Leaving 18 year old son alone overnight

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every 18-year-old young adult should be able to prepare a basic dinner for themselves when they're on their own. Spaghetti noodles and sauce out of a can, rice and beans, a just-heat-in-pan ham steak, a can of soup, etc.

Saying "but my 18-year-old will starve if I'm not there!" is a sign Junior needs to learn some basic life skills. Plus, he'll be able to impress his future dates if he can make a simple, home-cooked meal!

Sheesh, you guys are harsh!

I'm one of the posters who thinks that OP is on target in her concerns. We also are concerned if we have to leave one of our teens for a night/s while we are away. Primarily because we would not want other kids to show up and make the house party central. Certainly any of our children knows how to make a sandwich or spaghetti or omelettes or grill a steak or order pizza or whatever. And they could easily enough get themselves to one of the clubs and have dinner in any of the restaurants or go over to my sister's or to my folks' house for company.

The point I'm making is that it can be hard for people to be alone for an extended period of time (2-3 days) in their own house. In our house we have me, my husband, 5 kids, Dad, a caretaker for Dad and three dogs. I cannot tell you the last time I slept alone in our house. I am not a Nervous Nelly by any means but to be alone in the house for 2-3 nights would make me antsy. I would want someone checking in with me at night and in the morning to make sure everything was okay even though I would be out and about during the day going to work or volunteering or even just lazing around.

Believe it or not, that's an issue to, if you've raised your kid that they will only do the right thing or make good choices because someone is there watching them.

Your second paragraph is your own anxiety, which isn't fair to transfer to your kids.

Look, it's normal to have a little bit of nerves and wonder " Did I teach him/her enough?" when your kid hits 17/18 and it's time for them to leave the nest. What isn't healthy is outright panic that your kid will be alone, that they can't figure out how to basic things( feed themselves, basic household chores, what do in an emergency), what isn't healthy is that they would panic at being alone.

I think you're missing the point and projecting. Our kids are bright and capable, and certainly can handle little emergencies as well as feeding themselves as I've provided ample evidence of their alternatives. They have had exposure to more situations than most kids and they certainly would not panic at being alone.

I'm saying that we cannot control other kids who could show up at our house and then put our kid in the position of needing to call the cops (which any of our kids would do). Because we've seen it happen with other families, not our kids friends. The most recent case was this spring when a family was out of town. We don't want our kid in that position.

But you keep right on harping on your line while we carry on... Toodaloo!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every 18-year-old young adult should be able to prepare a basic dinner for themselves when they're on their own. Spaghetti noodles and sauce out of a can, rice and beans, a just-heat-in-pan ham steak, a can of soup, etc.

Saying "but my 18-year-old will starve if I'm not there!" is a sign Junior needs to learn some basic life skills. Plus, he'll be able to impress his future dates if he can make a simple, home-cooked meal!

Sheesh, you guys are harsh!

I'm one of the posters who thinks that OP is on target in her concerns. We also are concerned if we have to leave one of our teens for a night/s while we are away. Primarily because we would not want other kids to show up and make the house party central. Certainly any of our children knows how to make a sandwich or spaghetti or omelettes or grill a steak or order pizza or whatever. And they could easily enough get themselves to one of the clubs and have dinner in any of the restaurants or go over to my sister's or to my folks' house for company.

The point I'm making is that it can be hard for people to be alone for an extended period of time (2-3 days) in their own house. In our house we have me, my husband, 5 kids, Dad, a caretaker for Dad and three dogs. I cannot tell you the last time I slept alone in our house. I am not a Nervous Nelly by any means but to be alone in the house for 2-3 nights would make me antsy. I would want someone checking in with me at night and in the morning to make sure everything was okay even though I would be out and about during the day going to work or volunteering or even just lazing around.

Believe it or not, that's an issue to, if you've raised your kid that they will only do the right thing or make good choices because someone is there watching them.

Your second paragraph is your own anxiety, which isn't fair to transfer to your kids.

Look, it's normal to have a little bit of nerves and wonder " Did I teach him/her enough?" when your kid hits 17/18 and it's time for them to leave the nest. What isn't healthy is outright panic that your kid will be alone, that they can't figure out how to basic things( feed themselves, basic household chores, what do in an emergency), what isn't healthy is that they would panic at being alone.

