you get to do whatever you want, especially while still in HS and living at home.

Not sure what you do, OP, but I would be furious too. And not just at lack of control - at the demonstrated lack of maturity and courtesy.

This. People are acting like this is a college kid, instead of a high schooler who's obviously counting on Mom & Dad to go buy his school supplies so he'll be ready for Day One. He's legally an adult, but he's still a kid in reality.

Welk, he's the age of a college kid. The fact that his parents presumably decided to redshift him years ago doesn't make him any less of an adult.

They didn't "red shirt" him! They held off sending him to kindergarten because they were in a foreign country!

God, you people are nuts. Way to turn a great thread into shit.

"Holding off" on sending a kid a to kindergarten -- regardless of the reason-- IS redshirting! And an 18-year-old who is a rising senior in high school --regardless of the reason -- is no less of an adult than an 18-year-old who is about to start college/just started college.

Now you are boring me. You win - he was redshirted. Can you go away now?

You realize that multiple posters have mentioned redshirting, right? And that whether or not one wants to refer to OP's decision to hold off sending her son to kindergarten as "redshirting" isn't really the point? The point is that he is 18 &, therefore, a legal adult.

[Anonymous]

GMAB. He's an "adult" in a technical sense. There is nothing magical about 18, other than legal status as an adult. Most kids-they are teenagers- that age are not capable of acting like adults. This is clearly evidence by his poor decision-making about his plans and how he has chosen to communicate with his parents. And I consider myself pretty lenient.

I'd be furious.

That said, there is nothing you can do.

[Anonymous]

Well, hey -- a downside for the parents for sending kids to kindergarten at age 7. They can legally do whatever they want at age 18, before they have even started their senior years in high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think 18 is a magical age at which you get to do whatever you want, especially while still in HS and living at home.

Not sure what you do, OP, but I would be furious too. And not just at lack of control - at the demonstrated lack of maturity and courtesy.

This. People are acting like this is a college kid, instead of a high schooler who's obviously counting on Mom & Dad to go buy his school supplies so he'll be ready for Day One. He's legally an adult, but he's still a kid in reality.

Welk, he's the age of a college kid. The fact that his parents presumably decided to redshift him years ago doesn't make him any less of an adult.

They didn't "red shirt" him! They held off sending him to kindergarten because they were in a foreign country!

God, you people are nuts. Way to turn a great thread into shit.

"Holding off" on sending a kid a to kindergarten -- regardless of the reason-- IS redshirting! And an 18-year-old who is a rising senior in high school --regardless of the reason -- is no less of an adult than an 18-year-old who is about to start college/just started college.

Now you are boring me. You win - he was redshirted. Can you go away now?

You realize that multiple posters have mentioned redshirting, right? And that whether or not one wants to refer to OP's decision to hold off sending her son to kindergarten as "redshirting" isn't really the point? The point is that he is 18 &, therefore, a legal adult.

eh, most of us remember turning 18 during our senior year of HS and becoming a "legal adult". Suffice it to say, being 18 at home and in HS is not the same experience as being an 18 year old HS grad at college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this out of character for him? I am curious about how he let you know about his plans.. Did he call you or just send an email? In any case, take this opportunity to take a deep breath and think about your conversation when he does arrive home. Let your DH take the lead with your son. Sometimes a naggy mom doesn't have the same impact. It is time for a discussion about respect, trust etc. This would seriously cross the line in my household. While I always supported my 2 boys, they would NEVER inform me of a 6 day vacation change. Don't allow him to pull the "I am an adult" card. Remind him that if he wants to be an adult, his college tuition is HIS responsibility.

OP here again and thank you everyone. Okay - so...
DS let us know by text. A sort of "by the way..." and is now unreachable as they are somewhere in rural Sweden with, apparently, no cell service. I don't believe it but can't prove it.

He totally paid for this trip with his own money. He had a great summer job and worked hard.

He is not in any fall sport and his schedule is set - but he is senior class president and probably should have been back before school starts to do stuff... but I am not even sure about that.

He is a top student - very responsible with grades/school work and actually very responsible about helping his younger siblings.

