Leaving 18 year old son alone overnight

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing a lot of the PP's have kids who are like...5. Just wait a few years and you'll be thinking the same thing.

OP, two suggestions, actually one with different approaches.

1. He has a friend stay with him at your house.
2. He stays with a friend at their house.

I'm guessing pps like you who fear leaving an 18 yo home alone overnight failed as parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing a lot of the PP's have kids who are like...5. Just wait a few years and you'll be thinking the same thing.

OP, two suggestions, actually one with different approaches.

1. He has a friend stay with him at your house.
2. He stays with a friend at their house.

Really?? What about college?

NP. Going off to college is really nothing like being home alone. Most freshmen have a meal plan, so no meal prep. There's very little housekeeping, other than changing one's bedsheets when one gets the urge and doing laundry. No maintenance, no upkeep required. Have a problem? Call the housing office. Need help? Go to the RA. There are other people around constantly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing a lot of the PP's have kids who are like...5. Just wait a few years and you'll be thinking the same thing.

OP, two suggestions, actually one with different approaches.

1. He has a friend stay with him at your house.
2. He stays with a friend at their house.

Really?? What about college?

NP. Going off to college is really nothing like being home alone. Most freshmen have a meal plan, so no meal prep. There's very little housekeeping, other than changing one's bedsheets when one gets the urge and doing laundry. No maintenance, no upkeep required. Have a problem? Call the housing office. Need help? Go to the RA. There are other people around constantly.

All the stuff you listed, an 18 year old should be able to handle on his/her own. Period. If they can't you have failed them.

[Anonymous]

JFC seriously?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He still lives with me and overall is a good kid but I am paranoid to leave for a weekend. I have such anxiety about being some distance away and something happening to him or him deciding to take advantage of an empty house. I know I am trying to maintain control of a situation that really isn't controllable, with the exception of my presence preventing a gathering at my house. Somehow I just feel better and less anxious at home but what I REALLY want is to be able to do things I want to do. MY bf lives an hour away and my time spent there has been less because of this anxiety. I have a opportunity to go to the ocean for this weekend and the FIRST thing I think about is anxiety leaving him, NOT how fun it would be.

I think I am like this for a variety of reasons. First is that he's never been great at keeping me updated on his whereabouts, especially now. Not that I am expecting to know his every move, but when it's 11pm and I haven't heard from him, a quick text would be nice. It takes 3 seconds. Additionally, I work around law enforcement and hear about the cases... coroner cases, accidents, etc and these things just stick with me. Also, I am a worrier.. it's just how I'm built. I ruminate about all the awful things that "could" happen. I know this isn't helpful but it's very hard to stop. I am seeing a therapist about it but it's still early on. One thing my therapist DID point out is that my anxiety is not my son's fault nor is it his responsibility to ease my anxiety. I get that. I feel trapped and I want to trust that he can live his life without mom always around and I want to be able to get on with my life as well. Him turning 18 isn't just a big deal for him but for me also.

Did you guys deal with this at all? Any words of advice? Alternative perspectives maybe?

Keep going to therapy, and I'm not being snarky. It's the best thing you can do for yourself and for your relationship with your son as he turns into an adult. You don't want your fears to push him away.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't cost that much (like $60?) to get an AT&T package of cameras set up around your house and then you can spy on him.

[Anonymous]

BTW, we are leaving our 17 year old home alone this summer and when I told him I expect him to behave he pointed out that we already have the cameras all over .. and I said, oh, yeah, I guess we do... but I figure you are smart enough to avoid them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing a lot of the PP's have kids who are like...5. Just wait a few years and you'll be thinking the same thing.

OP, two suggestions, actually one with different approaches.

1. He has a friend stay with him at your house.
2. He stays with a friend at their house.

Really?? What about college?

NP. Going off to college is really nothing like being home alone. Most freshmen have a meal plan, so no meal prep. There's very little housekeeping, other than changing one's bedsheets when one gets the urge and doing laundry. No maintenance, no upkeep required. Have a problem? Call the housing office. Need help? Go to the RA. There are other people around constantly.

NP. We are talking about an 18yo. What 18yo do you know who can't kept himself fed for one weekend? Housekeeping? How is that even relevant for this situation? He can do his own dishes, no?