I think you're missing the point and projecting. Our kids are bright and capable, and certainly can handle little emergencies as well as feeding themselves as I've provided ample evidence of their alternatives. They have had exposure to more situations than most kids and they certainly would not panic at being alone.

I'm saying that we cannot control other kids who could show up at our house and then put our kid in the position of needing to call the cops (which any of our kids would do). Because we've seen it happen with other families, not our kids friends. The most recent case was this spring when a family was out of town. We don't want our kid in that position.

But you keep right on harping on your line while we carry on... Toodaloo!

Why not? How else will they learn how to handle a situation like this? There is way too much coddling/protecting of kids these days, it does no good for them. I also think it's very unlikely kids are going to show up unless your own kid invited them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every 18-year-old young adult should be able to prepare a basic dinner for themselves when they're on their own. Spaghetti noodles and sauce out of a can, rice and beans, a just-heat-in-pan ham steak, a can of soup, etc.

Saying "but my 18-year-old will starve if I'm not there!" is a sign Junior needs to learn some basic life skills. Plus, he'll be able to impress his future dates if he can make a simple, home-cooked meal!

Sheesh, you guys are harsh!

I'm one of the posters who thinks that OP is on target in her concerns. We also are concerned if we have to leave one of our teens for a night/s while we are away. Primarily because we would not want other kids to show up and make the house party central. Certainly any of our children knows how to make a sandwich or spaghetti or omelettes or grill a steak or order pizza or whatever. And they could easily enough get themselves to one of the clubs and have dinner in any of the restaurants or go over to my sister's or to my folks' house for company.

The point I'm making is that it can be hard for people to be alone for an extended period of time (2-3 days) in their own house. In our house we have me, my husband, 5 kids, Dad, a caretaker for Dad and three dogs. I cannot tell you the last time I slept alone in our house. I am not a Nervous Nelly by any means but to be alone in the house for 2-3 nights would make me antsy. I would want someone checking in with me at night and in the morning to make sure everything was okay even though I would be out and about during the day going to work or volunteering or even just lazing around.

Believe it or not, that's an issue to, if you've raised your kid that they will only do the right thing or make good choices because someone is there watching them.

Your second paragraph is your own anxiety, which isn't fair to transfer to your kids.

Look, it's normal to have a little bit of nerves and wonder " Did I teach him/her enough?" when your kid hits 17/18 and it's time for them to leave the nest. What isn't healthy is outright panic that your kid will be alone, that they can't figure out how to basic things( feed themselves, basic household chores, what do in an emergency), what isn't healthy is that they would panic at being alone.

I think you're missing the point and projecting. Our kids are bright and capable, and certainly can handle little emergencies as well as feeding themselves as I've provided ample evidence of their alternatives. They have had exposure to more situations than most kids and they certainly would not panic at being alone.

I'm saying that we cannot control other kids who could show up at our house and then put our kid in the position of needing to call the cops (which any of our kids would do). Because we've seen it happen with other families, not our kids friends. The most recent case was this spring when a family was out of town. We don't want our kid in that position.

But you keep right on harping on your line while we carry on... Toodaloo!

Why not? How else will they learn how to handle a situation like this? There is way too much coddling/protecting of kids these days, it does no good for them. I also think it's very unlikely kids are going to show up unless your own kid invited them.

Really? You want your AA kids to be the kids to call the cops when a few white kids they know by association in the neighborhood and club show up with beer and joints and want to swim in the pool? Because it did happen at a house in our neighborhood. The other family was white but it sure did put their kid in a bind. Luckily, their kid called our kid (they go to the same school in DC) and my husband went over to help take care of it. These other kids go to a different school in the not-DC neighborhood, have been given a lot of privileges and are not very well supervised. Like I said, we cannot control their behavior. I trust our kids and their friends but these other losers are a different story. So thanks for the "advice".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every 18-year-old young adult should be able to prepare a basic dinner for themselves when they're on their own. Spaghetti noodles and sauce out of a can, rice and beans, a just-heat-in-pan ham steak, a can of soup, etc.

Saying "but my 18-year-old will starve if I'm not there!" is a sign Junior needs to learn some basic life skills. Plus, he'll be able to impress his future dates if he can make a simple, home-cooked meal!