He DOES live and eat at home as well as drive our car - but has been tutoring for extra money and hasn't asked us for much since he's been 14.

He will, most likely, get a merit and/or need based scholarship to college.


I am calmer now - thank you all - but just sad. I miss him. I feel like he went to college already and he's gone. I just miss him.[b]

This right here is the issue and I can understand completely. Sounds like he's a great kid and you've done well. Tough to let go for sure. But, congrats on all your hard work paying off!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this out of character for him? I am curious about how he let you know about his plans.. Did he call you or just send an email? In any case, take this opportunity to take a deep breath and think about your conversation when he does arrive home. Let your DH take the lead with your son. Sometimes a naggy mom doesn't have the same impact. It is time for a discussion about respect, trust etc. This would seriously cross the line in my household. While I always supported my 2 boys, they would NEVER inform me of a 6 day vacation change. Don't allow him to pull the "I am an adult" card. Remind him that if he wants to be an adult, his college tuition is HIS responsibility.

OP here again and thank you everyone. Okay - so...
DS let us know by text. A sort of "by the way..." and is now unreachable as they are somewhere in rural Sweden with, apparently, no cell service. I don't believe it but can't prove it.

He totally paid for this trip with his own money. He had a great summer job and worked hard.

He is not in any fall sport and his schedule is set - but he is senior class president and probably should have been back before school starts to do stuff... but I am not even sure about that.

He is a top student - very responsible with grades/school work and actually very responsible about helping his younger siblings.

He DOES live and eat at home as well as drive our car - but has been tutoring for extra money and hasn't asked us for much since he's been 14.

He will, most likely, get a merit and/or need based scholarship to college.


I am calmer now - thank you all - but just sad. I miss him. I feel like he went to college already and he's gone. I just miss him.[b]

This right here is the issue and I can understand completely. Sounds like he's a great kid and you've done well. Tough to let go for sure. But, congrats on all your hard work paying off!

A great kid. Would have shown more consideration to his parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this out of character for him? I am curious about how he let you know about his plans.. Did he call you or just send an email? In any case, take this opportunity to take a deep breath and think about your conversation when he does arrive home. Let your DH take the lead with your son. Sometimes a naggy mom doesn't have the same impact. It is time for a discussion about respect, trust etc. This would seriously cross the line in my household. While I always supported my 2 boys, they would NEVER inform me of a 6 day vacation change. Don't allow him to pull the "I am an adult" card. Remind him that if he wants to be an adult, his college tuition is HIS responsibility.

OP here again and thank you everyone. Okay - so...
DS let us know by text. A sort of "by the way..." and is now unreachable as they are somewhere in rural Sweden with, apparently, no cell service. I don't believe it but can't prove it.

He totally paid for this trip with his own money. He had a great summer job and worked hard.

He is not in any fall sport and his schedule is set - but he is senior class president and probably should have been back before school starts to do stuff... but I am not even sure about that.

He is a top student - very responsible with grades/school work and actually very responsible about helping his younger siblings.

He DOES live and eat at home as well as drive our car - but has been tutoring for extra money and hasn't asked us for much since he's been 14.

He will, most likely, get a merit and/or need based scholarship to college.


I am calmer now - thank you all - but just sad. I miss him. I feel like he went to college already and he's gone. I just miss him.[b]

This right here is the issue and I can understand completely. Sounds like he's a great kid and you've done well. Tough to let go for sure. But, congrats on all your hard work paying off!

A great kid. Would have shown more consideration to his parents.

+ 1 Seems like a typical elite brat who was molded into the"perfect" college application but was not taught any consideration for people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this out of character for him? I am curious about how he let you know about his plans.. Did he call you or just send an email? In any case, take this opportunity to take a deep breath and think about your conversation when he does arrive home. Let your DH take the lead with your son. Sometimes a naggy mom doesn't have the same impact. It is time for a discussion about respect, trust etc. This would seriously cross the line in my household. While I always supported my 2 boys, they would NEVER inform me of a 6 day vacation change. Don't allow him to pull the "I am an adult" card. Remind him that if he wants to be an adult, his college tuition is HIS responsibility.