Only op knows her son. But he should be 100% capable of staying alone for the weekend as far as "meal prep" and generally caring for himself. Posters who are concerned he'll be bored, lonely, or feel odd alone in the house at night, so what? Is there some benefit to shielding an 18yo from feeling those feelings? Would it harm him?

The only concern here is: no parties. Only op knows her kid well enough to determine whether she can trust him to not throw a crazy party.

[Anonymous]

Last time we left 17!year old home alone we arrived to clean home and him making himself a multicourse breakfast of blueberry pancakes, omelet and bacon. Did just fine on his own. I was jealous of the breakfast.

[Anonymous]

Never should you leave him alone. And you should prepare a care package and careful instructions when you turn him over to his wife, aka his new mommy.

[Anonymous]

Don't listen to the snarky responses. My neighbor of an 18yo was leaving for 4 days and had an aunt stay at the house to 'keep her daughter company.' There was one night the aunt couldn't stay and the neighbor made sure we knew the daughter wasn't alone and had her number. It's not unusual to be concerned.

If it were me, I'd tell the kid I'm a worry wart and the only way I'll be able to have a good time is if they text me a couple of times a day so I know they are fine and answer the phone whenever I call, no matter what...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing a lot of the PP's have kids who are like...5. Just wait a few years and you'll be thinking the same thing.

OP, two suggestions, actually one with different approaches.

1. He has a friend stay with him at your house.
2. He stays with a friend at their house.

Really?? What about college?

NP. Going off to college is really nothing like being home alone. Most freshmen have a meal plan, so no meal prep. There's very little housekeeping, other than changing one's bedsheets when one gets the urge and doing laundry. No maintenance, no upkeep required. Have a problem? Call the housing office. Need help? Go to the RA. There are other people around constantly.

All the stuff you listed, an 18 year old should be able to handle on his/her own. Period. If they can't you have failed them.

I would love to know how old your oldest is.

More parent bashing. I don't know if mine (30 and 33) knew all that stuff at 18. It doesn't matter how long the trip is, if there's an emergency, he needs to be able to handle it, especially (and I don't know if this is true in this situation) Mom isn't always available by cell. We go up into the mountains in VA and there's often no cell service. I don't know about the service in the beach town she's planning on going to. Presumably, one would not always have a cell phone on them at the beach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't listen to the snarky responses. My neighbor of an 18yo was leaving for 4 days and had an aunt stay at the house to 'keep her daughter company.' There was one night the aunt couldn't stay and the neighbor made sure we knew the daughter wasn't alone and had her number. It's not unusual to be concerned.

If it were me, I'd tell the kid I'm a worry wart and the only way I'll be able to have a good time is if they text me a couple of times a day so I know they are fine and answer the phone whenever I call, no matter what...

Gen Ex parenting t it's finest!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing a lot of the PP's have kids who are like...5. Just wait a few years and you'll be thinking the same thing.

OP, two suggestions, actually one with different approaches.

1. He has a friend stay with him at your house.
2. He stays with a friend at their house.

Really?? What about college?

NP. Going off to college is really nothing like being home alone. Most freshmen have a meal plan, so no meal prep. There's very little housekeeping, other than changing one's bedsheets when one gets the urge and doing laundry. No maintenance, no upkeep required. Have a problem? Call the housing office. Need help? Go to the RA. There are other people around constantly.

All the stuff you listed, an 18 year old should be able to handle on his/her own. Period. If they can't you have failed them.

I would love to know how old your oldest is.

More parent bashing. I don't know if mine (30 and 33) knew all that stuff at 18. It doesn't matter how long the trip is, if there's an emergency, he needs to be able to handle it, especially (and I don't know if this is true in this situation) Mom isn't always available by cell. We go up into the mountains in VA and there's often no cell service. I don't know about the service in the beach town she's planning on going to. Presumably, one would not always have a cell phone on them at the beach.

PP here my kids are 20 and 25, they knew how to do all that stuff at 18, actuallu the knew how to do all that stuff at 12.

[Anonymous]

Princeton can use a guy like Joel.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G2UVsyVLLcE