Sheesh, you guys are harsh!

I'm one of the posters who thinks that OP is on target in her concerns. We also are concerned if we have to leave one of our teens for a night/s while we are away. Primarily because we would not want other kids to show up and make the house party central. Certainly any of our children knows how to make a sandwich or spaghetti or omelettes or grill a steak or order pizza or whatever. And they could easily enough get themselves to one of the clubs and have dinner in any of the restaurants or go over to my sister's or to my folks' house for company.

The point I'm making is that it can be hard for people to be alone for an extended period of time (2-3 days) in their own house. In our house we have me, my husband, 5 kids, Dad, a caretaker for Dad and three dogs. I cannot tell you the last time I slept alone in our house. I am not a Nervous Nelly by any means but to be alone in the house for 2-3 nights would make me antsy. I would want someone checking in with me at night and in the morning to make sure everything was okay even though I would be out and about during the day going to work or volunteering or even just lazing around.

Believe it or not, that's an issue to, if you've raised your kid that they will only do the right thing or make good choices because someone is there watching them.

Your second paragraph is your own anxiety, which isn't fair to transfer to your kids.

Look, it's normal to have a little bit of nerves and wonder " Did I teach him/her enough?" when your kid hits 17/18 and it's time for them to leave the nest. What isn't healthy is outright panic that your kid will be alone, that they can't figure out how to basic things( feed themselves, basic household chores, what do in an emergency), what isn't healthy is that they would panic at being alone.

I think you're missing the point and projecting. Our kids are bright and capable, and certainly can handle little emergencies as well as feeding themselves as I've provided ample evidence of their alternatives. They have had exposure to more situations than most kids and they certainly would not panic at being alone.

I'm saying that we cannot control other kids who could show up at our house and then put our kid in the position of needing to call the cops (which any of our kids would do). Because we've seen it happen with other families, not our kids friends. The most recent case was this spring when a family was out of town. We don't want our kid in that position.

But you keep right on harping on your line while we carry on... Toodaloo!

Why not? How else will they learn how to handle a situation like this? There is way too much coddling/protecting of kids these days, it does no good for them. I also think it's very unlikely kids are going to show up unless your own kid invited them.

Really? You want your AA kids to be the kids to call the cops when a few white kids they know by association in the neighborhood and club show up with beer and joints and want to swim in the pool? Because it did happen at a house in our neighborhood. The other family was white but it sure did put their kid in a bind. Luckily, their kid called our kid (they go to the same school in DC) and my husband went over to help take care of it. These other kids go to a different school in the not-DC neighborhood, have been given a lot of privileges and are not very well supervised. Like I said, we cannot control their behavior. I trust our kids and their friends but these other losers are a different story. So thanks for the "advice".

Did these kids just show up at the house or were they invited there? You have bigger problems if bands of rabid teens just start showing up at people's houses.
No one wants their kid in bad situations, but they happen avoiding things all together isn't the way to go.
I don't want my son to get shot by cops, but I don't forbid him to drive a car or leave the house instead I prepare him the best I can for the situation.
Your son is going to college soon where he'll be surrounded by privileged white frat boys and that culture, how are you preparing him to cope?
-Black mom with black sons.

[Anonymous]

You know, many of these answers are a prime example of "For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong." H. L. Mencken
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/h/hlmencke129796.html

So, he forgot to turn off a burner on the stove, started a fire which necessitated thousands of dollars in repair, only some of which were covered by insurance, and which burned up some irreplaceable items. Yeah, he'll figure it out. What about a broken water pipe, flooding the basement? Same thing. Just because it's just a weekend, that doesn't mean these things won't happen.

And pat yourself on the back if your kid could handle any possible emergency alone.

That doesn't mean mom shouldn't leave him, it means he needs to know this stuff before she does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:18? He is a legal adult now. An adult. Did I mention he's an adult? Go on your weekend trip. It will be good for both of you!

Setting him up to have a party in her house will be "good" for both of them? You're nuts.

He may be 18, but it's OP's house. She sets the rules in her house. He probably parties, but let him do it at somebody else's house.