OP here again and thank you everyone. Okay - so...
DS let us know by text. A sort of "by the way..." and is now unreachable as they are somewhere in rural Sweden with, apparently, no cell service. I don't believe it but can't prove it.

He totally paid for this trip with his own money. He had a great summer job and worked hard.

He is not in any fall sport and his schedule is set - but he is senior class president and probably should have been back before school starts to do stuff... but I am not even sure about that.

He is a top student - very responsible with grades/school work and actually very responsible about helping his younger siblings.

He DOES live and eat at home as well as drive our car - but has been tutoring for extra money and hasn't asked us for much since he's been 14.

He will, most likely, get a merit and/or need based scholarship to college.


I am calmer now - thank you all - but just sad. I miss him. I feel like he went to college already and he's gone. I just miss him.[b]

This right here is the issue and I can understand completely. Sounds like he's a great kid and you've done well. Tough to let go for sure. But, congrats on all your hard work paying off!

A great kid. Would have shown more consideration to his parents.

Yeah, making this decision w/o his parent's input, informing them of this choice after the fact and then making himself unavailable to discuss the matter.....I would have a big issue with that.

He sounds like a great kid who has simply gotten a taste of adult freedoms and is loving every minute of it. He is feeling very grown up right now and capable of making decisions for himself. Feeling independent and grown up isn't necessarily bad, it's the inconsideration he is showing to his parents that is bad. To not explain where he'll be staying and who he will be with during the last portion of his trip is causing his parents (hopefully) needless worry. That isn't right of him.

[Anonymous]

It's likely his last carefree summer. Let it go. Say you wish you'd been informed sooner and he must go to school first day and to have fun

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this out of character for him? I am curious about how he let you know about his plans.. Did he call you or just send an email? In any case, take this opportunity to take a deep breath and think about your conversation when he does arrive home. Let your DH take the lead with your son. Sometimes a naggy mom doesn't have the same impact. It is time for a discussion about respect, trust etc. This would seriously cross the line in my household. While I always supported my 2 boys, they would NEVER inform me of a 6 day vacation change. Don't allow him to pull the "I am an adult" card. Remind him that if he wants to be an adult, his college tuition is HIS responsibility.

OP here again and thank you everyone. Okay - so...
DS let us know by text. A sort of "by the way..." and is now unreachable as they are somewhere in rural Sweden with, apparently, no cell service. I don't believe it but can't prove it.

He totally paid for this trip with his own money. He had a great summer job and worked hard.

He is not in any fall sport and his schedule is set - but he is senior class president and probably should have been back before school starts to do stuff... but I am not even sure about that.

He is a top student - very responsible with grades/school work and actually very responsible about helping his younger siblings.

He DOES live and eat at home as well as drive our car - but has been tutoring for extra money and hasn't asked us for much since he's been 14.

He will, most likely, get a merit and/or need based scholarship to college.


I am calmer now - thank you all - but just sad. I miss him. I feel like he went to college already and he's gone. I just miss him.

This right here is the issue and I can understand completely. Sounds like he's a great kid and you've done well. Tough to let go for sure. But, congrats on all your hard work paying off!

A great kid. Would have shown more consideration to his parents.

+ 1 Seems like a typical elite brat who was molded into the"perfect" college application but was not taught any consideration for people.

Yeah, the kid who has been working since he was 14 and will get a merit and/or [b]need based scholarship to college and worked all summer is a real elitist for telling his parents that he was going to stay in Europe - on his own dime - for an extra six days.

You guys are unbelievable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this out of character for him? I am curious about how he let you know about his plans.. Did he call you or just send an email? In any case, take this opportunity to take a deep breath and think about your conversation when he does arrive home. Let your DH take the lead with your son. Sometimes a naggy mom doesn't have the same impact. It is time for a discussion about respect, trust etc. This would seriously cross the line in my household. While I always supported my 2 boys, they would NEVER inform me of a 6 day vacation change. Don't allow him to pull the "I am an adult" card. Remind him that if he wants to be an adult, his college tuition is HIS responsibility.

OP here again and thank you everyone. Okay - so...
DS let us know by text. A sort of "by the way..." and is now unreachable as they are somewhere in rural Sweden with, apparently, no cell service. I don't believe it but can't prove it.

