Rising High School Senior just decided to extend his trip...

[Anonymous]

I don't blame you for being upset. However, as others have said, he is 18, and you did let him go.
When he gets home, you need to sit him down and remind him what the ground rules are for him while he is (a) still living at home and (b) still dependent on you financially. Make sure he understands your expectations.

[Anonymous]

I don't think 18 is a magical age at which you get to do whatever you want, especially while still in HS and living at home.

Not sure what you do, OP, but I would be furious too. And not just at lack of control - at the demonstrated lack of maturity and courtesy.

[Anonymous]

Yes, you most certainly are overreacting.

[Anonymous]

He's acting his age. The parent/child relationship changes -- and that's a good thing. But to the pp who suggested you check his school schedule? Absolutely not. Too bad he's not in a fall Varsity sport that he'd already be 2 weeks into practices.

[Anonymous]

Is this out of character for him? I am curious about how he let you know about his plans.. Did he call you or just send an email? In any case, take this opportunity to take a deep breath and think about your conversation when he does arrive home. Let your DH take the lead with your son. Sometimes a naggy mom doesn't have the same impact. It is time for a discussion about respect, trust etc. This would seriously cross the line in my household. While I always supported my 2 boys, they would NEVER inform me of a 6 day vacation change. Don't allow him to pull the "I am an adult" card. Remind him that if he wants to be an adult, his college tuition is HIS responsibility.

[Anonymous]

While he should have run it by you, I think you are overreacting.

What is the issue exactly? Who cares about the jet lag? Don't make it about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think 18 is a magical age at which you get to do whatever you want, especially while still in HS and living at home.

Not sure what you do, OP, but I would be furious too. And not just at lack of control - at the demonstrated lack of maturity and courtesy.

This. People are acting like this is a college kid, instead of a high schooler who's obviously counting on Mom & Dad to go buy his school supplies so he'll be ready for Day One. He's legally an adult, but he's still a kid in reality.

[Anonymous]

How are these 6 days relevant? What, exactly are you so hopping mad about? The only thing you mentioned was jet-lag. You'd never be able to regulate his sleep anyway.

[Anonymous]

He is 18 and should be going to college. He is acting like an adult because he is an adult.

Redshirt issue. You can't smush them into younger people their whole life.

[Anonymous]

My on time October sons turned 18 senior year in high school. This isn't necessarily a "red shirt issue."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How are these 6 days relevant? What, exactly are you so hopping mad about? The only thing you mentioned was jet-lag. You'd never be able to regulate his sleep anyway.

+1 You let him go in the first place, he's already having sex with his girlfriend. This is not a life changing decision that you need to counsel him on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this out of character for him? I am curious about how he let you know about his plans.. Did he call you or just send an email? In any case, take this opportunity to take a deep breath and think about your conversation when he does arrive home. Let your DH take the lead with your son. Sometimes a naggy mom doesn't have the same impact. It is time for a discussion about respect, trust etc. This would seriously cross the line in my household. While I always supported my 2 boys, they would NEVER inform me of a 6 day vacation change. Don't allow him to pull the "I am an adult" card. Remind him that if he wants to be an adult, his college tuition is HIS responsibility.

OP here again and thank you everyone. Okay - so...
DS let us know by text. A sort of "by the way..." and is now unreachable as they are somewhere in rural Sweden with, apparently, no cell service. I don't believe it but can't prove it.

He totally paid for this trip with his own money. He had a great summer job and worked hard.

He is not in any fall sport and his schedule is set - but he is senior class president and probably should have been back before school starts to do stuff... but I am not even sure about that.

He is a top student - very responsible with grades/school work and actually very responsible about helping his younger siblings.

He DOES live and eat at home as well as drive our car - but has been tutoring for extra money and hasn't asked us for much since he's been 14.

He will, most likely, get a merit and/or need based scholarship to college.


I am calmer now - thank you all - but just sad. I miss him. I feel like he went to college already and he's gone. I just miss him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this out of character for him? I am curious about how he let you know about his plans.. Did he call you or just send an email? In any case, take this opportunity to take a deep breath and think about your conversation when he does arrive home. Let your DH take the lead with your son. Sometimes a naggy mom doesn't have the same impact. It is time for a discussion about respect, trust etc. This would seriously cross the line in my household. While I always supported my 2 boys, they would NEVER inform me of a 6 day vacation change. Don't allow him to pull the "I am an adult" card. Remind him that if he wants to be an adult, his college tuition is HIS responsibility.

OP here again and thank you everyone. Okay - so...
DS let us know by text. A sort of "by the way..." and is now unreachable as they are somewhere in rural Sweden with, apparently, no cell service. I don't believe it but can't prove it.

He totally paid for this trip with his own money. He had a great summer job and worked hard.

He is not in any fall sport and his schedule is set - but he is senior class president and probably should have been back before school starts to do stuff... but I am not even sure about that.

He is a top student - very responsible with grades/school work and actually very responsible about helping his younger siblings.

He DOES live and eat at home as well as drive our car - but has been tutoring for extra money and hasn't asked us for much since he's been 14.

He will, most likely, get a merit and/or need based scholarship to college.


I am calmer now - thank you all - but just sad. I miss him. I feel like he went to college already and he's gone. I just miss him.

Wow, and the truth comes out!

Please land your helicopter and let your child grow up. This was a non-issue, clearly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are these 6 days relevant? What, exactly are you so hopping mad about? The only thing you mentioned was jet-lag. You'd never be able to regulate his sleep anyway.

+1 You let him go in the first place, he's already having sex with his girlfriend. This is not a life changing decision that you need to counsel him on.

OP here and I don't know that he is having sex! Honestly not the issue one way or the other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this out of character for him? I am curious about how he let you know about his plans.. Did he call you or just send an email? In any case, take this opportunity to take a deep breath and think about your conversation when he does arrive home. Let your DH take the lead with your son. Sometimes a naggy mom doesn't have the same impact. It is time for a discussion about respect, trust etc. This would seriously cross the line in my household. While I always supported my 2 boys, they would NEVER inform me of a 6 day vacation change. Don't allow him to pull the "I am an adult" card. Remind him that if he wants to be an adult, his college tuition is HIS responsibility.

OP here again and thank you everyone. Okay - so...
DS let us know by text. A sort of "by the way..." and is now unreachable as they are somewhere in rural Sweden with, apparently, no cell service. I don't believe it but can't prove it.

He totally paid for this trip with his own money. He had a great summer job and worked hard.

He is not in any fall sport and his schedule is set - but he is senior class president and probably should have been back before school starts to do stuff... but I am not even sure about that.

He is a top student - very responsible with grades/school work and actually very responsible about helping his younger siblings.

He DOES live and eat at home as well as drive our car - but has been tutoring for extra money and hasn't asked us for much since he's been 14.

He will, most likely, get a merit and/or need based scholarship to college.


I am calmer now - thank you all - but just sad. I miss him. I feel like he went to college already and he's gone. I just miss him.

This is what you're really feeling. You've just described a responsible, reliable kid. He's grabbed his freedom rather than waiting for you to give it to him. When you told him things like, "You can go on this trip if you pay for it," you also implicitly told him he could start living life as an adult.

You are doing great as a parent! It just hurts to know he's ready to go, and you thought you had more time.