Like your house. Let him party at your house while you're gone. Come back and tell us how he handled the police in your absence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every 18-year-old young adult should be able to prepare a basic dinner for themselves when they're on their own. Spaghetti noodles and sauce out of a can, rice and beans, a just-heat-in-pan ham steak, a can of soup, etc.

Saying "but my 18-year-old will starve if I'm not there!" is a sign Junior needs to learn some basic life skills. Plus, he'll be able to impress his future dates if he can make a simple, home-cooked meal!

Sheesh, you guys are harsh!

I'm one of the posters who thinks that OP is on target in her concerns. We also are concerned if we have to leave one of our teens for a night/s while we are away. Primarily because we would not want other kids to show up and make the house party central. Certainly any of our children knows how to make a sandwich or spaghetti or omelettes or grill a steak or order pizza or whatever. And they could easily enough get themselves to one of the clubs and have dinner in any of the restaurants or go over to my sister's or to my folks' house for company.

The point I'm making is that it can be hard for people to be alone for an extended period of time (2-3 days) in their own house. In our house we have me, my husband, 5 kids, Dad, a caretaker for Dad and three dogs. I cannot tell you the last time I slept alone in our house. I am not a Nervous Nelly by any means but to be alone in the house for 2-3 nights would make me antsy. I would want someone checking in with me at night and in the morning to make sure everything was okay even though I would be out and about during the day going to work or volunteering or even just lazing around.

Believe it or not, that's an issue to, if you've raised your kid that they will only do the right thing or make good choices because someone is there watching them.

Your second paragraph is your own anxiety, which isn't fair to transfer to your kids.

Look, it's normal to have a little bit of nerves and wonder " Did I teach him/her enough?" when your kid hits 17/18 and it's time for them to leave the nest. What isn't healthy is outright panic that your kid will be alone, that they can't figure out how to basic things( feed themselves, basic household chores, what do in an emergency), what isn't healthy is that they would panic at being alone.

I think you're missing the point and projecting. Our kids are bright and capable, and certainly can handle little emergencies as well as feeding themselves as I've provided ample evidence of their alternatives. They have had exposure to more situations than most kids and they certainly would not panic at being alone.

I'm saying that we cannot control other kids who could show up at our house and then put our kid in the position of needing to call the cops (which any of our kids would do). Because we've seen it happen with other families, not our kids friends. The most recent case was this spring when a family was out of town. We don't want our kid in that position.

But you keep right on harping on your line while we carry on... Toodaloo!

Why not? How else will they learn how to handle a situation like this? There is way too much coddling/protecting of kids these days, it does no good for them. I also think it's very unlikely kids are going to show up unless your own kid invited them.

Really? You want your AA kids to be the kids to call the cops when a few white kids they know by association in the neighborhood and club show up with beer and joints and want to swim in the pool? Because it did happen at a house in our neighborhood. The other family was white but it sure did put their kid in a bind. Luckily, their kid called our kid (they go to the same school in DC) and my husband went over to help take care of it. These other kids go to a different school in the not-DC neighborhood, have been given a lot of privileges and are not very well supervised. Like I said, we cannot control their behavior. I trust our kids and their friends but these other losers are a different story. So thanks for the "advice".

Did these kids just show up at the house or were they invited there? You have bigger problems if bands of rabid teens just start showing up at people's houses.
No one wants their kid in bad situations, but they happen avoiding things all together isn't the way to go.
I don't want my son to get shot by cops, but I don't forbid him to drive a car or leave the house instead I prepare him the best I can for the situation.
Your son is going to college soon where he'll be surrounded by privileged white frat boys and that culture, how are you preparing him to cope?
-Black mom with black sons.

I'm the poster that the "Really? You want your AA kids to be the kids...." poster quoted and was responding to. I agree with everything the poster above me stated and I'm also a black mom with 2 black sons. I've left my 17 year old home alone while my husband, myself, and our younger son were out of town. We live in DC too. Yeah, something else is happening if you've got random suburban white kids showing up at your door uninvited. I would definitely try to get a handle on that situation. My kids have always been told to not open the door to strangers if they are home alone (they can look out the window) so assuming something out of the ordinary like this happened to my kid he just wouldn't open the door.