He totally paid for this trip with his own money. He had a great summer job and worked hard.

He is not in any fall sport and his schedule is set - but he is senior class president and probably should have been back before school starts to do stuff... but I am not even sure about that.

He is a top student - very responsible with grades/school work and actually very responsible about helping his younger siblings.

He DOES live and eat at home as well as drive our car - but has been tutoring for extra money and hasn't asked us for much since he's been 14.

He will, most likely, get a merit and/or need based scholarship to college.


I am calmer now - thank you all - but just sad. I miss him. I feel like he went to college already and he's gone. I just miss him.

Um. Not to alarm you, but this doesn't seem in line with the responsible kid you paint him to be. I'd be seeking some confirmation that he and gf are okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this out of character for him? I am curious about how he let you know about his plans.. Did he call you or just send an email? In any case, take this opportunity to take a deep breath and think about your conversation when he does arrive home. Let your DH take the lead with your son. Sometimes a naggy mom doesn't have the same impact. It is time for a discussion about respect, trust etc. This would seriously cross the line in my household. While I always supported my 2 boys, they would NEVER inform me of a 6 day vacation change. Don't allow him to pull the "I am an adult" card. Remind him that if he wants to be an adult, his college tuition is HIS responsibility.

OP here again and thank you everyone. Okay - so...
DS let us know by text. A sort of "by the way..." and is now unreachable as they are somewhere in rural Sweden with, apparently, no cell service. I don't believe it but can't prove it.

He totally paid for this trip with his own money. He had a great summer job and worked hard.

He is not in any fall sport and his schedule is set - but he is senior class president and probably should have been back before school starts to do stuff... but I am not even sure about that.

He is a top student - very responsible with grades/school work and actually very responsible about helping his younger siblings.

He DOES live and eat at home as well as drive our car - but has been tutoring for extra money and hasn't asked us for much since he's been 14.

He will, most likely, get a merit and/or need based scholarship to college.


I am calmer now - thank you all - but just sad. I miss him. I feel like he went to college already and he's gone. I just miss him.

Um. Not to alarm you, but this doesn't seem in line with the responsible kid you paint him to be. I'd be seeking some confirmation that he and gf are okay.

Yeah, that sort of thing is totally typical for that age. They expect to get push back from their parents so they do what they want to do and then avoid, avoid, avoid the parents at all costs (we used to call them "The 'Rents" when I was that age).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this out of character for him? I am curious about how he let you know about his plans.. Did he call you or just send an email? In any case, take this opportunity to take a deep breath and think about your conversation when he does arrive home. Let your DH take the lead with your son. Sometimes a naggy mom doesn't have the same impact. It is time for a discussion about respect, trust etc. This would seriously cross the line in my household. While I always supported my 2 boys, they would NEVER inform me of a 6 day vacation change. Don't allow him to pull the "I am an adult" card. Remind him that if he wants to be an adult, his college tuition is HIS responsibility.

OP here again and thank you everyone. Okay - so...
DS let us know by text. A sort of "by the way..." and is now unreachable as they are somewhere in rural Sweden with, apparently, no cell service. I don't believe it but can't prove it.

He totally paid for this trip with his own money. He had a great summer job and worked hard.

He is not in any fall sport and his schedule is set - but he is senior class president and probably should have been back before school starts to do stuff... but I am not even sure about that.

He is a top student - very responsible with grades/school work and actually very responsible about helping his younger siblings.

He DOES live and eat at home as well as drive our car - but has been tutoring for extra money and hasn't asked us for much since he's been 14.

He will, most likely, get a merit and/or need based scholarship to college.


I am calmer now - thank you all - but just sad. I miss him. I feel like he went to college already and he's gone. I just miss him.

Um. Not to alarm you, but this doesn't seem in line with the responsible kid you paint him to be. I'd be seeking some confirmation that he and gf are okay.

Yeah, that sort of thing is totally typical for that age. They expect to get push back from their parents so they do what they want to do and then avoid, avoid, avoid the parents at all costs (we used to call them "The 'Rents" when I was that age).

It's typical for kids who were raised without respect for their parents.