Rising High School Senior just decided to extend his trip...
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Anonymous
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DS, 18 as of the end of last month, has been in Sweden with his girlfriend and her extended family for the last ten days. His plane ticket, which he did pay for himself, had him returning next week (a two week trip). Just now, he informed us that he changed it and he and the girlfriend won't be coming back until the evening before the first day of school (we aren't in DC) which is adding another six days to his trip.
I am angry on so many levels! He should not have made this decision without asking our permission and I have no clue where he and the girlfriend are going to be for that extra five days and who - if anyone - will be with them. I am angry at myself for letting him go in the first place. I am angry that he is starting his senior year with jet-lag. I am just angry. Am I overreacting? DH is furious, too, so I cannot bounce this off him. TIA |
Anonymous
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I would be angry too, at not having the control I like to have. But the reality is, this is on him, to deal with the jet lag.
Clearly he's having a great time, and that's wonderful. |
Anonymous
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Can you call the gf's parents to at least find out where they're going and if they'll have adults with them?
Not sure what you can do about it at this point tbh, but he's definitely taught you that he can't be trusted with that level of freedom. |
Anonymous
| OP here. The GF parents give her free-rein with no restrictions at all. They wouldn't care if she was with my son alone for the entire summer. |
Anonymous
He's 18. An adult. He is the adult with himself. OP, he is 18. The consequences are owned by him and him alone. That said, he has treated you and your husband pretty poorly and for that you have every right to be angry. Not so much as he needed to ask permission but he is obligated to live in this world and that means treating people with common courtesy. |
Anonymous
| I would be angry, too, but, as another PP said, about my loss of control. Unless you've had to fight him to get to school, he'll deal with the jet lag. He'll manage it. It'll be a good learning experience for him. He's clearly having fun. He let you know of the change (though I, too, would have liked to have been asked... so I could say no!). He's being an adult. Scary, but it sounds like he's handling it well. |
Anonymous
| He is an adult, OP, and he paid for this trip by himself. While being jet-lagged is not a great way to start your last year of high school - neither is being pissed at your parents and your parents pissed at you. My advice is to work through exactly what you're angry about and work to resolve it before DS comes home. |
Anonymous
Yes. I think you need to address the lack of consideration his actions show and how that affects your relationship. The fact that he made changes without discussion is concerning and the fact that no details have been forthcoming makes it worse. I think you all need to have a long chat about how this year at home and any expectations for college will play out. He certainly doesnt have the ball in his corner right now if he expects much from you!!! As for the start of school, just let that play out with natural consequences. He has to deal with the jet lag and hopefully is all set or can quickly arrange supplies, summer work, etc. |
Anonymous
| There isn't really anything you can do about any of them so you need to chill. So he will need tons of coffee to get through the first day or two of school. Not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. |
Anonymous
| He's an adult. You have very little control here. He's made a decision. It's his choice and the consequences will be his to deal with as well. This isn't your problem so there's little reason or need for you to be angry. Just decide not to be. Detach yourself entirely from this. He didn't consult you, so don't devote any of your energy to the situation. |
Anonymous
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Okay - how was the boy being inconsiderate in extending his own trip? I honestly don't understand - is he missing something that his parents desperately wanted him to attend or do? I am assuming the extra days are not coming out of his parents' pocket here but I could be wrong.
What is the issue exactly with an 18 year old extending his trip by five or six days? |
Anonymous
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I would be seriously annoyed for him just informing us of this instead of running it by us first. Can he at least access his senior class schedule online to make sure that he's got all of the classes that he needs?
If his international plane trip gets delayed he might wind up missing at least the first day of school. That isn't a huge big deal if his schedule looks good. But if he's missing class he's going to need to leave the airport and drive straight to guidance to get it straightened out. Senior year is too important. |
Anonymous
He's a HS kid and I am guessing that he still lives at home with his parents, too. He should have ran this by his parents first. |
Anonymous
He is an adult. This is one of those things that people don't think about when they redshirt. |
Anonymous
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OP, he is old enough to travel alone with his girlfriend and they've already had sex - so put those two things out of your mind. If he is exhausted on his first day of school that is on him.
Yes, he should have asked you and DH if he could stay longer but... not a big deal, is it? This is your last school year home with your son, OP. Let go of the anger and enjoy this last year. |