[Anonymous]

Jeeze, here I was wondering if it's too soon for me to leave my almost 13 year old alone for the night (settle down, settle down, I won't... ....). We regularly leave him all day while we are at work then go out to dinner afterward. "There are leftovers in the fridge or make yourself something" are common phases. We love him, protect him, but want him to be a confident, happy adult who knows he's TRUSTED by us.

For heaven's sake, give your kid a chance to prove himself to you AND HIMSELF. If you don't give him space to grow, and fail, he'll never get there.

And people, let go of the oh my god I'll be out of cell range panic. Let the kid figure out 'minor' emergency situations and make sure they know what to do in a major one (might I suggest teaching them about 9-1-1...)

Let your kid grow up. He'll be so much happier in his life. Don't make it about you.

[Anonymous]

Sheesh, you guys are harsh!

I'm one of the posters who thinks that OP is on target in her concerns. We also are concerned if we have to leave one of our teens for a night/s while we are away. Primarily because we would not want other kids to show up and make the house party central. Certainly any of our children knows how to make a sandwich or spaghetti or omelettes or grill a steak or order pizza or whatever. And they could easily enough get themselves to one of the clubs and have dinner in any of the restaurants or go over to my sister's or to my folks' house for company.

The point I'm making is that it can be hard for people to be alone for an extended period of time (2-3 days) in their own house. In our house we have me, my husband, 5 kids, Dad, a caretaker for Dad and three dogs. I cannot tell you the last time I slept alone in our house. I am not a Nervous Nelly by any means but to be alone in the house for 2-3 nights would make me antsy. I would want someone checking in with me at night and in the morning to make sure everything was okay even though I would be out and about during the day going to work or volunteering or even just lazing around.

Oh my goodness. It would not be hard at all for me to be in my own house alone for 2-3 nights, and I would not feel the least bit antsy. You are totally a nervous nelly, which is fine, but cop to it.

[Anonymous]

I'm the previous poster above. BTW, he also commonly has 1 or 2 friends over while we're out as well. I ask a lot of questions and pay careful attention to what's in the house/not in the house, but I give HIM the responsibility of his behavior and of making sure the people in our home are respectful. If they're not, he's the one who gets into trouble. Granted, he's not 18 yet, but I like to think we're setting the stage for a mutually respectful relationship as he gets older.

[Anonymous]

The "they might have a party" problem is why you need to know your neighbors. Our neighbors left their kids alone for the weekend when they reached 17-18, but they always let us know it was happening, and asked us to call them if we say an unusual number of teenagers going into the house. We've never had to do it, but we (and about 2 or 3 other neighbors within eye and earshot of their house) absolutely would (which is probably part of why its never happened). I'm usually annoyed by this phrase, but it does take a village!

[Anonymous]

I was manning a listening/observation post with an M-60 in northern Kuwait when I was 18.

If I could be trusted to kill Iraqi soldiers at 18, your kid can be trusted to stay alone in your house overnight.


(no, I never killed any Iraqi soldiers, but I was ready to)

[Anonymous]

Anyone who can't leave an adult offspring home alone has utterly and completely failed as a parent, unless there is a significant disability.

18 years olds can go to war, have children, buy homes, work full time jobs, start businesses, buy and drive cars, be guardians to other minor children, own a credit card, travel the world and pretty much everything else.

Your 'child' should be able to stay at home alone long before 18. If your 18 year old still needs a parent at home with them, then either as parents you have completely infantilized your child or you have just completely failed as a parent and have done a terrible job of raising a child to adulthood.

[Anonymous]

Your son is an adult. He should have a job, and should be independent. If you haven't raised him to be able to take care of himself by the age of 18, you've messed up bad. If he can join the military and can die for his country, he should be able to be left by himself. I have three adult sons, and they were working before they were 18. At that age, they lived alone. What's your problem?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone who can't leave an adult offspring home alone has utterly and completely failed as a parent, unless there is a significant disability.

18 years olds can go to war, have children, buy homes, work full time jobs, start businesses, buy and drive cars, be guardians to other minor children, own a credit card, travel the world and pretty much everything else.

Your 'child' should be able to stay at home alone long before 18. If your 18 year old still needs a parent at home with them, then either as parents you have completely infantilized your child or you have just completely failed as a parent and have done a terrible job of raising a child to adulthood.

So is it legal to leave the country with your minor home alone?